This Mama Life #26 Sinbad’s off to sea sea sea but what about poor old me me me?

[Bewildered Barbarella]

I think the parents need to be cruel to be kind and the next time she decides to leave and drive the long journey they should just say no. It’s like being parents of an addict, at some point they stop bailing their child out and say no and the same applies here. She’s addicted to being at her parents, the manic drives home, the high of being at mum and dads.

I don’t see why they can’t holiday together in a neutral location, start to wean her off, as it’s not about her her parents seeing their grandkids it’s all about getting to Aberdeen for Sarah, she’s obsessed. She only worked the first day she was there and the rest of the time she was fannying about, her last day her parents took the kids swimming while she met a friend and then packed. She could’ve left on Tuesday and either flown or got the train and came back home Saturday. The manic drives are part of this obsession, there is no need to be putting the kids through that journey and it ending with them arriving in the middle of the night, several times a year. It’s crazy and really unfair on the kids. But if she was to get the train or fly that would mean she’d have to engage with her kids, parent, driving takes the responsibility away as she’s occupied.

I really do hope someone steps in as this whole situation is very worrying for the kids and I’m starting to get a little concerned for them. It’s only going to be a short while and then she’ll be driving back up again at Easter. A lovely thing she could do for her kids is to go away a few days holiday just the 3 of them and not to bother going to her parents. I’m sure the kids would love this and remember the time spent doing something different. The kids will start resenting the trips to Aberdeen soon, they wouldn’t if they travelled like normal people and didn’t go so often, but soon the drive and disturbed sleep will not seem like an “exciting road trip” but more a total pain in the arse. And how is Sarah going to react when they don’t want to go to granny and grandads.

I can just imagine how low she is going to feel on Sunday night, the reality of back to work, school stuff to get ready, she’ll still be tired from the drive, the come down from Aberdeen. She needs to start making some serious decisions about moving, she keeps going on like this it’s not going to be pleasant for anyone close to her, especially the kids.

 

[fondant_fancy]

Her behaviour is very concerning. There are studies which link anxiety and social media use. Really she needs to get off social media, stop with the obsession with her hair, eyelashes, Botox etc, stop craving external validation and acceptance.
Someone needs to start putting the children first.Anyone can see they don't know how to act when not performing for Instagram. Their whole lives are online. It's not ok and I'm surprised the school haven't been more involved tbh.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I think Sarah said herself that the school are very supportive and one of their teachers particularly understood because her own dad was in the Navy. It’s not the only issue, missing their dad, but she knows there’s help there the kids can tap into so hopefully they can do that

 

[Whiskygal]

Imagine being obsessed with Aberdeen
Sad sack!
(I live in Aberdeen)

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Imagine being obsessed with Aberdeen
Sad sack!
(I live in Aberdeen)

That video of her walking along Belmont Street, the place was like a ghost town. Quite sad really.

I think her love of it is solely that feeling of being a kid again with traditions and more importantly, other people who will look after her kids

 

[Onthehop]

I think the parents need to be cruel to be kind and the next time she decides to leave and drive the long journey they should just say no. It’s like being parents of an addict, at some point they stop bailing their child out and say no and the same applies here. She’s addicted to being at her parents, the manic drives home, the high of being at mum and dads.

I don’t see why they can’t holiday together in a neutral location, start to wean her off, as it’s not about her her parents seeing their grandkids it’s all about getting to Aberdeen for Sarah, she’s obsessed. She only worked the first day she was there and the rest of the time she was fannying about, her last day her parents took the kids swimming while she met a friend and then packed. She could’ve left on Tuesday and either flown or got the train and came back home Saturday. The manic drives are part of this obsession, there is no need to be putting the kids through that journey and it ending with them arriving in the middle of the night, several times a year. It’s crazy and really unfair on the kids. But if she was to get the train or fly that would mean she’d have to engage with her kids, parent, driving takes the responsibility away as she’s occupied.

I really do hope someone steps in as this whole situation is very worrying for the kids and I’m starting to get a little concerned for them. It’s only going to be a short while and then she’ll be driving back up again at Easter. A lovely thing she could do for her kids is to go away a few days holiday just the 3 of them and not to bother going to her parents. I’m sure the kids would love this and remember the time spent doing something different. The kids will start resenting the trips to Aberdeen soon, they wouldn’t if they travelled like normal people and didn’t go so often, but soon the drive and disturbed sleep will not seem like an “exciting road trip” but more a total pain in the arse. And how is Sarah going to react when they don’t want to go to granny and grandads.

I can just imagine how low she is going to feel on Sunday night, the reality of back to work, school stuff to get ready, she’ll still be tired from the drive, the come down from Aberdeen. She needs to start making some serious decisions about moving, she keeps going on like this it’s not going to be pleasant for anyone close to her, especially the kids.

I think at this stage I have to wonder how intelligent her parents are to not see what we can all see?

