The #tradwife movement

[thegirlscout]

Alena was one of the main UK trad wives who were very vocal about it on tv in the UK to be fair about 10 years ago now, but she had a fairly big online presence until she left instagram earlier this year. Don’t think she’s in this doc.

I will be watching though. Sounds interesting

She was in a segment of it I believe.
https://fb.watch/phH_ffZTtM/?mibextid=WC7FNe
If you search her Facebook page (not group) and search Stacey Dooley you can find photos of them together.

 

[thegirlscout]

Pretty sure Alena herself has mentioned it before.

Actually really shocked by this. I know she’s had her struggles with drugs and finding her place in the world and I’ve never really had a problem with her being a housewife. But the start of her relationship with her husband is quite murky and if there is a child involved that neither of them see I am wondering if this is due to her husband abandoning the family or is there a reason the mum doesn’t want him around. I would find it very hard to start a relationship with a man who was still married and had a child he didn’t have a relationship with. To me that’s a massive red flag.

Also since she’s moving abroad can she settle in America as she’s admitted to drug use? I know there has been an issue with Prince Harry having admitted to using drugs and people are up in arms with that. I reckon they are moving to New Zealand though because her husband went to school there.

 

[puzzled instagrammer]

Actually really shocked by this. I know she’s had her struggles with drugs and finding her place in the world and I’ve never really had a problem with her being a housewife. But the start of her relationship with her husband is quite murky and if there is a child involved that neither of them see I am wondering if this is due to her husband abandoning the family or is there a reason the mum doesn’t want him around. I would find it very hard to start a relationship with a man who was still married and had a child he didn’t have a relationship with. To me that’s a massive red flag.

Also since she’s moving abroad can she settle in America as she’s admitted to drug use? I know there has been an issue with Prince Harry having admitted to using drugs and people are up in arms with that. I reckon they are moving to New Zealand though because her husband went to school there.

They lived together and had their child before marrying (Alena has stated that). That’s fine today but it does clash a little with her 1940s values where she would have been ostracised. Although it seems she dropped that 40s housewife image anyway. I’m curious where they’ve moved to.

 

[pommobear]

They lived together and had their child before marrying (Alena has stated that). That’s fine today but it does clash a little with her 1940s values where she would have been ostracised. Although it seems she dropped that 40s housewife image anyway. I’m curious where they’ve moved to.

The states.

 

[Iamintherealworld]

I've just read that Alena has ended up in Australia. Lots of God showing them the way, but also, her husband used to live in Sydney and was ready to move back to Aus years ago.

She claims that someone on the internet shared where she lived in a gossip forum which shook her to the core, but not enough, apparently, as she shared a photograph of what the front of her house looks like.

Pulling absolutely no punches about the fake Instagram friends who ditched her

View attachment 2859428

I'm more sad that she parted with the Beryl. Her entire brand has been buy British/dig for victory/hearth and home/Englishness but the hubby, I mean, God, had other plans.

Alena changes her direction as much he wind blows in the UK !

 

[zoominmoom]

@thegirlscout I did read that article and remember thinking it kind of makes sense. Running an account with a fairly large following must get a bit exhausting at times and suck some of the fun out of it. Re her husband, their styles do look a bit mismatched, but in a way it's nice as it's obvious they're not together for a matching 'aesthetic'.

I don't even really think of Alena's friends as falling into the tradwife camp, though I suppose it depends how you define it. They don't really talk much about the ins and outs of their relationships etc. - they just seem to like old stuff and living a simple (though sometimes in reality probably quite expensive) life.

When I think of 'tradwives' I think more of people like Estee Williams whose life seems to be dedicated to the performance of being a perfect wife.

 

[Satisfying Click]

Eep, it must have touched a nerve. I was surprised when you mentioned it was Alena; she has built her brand and personality trait of Britishness. Maybe she didn't have much choice in the matter, if the move was for her husband and his work.

 

[Grenouille]

I'm a trad wife! Before my baby was born I used to work 60 hour weeks and I would be at work daydreaming about coming home to do laundry and cook a nice home cooked meal.
I dont "submit" to my husband tbh. It's more that I like being a home maker. As soon as I went on maternity I knew I couldn't go back to work. Being at home is much more natural to me.

i Don’t submit either. Though having researched into it, it’s more in religious circles that “submission” is expected, mainly in the US. I like taking care of my family but being at home all the time, I’m the one managing everything if I’m honest!

 

[SeaWitch]

Alena must have a good pr person, as she’s been on radio 2 today. I think all the callers were positive, surprisingly.

I’ve fallen into a trad wife role, as I was made redundant whilst pregnant. (I was very unwell after the birth and couldn’t have gone back to work for a few years anyway.)

Little one is now in primary school and I’m trying to busy myself with PTA but I’m bored to tears, and don’t feel I have the skills to go back into the workforce. I did have a sort of career beforehand, I still run my small side business (a proper one you need qualifications for not MLM )
I have really enjoyed my “time off” and watching little one grow, but feel the years are passing me by with very little to show for it. My little business barely brings in a crust, thankfully husband earns well.


