‘ The perfect age gap ‘ between children?

[Sp20191]

I have a brother that’s two years younger, we never ever got along, and we still don’t now.

I also have a brother 13 years younger than me and we get on great!

We have 3 years between our two, when they were younger it was a great age gap, the 3 year old could help/entertain himself whilst I dealt with a newborn, he also went to playschool a few times a week which gave us both space x

 

[101d]

I don't have any children but there are 7 years between my sister and I and it was definitely difficult for us to get along for a long time. It was like we were from different generations.

 

[Hinchhater1442]

I don’t have kids yet but a lady I work with has approx 18 months between her girls and said it was perfect! But as above 2 under 2 would terrify me

 

[chocolate choux]

I don’t think there is a perfect age gap. Twins can absolutely hate each other while siblings with a large age gap can get along great. There are no guarantees and even if for example your toddler loves babies, having a sibling is quite different!

When planning age gaps I’d honestly say to be selfish, especially if you’re the main carer. I have a 20 month old and have no intention to have more at the moment, but if I did I’d be basing it around what I felt like I could handle. Two under two (or even three) sounds like a complete nightmare to me especially if the second was as difficult as my daughter. I would probably plan a gap of 4-5 years so it’d be less stressful and my first child would have more understanding and also a little life of her own with school

 

[Fenella]

I have 4 years between mine- at first it was perfect as the eldest went off to school when the baby was tiny and he got time away from us which was good for him and it was easier to manage all the baby stuff without another child in the middle of the day.

but now they’re a bit older I do find it tough to find stuff they both want to do- there’s the difference between one wanting to do soft play/playgrounds etc and the other feeling too old for that but not old enough for going off on his own.

they don’t get on enormously well, they love each other but just have such different interests, perhaps they would have been the same with a closer age gap but I’ll never know!

 

[Lollipop2123]

I'm not sure it really matters? Also, it's not always in your control as it's not always as simple as deciding to have a baby and it immediately happens xx

 

[Dexy]

I'm not sure it really matters? Also, it's not always in your control as it's not always as simple as deciding to have a baby and it immediately happens xx

Exactly. My own mother has said to me “ oh it’s quite an age gap.” Well I didn’t plan on having a missed miscarriage and then being told it was a partial molar pregnancy where you are not ALLOWED to get pregnant for at least six months until tests say you are all clear.

I’m just happy I’m lucky enough to be healthy and pregnant again. End of.

 

[Rlaw1978]

There’s a year and a half between my first two. They get on really well. Then 3 years between my 2nd and 3rd. 1st born and 3rd get on well. 2nd and 3rd don’t.
I’m due to have my 4th next year. Here we have a much bigger age gap, my eldest will be 15 when baby comes. Though to be honest all have been really interested and supportive about baby. It’s also nice they will remember a lot and be able to more actively share first steps, Christmas etc.
I don’t think it matters about age gaps to be honest, I find it’s more when you have the energy and are ready to have another. That’s different for everyone.

 

[Dexy]

My sister had her first child at 20 years old and never planned on having more. When she got into her second relationship when her son was about ten she told her new partner she had no intention of having any more children. A few years later she married and changed her mind and they had my little niece when my nephew was 13. They are 18 and five now and honestly that little girl dotes on her big brother, she has him wrapped around her little finger. From day one he literally worshipped her. I know that’s an extreme age gap but just wanted to show that it can have no affect whatsoever on a sibling bond.

 

[LittleMy]

Just under 2 years between my two boys. I had this idea that they would get along and be very close, but they both have autism and delays, and constantly rub each other up the wrong way. They do have their sweet moments together now that they are growing up a bit, but they’re few and far between. The good things about their smaller age gap is that they have similar interests, both love playing in the park, soft play etc so finding things to do together isn’t an issue, though they generally do their own thing once there. Also, when youngest was born, we used a lot of the things we’d purchased for eldest as we’d held onto it so we saved a lot of money.

I don’t think there is such a thing aa a perfect age gap; a lot will come down to their individual personalities, how they are raised, and obviously, additional needs and other factors.

