Things your parents did/do that you hate

[witchofwestbyfleet]

My mum was a single parent and she used to, with the encouragement of my grandmother, police what me and my sister wore - it couldn't be "too" short or revealing, she always encouraged us to choose the bigger of two sizes so it wouldn't be "too tight", etc. Once we were teenagers and started buying our own clothes, if they didn't meet her or my grandmother's approval they were thrown out. I once came home to find that a pair of my platform shoes had been thrown out because my grandparents had visited, my grandfather decided the shoes looked "too heavy" and weighed them on the bathroom scale, they weighed 7lbs each which he thought was too much and told my mother to get rid of them. My sister didn't mind this as much because she's always preferred jeans and oversized hoodies etc but it was not at all good for my self-esteem and I feel like it contributed to my eating disorder

 

[TapToBoreMeRigid]

Anyone else grow up thinking every other family was perfect except theirs?

I'd need MANY trigger warnings but a small issue I have...no matter what is wrong, (mental or physical), somehow it is always to do with my weight. No wonder I have had ED since I was 10ish

 

[Shoequeen91]

Annoying little things like making something about them. It can be something simple like me saying “oh I didn’t sleep the best last night” and it’ll be all “oh I’m the same, I was awake at 3am and 4am and 5am”

It’s not a bloody competition!

 

[under the ivy]

I think my mum has undiagnosed mental health issues. She has always been completely emotionally unavailable and has never once asked how I am or how I am feeling. Her moods change like the wind and as a child I was always walking on eggshells around her and never knew what Id be coming home from school too, if she was in one of her sulks then it would be one word answers to questions, loud sighing and huffing and cupboard doors being slammed etc. If your lucky enough to get to the bottom of why she’s acting like this it’s usually something really minor that would go over everyone else’s heads. For example the other day she was in one because she’d been to The Range and couldn’t find a parking space and had to come home. For context she lives five minutes away, could have gone back at any time or got what she needed elsewhere, it was such a massive overreaction to a minor thing but that one event had ruined her plan and set her mood for the day.

She is also a huge martyr about things like cooking and cleaning but never likes anyone else doing it for her because they can never do it as well she can. So she will moan endlessly about it but won’t let anyone help. It is exhausting.

I also think my Mum has undiagnosed MH issues. We're chalk and cheese, but unfortunately I have got her temper and we row all the time. I can't tell her anything because she says I'm 'lucky' and makes me feel guilty for having a life. It's very draining and toxic to be around. I hate that I can't confide in my Mum about things or share things with her. I get a bit envious when I see Mum and the daughters being close because that could never be me and her.

 

[FilthyGorgeous]

My dad used to sit on the computer in my bedroom chain smoking fags when I was a kid. The room stank, even worse when his brother used to join him leaving the dirty ashtray in my room and fag ash everywhere. Arseholes.

 

[SamBamford]

It did seem like an obsession, if I was sent to the local shop he would be timing me thinking I was getting a quick one in on the way. Quite where all this came from I have no idea. According to him I was fat and ugly so by that reasoning I shouldn't of been getting any male attention. Never made any sense. My older brother could come and go as he pleased, 'lads don't bring trouble home.' He got that wrong too, my brother was the local thief, breaking into houses. He brought far more embarrassment than I ever did.

 

[Ups27]

My mum had an affair. I have never forgiven her!

 

[SamBamford]

Both smoked in the car, I was given a bucket to be sick into but accused of just being attention seeking. My elder brother was the golden one, could do no wrong despite being the local thief. I wasn't allowed out during my teenage years I had take care of my younger brother. I had time off school if he was ill or needed looking after. Money was thrown at my elder brother in a vain attempt to make him behave, which of course he didn't he was thoroughly selfish and always wanted more. When drunk he'd come into my room and wee in corners but somehow it was my fault and I had to clean it up. My dad thought it amusing to spit at me and see me shudder in disgust. I could sit there doing nothing and get a smack which mum dismissed as 'love taps' but they left bruises. Years later when I brought all this up I was told I was being fanciful and making it all up.

 

[maytoseptember]

Yes absolutely I never thought of it that way before. We were just made to follow along with what they wanted to do on weekends and holidays. They had freinds who had two kids too and they partied and went on holiday with them, all 4 of them drank alot.

I remember very clearly that feeling of shame and embarrassment watching them make fools of themselves. Watching and waiting for my mums face to change when she'd had one too many drinks (I still do this now), knowing that it was going to be a late night. Falling asleep in chairs out in restaurants and bars on holiday wishing I could go home to bed, but couldn't as the adults were out drinking and they didn't care about what we needed as young children. Hearing the drunken arguments. Watching the drunken falls, the sluring of words, the smell of alcohol, the hangovers the next morning. Understanding at a very early age what alcohol was and what it did.

My parent would never accept it but it was traumatic, and I get flashbacks of it now as a 31 year old. I will never put my kids though that

This resonates a lot with me. My parents were really close to my aunt and uncle growing up (ironically - or not - my aunt and uncle turned into functioning alcoholics) and I remember holidays in Spain spending every night up late in bars, with my younger cousins asleep in buggies and me, being older (8 or so) curled up on my mum’s lap exhausted - I’ve seen the photos. Summer nights and new year’s watching the adults getting pissed and stupid, and seeing them hung over and throwing up the next day. I actually think I developed emetophobia as a result of that.

