The advice thread for random problems #7

[littlepup]

We’ve been doing a home extension & I bought a lovely dining table from the charity shop & decided i wanted to sand the orangey varnish off and just have the lovely wood (with a top coat of matt wax). Anyway, I made a start on it (see photo) and then loads of stuff got in the way and it ended up neglected under a tarpaulin sheet for a month or so. In this time it’s somehow got wet and i now have a few water marks and small mould spots on the wood. Does anyone know how or *if* these can be removed? Annoyed at myself for starting and not finishing it in one go !! View attachment 3755390

Let it dry out and give it another sand, it depends how deep it goes. But be sure to wear a mask.

it literally is just telling people to "slim down for the party season" an focuses solely on that

I’d be f-ing outraged at that.
If you can switch it to focus on health and confidence I’d be ok with it but that message implies you need to look good/your best for the sake of other people (at parties) and that means being physically smaller. It’s an awful, outdated, misogynist message that no one wants to have reinforced for feel more pressure about. As if we don’t have enough to do this time of year too!

I’d go more down a “why wait for January to make resolutions? Stopping smoking or feeling healthier around food or exercise, whatever your goals, we can support you”
I wouldn’t mention weight loss directly in the heading information at all.

 

[T-time]

Your comment made me laugh. Don't worry, I am not a doormat. I have spoken with my dad, he doesn't want to celebrate another weekend, it's his birthday after all. And neither do I. I was just wondering what other people's opinions were.

I don't want to move it as it affects more people than just my brother and his wife. They can go away any time of the year, as their children are young adults. Plus it's not just a weekend, they have booked a whole two week trip, so the only viable other option would be the more expensive bank holiday weekend.

I knew something like this would happen, I'm convinced my brother is a narcissist for a multitude of reasons, but one reason in particular is he likes to cause disruption when its someone else's (in the immediate family) birthday, wedding, other special occasion, Christmas etc.

Here's some examples. So he will turn up late to birthday meals and keep everyone waiting, he will park somewhere that only has an hours parking and make a fuss that he needs to rush off through the whole meal, if he turns up early he has text me before and said there's no booking (busy day, big group, causing panic) turns out it's a lie, he will not RSVP to weddings or send menu choices, if it's afternoon tea and cocktails he will refuse to order and will just sit there making it awkward (he can afford it) , he will declare he's ordered and paid for a special birthday cake for a big birthday but turns up with no cake. He's previously agreed to coming away and splitting costs, let me book then denied it all leaving me to pay for it all. Christmas get together, announces he's broken down and is waiting to be towed, turns up an hour late in the car that was towed with no further explanation. You will invite him and his family on days out, casual lunches etc and he will say he will get back to you ( he doesn't), or he simply ignores you, he then either blames you for not reminding him, or declares you haven't invited him and that he is always left out. There's so many more (no wonder his first marriage didn't last).

He is exhausting and you can never win.

PS: He's not the golden child. He takes but doesn't give.

Sorry for the late response, life was a bit much. And I'm happy you're not a doormat. And everyone else was already giving you nice comments but sometimes nice doesn't open your eyes. And there was something about the ease that he suggested another, more inconvenient, weekend

Allthough I didn't know he could be a narcissist but your examples are a lot. My mum is the same. Everything needs to be about her too. Maybe that's why your post struck a chord. The way you described your thinking was so focused on him and not about yourself, birthdayman or what the rest wants. An everybody else matters too. But glad you've worked something out and hope you'll have a nice trip

 

[Snippysnips]

Question for you all? What have you bought that has enhanced or made your life easier? I have a budget of about €500 and want to buy myself something beneficial to me. I'm a busy working Mum of two autistic preteens. Life has been hard (think fighting for every little thing!) up until the last year of two but we seem to have come through it and finally we have a little extra cash for us.

Any sort of kitchen appliances that can help with meals, a really good slow cooker, air fryer, bread maker etc I'd be happy with

