The Depression Thread

[Professor Farnsworth]

I have the opposite problem now. After years of putting on a smile and spending all my time listening to my friends problems, whilst not once being asked how I was, I decided enough was enough and did a total clear out of friends I felt I was always contacting and initiating meet ups with, only to be ranted at or ear bended like I was Claire Raynor. Now I have no one to talk to. My real mates in Oz are so busy with their own lives I don’t want to bother them, so I spend all my time by myself.

My family absolutely suck too and the only person I see is my mum, because she guilts me into in (I’m seeing her today and really would rather not). I’m not actually that bothered about being alone because I have really bad trust issues and opening up to people would be too traumatic anyway, so when I go to the gym or online at work I’m Miss happy and jokey, which suits me because I can’t be miserable all the time anymore, it’s exhausting.

Ironically, before the pandemic I was meant to go to group counselling to try and open up more and learn to trust, but I moved and now I’m back to square one with a new therapist - starting this week. Which actually is a good thing because although I don’t really want to go over all my old issues, I think I probably need to because nothing has changed for me since 2019.

 

[Cocoflowers]

I'm not sure why im typing this or have the right to. But maybe im hiding it so well from my family and close friends but i haven't dealt with my break up my mum's divorce and my brothers depression ive had to deal with all that all in one in the last year. And all I've ever wanted was my ex to be there i cried out to his best friend his family for him to talk to me i haven't heard from him since I've put the phone done. Ive reached every month I've hid that very well from everyone

I sent this to him last night and he read it at 3am
[

he clearly doesn't care and should really learn my lesson

The thing is im sitting here crying my eyes thinking im not doing so well and i should go to the doctors to speak to someone because ive dealt with my mum and brother feels like i dont want to tell them but i struggle every day to they know i cry and bottle it up but what they don't know what i deal with my head maybe it was the wrong thread to reply in but ive just to remember im not alone

 

[rainbowlemon]

I'm not sure why im typing this or have the right to. But maybe im hiding it so well from my family and close friends but i haven't dealt with my break up my mum's divorce and my brothers depression ive had to deal with all that all in one in the last year. And all I've ever wanted was my ex to be there i cried out to his best friend his family for him to talk to me i haven't heard from him since I've put the phone done. Ive reached every month I've hid that very well from everyone

I sent this to him last night and he read it at 3am

Spoiler

View attachment 646909

Spoiler

he clearly doesn't care and should really learn my lesson

The thing is im sitting here crying my eyes thinking im not doing so well and i should go to the doctors to speak to someone because ive dealt with my mum and brother feels like i dont want to tell them but i struggle every day to they know i cry and bottle it up but what they don't know what i deal with my head maybe it was the wrong thread to reply in but ive just to remember im not alone

It's okay to post here. Break ups are super tough. How long were you together?

I hope you can be honest with your family. Sometimes there are no words but having someone else if they just sit there can help.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

I'm not sure why im typing this or have the right to. But maybe im hiding it so well from my family and close friends but i haven't dealt with my break up my mum's divorce and my brothers depression ive had to deal with all that all in one in the last year. And all I've ever wanted was my ex to be there i cried out to his best friend his family for him to talk to me i haven't heard from him since I've put the phone done. Ive reached every month I've hid that very well from everyone

I sent this to him last night and he read it at 3am
[View attachment 646909

he clearly doesn't care and should really learn my lesson

The thing is im sitting here crying my eyes thinking im not doing so well and i should go to the doctors to speak to someone because ive dealt with my mum and brother feels like i dont want to tell them but i struggle every day to they know i cry and bottle it up but what they don't know what i deal with my head maybe it was the wrong thread to reply in but ive just to remember im not alone

I’m so sorry lovely! You are definitely not alone. I hope you can get your family to listen to you and understand your struggles, and I’m always here if you need someone to talk to, too Sending you virtual hugs!

 

[Cocoflowers]

It's okay to post here. Break ups are super tough. How long were you together?

