The Chateau Diaries #79 Tales from the Lalande Crypts.

[Patriciarella]

I'm no building specialist, but there is one thing I know: you don't cover up stone walls with cement. The whole downstairs corridor and the wine cellar walls are covered in cement hence the humidity and water all over in that area. SJ, get the cement off and use lime render. Those stones need to breathe!
Up to now, I couldn't understand why her builder hadn't said anything about it. I know now! I wonder what his job was before he became the building specialist of english-owned chateaux.

Ian has a history with laying bad pipes: he did Potty’s bathroom wrong, not enough slope and redid job then hit 3 pipes while digging up to fix that.

 

[Ginginger]

The junk just never leaves… ever!

 

[Sami Lee]

Yes so much togetherness in fact he’s packed up amd moved in with his cousin …. To do what ?

To be the sensible, stalwart backstop if/when KABOOM...?

Please excuse me quoting my own post from 2 days ago!

But looking at the latest KABOOM situ@theshatoo - who was it that actually coolly and calmly sorted it all out? Rummaged around, getting up on a dodgy ladder, turfing out all the soggy shite under the shower, digging the insulation out of the plumbing and wiring mess, telling people what to do upstairs with water pressure etc, and making sure the ceiling was safe until they could get Ian in to fix it. Dan the gardener was his wingman.

Nati bobbed up in the beginning.
Steffie was the headless chicken.
Snorts totally disappeared.
Davy initially wanders about pontificating.
Headbag Nick elusive as ever.

After gawking at the soggy ceiling, ALL the co-owners could do (MP having bounced around like Tigger and distracted Steffie from the 'crisis'), was dive into the drink store and speculate on suitable beverages to accompany a 'crisis' (then did some bin bag filling).

Fekkin eejits.

If not for Amaury and Dan they would all have been wandering around headless, dazed for days.

(Call me an unreconstructed, unwoke woman, but I know men when I see them: Amaury and Dan , the only ones I'd give houseroom to...! And just think how they'd look in kilts....oooo!!!)

 

[oooLaLande]

Calm down folks, Dutch boyfriend translates to 25 year old friend who is a boy!

Don't you dare rain on this parade!
PhiPhi is the Lord of lalande, the king of Hedgehogs, the master of tassels, the queen of bi-boys, the connoisseur of all things china and napkin, the co-vignette maker... and the DUTCH BOYFRIEND!

 

[Clara Burnett]

This really wasn't worth so much drama.

Are you kidding? This was manna from heaven for SJ, who can now complain for weeks that the leakage has set them back and progress is halted, but not because of her or her terrible project management, obviously. She will twist everything in her favor soon enough, trust me.

 

[Marty McFly 9]

2 thoughts/questions that have been going through my precious little brain ....

How can Phiphi not feel his camel toe and aren't they uncomfortable? And why would those who claim to be his friend or love him not chat to him about them and how icky they are?

And Methrick ... he said he was going to do some daily vlogs, but now he hasn't (again), when he said that he said he can't do it longer than something like a week, or he burns out. Like, what? What does he actually do? He has no children, he has no job, he has no partner ... all he has to do is film and edit .... but he can't even do that. I feel like Billy is showing him that it is possible. If Biffy can do it with a partner, and 2 little kids and at least doing some upkeep and maintenance on the chateau, why can't Mikey? And then Dan ... partner, 2 little kids, 3-4 day a week job at the chateau, long trips with Amaury, renos on his own home ... and he still gets decent vlogs out daily. Why is Mikey so fragile? Why such a victim to life? He's got zero to do compared to these others. OR maybe it IS because he has no life he has nothing to vlog about ... yeah, I guess that makes sense .... but sheesh, this has been on my mind, so had to vent a bit.

