The advice thread for random problems #7

[GoldSilver]

My friend is going away with his partner and needs someone to feed their rabbit. It's only one day I'd have to go but he lives 20 minutes away and is have to go before work. I've done it once before but don't want to get into the habit of doing so. He has a relative that lives a few minutes walk away who'd normally do it but this relative is nosey in the house so he doesn't want him to do it. I did say I'm working so don't really have the time. The first time the relative was away with them so I did it but I don't want to keep doing it if the relative is there to do it.
I'm just hoping if I don't reply for a few days then reply to say I'll do it he'll say don't worry he has asked the relative but if not I'll have to do it then

Are they a good friend? I’d do it to be honest, it’s not a big ask.

 

[OldTT]

Do you have a euronics near you? We have one in our tiny village (which is random, we have fuck all else) and they’ll send their helpful, cheerful people who will do pretty much anything for you.

 

[Serene Serena]

Just wondered what people would do about this....
A family memeber painted a nice picture for our first kid when they were born.
They are the sort of person that has an issue with everything. After a couple of issues the last few times we've met up at family gathering we don't talk anymore, a relief really after alot of unnecessary drama. One of the things they said was how my children's behaviour spoils their day. Both are neurodiverse, we have some challenges but nothing that I would say is massively out of the ordinary for any kids really.
I know they started a painting for my other kid but we've never been given it and I doubt we will now.
I don't know if I want to keep the first painting. It feels unfair on the second one and generally unfair on both of them to have it from someone who's been quite vocal about disliking us all. My husband says keep it because it's a nice painting but I don't know if my hearts in it.
What would you do in the same position?

Keep it in storage and let your child decide whether they want it or not when they are adult. Your relative might decide to give you the painting for the younger one in time.

 

[Darvos]

Just after people's opinions please. It's my dad's 70th next year, he's turning 69 soon so we haven't spoken much about his 70th. Usually we like to go away as a family for parents' bigger birthdays, city break pre grandchildren and caravan or lodge style holiday since grandchildren are on the scene. I've found out my brother has booked a holiday and it clashes with the weekend dad turns 70. My brother wants us to now celebrate my dad's birthday a weekend early, which is obviously annoying, but also doubly annoying as our dad's birthday falls on a Saturday next year, so we would have been away for his actual birthday which would have been perfect. So do I arrange my dad's birthday weekend away early to suit my brother, or do I stick with his actual birthday weekend which was always the plan although not set in stone?! If I arrange the weekend before his birthday, I'm going to have to arrange something on his birthday weekend too such as a meal out. Also, I had offered to pay for my parents portion of the accommodation as a gift, but my the weekend my brother wants to go is Bank Holiday and it's a lot more expensive.

I’d stick to your dad’s date. Having it on a Saturday is perfect, and I’m weirdly odd about celebrating birthdays before time.

 

[Carapop]

Ooh, thank you! I'll keep it as brief as possible, basically friend has met a Romanian online and this person has had endless medical disasters (amongst many other things including being 'kidnapped' that all result in him desperately needing money)

He's supposedly had huge medical bills (including £2500 for an ambulance in Bucharest!) and has done a runner 3 times from hospital as he doesn't have insurance. He's claiming he's been arrested and has been told he'll be going to prison for non payment. Please could you ask your friend if this sounds legit? I really don't think it is.. TIA

Oh no this is an absolute scam. Your friend needs to immediately cease all communication. I worked in fraud in banking for years. She must not send a penny. I’m so sorry for her as they’re so manipulative and she’s probably smitten. But it’s total fraud.

 

[bozlem3080]

If you have a number for the department a call regarding timescales might not be a bad thing. It sounds as though, understandably, you feel anxious waiting but also anxious about contacting, so what the hell! Here’s to good news for you, or at the very least some timescale clarity.