I hope you can be honest with your family. Sometimes there are no words but having someone else if they just sit there can help.

We was together from 2013 to 2016 then got back to 2018 to last year but ive known him since 2007 we've been best friend for years but he always seem to let me go and just ghost me but this is the time where i think he will never ever speak to me again.

The mental health team is coming over tomorrow to talk to my brother and i will be in the house at the time. I take st johns worts when im at work now i might start to take calms daily and see how i get on. I've been helping my family but they dont think im helping it feels like. X

I’m so sorry lovely! You are definitely not alone. I hope you can get your family to listen to you and understand your struggles, and I’m always here if you need someone to talk to, too Sending you virtual hugs!

Thank you lovely i know i see you on other threads im always here for you to talk to! Sending lots of love and hugs

I did curl my hair and put make up on for the first time in a month and took few selfies and i just wiped it all off and now sitting in my pjs

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

I'm not sure why im typing this or have the right to. But maybe im hiding it so well from my family and close friends but i haven't dealt with my break up my mum's divorce and my brothers depression ive had to deal with all that all in one in the last year. And all I've ever wanted was my ex to be there i cried out to his best friend his family for him to talk to me i haven't heard from him since I've put the phone done. Ive reached every month I've hid that very well from everyone

I sent this to him last night and he read it at 3am
[View attachment 646909

he clearly doesn't care and should really learn my lesson

The thing is im sitting here crying my eyes thinking im not doing so well and i should go to the doctors to speak to someone because ive dealt with my mum and brother feels like i dont want to tell them but i struggle every day to they know i cry and bottle it up but what they don't know what i deal with my head maybe it was the wrong thread to reply in but ive just to remember im not alone

When my father died, the first and only person I wanted to reach out to was my ex-husband. Even though I knew he had a new partner and a baby on the way. He’d shared all my adult life and my father adored him and vice versa. Luckily he was amazing and even held me up throughout the funeral, but if he hadn’t been I don’t think I could have coped. It’s perfectly natural to want to turn to your ex-partner who had been your best friend for so many years. I’m just sorry that he didn’t respond, but maybe in the end it’s for the best. Although it doesn’t seem that way right now, I know!

 

[isabellalovescats]

Hello all,
I restarted my meds again last night. Was knocked out for at least 12 hours. Still super drowsy. I’ll be back to read the posts I missed!

 

[rainbowlemon]

How do you guys deal with hopelessness?


I've spent a lot of today crying and searching on youtube. I feel like I've really sunk and I'm lower then I've been by far. My last session with my therapist was on friday and I needed him to give me hope, something to hold on to but he actually came out with my situation was hopeless and gave me a football analogy of it working out 25 years down the line.

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

How do you guys deal with hopelessness?


I've spent a lot of today crying and searching on youtube. I feel like I've really sunk and I'm lower then I've been by far. My last session with my therapist was on friday and I needed him to give me hope, something to hold on to but he actually came out with my situation was hopeless and gave me a football analogy of it working out 25 years down the line.

I know how it feels lovely, I’ve been there so many times and my best tip is to wait. I am sorry it’s so corny and trivial, but it’s the only technique that works for me. Just wait and see what happens, even if the prospects seem bleak. There are a lot of things you can’t change and have no influence on, but you can modify the way you look at them. It’s hard to give advice not knowing what the situation is, but if you are interested I can share some personal stories. Sometimes you just have to hit an all-time low in order to go up.

Please hang in there, I’m rooting for you! You are amazing

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

How do you guys deal with hopelessness?


I've spent a lot of today crying and searching on youtube. I feel like I've really sunk and I'm lower then I've been by far. My last session with my therapist was on friday and I needed him to give me hope, something to hold on to but he actually came out with my situation was hopeless and gave me a football analogy of it working out 25 years down the line.

He did what? What kind of therapist is that! Mine used to give me some proper tough love when I was really down and feeling negative.

