The Chateau Diaries #286 Fanny has bigger bulges in her face than PhiPhi has in his trousers

[BlessingoftheHounds]

In other news, Fanny's Christmas tree is still up.

 

[Pyke]

The idea / rule that British home owners in France going be allowed to stay longer than 90 days every 180 days has been BLOCKED by French court.

 

[KyBourbon]

My mother has some waterlilies in her koi pond located at the end of a waterfall feature ( which aerates the water for the fish). The water in the pond does not move much on the surface. If you notice from the photo, the water lilies do not grow near the bottom of the waterfall in the moving/ stirring water. I do not see how delicate water lilies could survive in a water fountain.There is screening over the pond to keep herons from trying to eat the koi. The water lilies help somewhat hide the fish from potential predators along with a koi cage at the bottom of the pond that they can swim into to protect themselves. I think her pond is over 4 feet deep.

“Growing water lilies in moving water will only serve as a waste of time and efforts as they will never grow and flourish as well as they would in still water.”

Can Water Lilies Grow in Moving Water? | Water Garden Central

Last week I visited a beautiful water garden, where I saw lovely water plants such as iris, hyacinths and of course, water lilies. Having always…

watergardencentral.com

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If there was only someplace in France where Fanny and Snorts could observe water lilies in a beautiful, idyllic setting. Somewhere in France where they could learn, firsthand, how to grow and keep water lilies beautiful and thriving. If France only had someplace like that…just someplace…but where? How could Fanny or Snorts possibly grow water lilies when that kind of specialized knowledge just doesn’t exist in France…

 

[Le Baiseur]

FFS, the comforter and the wallpaper work together, the wallpaper and the headboard work together, the comforter and the headboard do NOT work together. At all. And the color of the bedside table is too sagey, it needs more gray, less mint. Didn't she get 'gifted' a bed by Vivienne that is a cherry color? I don't think it needed to be reupholstered, either. All this 'series' is doing for me is underscoring that they don't have an EYE. You can look at all of the design books in the world, you can train your eye, but if there isn't one to begin with.....like the ghastly green on the trim in that bathroom that they are FINALLY realizing they need to re-do. SMH.

but she's a Christie's "tastemaker"

 

[Luna20]

I watched the latest. Hairball going on and on in the end how they start something thinking it will take a few days and it snowballs (while it's obvious from the beginning that there are huge cracks and discolouring)

How many rooms did he do in 3 years
1) daddy's wallpaper room
2)marquis salon, painting the heart
3) bonne mama bathroom some wallpapering.
4)bonne mama ceiling whitening.

Ladies and gents, that's it. Even if the above snowballed from 1 week redecoration to 4 month redecoration, he'd still have 1 year and 8 months left to do something...anything. useless twat.

 

[bumbleblue]

But she does have a pond. Albeit a dry pond but, a pond nonetheless. And a boathouse.
---
Argh! Nothing gets my goat more than mispronunciation. It's fucking Dartmoor. Like Exmoor or Bodmin Moor. It is not the Dartsmoor. Jeez!
---
And she's fucking greatful. Again! Ffs MarIE keep up with tattle you will learn things. And it's grateful not greatful.

I don't want to "MarieFend" however can I just say (as another English as a foreign language speaker) she is speaking/writing in a foreign language. She's not a linguist. She hasn't spend decades in the UK or US. From the little I've seen her French is pretty decent. Her English is generally ok I find and certainly a lot better than my Norwegian. To be honest, her English is less annoying than Fannies French too, which as a French speaker is to me like listening to chalk on a blackboard.

 

[JackSpratt]

What in the world of tricot is she wearing? Yet another new purchase? For christ sake someone teach her how to pronounce French words.

The House of Horrors

It hasn't been that cold this year!!!!! WHAT THE ARSING FUCK! I told you all she's done her bit by putting the boiler in in and the gas tank. She never said she was going to use them, unbelievable! TIGHT ARSED BASTARDS!!

Only the mad fans are crazy enough to go there and their partners are not laughing with you, they're laughing at you.

Reports, reports, reports, reports, reports. Quotes, quotes, quotes, quotes, quotes. Words, words, words, words, words. Bla bla bla bla bla

Chapel restorers, here's the heads up for you.........run for the hills.

So basically Gerry was a billy no mates.

She's going to have more fridges than you can throw a stick at. Aumary, Aumary you'll be drawing your pension before any of this shite is completed.

Wallpaper, too boring to remember it's all meaningless chat anyway.

She couldn't give a toss about the chicken coop, seeing as they're all slowly getting picked off

Shutters, windows more trite. Balcony FFS!!!

