The advice thread for random problems

[cotdotton]

This is a bit of a sticky subject but maybe somebody here has been through similar. I’m with my partner almost two years and we are very happy together. He had a small bit of weight on when I met him similar to most people but in the last 3-6 months he has put on a lot more weight I’d guess maybe 2 stone. We were away in April and he said he wanted to eat healthier and lose some weight. I cook healthy dinners for us and the house is stocked with fruit/salad and nutritious food. He goes home once a week for a night or two and I think this is where the damage is happening as there will be takeaways and a night or two out drinking. If he calls to his aunt next door there is cake and sweet things on offer.
His own mother commented to him today that he had put on a few inches so it’s not just me that has noticed as I’m sure he has himself. He is a very intelligent guy but when I counted my calories back in April and May as I wanted to lose 1/2 stone for our holidays, unless meals were laid out for him and prepared he didn’t have much interest in eating healthy but yet said he wanted to lose weight.
Any ideas on what I could do to help support him? I don’t want it to become a bigger problem for him and I’d like for him to take better care of himself.

 

[rainbowlemon]

Random question but my hubby and I are flying on Sunday and we've both got the new blue passports. Anyway my husband went to sign his and he's managed to put a big black smudge on it where he's signed. Does anyone reckon that could be a problem? Slightly freaking out ‍

I don’t think anyone has ever checked my signature. Fingers crossed it will be okay for you too.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

This is a bit of a sticky subject but maybe somebody here has been through similar. I’m with my partner almost two years and we are very happy together. He had a small bit of weight on when I met him similar to most people but in the last 3-6 months he has put on a lot more weight I’d guess maybe 2 stone. We were away in April and he said he wanted to eat healthier and lose some weight. I cook healthy dinners for us and the house is stocked with fruit/salad and nutritious food. He goes home once a week for a night or two and I think this is where the damage is happening as there will be takeaways and a night or two out drinking. If he calls to his aunt next door there is cake and sweet things on offer.
His own mother commented to him today that he had put on a few inches so it’s not just me that has noticed as I’m sure he has himself. He is a very intelligent guy but when I counted my calories back in April and May as I wanted to lose 1/2 stone for our holidays, unless meals were laid out for him and prepared he didn’t have much interest in eating healthy but yet said he wanted to lose weight.
Any ideas on what I could do to help support him? I don’t want it to become a bigger problem for him and I’d like for him to take better care of himself.

Does he do any exercise? one or two takeaways a week and a few drinks isn’t going to be the root cause of him putting on 2 stone in 6 months. Have you actually spoken to him about this and asked if everything else is ok? That’s a lot of weight to put on in a short space of time. Does he spend lots of time outside of the house - at work?

if you are concerned for him because of his health then try to discuss it but he’s an adult and if he’s putting on weight then there’s not a lot you can do other than that.

 

[rainbowlemon]

This is a bit of a sticky subject but maybe somebody here has been through similar. I’m with my partner almost two years and we are very happy together. He had a small bit of weight on when I met him similar to most people but in the last 3-6 months he has put on a lot more weight I’d guess maybe 2 stone. We were away in April and he said he wanted to eat healthier and lose some weight. I cook healthy dinners for us and the house is stocked with fruit/salad and nutritious food. He goes home once a week for a night or two and I think this is where the damage is happening as there will be takeaways and a night or two out drinking. If he calls to his aunt next door there is cake and sweet things on offer.
His own mother commented to him today that he had put on a few inches so it’s not just me that has noticed as I’m sure he has himself. He is a very intelligent guy but when I counted my calories back in April and May as I wanted to lose 1/2 stone for our holidays, unless meals were laid out for him and prepared he didn’t have much interest in eating healthy but yet said he wanted to lose weight.
Any ideas on what I could do to help support him? I don’t want it to become a bigger problem for him and I’d like for him to take better care of himself.

Go for walks/ bicycle rides together.

Encourage him to join a gym and or group club like hockey or football.