I've plucked up the courage to call the department, they haven't written up my notes yet, it will be 3 weeks on Thursday since I went (I didn't realise was that long) the person I spoke to has encouraged me to make a complaint as well regarding the whole appointment, I wasn't asked specific questions either which can be quite dangerous so hopefully they will get back to me about that to. Thank you

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Just wondered what people would do about this....
A family memeber painted a nice picture for our first kid when they were born.
They are the sort of person that has an issue with everything. After a couple of issues the last few times we've met up at family gathering we don't talk anymore, a relief really after alot of unnecessary drama. One of the things they said was how my children's behaviour spoils their day. Both are neurodiverse, we have some challenges but nothing that I would say is massively out of the ordinary for any kids really.
I know they started a painting for my other kid but we've never been given it and I doubt we will now.
I don't know if I want to keep the first painting. It feels unfair on the second one and generally unfair on both of them to have it from someone who's been quite vocal about disliking us all. My husband says keep it because it's a nice painting but I don't know if my hearts in it.
What would you do in the same position?

Perhaps just pop it in the attic?. Might be nice for them to show their children one day.

 

[littlepup]

I agree with above, don't say a word, it may lead to them thinking that because it's less work then they can start to slowly offload more work freely, just think of the benefits an keep quiet

Agree, if OP tells them they’ll start coming to them and expecting more.
“I did a bit of this in my previous role so I’m familiar” is as far as I’d go in terms of letting on.

 

[Serene Serena]

What’s the best thing to do with very worn, stained baby/ toddler clothes? They are in too bad condition to sell or give to a charity shop. Should I throw them away (which makes me feel bad but I don’t think I have any choice)?

If there’s a heritage steam railway near you, they need rags for lighting the locomotives. Info courtesy of my trainiac brother in law.

Alternatively, if you’re crafty at all, cut out the best bits and create a patchwork quilt or rag rug.

 

[Londonsays]

I would steer clear of anything with religious content. Just buy the baby a cute tableware set with his name on.

Thank you - it’s always hit and miss when you try and get something a bit unusual. We’ll stick with something cute and simple. Thanks again x

 

[LaBlonde]

Sorry my dyslexia bothered you, maybe if my school had cared AND helped me then my grammar wouldn't be so bad it's a struggle in life enough

don’t apologise - it was clear what you meant and isn’t a big deal anyway

 

[Former_Antelopee]

Had a nice day out and come back to my car parked on the road on the train station street and someone's key'd it. Luckily I don't care about my car. Would just make me want to park there again ngl to annoying whoever did it

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Has anyone had to replace the dish inside a slow cooker? An what did brand did you go for

The lining of our dish has started to peel off, obvs needs a replacement but I want to get one that's going to last much longer, will I be better going for a ceramic one?

I’ve never heard of it peeling before?!? I would get a ceramic one but it might be cheaper to buy a new slow cooker

 

[Serene Serena]

I would be seriously considering going low contact with your brother @Lynx
He sounds like an arrogant prick with very few morals or a conscience.
Does he actually add anything joyous to your life?

 

[T-time]

A few weeks ago I was approached by my manager to apply for a job. This job has been mentioned lots of times to me in the sense of “if XX gets XX job then it’ll be yours when she leaves”. Well the person in question has got a new job now and her job went out to ad. I applied on the back of my manager telling me to and she said my application was just perfect. She kept referring to the job as mine and “when you’re in here and doing it” etc etc.

Fast forward 2-3 weeks and it turns out the job went out externally and had almost 200 applicants. I’ve today received an email confirming I’ve been shortlisted for an interview and I’ve asked for help from my manager. She called me to explain how big the interest was in the job and I’ve got to really impress if I want this job. It’s 2 bands higher than I’m currently on (NHS) and that the majority of applicants are only 1 band below (although I do the majority of that banding work, as I’ve been covering a role, it’s just not officially my banding). She also mentioned how some of the external applicants have come from really high up jobs.

Naturally, I don’t feel confident at all now. I told myself not to get my hopes up but it’s inevitable. I absolutely despise the role I’m in now and outgrew it a long time ago. I just know I’ll be gutted if I don’t get it and don’t know where to go from here. I feel like I’ve had a carrot dangled for a long time, and I don’t know what to say to my manager if I don’t get it as I’m currently doing way and above my specified job role/band/pay.

I’m also nervous as hell in interviews and panic on the spot.

sorry - just needed a little rant and if anyone can give me interview advice it would be much welcomed.

You hate where you are now. Can you apply jobs outside of your current one?

