‘ The perfect age gap ‘ between children?

[Skyeball]

I have a big gap between my first and youngest two (secondary infertility) and the gap is showing hugely now.
They don't do anything together, for the first few years they did but they are completely different stages now and the play together moment has passed I guess.
That said, the eldest will pick the youngest up from school for me and will take them to McDonald's for tea. Once even my God daughters got an invite as their mums got held up at work too.
Times like that are lovely. I would say they are protective of each other as well. Like if one of them needs urgent medical care the other two will blow up my phone checking up.
This will come back around when they are in their 30s and 40s/50s onwards and they all have adult lives.
Much later on when me and their dad start to need care and having plans made for us they will always have each other to help make those decisions.
Youngest two are 25 month apart. The first year was insane but after that, instant friend, confidante & their friends overlap too.
If I'd had a choice, I'd have chosen that gap the first time.

 

[Unknown1]

I have a brother that’s two years younger, we never ever got along, and we still don’t now.

I also have a brother 13 years younger than me and we get on great!

We have 3 years between our two, when they were younger it was a great age gap, the 3 year old could help/entertain himself whilst I dealt with a newborn, he also went to playschool a few times a week which gave us both space x

I have a 7 month old and I’m thinking of a 3 year age gap. Mainly because of being able to listen a bit more and going to nursery for a few hours

 

[Lolly505]

I grew up with a gap of 4 years between me and my sister, which felt kinda wide when we were younger but probably worked out for the best. For instance, we were pretty much always in different groups at school, at kids clubs and activities, etc (e.g. when I was in Rainbows, she was in Brownies and so on) which my anxious a hated but my sister no doubt loved being away from me We got on better as both became teens (and even moreso as adults) since we were then at the same kind of level and could relate to each other the most out of the household.

We also had two younger siblings who were born fairly close together when we were older so it's both a short gap and really big one. The 10+ age difference always felt massive (and still does) since it was pretty frustrating developing into a teenager and dealing with two toddlers at the same time. My mum says she still hasn't recovered (even though they're teenagers themselves now)
The 'two under-2s' was really stressful for her (and she could fly off the handle at the best of times anyway) but equally the pair of them have always been thick as thieves - they're probably each other's best friend and worst enemy But they're definitely a different generation so it's much harder for us to relate imo since we're always at such different stages of our lives. Even though they're a lot older, spending time together still kinda feels like babysitting more than hanging out with siblings

 

[Heyyall123]

I have 2 boys 24 months apart . I think it’s a good gap it was really hard when they were both babies but now 3 and 5 it’s great they play together all day have same interests everything . I wouldn’t change it . Plus sept there both going into school and nursery together so will be so easy now x

 

[chocolate choux]

I don’t think there is a perfect age gap. Twins can absolutely hate each other while siblings with a large age gap can get along great. There are no guarantees and even if for example your toddler loves babies, having a sibling is quite different!

When planning age gaps I’d honestly say to be selfish, especially if you’re the main carer. I have a 20 month old and have no intention to have more at the moment, but if I did I’d be basing it around what I felt like I could handle. Two under two (or even three) sounds like a complete nightmare to me especially if the second was as difficult as my daughter. I would probably plan a gap of 4-5 years so it’d be less stressful and my first child would have more understanding and also a little life of her own with school

 

[SunshineDreamer]

17 minutes (Twins) and 3 years (Third child). If I go to my siblings there is 24 year gap between my oldest brother and my youngest sister - she was a bit of a surprise, but weirdly, she is the one I have the closest relationship with.

 

[101d]

This is very interesting! Some would say siblings always have an unbreakable bond sort of thing, I definitely do think there can be ‘ too big of a gap ‘ almost, where like you say it’s difficult to relate to eachother and build a relationship.

We're very close now that we are both in adulthood But when you're 16 and your 9 year old sister wants to hang out with you.... nah

 

[mcfeez]

I don't have children but my brother and I are 8 and half years apart and don't really have much of a relationship now and didn't have any really growing up.

We were very separate generationally growing up i.e. he was still very young when I was going to secondary school, when I was heading off to university he hadn't even started secondary school yet.

 

[rainbowlemon]

My mum essentially had three years between all of her kids.

Me and my brother 3 years.
Then she thought she was done then changed her mind.

So 8 years between me and my first sister and second it's 11 years.

To be honest when my sisters were younger it was annoying having to share a room with them.

Now that we're all older- I get on with all of my siblings but I'm closer to my brother as I can talk about what I'm going through and get more support from him.