 

[Pekey]

OMG .... the woman is driving me mad!
There she is in the kitchen talking in her wild crazy way about "cleaning the kitchen for winter" when NO one is there , scrubbing some thing with a old rag and I am screaming at her ... "What about those bloody cakes you are making?"
Oh the Butter Saga .... oh I bought such a big old wad of it - so fun - so crazy and then the sponsored egg thingy . Oh she was like a four year old about it and then....... while doing all that rubbish , Dan has two big bowls of chicken (I think) and he needs to "get on with it" but nooooo....... out comes parcels with foam heads in them!!!
I mean..... you could not make it up !

Sadly Squirrel Boy and his snorts are back too.

 

[Clara Burnett]

No, it’s not generous nor kind to give someone you don’t actually know expensive pieces of clothing or other valuable gifts. If it was anyone other than SJ on the receiving end, it would be called out as awkward and inappropriate at least and the gifts would be returned unopened and without any discussion. Because it’s sick and it enables an unnecessary and harmful sense of self entitlement, a manic self love we have been witnessing for months now and we all know will end in misery.
We can keep talking about who we like and don’t like in SJ’s entourage (I have my personal preferences too, obviously), but anyone who joins her on camera in that disgusting display of grossness should be reminded of their part in the damage it does and the missed opportunity of using their influence to stop the haggish spectacle. Poor Marie missed the Halloween party but couldn’t wait to join the charlataine in her pink hooker bed? Shame on her, I'd say. Big fat shame on her, even though she kept her son out of it this time. This time, because no doubt there will be a whole new episode soon where Antoine has to thank the world for all the gifts send to him, because he’s such a special kid. He’s not, actually, not for anybody outside his own family, who naturally love him for who he really is. It’s cruel to make him believe otherwise.

 

[MojoDublin]

I'm afraid Dan (and Annalise) can not walk out now at the stage they both are in their (financial) dependency on Lalande.

As someone here noticed, Dan even depends on Lalande and the Chatelaine for his vlogs : his best numbers are for the vlogs filmed at Lalande - or with Amaury (so... Lalande).

Sad and quite risky in a long term IMO.

I hear you …. Dan’s on a very different trajectory …

I’ll lay cash on the fact he’s smoke n mirrors 🪞 for SSB currently and all her holidays and quick jaunts away … he keeps the lalande in vlogs daily .. more than SSB can do

But Dan’s … own vlogs about himself and his renovations have more views than just the garden 🪴

He’ll survive without her …. He knows how to run a story line and complete

SSB needs PPL to give her narrative
…. Snorts is a non starter … Marie was a wet week … Nutti has 2 expressions … resting bitch face and pursed lips

SSB has only Dan and amarie for any off the cuff repartee… and they are good at it

What has SSB got other than she can talk about money and shopping
🪞🪞

 

[Marquis de Potpourri]

Who in their right mind would invite a guest cook to prepare supper for a massive Halloween party she's hosting and decide to clean up her kitchen at the same time as the cooking...complete with a copper-polishing Support Squirrel?

Having invited her socialite friend, Ms. Hoffman, I have a strong feeling that SJ felt embarrassed about the state of her kitchen!

 

[KiKiGee]

 

[MojoDublin]

A real Scrubbers … working at the chateau

Many many threads on how filthy the kitchen at the farmhouse is

And it’s scrapped clean … cos the lazy mare has been told by her accountant

Cook n clean for yourself in the winter

Patron money doesn't cover … your welfare



Evidence Nutti actually was IN the wash room
Seem amarie is another scrubber .. quick girls get in fast .. he’s a keeper

 

[oooLaLande]

Ok… I read all your posts and then saw the latest CD… and NOTHING… ABSOLUTELY NOTHING could’ve prepared me for the cringe fest that was that song! God almighty I feel awkward and I’m sitting alone in my living room!!

also, was that the elusive Nick’s voice we heard talking at around 6:34 going to get Marie?

 

[Le Comte de Monte Cristo]

I loved the party at Begmania, those places were desigined for parties...showing off..and having lotts of people around.. Lalande seems always so cramped.. Also liked the food better at Begmania...that chicken Dan was preparing...who knows where that bbq was stored..and how long it wasnt used or even cleaned...not to mention maybe a peacock had shit on it..always the same vegs in the oven...and again.that cheese thing with figscompote...yuk...and those cakes...no wonder there was no real party...when you had food fit for a builder... all so heavy and fat to party on... And cleaning a kitchen while you cook in it...they are completely mad..No way i would set one foot under that table to eat there...or even visit...