If they wanted you on the spot, they would have offered it to you. These things will always go to someone "who has more experience" and they might throw in a "to bad, so sad, we love you but you are our second option".

Forget about getting your hopes up and start applying somewhere else. Your manager is taking you for granted and it's easier searching for a job while you still have one. Go.

And forget about not being confident. The only reason that you're not confident is because you put all your damn eggs in one basket, handed the basket over to someone else and make that and them responsible for your happiness. Time to put your eggs in multiple baskets and not let your work or outcome of an interview define who you are as a person. You're worth more than that.

 

[ReginaPhalange3]

She let's him off the lead and he's often way ahead of her so I guess he'd just pee on the sign! I had a word this morning, she said 'oh right', nothing more. She's passed twice glaring at the front with him on the lead so hopefully message received. I've put the lion poo down anyway if it deters anything its a bonus!

Someone near me has a sign on their drive saying "No dog fowling" and apart from the typo - I have chickens and I don't want dogs anywhere near them - it works. I would go for that option rather than expensive lion poo.

 

[littlepup]

We’ve been doing a home extension & I bought a lovely dining table from the charity shop & decided i wanted to sand the orangey varnish off and just have the lovely wood (with a top coat of matt wax). Anyway, I made a start on it (see photo) and then loads of stuff got in the way and it ended up neglected under a tarpaulin sheet for a month or so. In this time it’s somehow got wet and i now have a few water marks and small mould spots on the wood. Does anyone know how or *if* these can be removed? Annoyed at myself for starting and not finishing it in one go !! View attachment 3755390

Let it dry out and give it another sand, it depends how deep it goes. But be sure to wear a mask.

it literally is just telling people to "slim down for the party season" an focuses solely on that

I’d be f-ing outraged at that.
If you can switch it to focus on health and confidence I’d be ok with it but that message implies you need to look good/your best for the sake of other people (at parties) and that means being physically smaller. It’s an awful, outdated, misogynist message that no one wants to have reinforced for feel more pressure about. As if we don’t have enough to do this time of year too!

I’d go more down a “why wait for January to make resolutions? Stopping smoking or feeling healthier around food or exercise, whatever your goals, we can support you”
I wouldn’t mention weight loss directly in the heading information at all.

 

[T-time]

Your comment made me laugh. Don't worry, I am not a doormat. I have spoken with my dad, he doesn't want to celebrate another weekend, it's his birthday after all. And neither do I. I was just wondering what other people's opinions were.

I don't want to move it as it affects more people than just my brother and his wife. They can go away any time of the year, as their children are young adults. Plus it's not just a weekend, they have booked a whole two week trip, so the only viable other option would be the more expensive bank holiday weekend.

I knew something like this would happen, I'm convinced my brother is a narcissist for a multitude of reasons, but one reason in particular is he likes to cause disruption when its someone else's (in the immediate family) birthday, wedding, other special occasion, Christmas etc.

Here's some examples. So he will turn up late to birthday meals and keep everyone waiting, he will park somewhere that only has an hours parking and make a fuss that he needs to rush off through the whole meal, if he turns up early he has text me before and said there's no booking (busy day, big group, causing panic) turns out it's a lie, he will not RSVP to weddings or send menu choices, if it's afternoon tea and cocktails he will refuse to order and will just sit there making it awkward (he can afford it) , he will declare he's ordered and paid for a special birthday cake for a big birthday but turns up with no cake. He's previously agreed to coming away and splitting costs, let me book then denied it all leaving me to pay for it all. Christmas get together, announces he's broken down and is waiting to be towed, turns up an hour late in the car that was towed with no further explanation. You will invite him and his family on days out, casual lunches etc and he will say he will get back to you ( he doesn't), or he simply ignores you, he then either blames you for not reminding him, or declares you haven't invited him and that he is always left out. There's so many more (no wonder his first marriage didn't last).

He is exhausting and you can never win.

PS: He's not the golden child. He takes but doesn't give.