My cousin is about to have her third child in 4 years.

 

[Lynseyp]

I have 3 children, the age difference between my 1st (daughter) and 2nd (son) was 5 years, The plus side to this is when my 2nd child was born we made sure our eldest had a role to play like helping to feed, change a nappy and bathed her brother so she didn't feel left out after spending 5 years having our undivided attention.
The difference between my 2nd and 3rd (son) was only 11 months. The plus side to this is my boys were in the same year group at school and are best mates as well as brothers.

 

[Millymoo32]

I was a suprise baby my eldest bro was 20 when I was born and and my sis was 19 I'm closest to them even though theres 4 others in between

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

There's 2 years, 2 months and 2 weeks between my children they adore each other and have a fantastic relationship.

I'm the youngest of 6, there's 5 years between me and the next sibling and were really close, there's 16, years between me and my eldest sibling and there's really not a relationship there.

 

[Meldrumlurker]

Just under a minute here, emergency section with twins and then we stopped it has been pretty good going though, no juggling club times, parents evenings, etc. Loads of benefits compared to when I see friends with 2/3/4 kids with age gaps struggling with all that. Not much help though as you cant really plan twins!

 

[Kandy floss]

No kids but there’s 3.5 years between me and my sister and we were close growing up as kids, less close but still protective of each other as teens and really close again now. I don’t think I’d have liked it if we’d had much more of a gap as we wouldn’t have been so close

 

[Fairypop]

There’s a 3.5 year age gap between my girls. We didn’t plan it that way but it’s been perfect (so far anyway ). My eldest is old enough to do lots of things on her own which takes the pressure off of me a bit, and she loves to help with her sister. I don’t think I would’ve coped as well with a smaller gap but that’s just me! They play together so nicely and I really hope they’re close as they grow older. Fingers crossed anyway

 

[Dexy]

We started trying a while ago but had a miscarriage so that made the age gap bigger which was frustrating. It’s not always in your control.

My son is five, and I’m due in two weeks. I couldn’t face having another until my son was at least fending for himself and out of nappies. The thought was too scary haha and also I just loved that he had had my undivided attention. I feel now he’s at school, he doesn’t need me anymore and I can spend all my time on the baby. I would’ve liked a slightly closer age gap. However, having said this my best friend has two close together and while she feels it’s good she’s “ done “ with the baby stage she says they fight all the time, and she’s been wishing the days away because it’s so tough. She seems absolutely exhausted all the time. I would say whenever you have another it’s hard and there’s pro’s and con’s to all age gaps.

 

[50sGirl]

I always thought 2-3 years was a good age gap. Mine are 2yrs 8 months apart. It meant the eldest was potty trained by the time the youngest arrived so only one in nappies.

I always remember my mum advising me NOT to have a 4 year age gap because the eldest may feel they are being replaced by the new baby just as they start school and leave their mummy.

 

[Dexy]

My sister had her first child at 20 years old and never planned on having more. When she got into her second relationship when her son was about ten she told her new partner she had no intention of having any more children. A few years later she married and changed her mind and they had my little niece when my nephew was 13. They are 18 and five now and honestly that little girl dotes on her big brother, she has him wrapped around her little finger. From day one he literally worshipped her. I know that’s an extreme age gap but just wanted to show that it can have no affect whatsoever on a sibling bond.

 

[Millymoo32]

My own 2 theres a 6 year gap and I felt so guilty having another one coz my lil girl was spoilt and i found it really hard to take in I was like oh will I have enough time for her silly things wen I think now but there great together she brings him the park with her friends

 

[idk2]

Such an interesting question. No kids but I'm a middle child. Not really close to older brother (5 years), we dont argue but we dont share many common interests either. We never had school experiences together either as when I started year 7, he was starting sixth form. My younger sister (18 months younger) and I clashed a lot when we were younger as we have similar personalities but now we're pretty close. We never have big arguments anymore like we had when we were teens but those times were very volatile lol. Funny thing is she's close to my brother, both have mutual interests and 7 years gap. My smallest sister (5 years) - we've always got on. She loves to gossip and so do I so we're each others witching partners. She's also the very stereotypical youngest sibling. People pleaser, will do whatever you ask. She idolises my brother too but they dont really share many interests like me.

This made me realise I'm the forgotten middle child

EDIT: Just to add, I dont think theres a perfect age. Its just different personalities and how well they'll mesh together, regardless of age.