 

[Beakytoo]

I think at this stage I have to wonder how intelligent her parents are to not see what we can all see?

Agree. They look like they are retired. Why aren’t they going down to her to help if they can see how much she is struggling. Would be so much easier for the kids rather than traipsing up there.

All the stories from last night. Updating instagram at gone 2am in the morning that they are home!! Who does that.

 

[DeloresBawbag]

I’m glad she got home ok. Was worried.

Interesting that she can’t say she’s ‘home,’ when she got home. All my friends who have moved away say they’re ‘coming home’ when they visit their parents and home town, then when they get back to where they live, they say they’re happy to be home there too.

I can just imagine Sarah when they first moved to England, grudgingly saying ‘but it will never be home,’ and she’s stuck to it. For somebody with such affection for other places she’s lived, it’s funny that she’s so anti England.

 

[Ruby’s mum]

I can just imagine Sarah when they first moved to England, grudgingly saying ‘but it will never be home,’ and she’s stuck to it. For somebody with such affection for other places she’s lived, it’s funny that she’s so anti England.

Apart from London, she likes London and wishes she was a London school run mum

 

[Lilyofthevalley80]

Practically speaking, now would be the best time to move given the children’s age. Another baby and living abroad should be totally off the agenda and the focus should be on moving onto the next stage of their lives. I’m confused as to why Sarah didn’t stay in Aberdeen with Rob coming to visit when on leave from the word go? She said the children (due to her own issues) struggle with him coming home for short periods so presumably it would work better for managing that if she could explain he is down South but will come home for the larger blocks of leave. Parents would also be on scene to supervise re the children. But they would need to work on building up Sarah’s coping strategies and mental resilience because sadly one day they won’t be available to help and Sarah needs to be able to cope

I can understand why Sinbad wants to complete his service - it would be a significant financial loss if he didn’t and that loss of pension etc may impact on the job he then takes - eg I’m sure Sarah wouldn’t be able to cope if he then went on rotation offshore.

 

[Pushyplumb]

Who the duck after a long arse journey home when you are all anxious and emotional about leaving arrives back in the early hours of the morning and takes a takes a photo of the garden gates before getting your kids settled inside the house.

 

[Ruby’s mum]

Practically speaking, now would be the best time to move given the children’s age. Another baby and living abroad should be totally off the agenda and the focus should be on moving onto the next stage of their lives. I’m confused as to why Sarah didn’t stay in Aberdeen with Rob coming to visit when on leave from the word go? She said the children (due to her own issues) struggle with him coming home for short periods so presumably it would work better for managing that if she could explain he is down South but will come home for the larger blocks of leave. Parents would also be on scene to supervise re the children. But they would need to work on building up Sarah’s coping strategies and mental resilience because sadly one day they won’t be available to help and Sarah needs to be able to cope

I can understand why Sinbad wants to complete his service - it would be a significant financial loss if he didn’t and that loss of pension etc may impact on the job he then takes - eg I’m sure Sarah wouldn’t be able to cope if he then went on rotation offshore.

Sometimes you have to make a sacrifice for the sake of everyone’s well being. My husband had a very well paid job but gave it up years ago due to difficulties we were going through when we lost our baby boy. He worked long hours, rarely getting home til after our children were in bed. I had a breakdown and just couldn’t cope. He took a much lower level job that meant he could work Mon-Fri, 9-5. He halved his salary, gave up the company car, concessionary mortgage, private health care, non contributory pension, loads of stuff. We struggled financially for a time but the quality it brought to our personal lives was priceless. Sarah has indicated that Rob could get well paid work out of the Navy so if she is struggling so much he could leave for the sake of them all but she likes the comfortable lifestyle she currently has and doesn’t want to take the risk.

 

[Pissedoffwithinfluencers]

Sometimes you have to make a sacrifice for the sake of everyone’s well being. My husband had a very well paid job but gave it up years ago due to difficulties we were going through when we lost our baby boy. He worked long hours, rarely getting home til after our children were in bed. I had a breakdown and just couldn’t cope. He took a much lower level job that meant he could work Mon-Fri, 9-5. He halved his salary, gave up the company car, concessionary mortgage, private health care, non contributory pension, loads of stuff. We struggled financially for a time but the quality it brought to our personal lives was priceless. Sarah has indicated that Rob could get well paid work out of the Navy so if she is struggling so much he could leave for the sake of them all but she likes the comfortable lifestyle she currently has and doesn’t want to take the risk.

That is amazing and brave making that change.

On Sarah / rob .. she doesn’t know that for sure , it’s actually pretty arrogant and entitled IMO for her to assume he will just walk into a well paid civi Job. There a lot of struggles when leaving the military / cultural, mental, family etc and she seems oblivious to that in her delusions of this picture perfect life.Assuming his job is naval engineering related .. that’s a pretty niche job .. a civi equivalent May end up on another sort of shipping gig and he may need to be away at sea equally as much.Yes there’s a chance he could get something good on land but she can’t pin all her hopes on that .. which of course she is. I think she thinks he is going to get a cushty job in oil and gas just like daddy, but it won’t be that easy.