I don’t know where I’m going with this rant but potential tradwives be warned.

 

[purpleghost]

I decided to be SAHM/traditional wife last September. My kids are 8, 10, 12 and I turned 40 kind of thinking ‘Is this it?’. Hubby and I both worked full-time and we usually managed a foreign holiday a year and never particularly worried about money; not loaded but certainly not struggling. BUT...I felt like my job took all my mental energy, my enthusiasm, I just felt like by the end of each day/week I didn’t have anything left for the kids, my husband, and me!

A close Mum friend died suddenly in September and I think something in me kind of broke...but in a good way in that whilst I was devastated, it made me realise that I would never be on my death-bed wishing I’d worked more. So I quit. We’ve downsized so our mortgage has reduced from 190k to 80k (I love our new home tho...it’s perfect for us), so that we can get by with only hubby working. We bought a dog so I enjoy walking her, I watch box-sets, go to the gym, read good books, take my time planning our meals and feel like for the first time since my kids were born like I’m not chasing my bloody tail with jobs/deadlines/life admin.....sorry if I sound smug but I am so happy with the decision, and believe me I’ve made some shockers in my time lol.

We can no longer afford foreign travel, and need to be careful for money (it’s made me realise that being time-poor in the past led to us being quite wasteful tbh), but I have TIME and PEACE in my life, and I feel content for the first time in years. For the foreseeable, my family and my own happiness are my priority and I’ll be damned if I waste any more of my life working like a dog to pay for a life that wasn’t making me happy.

P.S gotta clean my own home though now (we always had a cleaner) and man that sucks ass!!!!

Sounds amazing happy for you! I’d love all that too I guess if we downsized we might be able to once the kids are bigger. I often think we’ve lost our way a bit and the balance isn’t there anymore

 

[thegirlscout]

On a different note, some of them are absolute grifters. You can tell them a mile off because they dress unnecessarily sexily for cleaning/cooking/whatever it is they're doing, and their content is obviously geared towards men.

I haven’t come across these ladies - I really only follow the ones who live like it’s the 1940s and dress that way too haha! teapotsandtablecloths, rememberingtheoldways and mrswarrscountryhome, those types of accounts.
Interestingly Alena did write that she didn’t feel herself when she was dressing in a vintage way, which I can see. In the photos when she’s dressed like that with her friends, you can tell it comes more natural to them but less to her.

Alena recently left Instagram and she didn't say she was trying to move in a new direction, but it could have something to do with it. Maybe it's a different phase in her life?

Did you see the article she wrote about it? https://www.thedarlingacademy.com/articles/why-i-left-instagram/
I can understand and sympathise with her feelings, social media has changed a lot.
I find her husband a bit odd, whenever she posted a photo of him he was inevitably in his black T-shirt. I remember she got dressed up to go to a fancy hotel, wearing her Chanel handbag and he was in a black t shirt, brown shoes and light coloured trousers.

 

[lipsticktaser]

I completely agree! I organise everyone's schedules, what they're going to wear, a lot of budgeting stuff. I'd definitely say that I'm the boss at home! Sounds like you're the same

My husband calls me the oracle. We have a shared family iCal that I update with everything so we know where each other is. He is a nightmare for double booking us. I think it’s partly my fault for doing it that he can be so bad. But I’d rather have it done.
I have spreadsheets for everything.

 

[thegirlscout]

@thegirlscout Looks like you've been called out on her FB

I know! Eeep! The group is private so you’re from there too

 

[pommobear]

The weirdest thing about this whole thing is that Alena's thread is so quiet. There's hardly any activity on it at all.

I think if you are going to wax lyrical about the virtues of a particular lifestyle then you can't be shocked or surprised if people critique that. We don't make choices in a vacuum after all. And I say that as a stay at home parent in a fairly traditional heterosexual relationship.

 

[pommobear]

How do you know that he definitely has one?
If this is true it’s quite sad

Pretty sure Alena herself has mentioned it before.

 

[TreeTrunksApplePie]

She's said it on the Facebook group.

I’ve been looking for this everywhere and can’t find it. What’s the group called?

 

[TreeTrunksApplePie]

New to this thread, watched the Stacey Dooley doc, was Alena on that ?

What’s the Stacey Dooley doc called/about?

 

[thegirlscout]

Thank you. Well, rude as she was to me, I hope she finds happiness there.

What did she do to you? I don’t think it’s been confirmed she’s moved to the States, unless I’m missing something

 

[Notworthy]

Just a little opinion on Tradwives. They are all over YouTube in particular, flaunting their selflessness, and throwing themselves bouquets for their life of service they have chosen, for the benefit of their husbands and children. The thing is though, that they are huge YouTubers;!!! Thats not very.... Trad, is it? Nor the fact that many of said husbands seem to not do very much except float around in the background of the videos
They are cunning business people, more like. IMHO.

I came on here to say the same. Fair play to them though.

 

[pommobear]

What did she do to you? I don’t think it’s been confirmed she’s moved to the States, unless I’m missing something

She's said it on the Facebook group.