The party wasnt much fun...whats special having a party when you dress up , drink and party all days of the week...Their costumes didnt surprise me...she doesnt want to look ugly...she must be the beau of the ball....picking potties girls eyes out....same with snort...who wears a outfit like that for Halloween...

Whats the fascination potty has with that filthy substance stored way rotten in the kitchencupboard most of the time...mad..and attentionseeking...

Our Davy also has arrived...he clearly doesnt like to dress up....i wonder what plans for the garden she is gonna reveal the upcoming vlogs...and never gonna be completed...That pergola also left unfinished in the garden...

Teabeg is just a spoiled teenager,,,stuck in his teens...Mum and dad and the rest of the family take care of him..and all he does is being bored...and lazy..feeling sorry for himself..

 

[RGA]

I'm so confused & so VERY full of Halloween wine!! So maybe it's the wine talking tonight. I used to love Chat Diaries....now I'm watching, waiting for the train wreck, loving Tattle & yet; I have been a blogger/vlogger/professional musician using YouTube to make money & promote my brand & I know how crazy I became with the stress of trying to create content. Part of me wants to cut crazy woman some slack....the other part of me just wants to slap some sense into her. I did NOT understand the cleaning whilst party prepping lunacy but I also enjoyed today's vlog. What's WRONG with me!! I also thought Dan's vlog today was epic!!

 

[Gibson]

Thank you @MojoDublin, you do good work! And congrats to Father @Gibson for blessing us with a fantastic thread title.

You are most welcome my child. May the seasons of mists and mellow fruitfulness stay with you as we meander towards Michaelmas.

Many Thanks @MojoDublin for sorting out The Tattle threads.
Have sent a special present from the stable for our Beloved M.
Q

 

[HalcyonOrganic]

I want to thank the Academy of Performing Arts, Walmart, and everyone else who knows me.

Never would I have thought that I could reach VIP in that short time. But the hell I knew for sure I would reach it before Heathcliffe...


To show my gratitat.. graditu.. greatfullness, I have a song which summarizes the social life of a couple of chateau people this year.

 

[Hemerocallis]

Selmar latest' vlog !

He put his camera somewhere and left it recording during 20 minutes !

We can see the "crowd" (less guests than I thought) dancing and first of them : Ruth... Not sure she's aware that the world can see her dancing with M. Pott for more than 10 minutes at Lalande.

Oh and you can admire our Chatelaine dancing as well.

I tried to spot Marie and Nic (and Antoine) but no success. They were supposed to be at Lalande for Halloween if memory serves ?

And no trace of Support Squirrel either.......
But he was there
Polishing copper in the kitchen ?
Cleaning up kitchen ?
Playing with the other children with the playmobil ?
Replacing tripod for Dan ?
Seduced by the irresistible Tess Hoffman ?
Sent to bed by SJ ?

 

[MojoDublin]

The song is a piece of (unintended) comic genius ... Monty Python couldn't have done better ... literally had me falling off my chair laughing ... and the lyrics ... 'Natti, Nathalie a true beauty' ... 'Dan is a man with a drone in his hand' ... 'With his wicked sense of humour he can start his own rumours with a digger and a cool green van' ... one of the funniest songs I've ever heard, and the images ... an own goal, Stephanie?

You see that amuses me - it’s a slightly squeeed picture ….

Not just the chateau ppl read here
Apparently all the superfans as well
Latest figures on main page
We average 44 -47 thousand views a thread

Means - we’d have stabilised a paycheque from YouTube … if we were blogging

 

[Jeeves]

You must have got it at your retirement party!

22nd Oct
"If I escape Covid next week, it'll be a bloody miracle - I've been swamped with hugs from children."

I tempted fate! That will teach me.