The Neurodiversity Thread

[Eeyore147]

I’m so glad it’s not just me that watches programmes on repeat! It’s reassuring and comforting to watch something with no surprises and no anxiety. Drives my family mad but it’s the best thing for me.

 

[shadowcat5]

I doubt you'd be able to pick up subtle hints of who fancied someone if you were even moderately autistic. This is from a fellow NDer btw, not someone fed media shite The meltdowns do sound like autism though- yep get a diagnosis, I'd just add my name to the NHS waitlist as you might get one in like a year

I don't really agree with this. I am autistic and I can read a room like it's no ones business. I have to in order to survive tbh lol. I do struggle to read people/unspoken language in relation to myself (e.g I can't tell when someone is bored of a conversation) but I can tell when there is a vibe among people as a whole so like I can tell when 2 people fancy each other but I can't tell when someone fancies me. I can tell when there is tension between people sexual or otherwise. I can tell when something has gone tits up in the office. I can usually tell when people are taking the piss out of me (not always).

That said though, as someone who grew up in an abusive environment, a lot of these are skills I've learnt over the years of walking on egg shells. I wouldn't say I'm intuitive but I'm observant?

ETA: I'm not saying that what you're saying isn't right or true. but I would say that it isn't my experience.

 

[soph30]

We’ve had exactly the same experience, I prepared myself for a battle and actually the journey has been suspiciously smooth sailing so far! You appear to have a similar mindset to my own, to get on with things at home and find what works for your family, the other ND parents I’ve spoken to or witness online are very different, they await instruction and try to continue a typical family life or worse, use TikTok as their source of information and support. I’ve met a few parents locally who quote social media like it’s the gold standard of research and are then shocked the LA doesn’t take them seriously

My observations so far are that parents who can eloquently demonstrate techniques they’ve deployed at home, and that have made actual real-world adjustments to their child’s needs are the most successful at being heard… That doesn’t equate to buying a bubble tube or a blackout tent because that’s what they do on TikTok (I have a bit of a bugbear about this side of social media, can you tell?) If a child needs them, then by all means, but there’s a lot of expensive kit out there that seems to be the focus rather than looking at personal behaviours or trying to understand their child. That’s not to say that all parents are ignorant, it’s hard to convey in a short message, there’s a chasm of difference between walking into a consulting room upset about meltdowns and talking about sensory toys, and walking into the room with a calm child tip toe walking the perimeter whilst you explain your morning routine.

It could also be a class divide, as horrible as that is to suggest, that the parents who are able to articulate are believed more, or perhaps they observe the parents, and note those who also exhibit signs of ND, which makes it more likely their child is too, or perhaps the parents who are successful on the first try do not seek out social media resources and so it becomes a biased echo chamber? Or perhaps the majority of children seeking care plans are older and masking more effectively?

Apologies for the ramble, I have many thoughts on this area of ND life! It’s hard to voice without risking offence, but you are certainly not alone in having had a relatively easy ride navigating this area, I would recommend distancing yourself from the SEN forums that discuss these difficulties as it will be doing nothing positive for your mental health, you’ll forever be looking over your shoulder for a spectre that isn’t chasing you

As a neurodiverse adult I’ve found that some of those SEN forums talk a lot of fearmongering nonsense anyway as of course it’s the neurotypical parents chatting about what they perceive rather than the neurodiverse individual. Not to say there’s not some positive communities!

 

[shadowcat5]

Omg this!! I literally watch Gilmore Girls on repeat, then watch the revival of that and then go back to the start and watch series 1 again because I can’t cope with the choice available.


ADHD (and i think undiagnosed autism)

Yes!! I end up watching the same thing over and over too!!
Someone also said to me once that some people do that cause there’s no anxiety with the ending as you already know how it’ll end which is interesting tol

 

[Meg78]

I have a ND daughter. She is very bright and loveable but autistic and absolutely PDA - we've really found the right way to interact with her (low demand, being there when she needs us but leaving her alone when she needs time in her bedroom that is basically a self contained studio apartment the way she's done it out).

It's a weird one - but I kind of have a guilty feeling about how easy it has been to access help - I feel bad that other families, possibly with more extreme issues than ours aren't getting what they deserve. I feel bad - although I know she requires and benefits from the support that she's getting - is it just because me and her dad are middle class and articulate and know how to get it?