There’s also a website with an active supportive community called myfitnesspal.

There’s a few good youtubers he could watch too.

 

[cotdotton]

We go walking for around an hour four or five times a week. He works at a desk job but works weekends in the family business. I don’t think it’s his actual meals that are the problem. It’s more a combination of a number of things. His portion sizes are very big and often finishes mine if I don’t finish it. He might have four or five pints or more on a Friday and Saturday night and have a takeaway aswell. I made healthy granola bars and prepared fruit and salad for the fridge in April and while he ate them and seemed to enjoy them, the problem was when he went home everything went out the window.
I have no problem supporting him in any way I can as he has mentioned for a while he would like to lose weight but he needs to take ownership of the situation too and I’m unsure how to broach it with him without upsetting him.

 

[rainbowlemon]

So I’ve looked for a work relayed thread and can’t find one and I can’t create one. But I need some advice on the following issue!

I’ve worked for a marketing for several years and the current account manager has been there for just under a year.

She was reported for bullying by another colleague because she refused to give her any work and any work she did do she criticised and refused to use it and both her and our comms manager started to isolate her and make no effort to speak to her.

I sit next to the current account manager and saw a message she had sent to our studio manager saying ‘we are both s**t and know f**k all about what we do and that we are scared to answer the phones which isn’t true since she asks me to show her how to transfer calls several times. She also spends her times applying for jobs and shopping whilst moaning about everyone else. The environment has become highly toxic and b***chy the point I’m ready to leave.

I don’t know whether to bite the bullet and report her for what she’s been saying and what she does only a daily basis which isn’t work but then at the same time I don’t want to look like a tell tale to the other colleagues but it would be her second complaint within a few months.

The comments about you are unprofessional. I go with what your gut feeling is telling you to do.

We go walking for around an hour four or five times a week. He works at a desk job but works weekends in the family business. I don’t think it’s his actual meals that are the problem. It’s more a combination of a number of things. His portion sizes are very big and often finishes mine if I don’t finish it. He might have four or five pints or more on a Friday and Saturday night and have a takeaway aswell. I made healthy granola bars and prepared fruit and salad for the fridge in April and while he ate them and seemed to enjoy them, the problem was when he went home everything went out the window.
I have no problem supporting him in any way I can as he has mentioned for a while he would like to lose weight but he needs to take ownership of the situation too and I’m unsure how to broach it with him without upsetting him.

The truth may hurt but start with that you care about him and want to help support him.

——
Cat update: My cat was sunbathing. My brother noticed from the upstairs window that the other cat had come into our garden. I didn’t spray water on her just picked her up and put her back on the wall then watched her which might have creeped her out until she left back into her garden. I left. Less then 15 mins later she came back and I did the exact same thing.

So it feels like a small win. My cat got to stay outside until she wanted to come back in.

 

[JoeBloggs]

We go walking for around an hour four or five times a week. He works at a desk job but works weekends in the family business. I don’t think it’s his actual meals that are the problem. It’s more a combination of a number of things. His portion sizes are very big and often finishes mine if I don’t finish it. He might have four or five pints or more on a Friday and Saturday night and have a takeaway aswell. I made healthy granola bars and prepared fruit and salad for the fridge in April and while he ate them and seemed to enjoy them, the problem was when he went home everything went out the window.
I have no problem supporting him in any way I can as he has mentioned for a while he would like to lose weight but he needs to take ownership of the situation too and I’m unsure how to broach it with him without upsetting him.

I really don’t think a few pints and a takeaway once a week would cause him to gain 2 stone that quickly, especially if this is normal for his family.

Personally from experience I’ve found when other people try and help it makes it worse. He is the only one who can help himself so would just continue to be there, maybe suggest the gym and cook healthy.

