Toddler Advice Thread #2

[GlennCoco]

Yep you’re doing the right thing !! God I’d have gone mental too. Especially as nursery flagged it up!
i mean do us mums have to do every Without a break!!!.
hope you are ok and she is too.

My son has fallen at nursery today and not one teacher told us!!! I sent them an email and will be having words in the morning as how could they not have noticed this on his cheek?!
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Oh god I've been there. They sent a very grovelly email back and I then received an accident form or 2 every day for about 3 months you've got to do it though!

 

[al255]

Thanks everyone for the kind messages and making me feel better

My daughter once got bit at her old nursery and nobody noticed. Her arm was so red and like a full bite mark!! I moved her from the nursery swiftly and they ended up getting inadequate from Ofsted

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Thanks everyone for the kind messages and making me feel better

My daughter once got bit at her old nursery and nobody noticed. Her arm was so red and like a full bite mark!! I moved her from the nursery swiftly and they ended up getting inadequate from Ofsted

Funnily enough they have ofsted in tomorrow and Wednesday . It looks like he has done it out side as it looks like a scrape but they should have Noticed and told us when we picked him up he keeps touching it poor lamb

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

It’s so hard trusting our babies with other people. @WhatABore how did you get on at the hospital? Hope she’s feeling better soon x

 

[WhatABore]

It’s so hard trusting our babies with other people. @WhatABore how did you get on at the hospital? Hope she’s feeling better soon x

After 3 hours in a side room, they did exactly the same as the gp, listened to her chest, checked her ears and checked her temperature. Which was 39.8 at the time.
Said they can't hear anything in her chest, her ears are fine so the doctor is right that it probably is just a respitory tract infection and just give her calpol.

I said she's had a temperature constant, even with calpol for 4 days now. Without calpol, it's going above 40. She's constantly sleeping. Says her stomach and back hurts. Keeps being sick. Cough for nearly 5 weeks now. Hasn't eaten for 4 days now. Says her head hurts.
And they just said "Yeah, she might take a while to get over it. Just give her calpol"

They wouldn't even check for anything else.
My biggest concern isn't so much that she is ill, it's that she's not got any better. Her temperature hasn't lowered in nearly 5 days now.

We got home and she slept for 4 hours. She woke up, I gave her a shower which knocked her out again. So I put her to bed at 6.
Checked on her a few times in the night and to give her some calpol to lower her temp.
She woke up at 10 with a temp of 39.4.
Given her some more calpol and now putting her back to bed!

5th day of refusing all food.
Got her to drink a bit of warm milk and then she's thrown it up coughing

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I’m sorry you didn’t get any more answers. You must be sick with worry

 

[al255]

After 3 hours in a side room, they did exactly the same as the gp, listened to her chest, checked her ears and checked her temperature. Which was 39.8 at the time.
Said they can't hear anything in her chest, her ears are fine so the doctor is right that it probably is just a respitory tract infection and just give her calpol.

I said she's had a temperature constant, even with calpol for 4 days now. Without calpol, it's going above 40. She's constantly sleeping. Says her stomach and back hurts. Keeps being sick. Cough for nearly 5 weeks now. Hasn't eaten for 4 days now. Says her head hurts.
And they just said "Yeah, she might take a while to get over it. Just give her calpol"

They wouldn't even check for anything else.
My biggest concern isn't so much that she is ill, it's that she's not got any better. Her temperature hasn't lowered in nearly 5 days now.

We got home and she slept for 4 hours. She woke up, I gave her a shower which knocked her out again. So I put her to bed at 6.
Checked on her a few times in the night and to give her some calpol to lower her temp.
She woke up at 10 with a temp of 39.4.
Given her some more calpol and now putting her back to bed!

5th day of refusing all food.
Got her to drink a bit of warm milk and then she's thrown it up coughing

If her back etc is hurting I’d say has she got a UTI or a water infection? Something like that.. don’t be fobbed off. I’d have atleast thought they’d have prescribed some other antibiotics.

As we all know calpol isn’t going to clear any infection …. I’d be going back to a&e and not leaving!! Hope you get some answers soon xx

 

[WhatABore]

If her back etc is hurting I’d say has she got a UTI or a water infection? Something like that.. don’t be fobbed off. I’d have atleast thought they’d have prescribed some other antibiotics.

As we all know calpol isn’t going to clear any infection …. I’d be going back to a&e and not leaving!! Hope you get some answers soon xx

They tested her urine and it was fine
That was my first thought!

I want to go back but it just seems pointless. Especially as they've already noted that it's me being anxious

 

[Definitelyme]

They tested her urine and it was fine
That was my first thought!

I want to go back but it just seems pointless. Especially as they've already noted that it's me being anxious

With 4Me they did a dip test on her urine which was fine, but when sent to the lab it was a different strain of infection which the dipstick doesn’t check for - so still could be a UTI. Not that that helps you in any way since they won’t do anything for you.