Sorry for the late response, life was a bit much. And I'm happy you're not a doormat. And everyone else was already giving you nice comments but sometimes nice doesn't open your eyes. And there was something about the ease that he suggested another, more inconvenient, weekend

Allthough I didn't know he could be a narcissist but your examples are a lot. My mum is the same. Everything needs to be about her too. Maybe that's why your post struck a chord. The way you described your thinking was so focused on him and not about yourself, birthdayman or what the rest wants. An everybody else matters too. But glad you've worked something out and hope you'll have a nice trip

 

[Snippysnips]

Question for you all? What have you bought that has enhanced or made your life easier? I have a budget of about €500 and want to buy myself something beneficial to me. I'm a busy working Mum of two autistic preteens. Life has been hard (think fighting for every little thing!) up until the last year of two but we seem to have come through it and finally we have a little extra cash for us.

Any sort of kitchen appliances that can help with meals, a really good slow cooker, air fryer, bread maker etc I'd be happy with

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I live in a studio flat (kitchen, bathroom and main living room with pull down bed)
I own this property, been here years and have lived in flats previously so very used to having people living above.
Tenant above (also studio flat) moved in about 5/6 months ago and has been a nightmare from day one, lots of banging and crashing, slamming doors, very loud conversations, washing machine on early which is loud when it's directly above and numerous occasions of screaming and swearing once waking me in the early hours.
I contacted her landlord in the first month and explained, he apologised and said he'd speak to the agent who in turn said they would spk to the tenant. He also gave me the agents contact details.
Nothing changed so I rang the agents who were lovely and said they would contact her again, I thought at that point there was more than one person living there, they said only one on the tenancy but technically they could add another if needed, it wasn't a major issue.
They spoke to her and she claimed to have no idea what noises I was complaining about but I hoped things would settle.
They got worse.
I rang agent again this time speaking to the actual person in charge of said tenant, she was rude, kept interrupting me, insisted it wasn't unreasonable behaviour to have a washing machine on at 7am and that I had to expect to hear noise. Told me to ring police if I didn't like the screaming and swearing.
I explained several times I was well aware that noise was to be expected as was very used to having people above as I've lived here over 20 years but this is by far the worst tenant.
She basically told me new regs coming in meant it was harder to evict someone without either the landlord paying loads of money through a court and the only way to do it is if she breaks the tenancy by doing something serious such as trying to sell the flat.
Roll on several weeks and the screaming and shouting got worse, every few days, all different times, once three times in one day.
Her boyfriend was regularly staying so general noise was worse too.
And then the parents arrived.
And haven't left after six weeks.
They are definitely sleeping/staying there but I don't know if it's permanent or a long holiday.
She goes out to work but they are in the flat most of the day, really loud calls, bellowing over what sounds like facetime, I can also hear the tinnyness of the person they are speaking too.
I believe they are all Filipino or similar so can't understand what they are saying but they are loud!
One morning they woke me at 4am laughing and talking loudly, crashing around in their kitchen, the same at 6am the following day.
I literally get no peace on my days off. They wake me early every morning so I've had to start going to bed earlier to make up for never getting a lie in or chance to catch up on sleep.
On the plus side since they arrived she hasn't had a screaming/swearing incident.
They go to bed reasonably early.
On the negative they are noisy constantly when home.
I never get to relax on my days off or enjoy not having to get up early for work.
I'm exhausted and on edge constantly, I don't enjoy my own home anymore.
They have bellowed conversations in person and on the phone.
Play music loud.
Have visitors several times a week.
The dad is a smoker and goes out numerous times letting the main door slam every single time.
What do I do?
Am I wasting my breath complaining as they have already said it's hard to evict and clearly the agent isn't on my side?
Do I say she's got her parents staying in the hope she's broken her tenancy but risk looking a twat if it turns out they are just having a long holiday?
Do I just contact the landlord rather than the agent in the hope he will be more proactive although realistically he will just pass the info to the agents anyway?
Do I wait a few more weeks and see if the parents leave?
These places are not designed for multiple occupants, it's a squeeze even for a couple let alone three adults and potentially four when the boyfriend is there.
Sorry for such a long post!
Just to add selling/moving out isn't an option for me at the moment sadly.

Have you directly spoken to them? Maybe you could invite the actual tenant to your flat to hear how loud the noises are. And explain that you can't sleep and if they could please try to be quiet from 23:00 - 7:00.
If this doesn't work I would phone the landlord and complain plus mention that her parents are living there now and if it carry's on you will have to conact the local council