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I live in a studio flat (kitchen, bathroom and main living room with pull down bed)
I own this property, been here years and have lived in flats previously so very used to having people living above.
Tenant above (also studio flat) moved in about 5/6 months ago and has been a nightmare from day one, lots of banging and crashing, slamming doors, very loud conversations, washing machine on early which is loud when it's directly above and numerous occasions of screaming and swearing once waking me in the early hours.
I contacted her landlord in the first month and explained, he apologised and said he'd speak to the agent who in turn said they would spk to the tenant. He also gave me the agents contact details.
Nothing changed so I rang the agents who were lovely and said they would contact her again, I thought at that point there was more than one person living there, they said only one on the tenancy but technically they could add another if needed, it wasn't a major issue.
They spoke to her and she claimed to have no idea what noises I was complaining about but I hoped things would settle.
They got worse.
I rang agent again this time speaking to the actual person in charge of said tenant, she was rude, kept interrupting me, insisted it wasn't unreasonable behaviour to have a washing machine on at 7am and that I had to expect to hear noise. Told me to ring police if I didn't like the screaming and swearing.
I explained several times I was well aware that noise was to be expected as was very used to having people above as I've lived here over 20 years but this is by far the worst tenant.
She basically told me new regs coming in meant it was harder to evict someone without either the landlord paying loads of money through a court and the only way to do it is if she breaks the tenancy by doing something serious such as trying to sell the flat.
Roll on several weeks and the screaming and shouting got worse, every few days, all different times, once three times in one day.
Her boyfriend was regularly staying so general noise was worse too.
And then the parents arrived.
And haven't left after six weeks.
They are definitely sleeping/staying there but I don't know if it's permanent or a long holiday.
She goes out to work but they are in the flat most of the day, really loud calls, bellowing over what sounds like facetime, I can also hear the tinnyness of the person they are speaking too.
I believe they are all Filipino or similar so can't understand what they are saying but they are loud!
One morning they woke me at 4am laughing and talking loudly, crashing around in their kitchen, the same at 6am the following day.
I literally get no peace on my days off. They wake me early every morning so I've had to start going to bed earlier to make up for never getting a lie in or chance to catch up on sleep.
On the plus side since they arrived she hasn't had a screaming/swearing incident.
They go to bed reasonably early.
On the negative they are noisy constantly when home.
I never get to relax on my days off or enjoy not having to get up early for work.
I'm exhausted and on edge constantly, I don't enjoy my own home anymore.
They have bellowed conversations in person and on the phone.
Play music loud.
Have visitors several times a week.
The dad is a smoker and goes out numerous times letting the main door slam every single time.
What do I do?
Am I wasting my breath complaining as they have already said it's hard to evict and clearly the agent isn't on my side?
Do I say she's got her parents staying in the hope she's broken her tenancy but risk looking a twat if it turns out they are just having a long holiday?
Do I just contact the landlord rather than the agent in the hope he will be more proactive although realistically he will just pass the info to the agents anyway?
Do I wait a few more weeks and see if the parents leave?
These places are not designed for multiple occupants, it's a squeeze even for a couple let alone three adults and potentially four when the boyfriend is there.
Sorry for such a long post!
Just to add selling/moving out isn't an option for me at the moment sadly.

Have you directly spoken to them? Maybe you could invite the actual tenant to your flat to hear how loud the noises are. And explain that you can't sleep and if they could please try to be quiet from 23:00 - 7:00.
If this doesn't work I would phone the landlord and complain plus mention that her parents are living there now and if it carry's on you will have to conact the local council

 

[ReginaPhalange3]

Be very careful handing keys out via social media. A sister of a friend lost her keys, someone found them and posted on Facebook. Well, some cretin said they were his and pinched them. Long story short, he was arrested as he had done this a few times, cloned the keys and/or stole the contents of the vehicles or sold the keys on. Stupid prick was using his own Facebook account. Always worth not posting them and asking for a description

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Id probably do something like book a holiday with it for both of you say I won some money booked us a trip and I've bought myself a handbag (or whatever you want to buy) to take away with me

That’s actually a great idea. And we’d have a bit if spending money without feeling guilty

 

[Bobbleowl90]

Tattlers, is this dress suitable for a wedding? We’ve been invited to the actual ceremony and it’s the week between christmas and new year. Everything in the shops is sparkly and I can’t find anything I love except for this one dress! I was however set on having a midi/maxi with it being winter. Is it acceptable?

 

[T-time]

It's not but I don't want to keep doing it in the future when her relative lives a few mins away, as in basically on the same street. I'd also be more happy to do it if I wasn't working and also have to walk my dog before and after work

Just say no. If you don't want to do it in the future, start now. They want a bunny, they have a bunny. Don't want people who snoop, either stay home or pay a pet sitter or pension. You know just as wel as everyone that if you say yes now, it won't be "yes as an exeption", it will be a "yes from now on"

Please don't give her wiggleroom by saying that you would love to if you didn't have work or your dog. That will eiter be seen as a barganing chip or she will ask you again on your weekend off. Just say no, unfortunately you can't

 

[JoeBloggs]

Just after people's opinions please. It's my dad's 70th next year, he's turning 69 soon so we haven't spoken much about his 70th. Usually we like to go away as a family for parents' bigger birthdays, city break pre grandchildren and caravan or lodge style holiday since grandchildren are on the scene. I've found out my brother has booked a holiday and it clashes with the weekend dad turns 70. My brother wants us to now celebrate my dad's birthday a weekend early, which is obviously annoying, but also doubly annoying as our dad's birthday falls on a Saturday next year, so we would have been away for his actual birthday which would have been perfect. So do I arrange my dad's birthday weekend away early to suit my brother, or do I stick with his actual birthday weekend which was always the plan although not set in stone?! If I arrange the weekend before his birthday, I'm going to have to arrange something on his birthday weekend too such as a meal out. Also, I had offered to pay for my parents portion of the accommodation as a gift, but my the weekend my brother wants to go is Bank Holiday and it's a lot more expensive.