 

[Jellybean093]

They tested her urine and it was fine
That was my first thought!

I want to go back but it just seems pointless. Especially as they've already noted that it's me being anxious

39.8 isn’t normal though?! She’s probably being sick to control her temp (I was always told it was a thing, but not sure now?!)
I don’t think calling a parent, who has a child with a very high temperature ‘anxious’ is the best thing to say

 

[Upintheair83]

Iv got a little 15 month old and I'm just feeling like a really crap mum atm.
I'm going through abit of stuff atm with work which isn't helping, but I feel like I'm letting my little boy down. So one of my mates has a toddler just 2 weeks older than mine and she's always taking her child to kids groups, meeting up with friends and their children. She goes on lots of holidays and her child goes to nursery 5 times a week. The other week she took her child gymnastics and they do lots with her sisters kids and so they have lots of friends and fun.
I'm very isolated where I live and don't have many friends round here, I have to travel about an hour away to see my friends. And most of my work friends don't have children and I don't have many children in my family. Iv been to toddler groups and swimming groups with my little one but never seem to make many friends even though I'm always really friendly. And so I feel like I just suck. I feel like my little boy is missing out on not doing as much as my friends child and that I'm a bad mum. When I'm not working it's usually just me and my little one doing things together. Iv only ever been away from him for one night. Iv also got a lot of stress around my in laws (serious safeguarding issues) which means I don't have anyone to turn to for child care that much. And so, as a result I'm always so tired all of the time. But should I be doing all of this stuff? I feel so down with it that I cry alot because I feel I'm just so crap at being a mum.

 

[Jellybean093]

Iv got a little 15 month old and I'm just feeling like a really crap mum atm.
I'm going through abit of stuff atm with work which isn't helping, but I feel like I'm letting my little boy down. So one of my mates has a toddler just 2 weeks older than mine and she's always taking her child to kids groups, meeting up with friends and their children. She goes on lots of holidays and her child goes to nursery 5 times a week. The other week she took her child gymnastics and they do lots with her sisters kids and so they have lots of friends and fun.
I'm very isolated where I live and don't have many friends round here, I have to travel about an hour away to see my friends. And most of my work friends don't have children and I don't have many children in my family. Iv been to toddler groups and swimming groups with my little one but never seem to make many friends even though I'm always really friendly. And so I feel like I just suck. I feel like my little boy is missing out on not doing as much as my friends child and that I'm a bad mum. When I'm not working it's usually just me and my little one doing things together. Iv only ever been away from him for one night. Iv also got a lot of stress around my in laws (serious safeguarding issues) which means I don't have anyone to turn to for child care that much. And so, as a result I'm always so tired all of the time. But should I be doing all of this stuff? I feel so down with it that I cry alot because I feel I'm just so crap at being a mum.

Please don’t feel bad. I done all the clubs with my eldest, but that was because I was nannying and took her along with me. I do barely anything with my other kids. I’ve been back to work when they were all weeks old, and they’ve had to always entertain themselves (awful, I know, but I have no choice!)
I also have decided I don’t like people much, and am not very good at meeting new people/socialising. I’m not sure when this started, but the thought of speaking to someone new panics me

 

[WhatABore]

Iv got a little 15 month old and I'm just feeling like a really crap mum atm.
I'm going through abit of stuff atm with work which isn't helping, but I feel like I'm letting my little boy down. So one of my mates has a toddler just 2 weeks older than mine and she's always taking her child to kids groups, meeting up with friends and their children. She goes on lots of holidays and her child goes to nursery 5 times a week. The other week she took her child gymnastics and they do lots with her sisters kids and so they have lots of friends and fun.
I'm very isolated where I live and don't have many friends round here, I have to travel about an hour away to see my friends. And most of my work friends don't have children and I don't have many children in my family. Iv been to toddler groups and swimming groups with my little one but never seem to make many friends even though I'm always really friendly. And so I feel like I just suck. I feel like my little boy is missing out on not doing as much as my friends child and that I'm a bad mum. When I'm not working it's usually just me and my little one doing things together. Iv only ever been away from him for one night. Iv also got a lot of stress around my in laws (serious safeguarding issues) which means I don't have anyone to turn to for child care that much. And so, as a result I'm always so tired all of the time. But should I be doing all of this stuff? I feel so down with it that I cry alot because I feel I'm just so crap at being a mum.

You're not a bad mum in the slightest.

I have 3 children. 9,4 and 18 months... I have never been to baby groups. I don't see friends. I have 1 friend with 2 children but she's 2 hours away so we maybe see her 3 times a year. If that. It's actually been a year since I saw her last. I don't have any family with children either.

Does your little one go to nursery when you work?

