The advice thread for random problems #7

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

Just after people's opinions please. It's my dad's 70th next year, he's turning 69 soon so we haven't spoken much about his 70th. Usually we like to go away as a family for parents' bigger birthdays, city break pre grandchildren and caravan or lodge style holiday since grandchildren are on the scene. I've found out my brother has booked a holiday and it clashes with the weekend dad turns 70. My brother wants us to now celebrate my dad's birthday a weekend early, which is obviously annoying, but also doubly annoying as our dad's birthday falls on a Saturday next year, so we would have been away for his actual birthday which would have been perfect. So do I arrange my dad's birthday weekend away early to suit my brother, or do I stick with his actual birthday weekend which was always the plan although not set in stone?! If I arrange the weekend before his birthday, I'm going to have to arrange something on his birthday weekend too such as a meal out. Also, I had offered to pay for my parents portion of the accommodation as a gift, but my the weekend my brother wants to go is Bank Holiday and it's a lot more expensive.

I think once you reach adult age we're all very aware that plans and responsibilities get in the way of celebrating things on the exact day. It's also more than a year in advance, and I don't think there's any real issue in celebrating a week early or late. I'd simply find cheaper accommodation, begin budgeting a little aside each month now, or trying for the weekend after your brother's holiday. Lots of options to go with.

 

[Darvos]

Fingers crossed for AO: they have always been great with us*, so are our company of choice now for anything involving removing the old one and installing the new, but our deliveries don’t involve stairs.

*I’ve mentioned somewhere here before about how my washing machine died on a Saturday and AO delivered and installed the new one and took the dead one away with all packaging before 8:30 on the Sunday morning. They were so quiet. I was in bed with a brew and Mr Darvos handled it. Living the dream

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

What’s the best thing to do with very worn, stained baby/ toddler clothes? They are in too bad condition to sell or give to a charity shop. Should I throw them away (which makes me feel bad but I don’t think I have any choice)?

Do you have a place locally that buys old clothes by weight? The one near us takes anything in any condition, apart from branded work uniforms. They sort out the good bits for re-sale, then the stuff that's no good is sent for recycling.
Our local food and clothing bank also collects the no good stuff, takes it to the weigh-in place, and uses the money to buy supplies.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I live in a studio flat (kitchen, bathroom and main living room with pull down bed)
I own this property, been here years and have lived in flats previously so very used to having people living above.
Tenant above (also studio flat) moved in about 5/6 months ago and has been a nightmare from day one, lots of banging and crashing, slamming doors, very loud conversations, washing machine on early which is loud when it's directly above and numerous occasions of screaming and swearing once waking me in the early hours.
I contacted her landlord in the first month and explained, he apologised and said he'd speak to the agent who in turn said they would spk to the tenant. He also gave me the agents contact details.
Nothing changed so I rang the agents who were lovely and said they would contact her again, I thought at that point there was more than one person living there, they said only one on the tenancy but technically they could add another if needed, it wasn't a major issue.
They spoke to her and she claimed to have no idea what noises I was complaining about but I hoped things would settle.
They got worse.
I rang agent again this time speaking to the actual person in charge of said tenant, she was rude, kept interrupting me, insisted it wasn't unreasonable behaviour to have a washing machine on at 7am and that I had to expect to hear noise. Told me to ring police if I didn't like the screaming and swearing.
I explained several times I was well aware that noise was to be expected as was very used to having people above as I've lived here over 20 years but this is by far the worst tenant.
She basically told me new regs coming in meant it was harder to evict someone without either the landlord paying loads of money through a court and the only way to do it is if she breaks the tenancy by doing something serious such as trying to sell the flat.
Roll on several weeks and the screaming and shouting got worse, every few days, all different times, once three times in one day.
Her boyfriend was regularly staying so general noise was worse too.
And then the parents arrived.
And haven't left after six weeks.
They are definitely sleeping/staying there but I don't know if it's permanent or a long holiday.
She goes out to work but they are in the flat most of the day, really loud calls, bellowing over what sounds like facetime, I can also hear the tinnyness of the person they are speaking too.
I believe they are all Filipino or similar so can't understand what they are saying but they are loud!
One morning they woke me at 4am laughing and talking loudly, crashing around in their kitchen, the same at 6am the following day.
I literally get no peace on my days off. They wake me early every morning so I've had to start going to bed earlier to make up for never getting a lie in or chance to catch up on sleep.
On the plus side since they arrived she hasn't had a screaming/swearing incident.
They go to bed reasonably early.
On the negative they are noisy constantly when home.
I never get to relax on my days off or enjoy not having to get up early for work.
I'm exhausted and on edge constantly, I don't enjoy my own home anymore.
They have bellowed conversations in person and on the phone.
Play music loud.
Have visitors several times a week.
The dad is a smoker and goes out numerous times letting the main door slam every single time.
What do I do?
Am I wasting my breath complaining as they have already said it's hard to evict and clearly the agent isn't on my side?
Do I say she's got her parents staying in the hope she's broken her tenancy but risk looking a twat if it turns out they are just having a long holiday?
Do I just contact the landlord rather than the agent in the hope he will be more proactive although realistically he will just pass the info to the agents anyway?
Do I wait a few more weeks and see if the parents leave?
These places are not designed for multiple occupants, it's a squeeze even for a couple let alone three adults and potentially four when the boyfriend is there.
Sorry for such a long post!
Just to add selling/moving out isn't an option for me at the moment sadly.

