Totally agree. There are some names who fit a child and kai definitely fits his character.
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Again, not defending him as he does indulge Kai, a lot, but it does seem unfair to judge the parents and child for a name neither party is responsible for. Kai already had that name before they were even on the scene.
I think that Kai probably does have underlying issues, given the schools support, which could also be a result of the ACEs he suffered in very early childhood and the attachments that were not formed. Tom certainly doesn't help the situation with his constant "Disney Dad" (not saying no, no real discipline etc) but to completely tear apart a potential diagnosis in a child, without knowing his back story, doesn't seem right.
I agree that Tom shares to much, needs to discipline Kai more and set boundaries but attacking the child seems a step too far. Regardless of how Kai behaves it isn't his fault - he could have a diagnosis, it could be a result of the trauma in his early life, it could be the "gentle" parenting approach, it could be anything. Most of that is a direct result of the decisions the adults in his life have made.
I think that Kai probably does have underlying issues, given the schools support, which could also be a result of the ACEs he suffered in very early childhood and the attachments that were not formed. Tom certainly doesn't help the situation with his constant "Disney Dad" (not saying no, no real discipline etc) but to completely tear apart a potential diagnosis in a child, without knowing his back story, doesn't seem right.
I agree that Tom shares to much, needs to discipline Kai more and set boundaries but attacking the child seems a step too far. Regardless of how Kai behaves it isn't his fault - he could have a diagnosis, it could be a result of the trauma in his early life, it could be the "gentle" parenting approach, it could be anything. Most of that is a direct result of the decisions the adults in his life have made.
I get what you’re saying, but Kai was placed into foster care from a few weeks and then he went from them to Tom when he was adopted,
I’m not saying that doesn’t cause any sort of attachment issues, but it doesn’t explain or excuse a lot of the behaviours.
no one is blaming Kai or tearing him apart, personally I just find it sad that they can’t see how much they are ruining that child...it is the parents who are responsible for his behaviour and a lot of his behaviour couldn’t even be explained or excused by a diagnosis, a lot of his behaviour is rudeness and he is over indulged, they can’t go to the shops without him getting a toy, makeup or chocolate, if they give family members gifts he has to open them, the constant snatching, ignoring people when he’s being spoken to, even children with SEN would be taught that these behaviours are wrong, we can’t always make excuses, some children are just spoilt.
If you read Tom’s twitter you can see it all there, he even posts saying it’s easier to say yes and he does talk about his rudeness and hitting in one post...I think he needs some help with his parenting as I do really think he is struggling, he doesn’t help himself by being soft, but I think he does need some help to get out of this harmful habit of saying yes to everything.
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Yes he was placed in to foster care from a few weeks old, indicating that the birth mother did not sign up for adoption. There have been multiple studies to show that children who are removed from parents at an early age, those who have possible issues during the pregnancy, those in foster care etc have more negative outcomes that their peers without these factors.
It doesn't matter the age of the child, those issues are present and they may not manifest for years.
Tom isn't helping himself however you are not attacking a small child, who cannot defend themselves, because of the parenting they have received.
I truly wonder about the impact of Instagram on parenting. I do follow them and can see a vibrant, bubbly, excitable little boy and two loving dads.
They have great style and a lovely sense of family but I do agree that that little boy seems to be spoilt. I also agree that we don’t see their whole life just what they choose to show.
However I wonder if in the desire to show the lovely family unit and fun times they (and lots of other influencers) find it easier to go along with a child’s desires rather than say no, it means they get fun quirky film clips to show rather than a child in their bedroom having time out.
The need to get advertisers on board means creating fun experiences and a diet of new toys, treats and clothes...to show what your product could look like in our house.
This is a conversation that could be had around most instafamilies. They are also all buddies with each other so emulate the same crap parenting behaviour around the circle.
They have great style and a lovely sense of family but I do agree that that little boy seems to be spoilt. I also agree that we don’t see their whole life just what they choose to show.
However I wonder if in the desire to show the lovely family unit and fun times they (and lots of other influencers) find it easier to go along with a child’s desires rather than say no, it means they get fun quirky film clips to show rather than a child in their bedroom having time out.
The need to get advertisers on board means creating fun experiences and a diet of new toys, treats and clothes...to show what your product could look like in our house.