My 4yo just started school and she has made friends so quickly. It amazed me considering she's only ever been around her brother, and even then, with over 5 years difference between them, they've not really been that involved with each other.

My 9yo was exactly the same! It amazed me because everyone was telling me how much he'll struggle to socialise because I wasn't taking him to groups so I was so worried!

It sounds like you're giving your little one everything they need and that's the most important thing!

 

[Upintheair83]

Thank you @Jellybean093 and @WhatABore

It does make me feel better just having you respond and say in not alone. Because at times, I feel it! I feel so isolated where I live and I'm struggling with being a mum and working too. But I want to work and I love being a mum and so I'm trying to find my feet with it all really. My mum has my little boy when I go to work, which is fine, but she's in her 70s and I worry about that. He doesn't always settle at her house either and so that can be a pain. I'm cabin crew and so more often than not its over night I struggle with as opposed to day care.
I just feel like I should be doing all the things my friend is doing with her child and that I'm a bad mum for not doing it. But then I'm not massively sociable really. I love a walk and nature more than going out and I wonder if maybe I'm not pushing my little ones boundaries by not taking him all these places she does? Is it enough to just take him on walks and stuff? Should he bw doing more things and experiencing more things and people?
Iv had a real bad experience however with my in laws, and as a result, its left me wary of leaving anyone with my little boy. And so I think I'm shying away from leaving him with strangers because of this experience. I just want to protect my little boy and keep him safe and I'm wondering if I'm doing it too much?

 

[WhatABore]

Thank you @Jellybean093 and @WhatABore

It does make me feel better just having you respond and say in not alone. Because at times, I feel it! I feel so isolated where I live and I'm struggling with being a mum and working too. But I want to work and I love being a mum and so I'm trying to find my feet with it all really. My mum has my little boy when I go to work, which is fine, but she's in her 70s and I worry about that. He doesn't always settle at her house either and so that can be a pain. I'm cabin crew and so more often than not its over night I struggle with as opposed to day care.
I just feel like I should be doing all the things my friend is doing with her child and that I'm a bad mum for not doing it. But then I'm not massively sociable really. I love a walk and nature more than going out and I wonder if maybe I'm not pushing my little ones boundaries by not taking him all these places she does? Is it enough to just take him on walks and stuff? Should he bw doing more things and experiencing more things and people?
Iv had a real bad experience however with my in laws, and as a result, its left me wary of leaving anyone with my little boy. And so I think I'm shying away from leaving him with strangers because of this experience. I just want to protect my little boy and keep him safe and I'm wondering if I'm doing it too much?

You're doing plenty!
My 4yo is one that did most of her growing up during lockdown and she's perfectly fine!

Even if you were home all day, not going out, you're still doing enough.
I think there's way too much pressure on parents to take their kids here there and everywhere when actually, just being at home, with toys is perfectly fine!
Kids learn through play, especially at these ages. And that's what is so important to their development!

 

[Jellybean093]

Thank you @Jellybean093 and @WhatABore

It does make me feel better just having you respond and say in not alone. Because at times, I feel it! I feel so isolated where I live and I'm struggling with being a mum and working too. But I want to work and I love being a mum and so I'm trying to find my feet with it all really. My mum has my little boy when I go to work, which is fine, but she's in her 70s and I worry about that. He doesn't always settle at her house either and so that can be a pain. I'm cabin crew and so more often than not its over night I struggle with as opposed to day care.
I just feel like I should be doing all the things my friend is doing with her child and that I'm a bad mum for not doing it. But then I'm not massively sociable really. I love a walk and nature more than going out and I wonder if maybe I'm not pushing my little ones boundaries by not taking him all these places she does? Is it enough to just take him on walks and stuff? Should he bw doing more things and experiencing more things and people?
Iv had a real bad experience however with my in laws, and as a result, its left me wary of leaving anyone with my little boy. And so I think I'm shying away from leaving him with strangers because of this experience. I just want to protect my little boy and keep him safe and I'm wondering if I'm doing it too much?

Blink and he will be at school 5 days a week!! Me and Mr B have decided that at the weekends, we need to do something. I’m such a home bird and could stay in my pjs all weekend, but it doesn’t do me or the kids good when me and the baby are at home all day everyday, bar the school runs!
Im actually having arguments with myself about what I’m going to do come January with my 3yo and his 30 hours. I want him home a couple of days but, when he’s home, he’s so bored and the iPad is his best mate.
Ive definitely found since covid, I’m not social. I don’t like many people. I don’t like making small talk. I love my home life I pay enough to live here

We are ALL doing our best. Even when there’s days we feel like we aren’t xx

 

[Upintheair83]

@WhatABore @Jellybean093 you have both cheered me up so, so much. Thanks for your kind words and just knowing that you get it is enough! Being a mum is so hard isn't it?
Thanks for your words and support xxxx

