The Chateau Diaries #42 Tattlers - Ingloriously Fabulous 15 Guilty As Charged - M15 Agents

[Espe]

Do you think we could arrange for one of the other chateaux owners to visit LaLande and go round filming it in Stephanie mode but not let her get a word in edgeways? Maybe Vivienne or Sarah (from Sarah & George) could do it; it would have to be someone confident who could dominate. I would love to see them describing all SJ's belongings. "We should point out that Stephanie has only been living here for 16 years and so has not had time to achieve very much in the way of renovation but she assures us that a lot of work is in progress at the moment." "We are now in the chatelaine's boudoir. This chandelier is an example of Murano's kitsch design phase and is unlike;y to be found in any other chateaux." "Now, let's look at some of Derek Jarvis's striking paintings which are just parfect against the de Gournay wallpaper. Now, in this one, we have a young blonde woman with bare breasts and bottom, she appears to be riding on the back of a sheep; she looks remarkably like ..(snorting from the cameraman)." Now, we are in the cellar of La Lande which, unlike many other chateaux cellars, appears to contain a lot of bats, rather than wine." "What a lovely chapel, we have seen some photographs showing that, nowadays, the chapel is used for parties and modelling purposes". "Lovely view out of the window to where there was once a lake; sadly it's not there any more but you can just glimpse a rather impressive camper van in the forest." "Now, we are up in the attic where there are rails of party costumes and here's a rather striking bright yellow polyester ball gown which was designed for the presenter of the Miss World TV show when the contest was held in South Africa." "The impressive gardens have embraced some new ideas such as growing pumpkins among the roses and tomatoes round the fountain which, interestingly also contains an inflatable pink flamingo." "What an interesting chateau, Stephanie, a really eclectic mixture of styles and taste, it's parfectly unique. Can we stay an extra night so we can go shopping in your famous brocante?"

 

[Le Comte de Monte Cristo]

looking at it all...not only Selmar but Fan Flash and the rest also, lost their interest in that farmhouse they like to call a chateau..When you own a place like that and you are proud of it, and want to take care of it...you stay home and work in your own place...something to be proud about..They all lost interest because they visited other chateaux who have so much more charm and possibilities..Lalande is an ancient fortified farmhouse..thats it..no grand entryhall, nor staircase, nor grand diningrooms or salons..and it lacks a lot of decoration..Its just a farmhouse..The land has gone, so it somehow lost its purpose..but you can still make something nice of it..when you see it in the context is was built, many ages ago..the old part i mean..You have to stick to the countrystyle..dont decorate it as it is a grand chateau..it isnt..The market you have to work with is the ecotourism...Its a nice place for that...its rural, has a lot of space where you must focus on the gardens..you must keep de rooms nice, and clean off course..all decorated in a countrystyle...Each chateau has his benefits..but you cannot change this farmhouse into a Versailles...my conclusion is... our Shitalaine just bought the wrong place for her desires and needs.. She is now using it to gain money..for another project in future...no doubt..she lost completely her interest in Lalande because she really wants a more posh place..but her patreons fell for lalande so she cannot quit and sell...for now...but i doubt if this place ever gets renovated...and seeing her efforts..maybe its better for the chateau if she doesnt..because she is ruining it completely....

 

[Seeingitasitis]

Just watched Selmar's latest. Why is he sawing off tree limbs up a precarious ladder? I thought the tree guy was going to do that? He looks really lost and not part of the chateau any more.

 

[Clara Burnett]

Remember when she bought the panneling for the not so grand salon? That was a major patreon goal, right? In her last vlog she opens the door to the barn where that junk is stored for the peacocks to take shelter and shit all over it. That‘s how big of a goal that is for her. No work done on the downstairs loo whatsoever in months. The only work that has been finished, the floor, is now used by a rooster to shit on. It’s literally turning into a shit show.

 

[Seeingitasitis]

May I just thank Dan, who is now my joint favourite with Kat, for the start to his video yesterday, where he let us know that the SJ hoarding thing was a real issue. I love his sense of humour, dry wit and overall decency. His vlogs are great. Keep up the good work Dan.

