The Neurodiversity Thread

[shadowcat5]

I know this isn't what this thread is for, but I'm parent to a neurodiverse (non verbal) child and it's really interesting to read this and see why he may struggle with some things and why he does certain things. Very enlightening reading, thank you.

I didn’t make this thread so I don’t really have authority to say this but feel free to ask any questions you want answers too. I can’t speak for anyone else of course but I’ll be happy to answer them as best as I can from my own experience and I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels that way

 

[chickhicks86]

I would have loved to have a parent(s) who was willing to learn when I was diagnosed. I grew up in France, where ADHD still isn’t a thing even nowadays and that combined with my gran telling my mum that I was just misbehaved and needed ‘to just concentrate’ I was basically left on my own!

I do try my best for him, advocate for him and to meet his needs, but it's so different to read here the reasons behind things! For example, him liking to constantly watch the same film or even the same few minutes of a film, I now know that it might not be because it's his favourite, it might be because he's so overwhelmed with all the choice so he goes for what he is familiar with.

 

[Fifah1907]

I know this isn't what this thread is for, but I'm parent to a neurodiverse (non verbal) child and it's really interesting to read this and see why he may struggle with some things and why he does certain things. Very enlightening reading, thank you.

I would have loved to have a parent(s) who was willing to learn when I was diagnosed. I grew up in France, where ADHD still isn’t a thing even nowadays and that combined with my gran telling my mum that I was just misbehaved and needed ‘to just concentrate’ I was basically left on my own!

 

[conrea37]

I enjoyed the book Odd Girl out by Laura James who wasn't diagnosed until her 40s and I found it very relatable. There is a podcast I've been meaning to listen to and I keep hearing about it called The Loudest Girl in the World that is by a woman who was diagnosed at 42 in the middle of the pandemic if you prefer to listen to things.

I am happy that I found this thread on tattle- there is honestly a thread for everything on here!


I am 25 and I was diagnosed with dyslexia and dyspraxia in my last semester of the university (and does explain why I took 7 years to do a four year degree, including having to retake a semester and dropping out in 2019 and coming back to do my last year in 2021). I think that my diagnoisis have made it a lot easier to understand myself though I do feel a bit annoyed about it taking that long as they never looked at me when I was at school as I was quiet and my mum refused to get me looked at because 'I could read,' though I struggled a lot at school and I still get the odd jibes made about how I spell and write or my dad likes to speak backward in 'dyslexia' language.

I have a lot of memories from primary school of my mum shouting at me when she was trying to 'help,' with my homework and she would be getting angry at my writing and my spelling, or how I struggled a lot with numbers. Ironically despite this, my brother was diagnosed with dyspraxia and got some help at school when he was a child, though I think my mum only agreed to get him looked at as his dyspraxia affects his speech a bit. I think that I'm just annoyed with how much I struggled and no one thought to help me until I did advocate for myself at uni. The school didn't even think I'd get to uni and I'm just about to start a masters, they put me in a learning support classroom a few times a week and they didn't teach me there and it was arts and crafts and this was in a well off school in Scotland.

I think that I do have ASD, and have thought so when I was 11. My brother and my Fiancee think that I do as well, my family don't. My brother went to the point of looking at a master list for Autism in women and told me that he didn't need to get past the first section as I matched everything well and that was with me masking a lot. Since moving in with my fiancee and being away from my family, I never realised how much I masked at home, thankfully Lauren (my partner) understands me and is accepting but I do wonder how much of my personality is me and how much was it masking.

I don't know if I would get a diagnosis or if anyone would else recgnoise my traits even with advocating for myself (though Lauren's co-workers were able to tell that I was autistic without me saying to them, one is autisitc and the other is ADHD, so they might have a radar for it lol). I mask really well and I am rather 'normal,' in the regards that I am going to get married, I have a job, I go to uni, and I live in a flat, so I don't think that anyone would diagnois at 25 year old woman. My mum said I am not autistic as 'austistic people don't have relationships or jobs like I do'- I work in a supermarket, but she goes on about how she gets on with an autisic doctor and helps him ect. I just don't know what to do about it. Sorry for a ramble, I've not had anywhere else to share this with before.

I can relate to the academic part, I was diagnosed both dyslexic and dyspraxic in uni.

I've made it to 33 before I was diagnosed, have friends, a solid job etc. It doesn't mean you can't have these things, though I did go private because I didn't want to wait 2 years for the NHS. Never even thought it was ADHD because of the way it's portrayed generally.

Us females are very good as masking.

 

[soph30]

Tell her what she’s doing wrong, don’t assume she’ll pick up on subtle cues

 

[Bereb45]

So glad I found this thread. I was looking up Autism at the weekend for my daughter (4yo) and my first thought was it described me to a T, my next thought was my daughter is also showing some traits.

I asked at school if she is playing with other children and they said no she plays alone, when they encouraged her she would only play side by side and did not interact.