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Blink and he will be at school 5 days a week!! Me and Mr B have decided that at the weekends, we need to do something. I’m such a home bird and could stay in my pjs all weekend, but it doesn’t do me or the kids good when me and the baby are at home all day everyday, bar the school runs!
Im actually having arguments with myself about what I’m going to do come January with my 3yo and his 30 hours. I want him home a couple of days but, when he’s home, he’s so bored and the iPad is his best mate.
Ive definitely found since covid, I’m not social. I don’t like many people. I don’t like making small talk. I love my home life I pay enough to live here

We are ALL doing our best. Even when there’s days we feel like we aren’t xx

I know where you’re coming from. Mine started pre school in September 5 days a week and I actually feel so guilty about it cos if you think they are gonna be in full time school hours from 3 years to 16 . But it’s the best place for him. He’s like yours and just wants tv or iPad whilst he’s playing. And when I’m on my days off I do miss him sooo much when he’s at pre school but he enjoys it

Thank you @Jellybean093 and @WhatABore

It does make me feel better just having you respond and say in not alone. Because at times, I feel it! I feel so isolated where I live and I'm struggling with being a mum and working too. But I want to work and I love being a mum and so I'm trying to find my feet with it all really. My mum has my little boy when I go to work, which is fine, but she's in her 70s and I worry about that. He doesn't always settle at her house either and so that can be a pain. I'm cabin crew and so more often than not its over night I struggle with as opposed to day care.
I just feel like I should be doing all the things my friend is doing with her child and that I'm a bad mum for not doing it. But then I'm not massively sociable really. I love a walk and nature more than going out and I wonder if maybe I'm not pushing my little ones boundaries by not taking him all these places she does? Is it enough to just take him on walks and stuff? Should he bw doing more things and experiencing more things and people?
Iv had a real bad experience however with my in laws, and as a result, its left me wary of leaving anyone with my little boy. And so I think I'm shying away from leaving him with strangers because of this experience. I just want to protect my little boy and keep him safe and I'm wondering if I'm doing it too much?

Ahh that is sad about him not settling but he’s still young so he will I’m sure. Does your mum not mind having him. If she’s ok with it then that’s ok. It’s sooo hard as mums not to compare to your friends. My friend had a baby in February and she goes to baby groups like 4/5 times a week!!!! I’m exhausted just from listening to what she does. But I never did anything like that with mine .. we went to soft play and play centres every now & then but I preferred to stay at home with him and he’s absolutely fine with other kids. We probs started properly going to play areas when he was around 1 and but would go more regularly when he was 2
Don’t beat yourself up or compare. All you can do is your best. It won’t affect him and I’m sure he loves every second he has with you
Also your friend putting hers in nursery 5 days a week seems excessive for her child’s age. Does she work a lot or is made of money?!

 

[Okgolightly]

Thank you @Jellybean093 and @WhatABore

It does make me feel better just having you respond and say in not alone. Because at times, I feel it! I feel so isolated where I live and I'm struggling with being a mum and working too. But I want to work and I love being a mum and so I'm trying to find my feet with it all really. My mum has my little boy when I go to work, which is fine, but she's in her 70s and I worry about that. He doesn't always settle at her house either and so that can be a pain. I'm cabin crew and so more often than not its over night I struggle with as opposed to day care.
I just feel like I should be doing all the things my friend is doing with her child and that I'm a bad mum for not doing it. But then I'm not massively sociable really. I love a walk and nature more than going out and I wonder if maybe I'm not pushing my little ones boundaries by not taking him all these places she does? Is it enough to just take him on walks and stuff? Should he bw doing more things and experiencing more things and people?
Iv had a real bad experience however with my in laws, and as a result, its left me wary of leaving anyone with my little boy. And so I think I'm shying away from leaving him with strangers because of this experience. I just want to protect my little boy and keep him safe and I'm wondering if I'm doing it too much?

You aren’t a bad mum at all and the fact you even worry about being one shows you aren’t My daughter is 19 months and I have the same guilty feelings as you about whether I’m doing enough with her. But life is hard especially when you work and I often don’t have enough money to do everything I want to with her or things I see other mums doing (case in point the current pumpkin picking craze ). At the end of the day as long as you’re there, spending time with your son and having fun that’s all that matters

 

[Upintheair83]

@strawberrysunshine_x @Okgolightly

Thanks so much
So my friend seems to work quite a lot she's always working and doing over time. Which is why I'm always shocked at how much she does with her little one. Because she does sooooo much with her!
I'm also trying to save money as I want to move nearer to my mum and my family and friends so I haven't got as much money as I'd like to take my little boy to places.
It's so hard to compare though, as me and my friend were pregnant the same time and there's 2 weeks difference in age. And she always tells me when her child has met each milestone and my little boy has always been behind her, and I suppose it makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong, as she seems to have it all together. Xx