Deal with each day as it comes I say. We spend all our time sad about the past and worried about the future, but really all we have is now. I deal with those dreaded days by telling myself it’s just one day and today I will mope and take it easy, but tomorrow I will get my a up and out and do something that lifts my mood. I’m pretty good at finding pleasure in the simple things because it’s how I coped during my breakdown. Write a list of things that give you pleasure, anything from setting a playlist and going for a walk or a long drive, to the getting your nails done or walking around the park and seeing what birds or flowers you can spot. It’s not a cure, but it sure makes you grateful to be alive for an hour!

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Write a list of things that give you pleasure, anything from setting a playlist and going for a walk or a long drive, to the getting your nails done or walking around the park and seeing what birds or flowers you can spot. It’s not a cure, but it sure makes you grateful to be alive for an hour!

Fantastic advice I totally second this. Do you have a hobby? I’ve taken up photography and while I’m by no means good, I enjoy taking pictures of mundane things and seeing myself improve. It can be very satisfying to slow down and just cherish the little things like a nice cup of tea, a cute dog on the street, a good book or a bubble bath.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Fantastic advice I totally second this. Do you have a hobby? I’ve taken up photography and while I’m by no means good, I enjoy taking pictures of mundane things and seeing myself improve. It can be very useful to slow down and just cherish the small things like a nice cup of tea, a cute dog on the street, a good book or a bubble bath.

That’s a lovely hobby. Kate Middleton started off taking pictures for fun and her’s are beautiful now. I’m really into my fitness so that keeps the head and heart pumping. But honestly just feeling the sun or rain on my face makes me smile. Oh and cute dogs, cats (who I always try and coax over for a stroke) and nothing beats a hot bath and some comedy clips on YT. Hopelessness can run your life if you try and thing too linear and long-term. That’s not a good idea for us!

 

[watermelon sugar]

Hi everyone, I've never posted on this thread before. I've suffered depression since I was a teen, I was diagnosed with BPD a few years back. I go on very big highs and major lows. Mainly lows. Especially when I've had a good day. I can laugh and laugh and laugh and still come home and feel empty inside. I feel so empty at the moment, like there is just nothing inside me. I just feel like lying down and crying. Idk why.

 

[Raininvain]

How do you guys deal with hopelessness?


I've spent a lot of today crying and searching on youtube. I feel like I've really sunk and I'm lower then I've been by far. My last session with my therapist was on friday and I needed him to give me hope, something to hold on to but he actually came out with my situation was hopeless and gave me a football analogy of it working out 25 years down the line.

Just take one day at a time and don't think about anything else. Also get a cat or a small pet if you can do, it gives you something to concentrate on other than problems etc. Also things will be back to normal in a couple of weeks or so, so plan some things to do for yourself etc.

 

[rainbowlemon]

He did what? What kind of therapist is that! Mine used to give me some proper tough love when I was really down and feeling negative.

Deal with each day as it comes I say. We spend all our time sad about the past and worried about the future, but really all we have is now. I deal with those dreaded days by telling myself it’s just one day and today I will mope and take it easy, but tomorrow I will get my a up and out and do something that lifts my mood. I’m pretty good at finding pleasure in the simple things because it’s how I coped during my breakdown. Write a list of things that give you pleasure, anything from setting a playlist and going for a walk or a long drive, to the getting your nails done or walking around the park and seeing what birds or flowers you can spot. It’s not a cure, but it sure makes you grateful to be alive for an hour!

Thank you both for the quick replies. The vague situation was about a final year retake exam i have in early september.

I just feel so exhausted and worn out by everything. I live alone and haven't been home in 11 months either . I've started getting anxiety attacks first thing in the morning too.

I've seen this therapist for 4 years. Had a 6 week break over christmas then stopped seeing him for 4.5 months until I was in crisis last week so had 4 sessions over two weeks.

I live in rented accomodation so wouldn't be allowed a pet, though I have wanted a cat of my own. I'd call him Frodo.