 

[IAlreadyDespiseYou]

I think her family are too scared to say anything because it’s screamingly obvious how fragile she is, and given her past history they probably think pandering to her and not challenging her is better than tipping her into some sort of mental health collapse. Maybe they realise that her coming to Scotland is better the devil they k know than putting their foot down and making her do things differently. I suspect she’s been spoiled and handled so gently and allowed to do what she wants for such a long time they can’t see different. Also she is an adult and technically responsible for her own actions. I don’t expect my elderly parents to be responsible for me.

Unfortunately knowing what I know about the mental health system she’s not even halfway to being sections or getting serious help from the system that is already overloaded.

Her best bet would be that someone calls children’s services and concerns are raised but even then not much would be done. She might get some support but she’s not even wildly close to what they’d consider anything serious like a child in need or child protection plan.

Someone in her life needs to have a proper come to Jesus chat with her and tell her a few home truths but sadly I don’t think any of them have got the balls or are in denial.

I’ve been tempted a few times to message her and gently suggest she needs some mental health help but she’d just block me and do a pity party reel blaming the navy and shaming Sinbad so there’s no point!

 

[Bewildered Barbarella]

I really hate how she tries to normalise her behaviour “a classic change into jammies” as if it’s a witty part of their regular insane journeys. It’s not classic, the kids should not be regularly doing these long car journeys in the middle of the night when she is emotionally unstable.

And would you not change your children after they’ve eaten and you’re just going back to the car, everything just screams attention seeking but it’s to the detriment of her own kids.

I know a lot are saying it’s not her parents responsibility but they can say to her they don’t want her driving for that long with the kids in the car. “We don’t want you driving, please don’t visit unless you’re flying or by train”. I’d be thinking more of my grandchildren’s safety rather than upsetting my spoilt daughter. They would never forgive themselves if they were to get into an accident cos it seems to me she bombs down that road and rushes them through service stations. All very manic.

 

[IAlreadyDespiseYou]

I really hate how she tries to normalise her behaviour “a classic change into jammies” as if it’s a witty part of their regular insane journeys. It’s not classic, the kids should not be regularly doing these long car journeys in the middle of the night when she is emotionally unstable.

And would you not change your children after they’ve eaten and you’re just going back to the car, everything just screams attention seeking but it’s to the detriment of her own kids.

I know a lot are saying it’s not her parents responsibility but they can say to her they don’t want her driving for that long with the kids in the car. “We don’t want you driving, please don’t visit unless you’re flying or by train”. I’d be thinking more of my grandchildren’s safety rather than upsetting my spoilt daughter. They would never forgive themselves if they were to get into an accident cos it seems to me she bombs down that road and rushes them through service stations. All very manic.

They can say it but she won’t do it. I also think there’s a level of denial that her parents are in. Let’s face it, it’s pretty obvious she’s not right but they probably don’t want to face it and tackle her. Parental guilt makes people act very weirdly. They may have told her they don’t want her driving but they can’t stop her and I suspect they are too scared to actually be firm.

This trip clearly was a massive attempt at attention seeking, last minute and she’s had her time up there cut short with her parents going away. Interesting that she isn’t staying there an extra night without them. She can’t bear to be alone with her kids anywhere, can she?

 

[Shinythings]

Thing is, for all we know people might have had serious conversations with her but she may not want to hear it. You can't help someone who doesn't want or think they need it.

 

[blueberrypie]

I rarely comment on Sarah’s threads and this has probably been mentioned before but o swear she has ADHD. She’s forever surviving on lack of sleep, travelling at all hours, buying food daily from Costa because she has no food at home, doing laundry at midnight and never having anything ‘in order’. She drives me mad how she normalises this chaotic lifestyle when on paper it really shouldn’t be.

 

[IAlreadyDespiseYou]

I rarely comment on Sarah’s threads and this has probably been mentioned before but o swear she has ADHD. She’s forever surviving on lack of sleep, travelling at all hours, buying food daily from Costa because she has no food at home, doing laundry at midnight and never having anything ‘in order’. She drives me mad how she normalises this chaotic lifestyle when on paper it really shouldn’t be.

I suspect she has ADHD and severe anxiety. The link between that, eating issues, body image issues etc is now becoming much more obvious. If she was properly assessed, medicated appropriately and seeing someone for therapy and life management strategies, she’d probably actually would be calmer, she’d cope better, and be happier in her parenting and marriage.

 

[Waffleton]

We’ve been watching the Bbc2 documentary series about the Navy aircraft carrier and it is a really interesting insight into navy life. I can’t believe (well I can) that Sarah hasn’t mentioned it or recommended it. She’s probably not interested as it doesn’t revolve around her.