MADAME, YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR!!!

Patrons wake the fuck up will you!

Off to Venice next, as you do. They revolt me.

PS - I decided to clean the oven first over the fear I might kick the doors off in anger...............I was wise to do so. I want to punch her lights out!

Someone gag that fucking oxygen thief.

PPS - Mr Spratt is sailing very close to the wind when he said, didn't I realise the happiness and joy she brings to her viewers.

Bon Dimanche mes chou chous

 

[JackSpratt]

If Fanny thinks she'll entice Pavlina back to the shitoo by redecorating that crumbling attic dorm room, there's not a chance in hell!
Pavlina, you've made your escape, so keep moving forward and don't look back!

She's never coming back, I wouldn't.

I can't see what was wrong with the room in the first place. Just repaint the white walls, looks so much better against the headboard. Why does everything have to be so overblown all the time.

All the decor is just chaotic, like her mind.

 

[Jules100]

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!!! Once she’s out of stars she’s going to move on to the fleur de lis and quatrefoils painted on the chapel walls! There’s almost as many of them as there are stars! That abandoned chapel is the grift that keeps on grifting!

I’m about out of my star adoption opportunities, my next idea is adopt a palm frond from my backyard tiki hut roof 🛖. I’ve got lots & lots of palm fronds.

 

[T Rex]

I did find some humorous bits in the latest vlog:

Apparently, Amaury and Herr Nutti were late to arrive to the Shitoo because they had to pack to stay there during Fanny's absence- allegedly to babysit Lancelot. Herr Nutti was carrying bread, and Amaury had what appeared to be Blue Apron or Hello Fresh (the recipe card was the giveaway.) I suppose they won't be indulging in Fanny's leftovers. I do hope Amaury gets soused and takes his "bigger blowtorch" to the kitchen Smeg.

Fanny and Snorts make it to Venice (while she is not on time for anything, she certainly had a fire under her bum to get to the airport in Paris with 3 hours to spare- probably so they could hit up the First-Class lounge for free food), and surprise! They are upgraded to a suite for their first night (because the hotel is allegedly restoring the headboard in her room... Sure Fanny, we believe you. ) Fanny and Snorts feel they are locals now, and go to dine at Snorts favourite restaurant. As they are walking there, Fanny remarks how much Snorts dislikes traveling, but only does so so he can be with her. Oh Fanny, you are slaying me!

At the restaurant, Snorts orders his basic bitch spaghetti for a first course and Fanny orders creamy polenta with shrimp and red onions. For the second course, Fanny has a spider crab gnocchi (her pronunciation of the word "gnocchi" is dreadful- good thing Babel is NOT today's sponsor!), and Snorts has vitello tonnato (which is veal in a tuna mayonnaise) covered in green beans. Which is ironic, as I thought Snorts was allergic to eggs...? Fanny gave him a hard time for eating a mayonnaise dish, to which Snorts responded, "It is not!" (but it is, dumbass!)

After dinner, Fanny remarks that they only drank HALF the bottle of wine (probably in addition to a full one drunk), and the restaurant kindly offered to keep the bottle for them or their next visit. Well played, sketchy ristorante! Fanny now has a hot chocolate, but our favourite lactose intolerant feral squirrel has a double scoop of gelato. Le fin. It's Shart Week in Venice.

 

[Patriciarella]

Big bags under Snorty's eyes. He must be burning the midnight hours reviewing the 150 lots going on sale at the upcoming Crown Auction at Bonham's in London.

So what idiot bought a fountain not knowing the size, color or birds.? Now they are having buyers remorse not liking the topper. Shopaholic high gone ey Snorty? They should have not spent Patron’s money & used the little fountain that was in the outbuilding stored with all the toilets.
Sorry Ruby, I think my new favorite is the man that just put Snorty in his place by shushing him. He would not have shushed any of the 3 owners. He could tell by your 1 weird curl that you don’t have money to pay his fees. The patrons have asked you to be quiet behind camera but you just have to ruin everything.

 

[Karma baby!]

Grammar Nazi here... and I use it on two occasions 1) on myself, because I like a flawless response. It just irks me if things aren't grammatically correct, and yes I'm irked at my own Tattle posts when I reread a post I made and discover an error... *le sigh* 2) when people come for me, but can't spell correctly. I remember once on a dating site a man writing me to have sex, I declined and he responded with something along the lines of "sex with dog is illegal". I (not so politely) corrected his grammar and told him; if he wanted to come for me he should come correct.