It's very unusual. I don't get it. We got her EHCP first time. The county council have agreed to fund a place at a suitable school. No tribunals. No lawyers. I am so grateful but I just don't understand why it's been given so freely to us when I know for a fact there are children unable to access any form of education and I'm feeling some sort of survivors guilt. They all say it's what she needs and what she deserves and I know that's true but what about all the other kids...?

We’ve had exactly the same experience, I prepared myself for a battle and actually the journey has been suspiciously smooth sailing so far! You appear to have a similar mindset to my own, to get on with things at home and find what works for your family, the other ND parents I’ve spoken to or witness online are very different, they await instruction and try to continue a typical family life or worse, use TikTok as their source of information and support. I’ve met a few parents locally who quote social media like it’s the gold standard of research and are then shocked the LA doesn’t take them seriously

My observations so far are that parents who can eloquently demonstrate techniques they’ve deployed at home, and that have made actual real-world adjustments to their child’s needs are the most successful at being heard… That doesn’t equate to buying a bubble tube or a blackout tent because that’s what they do on TikTok (I have a bit of a bugbear about this side of social media, can you tell?) If a child needs them, then by all means, but there’s a lot of expensive kit out there that seems to be the focus rather than looking at personal behaviours or trying to understand their child. That’s not to say that all parents are ignorant, it’s hard to convey in a short message, there’s a chasm of difference between walking into a consulting room upset about meltdowns and talking about sensory toys, and walking into the room with a calm child tip toe walking the perimeter whilst you explain your morning routine.

It could also be a class divide, as horrible as that is to suggest, that the parents who are able to articulate are believed more, or perhaps they observe the parents, and note those who also exhibit signs of ND, which makes it more likely their child is too, or perhaps the parents who are successful on the first try do not seek out social media resources and so it becomes a biased echo chamber? Or perhaps the majority of children seeking care plans are older and masking more effectively?

Apologies for the ramble, I have many thoughts on this area of ND life! It’s hard to voice without risking offence, but you are certainly not alone in having had a relatively easy ride navigating this area, I would recommend distancing yourself from the SEN forums that discuss these difficulties as it will be doing nothing positive for your mental health, you’ll forever be looking over your shoulder for a spectre that isn’t chasing you

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Wow is there really a cross over between ADHD and autism? I feel ADHD's more accepted in the media these days

Yeah huge crossovers of traits. It's like a massive Venn diagram. Meltdowns can be part of ADHD. I find it all fascinating. I ended up studying for qualifications in autism and adolescent mental health conditions so I could be the best support possible for my children and I learnt so much. There's a book called 'Reweaving the Autistic Tapestry' which I found really interesting.

ADHD in particular seems quite prominent in the media these days but not in a good way. Progress and awareness of neurodiversity has definitely been made in the last couple of decades, especially in schools but I don't think people without experience (of whatever type) will ever understand properly. A diagnosis doesn't make everything magically wonderful and people don't all fit into the neat little boxes the media would try and have us believe.

 

[soph30]

Does anyone else struggle with morality?

Weird one I know but sometimes I feel like I care so much about it. I'll give you an example. I really wanted subway but it snowed really heavily here so the roads aren't safe. Subway is open and deliveroo are open for delivery so I ordered food but now I feel guilty cause I won't leave the house due to unsafe conditions but I'm paying for someone else to drive around.

I think that’s called empathy! And yes I think it’s been proven that neurodiverse people do have more empathy as we go through so much passive aggressive bullying and rejection we’re not going to ignore someone who might, be in trouble

 

[shadowcat5]

Due to the postal strikes a very important letter has arrived three weeks late. My deadline to return it is today, my child went to nursery at 8am and I have a solid 10 hour block of time to get this form filled in and posted.

I’m four hours in and still haven’t picked up a pen. I’m frustrated and stressed, I WANT to complete this, the results of me filling in this letter benefits me greatly, I have motivation, interest and urgency behind me. I’m in a room with no distractions or noise, I’m fed, rested, and I have a plan for what’s needed, and yet I can’t do it.

If anyone has any tips for overcoming demand avoidance and executive dysfunction joining forces I’m all ears

Use dopamine to your advantage

Do you like chocolate or sweets or fizzy drinks? Do you smoke? Something that makes your brain do what you want.