 

[ComtesseRose]

Promise : I won't watch his vlogs anymore !

After I stopped watching Life Of Ryan I regained my lost brain cells and rediscovered my passion for literature.

 

[Rory]

As I take it ..... that Julia bought a place that she has not seen but handed over the $$ as Squirrel Boy and SJ thought it a goodo buy ! ??

And Davey, don't forget Davey. None of them have any known qualifications or accreditations. I am very suss of Davey.

Imagine telling your american lawyer, banker, accountant, "oh yes I had 3 experts from you tube verify the asset for me"
1. A 24 year old allergy prone, ex member of a boyband from a small city in Netherlands who owns a desk and some cutlery
2. An introverted play mobil enthusiast who has just moved out of home who apparently knows gardens but never gardens or gets hands dirty, and
3. A wasteful, wanton, woman who has never worked yet part owns a chateau with a vermin, heating and cleanliness problem. She has looked at lots of books.

 

[NotAChatelaine]

Latest CD vlog :

1. The blue Bentley is registered in France. Dana works at the local employment agency and it's unlikely that her salary can afford a Bentley.

2. Basically, what was this vlog about ? Normal life (they eat, drink, dance, leave by car to go somewhere, work) filmed for a 30 minutes YT video.
What do the viewers learn ? Nothing. They just watch people living their life.

More and more boring.

3. The Canadians couple has (or is about) bought a chateau 2,5 hours away from Lalande (Have I understood properly ?)

4. Once again, they manage to leave late and to arrive late in the night at their hosts place. Awful manners.

Conclusion : These vlogs look more and more like a cross advertising for the whole ETTCDIY mafia !

Your point 4: there is absolutely no excuse to always arrive late. Not just "fashionably late" but HOURS late. It's the most frightfully bad manners. All the more so when you're going to stay with someone you don't even know. And then to sleep in until 11, Swanning downstairs to suit. Treating a private home as a hotel. Loads of things about Steohanie grate and irritate, but her lack of the most basic good manners really gets my goat. She's completely clueless.

 

[La Brocanteuse]

Unsurprisingly, Marie forgot to proofread her title page...

 

[Pno]

She must had some help..with her photoshopadventure....for sure...just looked at her succes stories interview with Fan Flash...interviewing isnt also her best skill...

Looking at the Succes stories interview our flowerkiller had with Fanny Flash...Fan mentioned her parents started off together in a caravan...then the grannyfarmbusiness began...That must have been very lucrative...I have the feeling they robbed a lot of those elderly off.. or ended up in their will....I would like to know more of this ..isnt nobody here who can shine some light on this?? Also the fact that some lady said she wanted to shot Mrs Jarvis in the bottom..makes me think that grannyfarm wasnt all about love , life and laughter...

This is why I found Tattle! How two nurses, one of which grew up with little means, be able to amass so much wealth seemingly overnight. And Daddy couldn’t have work round the clock and produced all that garbage art and take his little Princess auction shopping every five minutes. I think a lot of their initial antiques came from the Granny Farm and were quickly and conveniently whisked away to France. How one couple can go from owning no properties to a couple of nursing homes, a house in the UK, a house in SA, two flats in London and half a chateau is just unbelievable.

 

[Espe]

My thoughts exactly! Let's have another whatever day vlog where we la landers party in another chateau, with other chateau owners... its nice to see it once, twice but the third time the novelty wears off.

It's also extremely annoying that on every visit, SJ has to take with her, BJJ and on very many occasions, a whole entourage. The other guests present are couples who own a chateau together or individual single owners. It's so rude of SJ to take so many, then very often stay extra nights so that she can go shopping, and also to arrive in the middle of the night; have others pay for her and her companion's/s' meals out; take virtually nothing for the hosts; ignore their children; absent herself from some of the shared activities; drink a lot of their alcohol, and completely take over and dominate their house tours! Whatever Mummy and Daddy gave her, it didn't include good manners or grace!