Both uses are not only allowed, but encouraged ma dahling
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I used to like Clara. The eye opener for me was that she didn't post about Mmakhotso's passing. She had been alluding to it, but I was like, you keep that hidden.
I must admit, I'm a bit more brash, so I would have spilled the beans and made Fanny cop to it earlier. However, given the reaction of her freaky fans, it probably wouldn't have done much. I stopped liking her after the meltdown.

For me it was her claim that she won’t say what happened to Danalise to “protect the children”(who can’t read!) but explained in details that she had seen Ollie giving a BJ to some dude at the shatto… So, damn Ollie’s teenage daughters I guess… not enough eye roll emojis in this world…

 

[Kickintheass]

Ratso is definitely not properly house trained as when they returned from Vienna PJ asked Amury if he had 'learnt from Molly', the answer was definitely NO.

Thanks for using my comment as this thread title, its a long time since I had the honour as a new VIP.

 

[Just Grift Wood]

Imagine how dumb you have to be to buy a hideous concrete pool on the cheap to then supposedly pay an architect and builders to try and make it look ok. Fanny the frugal is penny wise and pound stupid.

Fanny then wants us to believe she spent a whole day painting that cabinet which wasn't even sanded properly the finish is awful. Again they want to adorn it with more flowers so that is adds to the horror show. Fanny please learn about scale. Nina Campell would advise on this at her store.

Then we get on to dinner she is so lazy now Snorts the man with no cookery skills is plating up garbage for them to eat because they are both too lazy to cook anything with care. I imagine their breath stinks they eat no fresh veg and they have no fibre.

Fanny is already out of time for any meaningful renovation before her pathetic excuse for a season. We will see last minute curtain making. The Christmas decorations still festering. Unfinished pink bathroom and the unfinished blue bell abomination. So she is all out of time, out of style I just hope she is about to be out of luck.

There is definitely a lot of tension between her and the frazzled pube, very passive aggressive interactions and snappy with one another. It is definitely not sexual tension. Fanny is flirting up a storm with arseless Seb and dreams of being taken on her newly restored alter. She is so embarrassing she is desperate in every way. Natti is brilliant she is so over it and says so.

 

[graciemckitten]

conniebaldino1081
6 minutes ago
Hey Steph...thought you had painted before!? You are suppose to sand with the grain of the wood my dear

Vicky-fm5vx
53 minutes ago
Guys getting a bit bored of that wallpaper storyline


thedesken
1 hour ago

Wait a minute...I thought thought the digger was an all purpose too! It can do anything from digging trenches, moving rock and tree trunks to gently stirring your tea. What happened

pampamela636
1 hour ago
OMG. STEFANIE YOU SHOULD LEARN MORE HOW TO PAINT ,YOU NEED AFTER SAND TAKE TACKY CLOTH AND REMOVE THE DUST FROM SANDING THEN SECOND COAT AND FINISH WITH FLAT CLEAR TOPCOAT


@svg7335
2 hours ago
In America painting stores sell something called a tack cloth. It's "tacky" so it's used after sanding to make sure all the dust is removed before the next coat is applied. I hope you at least wiped it down after sanding
@Sharon-Me
1 hour ago
That will never happen, it takes too much effort


user-wt9kn5wo8z
3 hours ago
Can’t believe you paint and sand without any paper or plastic under that table!!
@iu.5146
1 hour ago
If she was cleaning her own house, she would put some plastic or a drop cloth down

 

[Lady Pinkadella]

What were the 2 renovation disasters? Thanks in advance!

Step and Phiphi

 

[JackSpratt]

@tuffiti you are quickly becoming a national treasure.

I need to clean the oven so I may have to watch this to get myself angry enough to get going. I could also imagine sticking her head in it at the same time.

Here's a good idea for some shitoo merch, PLUS it has a star on it win win.

 

[Le Baiseur]

 

[Le Baiseur]

I'm so happy Percy was feeling well enough to take Mummy on an outing.

 

[KitKat_theNewRat]

Natty and Amaury don't hold back anymore - Amaury's facial expressions say more than 1000 words. And Natty hit the nail on the head with her opinion about the nightstand "it's still ugly"... summed up perfectly.

After years of everyone enthusiastically approving of everything Steph does, it's honestly so refreshing and funny to see how little Natty and Cuz care anymore. Amaury rolls his eyes at literally everything Snorts says and doesn't take him seriously at all. And Natty's "It's still ugly though..." with this fake smile was hilarious.
I would love to be a fly on the wall when these two are alone together and discuss what they really think about the gruesome twosome.