I would work on a reward system. So every x minutes or x pages (make it realistic) you get the treat. When I was in uni I would say every paragraph I get a cookie and then I'd walk around, do some star jumps or some dancing and sit back down. Do not scroll on your phone that will make it worse.
You get that back at the end.

 

[soph30]

Just watching a series on black owned businesses- it would be great if there was one for neurodiverse owned businesses or achievements! How many little Asperger’s kids aged ten, ostracised by their peers, would love to see what neurodiverse adults can achieve

 

[theeyeroller]

I have been reading this thread with interest as my cousin is convinced I have ADHD. At first I dismissed it as I thought she was just jumping on the latest “bandwagon” and I didn’t think I fit the profile. However, the more I look into it the more I’m reading things that resonate with me. I feel like I always have too many “tabs open” in my brain but thought this was just part of being an overthinker and a mum. I struggle to focus when there is too much background noise, I often feel overwhelmed and unsure where to start with a task (e.g. even when my kids come in from school I don’t know what to tackle first - the dirty shoes, homework, unpacking the bags etc, and even sorting out my washing stresses me out sometimes), I’m super clumsy and always breaking stuff/ falling over/ bumping into things, my cupboards are absolute chaos no matter how many times I tidy them out and swear I’ll keep them that way, I am totally all or nothing especially with my eating so my weight fluctuates drastically (which I only recently discovered can be a characteristic of ADHD), I’m terrible with money and totally spend impulsively, I talk nineteen to the dozen and I do have some sensory issues. However I don’t think I’m hyperactive. My husband just thinks I’m a bit quirky and highly strung . I just wondered what people’s thoughts were, I wouldn’t be bothered about getting a diagnosis but I would be keen for tips on how to manage it, especially regarding my weight and finances!

 

[shadowcat5]

So glad I found this thread. I was looking up Autism at the weekend for my daughter (4yo) and my first thought was it described me to a T, my next thought was my daughter is also showing some traits.

I asked at school if she is playing with other children and they said no she plays alone, when they encouraged her she would only play side by side and did not interact.

They asked me if we’d want them to keep encouraging her or just let her be and I honestly don’t know what is best for her. I think she must have spent a whole year at nursery playing by herself and nobody flagged it. Bit when at the park she will happily play with one friend. Noise can overwhelm her so I wonder if that is preventing her from playing with friends.

I’m so emotional at the minute about everything and I just feel useless. I want to start the diagnosis process before she learns to mask things, which I think she already does. School used to exhaust me from trying to conform (life does now tbh) I just don’t want her to have the same experience I had.

I’m no expert by any means but it could be that she 1. Doesn’t connect with anyone in her class and 2. Finds one on one interaction more fun and less intense.

1: She could not have the same interest as them. I was a little old woman as a kid lol. I liked reading and was obsessed with natural disaster. The girls in my class we’re not interested in either

2: Autistic girls tend to mimic their environment. Playing with a group could be too many personalities for her and she doesn’t know who she’s “supposed” to be. Managing one interaction is a lot easier.

 

[shadowcat5]

I've been listening to a really good podcast that some of you might interesting - It's called the testing psychologist. They do ones on ADHD too but for my fellow autistic people, there is an episode called 'TTP #119: Autism in Women and Girls w/ Dr Donna Henderson'. Aired may 2020. It is so insightful and I feel really understood. It's specifically about women and girls but it could be helpful for parents with autistic kids too.

There are some words and phrases that I disagree with but overall it's a great podcast

 

[Hollaaa]

What helped me a lot in an old job was having 15 minute prioritisation meetings with my line manager first thing on a Tuesday (Monday mornings too stressful!), it meant that expectations were clear on both sides and it helped with accurately estimating how long things would take.

A chat was followed up with an emailed bullet list (from her to me) and I'd send an updated version to let her know where I was with everything on the Friday, which then gave me Monday as a 'safety net' to finish off anything outstanding after recharging my batteries at the weekend and coming back to things fresh.

 

[soph30]

Why is ADHD such a buzzword? I think it’s because it’s the most socially accepted neurodivergence Try telling someone you have ADHD vs saying you have autism and watch their reaction

 

[soph30]

Yeah huge crossovers of traits. It's like a massive Venn diagram. Meltdowns can be part of ADHD. I find it all fascinating. I ended up studying for qualifications in autism and adolescent mental health conditions so I could be the best support possible for my children and I learnt so much. There's a book called 'Reweaving the Autistic Tapestry' which I found really interesting.