 

[FakeSmile]

My eldest son will be 3 and his brother will be 1 in the space of a week in August. I’m pregnant again now (a lockdown surprise!) so I’ll have 3 aged 3 and under

 

[Dexy]

My son is 5 in December and I’m due in October. Like you, I miscarried in between although I’m looking forward to being able to focus on baby and enjoy a proper mat leave during school hours! I’m hoping my son will be protective of the new baby and it will be a less competitive, more nurturing relationship. Who knows though, a lot of it seems to be down to personalities!

I think there’s pro’s and con’s to all age gaps to be honest and a lot is down to the personality of the siblings. There was only two years between my sister and I and we fought like cat and dog, didn’t start to get along until our thirties!
My son is very nurturing, sensitive and caring and I just know he’s going to love the role of big brother so much. He’s so excited. I literally have days to go!
Good luck with your pregnancy x

 

[Gossipgirl9101]

I have two girls, 13 months apart and my life is hell... it’s amazing but such hard work, they’re 1&2 but honestly wouldn’t change it for a thing

 

[Sayitso]

I have an 8 yr old and have been ttc for two years. This is something that worries me, the age gap is getting bigger and bigger!

My oldest two were 13 and 15 when their sibling was born, and they have an amazing relationship,

2 years between my first two, then they were 13 and 15 when my third were born, they all have fantastic relationships, older two are the best of friends and there for each other, youngest has a different relationship with each of the older ones

 

[Browniesbxo]

I'm not sure it really matters? Also, it's not always in your control as it's not always as simple as deciding to have a baby and it immediately happens xx

It doesn’t matter at all it’s just a discussion point, there’s no right or wrong answer

 

[Browniesbxo]

I have 4 years between mine- at first it was perfect as the eldest went off to school when the baby was tiny and he got time away from us which was good for him and it was easier to manage all the baby stuff without another child in the middle of the day.

but now they’re a bit older I do find it tough to find stuff they both want to do- there’s the difference between one wanting to do soft play/playgrounds etc and the other feeling too old for that but not old enough for going off on his own.

they don’t get on enormously well, they love each other but just have such different interests, perhaps they would have been the same with a closer age gap but I’ll never know!

I’m really glad to have read this, as I did have in my mind 4 years being ‘perfect’ for that exact reason. Older boy goes off to school and I can have all day with the baby! But I guess when they both grow up it is very different in terms of interests etc.. this is why I’m kind of thinking there’s going to be pros and cons regardless. I could TTC now and have a 1 year old and a baby, perfect because they’re similar ages and will grow up ( hopefully ) best friends but then there’s the obvious con... 2 babies! 2 under 2!

 

[Onecandream]

I have an 8 yr old and have been ttc for two years. This is something that worries me, the age gap is getting bigger and bigger!

 

[Sp20191]

I have an 8 yr old and have been ttc for two years. This is something that worries me, the age gap is getting bigger and bigger!

Honestly I wouldn’t worry too much, like I said I have a brother 13 years younger and we get on great xx

 

[Gossiper35]

My little girl was 3 and a half when I had my youngest and I think it was the perfect age gap. She was already potty trained and had the understanding of having a new baby in the house but wasn't old enough to really be jealous. I felt I could juggle them both well.

There's 12 years between my sister and I and we've never really been close as a result. We try to be i think, but we've just always been at different stages of our lives.

My eldest son will be 3 and his brother will be 1 in the space of a week in August. I’m pregnant again now (a lockdown surprise!) so I’ll have 3 aged 3 and under

Wow, you'll be one busy mama but very lucky also

 

[idk2]

Such an interesting question. No kids but I'm a middle child. Not really close to older brother (5 years), we dont argue but we dont share many common interests either. We never had school experiences together either as when I started year 7, he was starting sixth form. My younger sister (18 months younger) and I clashed a lot when we were younger as we have similar personalities but now we're pretty close. We never have big arguments anymore like we had when we were teens but those times were very volatile lol. Funny thing is she's close to my brother, both have mutual interests and 7 years gap. My smallest sister (5 years) - we've always got on. She loves to gossip and so do I so we're each others bitching partners. She's also the very stereotypical youngest sibling. People pleaser, will do whatever you ask. She idolises my brother too but they dont really share many interests like me.

This made me realise I'm the forgotten middle child

EDIT: Just to add, I dont think theres a perfect age. Its just different personalities and how well they'll mesh together, regardless of age.