 

[Milre]

My life is boring, it seems. I should party more often, too. So you all are invited to a tattler party. Please come dressed for the occasion. (which means according to your avatar, not as Lalanders) And I don't wanna hear it's too far away. What's the problem to fly over the Atlantic? You don't wanna miss this. But please no overstaying. And bring your own flowers and food please.
It would be great if some of you could cut my hedge btw. (that's what I would do normally this weekend) I can give you a tour of my 2009 house instead. (upstairs there's even parquet floors)
I will prepare some typical German food on my Ikea china, you will love it.

 

[Dippy Hippy]

She looks a tiny bit ridiculous in this selfie. Trying to copy her mistress and alone to take the photo.
But no surprise there. I've never believed in the nice girl role she keeps on playing for the vlogs.

I think she's taking the p***. Laughing at the vanity of the other women doing erotic poses. You can see the suppressed laugh. Cat is young and probably getting paid to work there for the summer, hoping to kick start her future career? through Youtube. She's got a sarcastic sense of humour, nothing "nice girl" about her. Shes mocking the other two

 

[Espe]

She probably gets a high off the purchase, the acquisition. Feels so good to pay with a powerful wallet.

After that, diminishing returns on the emotional reward. The Murano chandelier seems to deliver rewards for a little longer though.

That is so typical of an impulse control disorder. The moment of acquisition is when the thrill happens, it gradually diminishes with time. She is a classic example.

I agree that Dan is an undercover agent, particularly as he wrote "String" on the pot. He couldn't write the whole quote as that would definitely blow his cover! Mojo: he deserves an honour!

 

[Espe]

Sunshine, beautiful food, art, culture, history, gardens and laughter...What could be more wonderful than a day at Leonardo da Vinci’s Château du Clos Lucé with lovely friends? @stephanieejarvis @philipjanssen @chateauclosluce @chateau_du_clos_luce

People become "friends" very quickly in the chateaux world. It was only a matter of time before they engineered a visit to that chateau. Interestingly, Vivienne and her daughter would, no doubt, have paid for B & B & dinner at CLL but SJ and BJJ, probably invited themselves and would have been on a freebie and had much better accommodation and food, etc. She has to mention Leonardo as he had been in that area but you can hardly call it "Leonardo's chateau"! I just hope they did not let SJ dominate a tour of the chateau as they are more than capable of doing it themselves, and don't these hosts wonder why she's always accompanied by her surrogate son?!

Leonardo da Vinci must be turning in his grave!

He certainly would, especially if he saw Daddy's art!!

 

[Milre]

Happy Monday, fellow tattlers.
It was so cool to meet you all this weekend! I couldn't believe how many of you showed up and I didn't exspect all the lurkers to come, too! We were definitely more than 15, but I stopped counting when Mojo arrived... How come we never thought of her really being Dame Judy Dench? What an honor! Real royalty at my place! Steph would be so jealous.
Thanks for bringing all the flowers and thanks for taking them all with you again since I don't have such a huge compost.
The food was delicious, too, especially the Timtams and cheese! So sorry that I forgot to buy alcohol but this is not Lalande! At least we had some Guinness when Brenda Gibbons came and tried to crash the party. Mojo, you really should not give hitchhikers a ride!
But all was forgiven when my favourite guest Heathcliff arrived. You really look great in your surfing suit, but I must admit I was a bit mad that you brought your wife, too. It's true, she is hot but you never said, that she is a mix of Dana and Steph! At least you invited us all to your cabin in the Caribbean.
And finally, when we all thought it could not get any better Clara made a special appearance. Since you all signed the confidentiality agreement I can't disguise on tattle who she is, sorry! But I did wonder why she talked so long with Brenda?
Anyway, looking forward to seeing you all at Heathcliffe's

 

[Arfarf]

I can sort of understand that Selmar, up until now, was so seized by SJ’s attention he never bothered to read the memo on what happens when you ‘betray’ her by stating you are going to look for a shattoo of your own (Can you hear her thinking “What’s wrong with mine?” I can…). I mean, English was never his forte, so it’s reasonable to think a lot of what is said around him will not enter his rather practical brain, at least not to be processed enough to make any sense. By now however, even Selmar must admit the writing is quite clearly on the wall of his camper van. Apparently SJ is willing to go out of her way to help aspiring chateau owners, driving two and a half hours for a viewing for somebody she doesn’t even know (but who adores her, that helps) and provide free housing for another ex-volunteer that has dreams of becoming like her. She even lets the wife of the latter be part of her shit show, even though she has already caused a lot of unfortunate bad publicity on social media.