They asked me if we’d want them to keep encouraging her or just let her be and I honestly don’t know what is best for her. I think she must have spent a whole year at nursery playing by herself and nobody flagged it. Bit when at the park she will happily play with one friend. Noise can overwhelm her so I wonder if that is preventing her from playing with friends.

I’m so emotional at the minute about everything and I just feel useless. I want to start the diagnosis process before she learns to mask things, which I think she already does. School used to exhaust me from trying to conform (life does now tbh) I just don’t want her to have the same experience I had.

 

[Meg78]

I do try my best for him, advocate for him and to meet his needs, but it's so different to read here the reasons behind things! For example, him liking to constantly watch the same film or even the same few minutes of a film, I now know that it might not be because it's his favourite, it might be because he's so overwhelmed with all the choice so he goes for what he is familiar with.

Being non verbal it may also be a way of learning language, repeating the same clip over and over, it’s comforting to know what’s coming next and practice in a safe environment…. Although all toddlers do repetition with tv shows if my friends’ eye twitches are anything to go by so I think sadly you never stood a chance of escaping it!

 

[shadowcat5]

Agreed. This was pretty much my whole childhood

I also want to add to this that sometimes you know youve done something wrong but you don’t exactly know what it is that you’ve done wrong.

I have been told that I have been or am rude so many times in my life but have yet to be told what is the exact thing that I’ve done that’s rude and why. I don’t doubt that I am occasionally rude (by accident) but please explain why?!

 

[CausticYoda]

How old is your child?

Tbh, if school aren't willing to be helpful and accommodating I would just keep my child off for the day. This time of year is absolute overload for a lot of ND kids and school really should be more understanding. Plus the amount of actual learning they'd be missing is negligible.

I'm fortunate that we've only had one year when things were really difficult, but she just missed the last two weeks of the winter term completely.

 

[soph30]

I have cerebral palsy and I think autism (started a referral 6mos ago), I really struggle with changes to routine. Trying to find a job is tough.

It’s SO tough finding a job as more palatable people always get picked over us with some flimsy excuse

 

[AT_16]

hey guys,

another tattle user directed me here, i’m going to copy and paste what i put on another thread about my son and add some bits in, i’d be really appreciative of any advice please.

my son is 5 nearly 6 and is on the verge of being excluded from school and i don’t know what to do anymore, i’ve tried everything possible including getting him assessed but the GP won’t even entertain an appointment with them until he’s 6 let alone a referral.

He doesn’t sleep, no matter what i do or the routine he just does not sleep until he’s at the point of exhaustion where he pretty much collapses.

he has an obsession around any technology mainly phones, computers and watches but even down to things like smart meters. He doesn’t have access to anything other than a TV so he will constantly draw the items he is interested in and if the slightest thing on the drawing is wrong he will have a melt down.

He also likes to know exactly how things work and operating systems etc and is extremely knowledgeable on anything to do with technology.

he constantly puts things in his mouth, he will have meltdowns over certain foods, when he has a meltdown he will kick, scream, bite, scratch and throw things.

He doesn’t seem to have an “off” switch, he talks and it’s like his brain goes a thousand miles an hour and he will talk and talk about his subject of interest but is not engaged when something else is spoken about.

he constantly and consistently interrupts conversations and has no perception of personal space with anyone.

sorry for the long post and thanks for reading x

 

[Meg78]

Due to the postal strikes a very important letter has arrived three weeks late. My deadline to return it is today, my child went to nursery at 8am and I have a solid 10 hour block of time to get this form filled in and posted.

I’m four hours in and still haven’t picked up a pen. I’m frustrated and stressed, I WANT to complete this, the results of me filling in this letter benefits me greatly, I have motivation, interest and urgency behind me. I’m in a room with no distractions or noise, I’m fed, rested, and I have a plan for what’s needed, and yet I can’t do it.

If anyone has any tips for overcoming demand avoidance and executive dysfunction joining forces I’m all ears

 

[Kim Mild]

Quite interesting on ADHD https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-65534449

I saw this article on another thread

The author himself does not believe he has adhd . If they wanted to claim that the private clinics over diagnos , the study would need more test subjects who have all received more than 1 opinion from an NHS doctor.

I've read articles and social media that makes a similar point about perimenopause. The NHS deny that anything is going on, whereas private clinics confirm the patients suspicions.

The point I made previously, is that many people visit an NHS doctor and the doctor fails to diagnose a condition the patient actually has.

 

[Redrose97]

Does anyone know of any good books about ASD, specifically in females who are diagnosed late?
I need something that is easy to read and no academic/medical language.

I want to help some family understand why some things are difficult for me. I will read it first and highlight any points that are relevant to me.

Does that even sound like a good idea?

I enjoyed the book Odd Girl out by Laura James who wasn't diagnosed until her 40s and I found it very relatable. There is a podcast I've been meaning to listen to and I keep hearing about it called The Loudest Girl in the World that is by a woman who was diagnosed at 42 in the middle of the pandemic if you prefer to listen to things.