 

[Kim Mild]

This is a bit of a sticky subject but maybe somebody here has been through similar. I’m with my partner almost two years and we are very happy together. He had a small bit of weight on when I met him similar to most people but in the last 3-6 months he has put on a lot more weight I’d guess maybe 2 stone. We were away in April and he said he wanted to eat healthier and lose some weight. I cook healthy dinners for us and the house is stocked with fruit/salad and nutritious food. He goes home once a week for a night or two and I think this is where the damage is happening as there will be takeaways and a night or two out drinking. If he calls to his aunt next door there is cake and sweet things on offer.
His own mother commented to him today that he had put on a few inches so it’s not just me that has noticed as I’m sure he has himself. He is a very intelligent guy but when I counted my calories back in April and May as I wanted to lose 1/2 stone for our holidays, unless meals were laid out for him and prepared he didn’t have much interest in eating healthy but yet said he wanted to lose weight.
Any ideas on what I could do to help support him? I don’t want it to become a bigger problem for him and I’d like for him to take better care of himself.

Has he definitely put weight on or is it water retention and being bloated which can make people appear large? .

Large portion sizes , even of healthy food can lead to weight gain , so when you can , give him smaller portions. Many drinks ( especially beer) can all add up , and can have as many calories as a meal , same with snacks so he could be taking in more calories than he needs.

Genetically, some adults hit an age when they are prone to gaining weight .

I speak for myself here when I say that someone needs to be motivated to lose weight for themselves.

 

[newaccount2022]

We go walking for around an hour four or five times a week. He works at a desk job but works weekends in the family business. I don’t think it’s his actual meals that are the problem. It’s more a combination of a number of things. His portion sizes are very big and often finishes mine if I don’t finish it. He might have four or five pints or more on a Friday and Saturday night and have a takeaway aswell. I made healthy granola bars and prepared fruit and salad for the fridge in April and while he ate them and seemed to enjoy them, the problem was when he went home everything went out the window.
I have no problem supporting him in any way I can as he has mentioned for a while he would like to lose weight but he needs to take ownership of the situation too and I’m unsure how to broach it with him without upsetting him.

has he really gained 2 stone in 6 months or is this an estimate/what he has said and he’s maybe confused? Was he thin before? That’s 28lbs, an average of 3.5lb gain per WEEK….???? For someone who’s out getting his steps 4-5 hrs a week that’s a big big gain. I would have pints and takeaways at the weekend too, with less exercise than that most weeks and I definitely don’t GAIN 3lbs in a week. Has he considered a medical issue?

 

[Snippysnips]

Does anyone know how you can check your credit rating where it won't affect it, I've heard from some that checking can make it worse

So I've had my credit card maybe around a year now, it's my first one an was incredibly hard to get being unemployed but obvs I needed to build credit as no credit is bad credit which is stupid imo

The one I got has a limit of £200 which is fine but I don't know how my credit score is doing, I've been spending little bits an then paying it off in one when the bill comes, I assume that helps the credit rating go up, or does it go up when am paying some off it each month?

 

[WilmaHun]

Does anyone know how you can check your credit rating where it won't affect it, I've heard from some that checking can make it worse

So I've had my credit card maybe around a year now, it's my first one an was incredibly hard to get being unemployed but obvs I needed to build credit as no credit is bad credit which is stupid imo

The one I got has a limit of £200 which is fine but I don't know how my credit score is doing, I've been spending little bits an then paying it off in one when the bill comes, I assume that helps the credit rating go up, or does it go up when am paying some off it each month?

Checking your credit rating only requires a soft search on your credit file and will not be detrimental to your score. It's the hard searches which happen when you make a credit application that impact it if you make too many or get declined.

 

[Snippysnips]

Checking your credit rating only requires a soft search on your credit file and will not be detrimental to your score. It's the hard searches which happen when you make a credit application that impact it if you make too many or get declined.

