Previous thread recap:
Tim and Jen picked up the kids and went straight from their “datecation” to a “staycation” at Port Orleans Riverside, courtesy of BOGV. This is the first time they've stayed at this resort, even thought they previously stated they have stayed at every single Disney resort. I know, I know, it's hard to keep lies straight after 5,000 videos full of them. Unfortunately, they downsized considerably from the datecation 2 bedroom villa (for 2 people) to a single regular room. Oh, the horror. They are off to Animal Kingdom so Tim can relieve his Bluey balls. They partake in a particularly nasty looking lunch before stopping to fondle merch. Included in the fondling was a couple of denim shirts that reminded Jen of her grammy and the fond memories she had of her time working at Disney. The same grammy she never mentions in the present and one would assume has passed into the Magic Kingdom in the sky. Wearing denim. The Bluey attraction was way too much theme park activity for them so back to the hotel for some pool time it was. Jackson’s apparent “tender foot” seems to be miraculously cured as he was able to walk all the way to the pool barefooted.
They attend story time in the lobby with the boys wearing a pedalo's dream--the tightest and whitest pjs one has ever seen. Tim makes a point to let us all know that his kids are so amazing that they can sit for a whole 14 minute story. Somebody call Guinnes! It’s the next day and Oliver really wanted to ride the Haunted Mansion and once inside they change their minds and decide to do Small World instead. I can’t imagine what lengthy and irritating conversations happen. Probably something like: “Oh Buddy it’s going to be scary. Are you going to be ok? Scary. There are ghosts. Scary ghosts. Scary. Scary. Scary...... Oliver, you’ll be fine”. Now, that’s obviously better than throwing a kid on Tower of Terror and hoping for the best, but you know they have no idea how to prep kids on these things. Tim asks the audience for advice on a double stroller. Because his 6.5 year old can’t walk for a couple of hours. Maybe he should go barefoot in theme parks too.
Before we get to Tim’s Costa Rica voogs we are treated to a pity party of a home vlog full of Jen’s misery where she laments the incredibly taxing work of having to (partially) parent and it’s a doozy. She just cannot deal with her TWO KIDZ while Tim is away—even though her sister is there most of the day. Jen even made her sister drive her to get yet another abomination of a hair color and cut and then take both boys to the Science Center. Luckily for Jen, Kimmie couldn’t reschedule so the hairdo session was the absolute highlight of her day (and probably whole week). Jen makes up some story about being on Dayquil and not realizing there was an earthquake until the piano teacher told her about it. Obviously, that HAD to become the main click-bait title. I am actually surprised she didn't film some fake footage of her feeling the earthquake by making the boys shake her desk or something So, back to the misery and Jen didn't get to eat her dinner or get much sleep so she just can't wait until Tim gets back. So she can go back to napping all day.
Tim is off to Costa Rica for a #sponsored Adventures by Disney trip courtesy of the idiots at BOGV. (via Atlanta, because backtracking 450 miles makes sense for the expert travel planner. Actually, maybe it does make sense. It's a few extra hours he doesn't have to deal with Jen). Tim bitches that the line for Customs was two hours. Most likely he’s pissed he couldn’t piss during that time. It will be interesting to see how he handles long bus rides and tours without immediate bathroom access. Luckily, roadside boiled peanuts are not a traditional offering there. He arrives at the hotel and wanders around amazed at various rock and birds and trees. It’s like it’s the first time he’s ever been outdoors before.
White water rafting is amongst the next day’s activities and Tim decides to strap on the 360 camera to his thigh and we are subjected to quite a long segment focusing on his bulge-ing varicose veins. He checks in to the most incredible hotel room he’s ever been in his life, so I am expecting something along the lines of the Abu Dhabi hotel from Sex and the City 2, but no, it’s simply a room with a view of a volcano. Now, obviously that’s beautiful, but he really hyped that shit up. The evening activity is a cocktail making session and in case anyone forgot, Tim can't possibly be in such proximity to liquor, because in case you haven't heard for the 12,783rd time, he doesn't drink. For a "friend".
Well, unless it's sitting in a bathtub full of beer, then that's totally fine. So instead he joins the kids in fruit tasting and it surely made everyone there as uncomfortable as it made us just watching it. After dinner there’s a dancing demonstration followed by the guests joining in. Oh, but not Tim. He pulls out that old wartime sciatic nerve injury.
Next day is a jungle cruise with animal spotting, a stop at a sugar cane plant, a solo dinner and more hotel ground wandering and, the more videos, the more boring this series becomes.
At this point Be Our Guests Vacations should just change their name to Tracker Vacations with as much #hosting and #sponsoring they have done with them. And it’s still as nonsensical as it always has been because they do the shittiest job at promoting anything.
Universal Kids Resort in Texas. The Trackers must feel some sort of pressure with all the other vloggers attending this media preview so they have been quite prolific with Instagram footage, mostly with Jen Tracker as the star first and foremost, with the rest of the family scattered here and there for good measure.
They are slumming it again and fly lowly Southwest to Dallas. No first class for Jen this time. Jen’s sister has accompanied them for nanny duty and initially they are put in a single room with bunkbeds. However they are later shown giving a tore of a family suite that Tattle assumes they got upgraded to after some Tracker complaining. It’s a typical Tracker vacation, no, sorry, "kidcation" with the family of three enjoying the various attractions around the park.