I am happy that I found this thread on tattle- there is honestly a thread for everything on here!


I am 25 and I was diagnosed with dyslexia and dyspraxia in my last semester of the university (and does explain why I took 7 years to do a four year degree, including having to retake a semester and dropping out in 2019 and coming back to do my last year in 2021). I think that my diagnoisis have made it a lot easier to understand myself though I do feel a bit annoyed about it taking that long as they never looked at me when I was at school as I was quiet and my mum refused to get me looked at because 'I could read,' though I struggled a lot at school and I still get the odd jibes made about how I spell and write or my dad likes to speak backward in 'dyslexia' language.

I have a lot of memories from primary school of my mum shouting at me when she was trying to 'help,' with my homework and she would be getting angry at my writing and my spelling, or how I struggled a lot with numbers. Ironically despite this, my brother was diagnosed with dyspraxia and got some help at school when he was a child, though I think my mum only agreed to get him looked at as his dyspraxia affects his speech a bit. I think that I'm just annoyed with how much I struggled and no one thought to help me until I did advocate for myself at uni. The school didn't even think I'd get to uni and I'm just about to start a masters, they put me in a learning support classroom a few times a week and they didn't teach me there and it was arts and crafts and this was in a well off school in Scotland.

I think that I do have ASD, and have thought so when I was 11. My brother and my Fiancee think that I do as well, my family don't. My brother went to the point of looking at a master list for Autism in women and told me that he didn't need to get past the first section as I matched everything well and that was with me masking a lot. Since moving in with my fiancee and being away from my family, I never realised how much I masked at home, thankfully Lauren (my partner) understands me and is accepting but I do wonder how much of my personality is me and how much was it masking.

I don't know if I would get a diagnosis or if anyone would else recgnoise my traits even with advocating for myself (though Lauren's co-workers were able to tell that I was autistic without me saying to them, one is autisitc and the other is ADHD, so they might have a radar for it lol). I mask really well and I am rather 'normal,' in the regards that I am going to get married, I have a job, I go to uni, and I live in a flat, so I don't think that anyone would diagnois at 25 year old woman. My mum said I am not autistic as 'austistic people don't have relationships or jobs like I do'- I work in a supermarket, but she goes on about how she gets on with an autisic doctor and helps him ect. I just don't know what to do about it. Sorry for a ramble, I've not had anywhere else to share this with before.

 

[Kim Mild]

I took part in a new activity today and the instructor suggested I may have dyspraxia .
Now that has crossed my mind before, but felt quite validated that someone else suggest that's why I struggle. In my childhood, people just seemed to think I wasn't trying hard enough or wasn't paying attention.

 

[Kim Mild]

Another thing I've noticed ( Another light bulb moment), a sensation that I've been passing off as some thing with a physical cause like thirst , or hunger is in fact a consequence of being too overwhelmed.

It's like a weird fatigue that kind of takes over and I feel like I need to shut down. It takes ages to pull myself round from the fatigue. Does anyone else ever feel like that?

It should help my waist line now I've realised that feeling doesn't require me to eat !

 

[hol20x]

My 4yo daughter has autism and I'm fairly sure I do too (although I suppose I'd be considered high functioning). She's been so hard to deal with over the school holidays cos she's out of her routine. I'm really struggling. Probably sounds like a stupid thing to complain about but I feel so overstimulated when she's screaming, shouting and hitting me.

 

[Hollaaa]

My mum was 25 when she had me and I was older at 33 when I had my daughter (me and my daughter are ND, but not my mum). But my cousin, both of our dads, her daughter and her niece are all ND. In our case I think it's more to do with genetics than birth age of the mum, but then maybe the two interplay in a more complicated way, in terms of risk factors and protective factors.

 

[L3moning]

I do wish there was a company that hired exclusively autistic people in the office, it would make things significantly easier to navigate; no office politics, no water cooler small talk, we all say awkward things and enjoy never having team building events

I have ADHD and Aspergers, and I think this would end badly

I work in engineering, and, including me, there are three people in the office with diagnosed ASD or equivalents, plus several more I would be surprised if they don't have some form of ASD. If it was just us in an office it would be monumentally annoying and unproductive.

On a personal note, I also don't like working from home, for two reasons, 1) I feel like I get less done because its more distracting and 2) if I did it for any length of time it would be very easy to literally never leave my flat, and I do like to make an least some effort to be social.

 

[YetAnotherObsessionx]

I have epilepsy and a type of aphasia. Both are affected by stress and tiredness, I'm useless in crowds or big groups of people as my brain can't handle all the noise, especially processing talking/listening is hard work. It's annoying because people at work presume I'm antisocial (well, I am quite an introvert anyway) or that I don't know anything about whatever the topic might be. It's just that my brain tires much faster than other people's...