I usually get emails from clear score asking if I want to check, I assume those are fine then, am more just curious tbh about how it's doing as it was obvs bad at the beginning since I've never been able to build any credit before

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Does anyone know how you can check your credit rating where it won't affect it, I've heard from some that checking can make it worse

So I've had my credit card maybe around a year now, it's my first one an was incredibly hard to get being unemployed but obvs I needed to build credit as no credit is bad credit which is stupid imo

The one I got has a limit of £200 which is fine but I don't know how my credit score is doing, I've been spending little bits an then paying it off in one when the bill comes, I assume that helps the credit rating go up, or does it go up when am paying some off it each month?

No credit history = “bad” credit isn’t stupid at all. Infact it makes total logical sense. If you have no passed history of using credit then a potential lender has nothing to base the risk on when deciding wether or not to offer you credit.

Try using clear score. Before you do though, make sure you are named on the electoral role as that really effects what your score will be.

 

[xbxbx]

FRUIT FLIES I’ve got rid of all fruit, veg and any other food they could get to. I’ve tried the vinegar and soap trick but doesn’t seem to be working. Unless I’m not giving it long enough (a few hours). Any other advice? I’ve tried using fly spray too but either the one I have is no good or they’re immune. Is there anything that repels them that’s safe to spray on surfaces and maybe in the bin? I’m at my wits end with these little people.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

FRUIT FLIES I’ve got rid of all fruit, veg and any other food they could get to. I’ve tried the vinegar and soap trick but doesn’t seem to be working. Unless I’m not giving it long enough (a few hours). Any other advice? I’ve tried using fly spray too but either the one I have is no good or they’re immune. Is there anything that repels them that’s safe to spray on surfaces and maybe in the bin? I’m at my wits end with these little people.

Bleach. Rinse your bins out with bleach & boiling water, then drop of neat bleach in the bottom before you put a bag in. Wipe surfaces down with diluted bleach, neat bleach down your sink and overflows etc, wipe down fruit bowels/salad drawers and inside fridges etc.

Basically bleach the tit out of everything.

 

[xbxbx]

Bleach. Rinse your bins out with bleach & boiling water, then drop of neat bleach in the bottom before you put a bag in. Wipe surfaces down with diluted bleach, neat bleach down your sink and overflows etc, wipe down fruit bowels/salad drawers and inside fridges etc.

Basically bleach the tit out of everything.

Thank you!! I’ll give it a try right now

 

[Orphan_Black]

Thank you!! I’ll give it a try right now

Don't forget the sink and drains. They lay eggs in damp places. Rinse those pipes out baby!

 

[Fearne]

Hoping someone can help with an idea.
It's my brother in laws 40th in a few weeks. Literally so stuck on what to get him. He's into golf, but my husband and and him 'buy' each other a round for their birthday usually so isn't special. He's a football fan and used to play for years.

What's a good present?! Would be nice for something he could keep. I have no ideas

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Hoping someone can help with an idea.
It's my brother in laws 40th in a few weeks. Literally so stuck on what to get him. He's into golf, but my husband and and him 'buy' each other a round for their birthday usually so isn't special. He's a football fan and used to play for years.

What's a good present?! Would be nice for something he could keep. I have no ideas

Id look at something more experience centred rather than an actual gift you can wrap. A voucher for a meal out at a nice restaurant? Night away at a hotel? Tickets to a gig or to see a comedian or for the football? Day out somewhere random for fun like an escape room or paintballing? Or something more memorable like a sky dive, bungee jump, boat trip etc
Unless you know of something that he genuinely needs or wants I’d not bother trying to buy him an actual gift.

 

[Fearne]

Id look at something more experience centred rather than an actual gift you can wrap. A voucher for a meal out at a nice restaurant? Night away at a hotel? Tickets to a gig or to see a comedian or for the football? Day out somewhere random for fun like an escape room or paintballing? Or something more memorable like a sky dive, bungee jump, boat trip etc
Unless you know of something that he genuinely needs or wants I’d not bother trying to buy him an actual gift.

We are thinking of buying him a weekend ticket for Silverstone next year (cost will be split between 3 pf us) but maybe an additional present for the day.