 

[Kiwigirl]

So I was the eldest of 4 and during the 70’s my parents would go out to the pub EVERY night at 9pm and roll in intoxicated around 1am. I would have been 9, my brother 7, and the two younger ones aged 2. They LEFT a 9 year old in charge of 3 kids, and thought nothing of it, after all I was quite grown up for 9!!!!! FFS anything could have happened?
I rang my dad up at the pub one time as my brother was kicking off, did he come home? Did he hell.
Strangely enough I have told other people of my generation about this, and many have nodded and said yes this happened to me!!!

 

[Kaylon8083]

Mine were not able to parent. At the ages of 0-2, my mum would lock me in the house alone while she went shopping. When I was 3, my mum would nap on the sofa and leave me to my own devices. Luckily I was a docile child who didn’t do anything drastic.

When I was seven, my parents left me in charge of my siblings while they went to a neighbours party . I had instructions to phone if one of them cried but anything could have happened.

My mum worked weekends so we would be left to our own devices while my dad did nothing but lie on the sofa watching TV.

Even now, if there’s a problem, they don’t like to be bothered (they can’t cope with it). I now have problems asking for help and very independent. What’s even sadder is, I’m now my brother’s go to whenever he needs help instead of my mum and dad.

 

[nicalibres]

My parent’s were terrible with money and because of the type of job my dad had, he couldn’t work in bad weather so winter especially was a nightmare. They’d take my birthday money every year (they’d always ask and always give it back when things had settled down) to put towards bills etc. They hated doing it but nothing changed for years and I don’t think they realised how much pressure and stress it put me under as a child.

I started working at 16 and continued to support them financially for years cos I almost felt like it was my responsibility. I took out a loan for them to get work done on the house, paid off debts and would generally sub them every month on top of what I paid in digs. Fast forward to when my younger sibling was in their late teens, my parents were in a much better position and were able to support them through uni and pay for their first car etc. It’s hard not to feel resentful because not only did I not get that kind of support, I felt the burden and responsibility of their poor choices from such a young age and I’m sure it‘s part of the reason that I suffer from anxiety as an adult.

 

[Zoe88]

So many things. I have worked through a lot of them but now I've got a while fresh new batch since becoming a parent myself.
The main thing atm is that it's all about them being grandparents and how my daughter is the best thing in the world (which she is) and all these things they're going to do with her, all these firsts. Meanwhile she's my baby! After all this time I finally have a baby! I feel me being a mum is being taken from me and it's all about how they're finally grandparents. I'm doing the firsts with her! They've done all this with us 3 times, I've never done it. Today was so weird, the amount of presents my daughter got was obscene and it's her first birthday in a month! But oh they've been waiting for this... Just so many thoughts. 1. So have I! I feel so lucky to have her 2. She's 11 months! She's happy with a box 3. You had 3 daughters! Where was this when we were little. 4. Unless they are holding her, they aren't happy for her or us. They can't appreciate her as she is. She's obviously her most outgoing self when she feels safe near me and her daddy and when she's giggling and being a munchkin with us, just eyes looking at us, like give her to me and no 'oh that's lovely, oh that laugh is so cute' etc and then they grab her and she's looking around like hmmm ok. 5. I think they just want her to be a baby but then they also say oh you're going to bake with me. I think they just want her as a status of grandparent sometimes. It's confusing. When she does normal 11 months things they go 'you're not a little thing anymore are you' ... She's a whole person with her own personality, just let her be. But then oh you're the best thing ever I'm going to steal you away. They can't just enjoy her for who she is now. They think they can pick her up and walk off with her and she'll be fine about it and oh what's wrong? When she's not. I've lost my train if thought now as it's the middle of the night but had to get some of it out. I think it just proves to me how selfish they are and we're just things to brag about or be used for their own satisfaction and not real people with our own lives and minds.

 

[Littleelf]

My dad had many many affairs over my parents 22 year marriage, as a child I heard and saw things that I should never have. Things that have stayed with me all my life.

My parent divorced when I was a teenager and my dad is now on his 4th marriage...I'm sure its not hard to figure out why none of his marriages last

 

[prozacprincess]

Breathe !

 

[HoGi]

Drink too much.

Neither were alcoholics but they definitely had/have issues with alcohol.

 

[olliesgirl]

When I bring up something traumatic or upsetting from my childhood that my Mum did or took part in she just straight up pretends it didn’t happen. Or ignores me

Same

 

[mcfeez]

My mother only values appearances, nothing else. How someone's home looks, if someone puts a lot of effort into their own appearance. It's all she really sees any worth in.

She is emotionally immature, everytime I've ever tried to have a conversation with her about things she's said or done she plays the victim card and boohoos.

 

[candyland_]

The ‘When are you going to settle down.. We want you to be happy’ comments. I want to be happy too but they know I’ve been heartbroken this year 🥹

 

[daisy2809]

well this is probably more of a word dump rather than anything coherent, and I’m not really sure how to describe it - I guess maybe narcissism? I don’t know as the word is thrown around so much these days, but my mum somehow manages to make everything about her. At 17 I was r9ped, my parents have no idea, and this year I had a cancer scare, again my parents have no idea, as it would alllll be about her. It’s a shit way to live and I’m jealous of these people who are close with their parents, as it could never be me.

she’s also obsessed with calling people fat/ugly/old looking when she’s literally 60 years old herself?

as someone said in a post earlier in the thread, why can’t parents just grow up? I feel like our generation of parents will hopefully be better as people tend to actually address their issues these days