This is a conversation that could be had around most instafamilies. They are also all buddies with each other so emulate the same crap parenting behaviour around the circle.
yes and I’m not disputing that this can in some cases cause issues, mainly attachment issues more than anything. My point is it doesn’t excuse the behaviours he is displaying, even if there was a reason for these behaviours, you wouldn’t allow him to display them without correcting them, making excuses for children is damaging, no matter what the cause, children need to be taught to behave correctly otherwise they won’t function well in society as adults.
Discussing a child’s behaviour is not attacking a child, I don’t blame Kai, I blame the way his parent’s spoil and indulge him, I’m concerned of how damaging it is for him to be spoilt and indulged in this way. This is a discussion site, if you don’t like what is being said then you don’t have to read it.
I have to agree. I have an education/childcare background and I am not attacking or blaming Kai for his behaviour. The behaviour he shows on Instagram eg snatching, not listening to demands, doing his own thing, is all learnt behaviour. Behaviour that he should be reprimanded for but hasn't. Ever. So Kai only sees this as normal. His parents need to be more firm with him but for some reason feel afraid to do so.
I wonder if the reason they are afraid to do so is because they are on Instagram, put the phone down, share less and actually parent. Instagram stories has really affected parenting, normally for the worst. Rather than deal with any tantrum they simply film it. Also looking at you FOD.
Exactly this, I used to work with children and I studied children’s behaviour as a part of my degree (I don’t work children now due to health reasons) so I would never attack a child or blame a child for their behaviour and I’m not just criticising the behaviour for no reason, I’m doing it because I’m concerned.
I’ve seen this behaviour in children before when the parents can’t say no and I’ve seen how damaging it can be for the child, especially as they get older and I just wish they’d sort it out now before it is too late. Kai has some lovely qualities and it would be a shame for him to be ruined by his parents over indulging him.
It’s certainly an interesting point, I guess if he’s got some good footage, then Kai acts up, he might be less inclined to reprimand him because he still wants to post the clip, personally if it was me I’d put the phone down, reprimand him and delete the clip.
I do see he has posted on Twitter a few times he finds it easier to just say yes rather than argue and he’s also concerned what the neighbours will think because he screams the house down if he can’t get his way, it’s all very sad really. Tom seems to paint this image on insta of idyllic family life, only ever hinting at struggles, but on Twitter he’s quite open about the challenges he’s facing with the behaviour.
I do remember they did a post once, not sure where it’s gone now, but Danny was basically saying something along the lines of, he doesn’t believe in reprimanding children and putting in boundaries because it leads to unhappy adults. I know he struggles with his own depression/anxiety as he has discussed this on his personal insta, I wonder if there are some issues stemming from that too.
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Yeah definitely.
It’s sad really because even if they read here, they wouldn’t take on board the advice. I’ve seen a few people comment on his insta posts, I think one once was they were meant to be going to a party and he posted something like, “when you threaten 5 million times to cancel going to the party, but you know you won’t do it.” A lot of people commented telling him that’s it’s confusing and harmful for a child when you go back on threats because the child doesn’t feel secure when the parent can’t follow through with something and obviously the child also learns no doesn’t mean no...he wasn’t very receptive to their advice at all.
All his sheep don’t seem to care what he does though, he’s broken the lockdown rules a few times and none of them have batted an eyelid.
when this all first started he said his local playground was closed, but he would see about maybe allowing Kai in over the gate so he could play anyway as Kai couldn’t do without it.
then he had that day with his family and of course Kai hugged his Nan, even though she had a letter about her needing to isolate...
now he’s just posted that he has a friend over for lunch (in his house, seen on stories) crazy.
Just seen his mate is round and in his house, everything that morning tv has said you shouldn’t be doing...This Morning were showing BBQs and how to stay outside..this wally shows his followers it’s ok to have a mate round!
Surely if you are going to break the rules, you would not post it to thousands of people
Decided to delete it did we...
Decided to delete it did we...
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Exactly! He’s very disrespectful himself I feel, he doesn’t set the best example at all!
Surely if you are going to break the rules, you would not post it to thousands of people
Decided to delete it did we...
Decided to delete it did we...
he’s probably realised he’s gone too far now with his rule breaking!
He really doesn’t, as long as him and his own are happy and safe, that’s all he’s bothered about!