 

[Maid22]

I had a big spiral last week, did up my meds and really made myself go out for a long walk to try to clear, haven't felt 'right' for a few months, Im very reluctant to ring for a drs app, did try, but the receptionist was horrible, she should work for border control!! So I gave up, anyways today I cleared out a cupboard I haven't touched for years, got rid of soo many books, then found a box, it had soo memories in it, some good, alot bad, all went in a black bag, felt good at the time, but now I feel like crap.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

Thank you both for the quick replies. The vague situation was about a final year retake exam i have in early september.

I just feel so exhausted and worn out by everything. I live alone and haven't been home in 11 months either . I've started getting anxiety attacks first thing in the morning too.

I've seen this therapist for 4 years. Had a 6 week break over christmas then stopped seeing him for 4.5 months until I was in crisis last week so had 4 sessions over two weeks.

You sound really stressed and need a break. Can you get home at all for a visit?

 

[rainbowlemon]

Hi everyone, I've never posted on this thread before. I've suffered depression since I was a teen, I was diagnosed with BPD a few years back. I go on very big highs and major lows. Mainly lows. Especially when I've had a good day. I can laugh and laugh and laugh and still come home and feel empty inside. I feel so empty at the moment, like there is just nothing inside me. I just feel like lying down and crying. Idk why.

I think you've already got the answer BPD + the depression is exhausting.

Have you tried DBT? They also have workbooks on amazon where you can learn the skills on your own.

 

[Professor Farnsworth]

I had a big spiral last week, did up my meds and really made myself go out for a long walk to try to clear, haven't felt 'right' for a few months, Im very reluctant to ring for a drs app, did try, but the receptionist was horrible, she should work for border control!! So I gave up, anyways today I cleared out a cupboard I haven't touched for years, got rid of soo many books, then found a box, it had soo memories in it, some good, alot bad, all went in a black bag, felt good at the time, but now I feel like crap.

Can you book an appointment on line instead of phoning? Those receptionists are always arseholes, but in fairness they do get a lot of crap from people. If not, bite the bullet and try again. Usually I find killing them with kindness knocks them off their pedestal!

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Thank you both for the quick replies. The vague situation was about a final year retake exam i have in early september.

I just feel so exhausted and worn out by everything. I live alone and haven't been home in 11 months either . I've started getting anxiety attacks first thing in the morning too.

I've seen this therapist for 4 years. Had a 6 week break over christmas then stopped seeing him for 4.5 months until I was in crisis last week so had 4 sessions over two weeks.

I live in rented accomodation so wouldn't be allowed a pet, though I have wanted a cat of my own. I'd call him Frodo.

Goodness I feel you! I’m doing my masters now and I stress over it waaaay too much. I hate exams, they are devil’s creation! I know the situation might seem hopeless now but I am sure you can and you will pass this exam. Sending you hugs!

Hi everyone, I've never posted on this thread before. I've suffered depression since I was a teen, I was diagnosed with BPD a few years back. I go on very big highs and major lows. Mainly lows. Especially when I've had a good day. I can laugh and laugh and laugh and still come home and feel empty inside. I feel so empty at the moment, like there is just nothing inside me. I just feel like lying down and crying. Idk why.

Hi lovely and welcome to this thread Since you mentioned being diagnosed with BPD, I assume you have already consulted a specialist/therapist? Do you take any meds?

And while I don’t have BPD (haven’t been diagnosed would be more precise, I have a lot of symptoms), I feel like going through the highs and lows is the way a lot of us work, unfortunately. It‘s like a swing, really.
I also feel like this society with its social media is simply pressuring us to be happy all of the damn time when it’s just not possible.

I had a big spiral last week, did up my meds and really made myself go out for a long walk to try to clear, haven't felt 'right' for a few months, Im very reluctant to ring for a drs app, did try, but the receptionist was horrible, she should work for border control!! So I gave up, anyways today I cleared out a cupboard I haven't touched for years, got rid of soo many books, then found a box, it had soo memories in it, some good, alot bad, all went in a black bag, felt good at the time, but now I feel like crap.

I am so sorry, could you try again later when her shift is over? I hope you do manage to book your appointment ASAP!