My uncle did this for my grandma, we went ahead without him. He was well aware of the date and we refused to move it for him.

 

[Darvos]

Does anyone know of anything good to get rid of ants from the house? already sealed up lots of holes but they're still coming. Can't use anything toxic as i have pets. Honestly i feel so itchy and disgusting

I used Pestmatic Smart Spray Ants Away at entry points when I found more than a few trundling into the kitchen a couple of years ago. It got rid of the lot, and I don’t mind saying I was surprised. Our house sits on what basically becomes one huge ant nest conurbation as the weather warms up; I expect a tiny voting card through for their metro mayor elections any time now.

 

[Bobbleowl90]

Thanks everyone - dress has been ordered!

 

[JoeBloggs]

I also like AO or Marks Electrical.

I think when you order, they ask which floor it is on. I've had a tall freezer delivered to a first-floor flat before, no issue.

The best thing you can do is call and speak to someone, both are very good on the phone.

 

[boomska]

I’m not a gambler which is ironic as I’ve won £6,000 yesterday.
I don’t really want to tell anyone. Is it bad to keep it secret even from Mr Lolz? We don’t need the money so I’m thinking I can splurge it without feeling guilty. But if I tell him I’d feel obliged to be more sensible

Oo congrats! my gran used to be a gambler and she always said if you won a bit money, tell your partner but tell them less than what you got! For example, I would tell him I won £4K and keep £2K to myself so you can still treat yourself, and be sensible.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I seen those but it's apple only unfortunately

I would just get a cheap life360 tile tracker from amazon and test it out. If it doesn’t work you can return for a refund

 

[GoldSilver]

I would prefer to celebrate my birthday a week later if it meant that all my kids could be there. Ask the parents what they want, don’t try and influence things.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I was walking my dog this morning and two builders' vans were parked right across the pavement outside a house, blocking it entirely (and on double yellows to boot). I (politely) asked them to move but they said they were allowed to park there and they didn't have anywhere else to park (apart from the massive drive of the house where they're working). They said people could walk round the van or on the grass. I pointed out people shouldn't have to go in the road and that wheelchairs/pushchairs need extra space, whereupon the bloke said he was going to ignore me and called me a pig. I have told the non emergency police and asked for parking enforcement to go out but it's also been suggested I talk to the people whose house it is (they weren't in residence at the time). I don't mind being bolshy with ignorant construction workers, but I'm kind of dreading falling out with people I may have to see for the next few years. (I've no intention of being rude, but I also will not back down) Just a ramble really...

Don’t feel bad about it. I did the same then went and knocked on the neighbours door to say the workmen are ignorant and I’ve had words with them. In my case the neighbour apologised (which I was not expecting, just wanted him to kno what went on) and mentioned they were rude to his wife as well. He went outside and stood there watching them work for the rest of the day

In any case I would talk to neighbour and just politely say it’s causing you issues and you don’t want to moan about it bit can they please sort it out.

 

[chickhicks86]

Probably just made myself get food poisoning? I had made a egg mixture to cook into egg bites but had to put it in the fridge for 30minutes before cooking. I also had some egg mayo in the fridge for my tea. I thought I'll eat whilst I wait the 30mins. Ate then realised I ate the egg mixture instead of the egg mayo..

I'm sure you'll be fine! Presuming you're in the UK, our eggs are pretty safe for salmonella.

 

[Darvos]

How best to feed to the foxes that way?

Sorry, I thought the emphasis was on using the lamb bone, not specifically feeding it to the foxes. My error. No idea.

 

[Kim Mild]

Hi everybody, not sure where else to put this but random seems to fit. I have this general feeling that I am unable to tolerate life.....I am not suicidal, I am not depressed, I am anxious though. But this is more of a feeling that as soon as some kind of minor inconvenience comes along, like a change of appointment, or an extra task, or my daughters friends aren't free when I have tried to arrange a playdate, or my husband is upset with me or something, I go straight from regulated to completely unregulated and cannot cope with the feelings. I have always had this overarching feeling that I would be better off dead, not that I have or had any plans to take my life. Does any of this make sense?! I am just fed up with feeling like this and don't know why I do feel like this so I am kinda hoping someone recognises themselves in this and has already found the answer!

Depending on your age , it could be hormones too . Perimenopause can leave women struggling to cope . I second the chance you may be neurodivergent. I suppose the solution is to try coping mechanisms to make things easier for yourself how you are , rather than trying to cope in a way that doesn't work for you if that makes sense.

 

[Django]

I think that we may have a lot in common. Many decades ago I had a Saturday job with Oliver's Shoes in the Whitgift Centre. We often used to be sent off to pop shoes onto our 'shoe stretcher' then run downstairs to the staff room, put the kettle on and run the dustpan brush handle around the shoe.