For her once faithful knight in shining armor Selmar, and his dream of having his own place with a ballroom to stumble around in as much as he wants (Whatever happened to those tango lessons? Nobody wants to anymore? Have more useful, pressing things to do?), she has done absolutely nothing, not even a hint of public endorsement of his plans. It took a storm and some broken branches for her to visit him in his new spot and show some interest in what he has been up to, not very genuine interest, I might add.
I can not imagine all of this doesn’t start to eat away at his feelings. Another indefinite departure on the horizon?

Yep. Selmar sees the writing on the wall. I think he has seen the true SJ but has nowhere else to park for free. I really don't think SJ gave a hoot about Selmar's camper getting hit by dead trees, she just wants him outta there. And he DOES need to move on. She feels he is no help to her anymore so she is washing her hands of him.
A true narc. Kat is useful to her, Marie cooks and pays rent? And BJJ is wiping her butt and having sex with her so she keeps them on a leash. For now.
Has Kat mentioned how long she is staying? I hope SJ is paying her. ALOT!!

Everything's imaginary, apart from the money ...

The "work" getting done is imaginary.

Why are the China Pantry floor tiles ( now probably covered in peacock poo AGAIN) STILL left out in the yard abandoned? WHY ARE THE PATEONS NOT COMPLAINING????
NO LAKE.
NO TERRACE RESTORATION COMPLETED
NO DOWNSTAIRS LOO
NO CHINA PANTRY
NO STUPID EXPERT TO LOOK AT THE "FLOOR/CEILING TREASURE FOUND IN THE ATTIC.
NO CHAPEL RESTORATION EVEN BEGUN!!
NO PANELING OR PEW INSTALLMENT
NO BOUDOIR COMPLETION
NO CHICKEN VILLAGE
NO ORCHARD TREES PLANTED?

WHAT THE F#@K ARE THE PATREONS GIVING $$$$ FOR?????

SARAH OR SNORTS OR KAT OR NUTTI OR BAGHEAD OR POTTY .....READ THIS AND RELAY TO THE MAD QUEEN WHO IS EATING HER CAKE AND EVERYBODY ELSE'S TOO!!!!!
SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT!! ( somebody be witty and turn that into a thread).

Phew!!!!

Oops forgot!
NO SHUTTER DOGS AND NO MONEY GOING TO CHARITY SINCE MARCH!
What have I left off???

 

[Espe]

I see it's breast day today, the legs are covered by a longer skirt! I spoke too soon. She has an exposed leg when she's on the stair lift as she has a long slit in her skirt!

I don't know why the owners of these chateaux bother to go round their homes with her. He can hardly get a sentence out before she gets in and takes over, getting over-excited and dominating everything with her loud voice. She has to describe all the paintings, etc, why not let him describe his own property? The owner, who knows all about the place that has been owned by his family for hundreds of years, might as well not be there, When he does manage to get a sentence in, he is much more interesting than she is. She is just awful. I don't think I could bear to watch one more of these chateau tours by her. The stupid "parfects", "I really love..", etc., etc., and all the unnecessary and inappropriate manic laughter. Then, BJJ laughing in the background and making the odd daft comment. Why keep mentioning LL and making comparisons; it's a totally different scenario. I bet everyone heaves a heavy sigh of relief when they leave. They have no manners, arriving so late at night, over-taking everything, and, no doubt, out-staying their welcome. She's definitely in a manic phase again.

 

[Jikki2]

Dear Marie!
WHAT THE F*CK IS A HEDGEGROW?

Hedgegrow is something you're greatful not to find in yout teats.

 

[Parrfect Porcelane]

It's confession time. I don't scroll through the comments often, but when I do, adding a thumbs down to this type of comment sparks joy in me.