ADHD in particular seems quite prominent in the media these days but not in a good way. Progress and awareness of neurodiversity has definitely been made in the last couple of decades, especially in schools but I don't think people without experience (of whatever type) will ever understand properly. A diagnosis doesn't make everything magically wonderful and people don't all fit into the neat little boxes the media would try and have us believe.

Discrimination is real though. Anyone with autism/ADHD may appear awkward in an interview so won't get hired even though we have huge strengths once on the job

 

[Deeznutslol]

Hey all,
I’m diagnosed ADHD and having a very tough time thinking everyone hates me atm. First shift back after annual leave and just found the day so tough thinking I’m doing or saying the wrong thing. Just needed to vent somewhere

Hey, I’m the same. I expressed the exact same feeling on another thread on tattle called ‘women with adhd’ and they told me that this is called ‘rejection sensitive dysphoria’. Apparently a lot of women with ADHD also experience this.
I often have interactions with people which are totally normal, I walk away feeling fine and then a few hours later I end up replaying the interaction over and over in my head convincing myself that the other person must’ve thought that I was really weird and now hates me etc. (even though I know deep down that they obviously don’t). It’s absolutely horrid and I wish I could tell you a trick to make it go away, but I haven’t really found a way to fix it yet either 🥲!
Just know that you’re not alone in feeling like this and I honestly promise you’re not doing anything wrong and no one really hates you at all!

 

[YetAnotherObsessionx]

Another struggle I have and wondering if others do too,

Adjusting! Especially from weekend to weekday and back. Monday is a horrible day for me cause I am so overwhelmed and exhausted from having to quickly switch from free day to full routine day. I thrive in a routine so it's not that that's the issue. It's more that my brain can't keep up with the switch. I feel like I spend the weekend relaxing from my week, only to be launched back into the week again.

Yes! And when the weekend comes, I'm absolutely exhausted and want to spend all of it just not talking to anybody.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Here goes! Hoping some of you might be able to offer me some advice

I’m a manager of a small team, and my most recent hire hasn’t been as plain sailing as I’m used to. She’s recently been diagnosed about 3 months ago with ADHD in her early 20s.

She’s not picked the job up well in that she can’t retain information, doesn’t write things down or follow instruction and won’t ask questions (she told me she feels like she’s a pest if she asks as she knows she’s asked before). On my very limited knowledge and googling, I believe this could be her ADHD.

She’s a nice girl and I really want to make it work, but I’m at a bit of a loss of what to do. Is there anything I can put in place or change how I do things to make things easier for us both? I’m worried she’s going to end up leaving because she’s unhappy. I’m usually quite relaxed and leave my team to it, but I’m finding myself constantly checking over her work because when I don’t, nothing gets done, but this isn’t how I want to be and it can’t be nice for her either.

Thank you, and hopefully I don’t sound like an awful person. It’s all new to me and I want to do better!

You don't sound awful at all, the exact opposite innfact!

If she won't write things down herself, you could make prompt cards for her. So when she needs to learn a new task that she'll need to retain the steps to do again, she'll have it to refer to. I'd laminate them as well if possible so she they can be stored easily without getting wrecked and will be easily accessible. Maybe even provide them in a folder which she can build up.

You sound like a great manager! The fact that you've googled stuff is amazing and so supportive. Hopefully once she realises her diversity is supported and she isn't the pest she thinks she is, you'll be able to work together to find other solutions too.

 

[soph30]

Sorry for too much work-related content but these videos show the struggle


I knew I could find a great community with Tattle! Some of the faces on this thread I see interacting so well on other threads talking about their opinions, lives etc and it comforts me to see us articulating ourselves and living a full life that's not defined by neurodiversity

 

[Melian]

As a neurodiverse adult I’ve found that some of those SEN forums talk a lot of fearmongering nonsense anyway as of course it’s the neurotypical parents chatting about what they perceive rather than the neurodiverse individual. Not to say there’s not some positive communities!

I've been kicked out of Facebook groups supposedly aimed at both parents and adults with Autism for being an adult and not a parent.