The other thing I forgot to mention is that they will be concerned if you contact the council. It’s against the law for that many people to live in a small flat that they rent. I complained to the council about my landlord when I was 20 because he kept bringing new people to live in the property even though there weren’t room for them. They take it very seriously

 

[Serene Serena]

I’m gonna try really hard not to doxx myself here…

Someone I know has been joking to a group of us about some wildlife cruelty they recently did. So cruel it ended the animal’s life. They seemed to think we’d all laugh and joke with them about it but very quickly started changing the story to say “for legal reasons” xyz happened and now they’re trying to say they were joking and it never happened after all. The thing is, they gave so many details that there’s no chance it didn’t happen.

Should I report it to the police? I want to remain anonymous so the animal welfare contact is not an option. I’m aware that a fine can be involved but also a prison sentence. I don’t think this person should get away with what they’ve done but I think the guilt of a potential prison sentence would weigh heavily on me.

Please report it. You can do it online and remain anonymous. People who harm animals should be punished. Don’t feel guilty for being a decent human being.

 

[Candytuft]

Going to try ao.com. There is a contact number to speak to someone ! ( faints)

 

[chickhicks86]

Going to try ao.com. There is a contact number to speak to someone ! ( faints)

If you have a Google of "do AO deliver upstairs", there are quite a few Reddit posts with people discussing that they do. Always worth a phone call to reassure you though. Alternatively, maybe a local, non-chain company where you could visit the showroom in person?

 

[I_C bread ppl]

Anyone suffer with chronic uticaria? The doctors just tell me to take an anti histamine but it’s been going on for a long time and if I don’t take the one anti histamine tablet every 24hrs my skin breaks out in hives and I cannot do anything. I’m just concerned there’s a deeper issue like auto immune illness or something. I also have stomach/gut problems when my skin tingles and the hives come on. Don’t really know what to suggest to my doctor.

I had Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria (CIU) for 6 years, looking back now it was likely caused by a virus my son had at the time. I saw a dermatologist and an immunologist. I was put on 4 x Anti Histamines dose for weeks to ‘flush it out’ didn’t work. Had to take an anti-histamine everyday, as soon as AH wears off broke out it hives. They appeared as raised lines as if an invisible cat attacked me and they were so itchy they stung. Very distracting when driving. Immunologist said my histamine response was faulty and they activated at anything. Which is why it is called Idiopathic.

Anyhow here is the crazy part. I no longer get CIU or any hives at all. It all started when I had my first covid shot (pfizer) I noticed I only needed an AH every other day. After my second pfizer shot I only needed to take an AH every 3-4 days. My third shot I reduced taking an AH to once or twice a month, and after my 4th and final shot I was only needing AH a few times a year!!! I now no longer get hives. I would love to know if any other CIU sufferers also had the same experience.

I wonder because mine was activated by a virus it was killed by the covid vax. I have heard that it can come on in pregnancy because of hormones. So there are probably other ways it was activated too, food allergy etc..

You asked if it was auto immune and yes it is, apparently a lot of sufferers also have Thyriod issues, hashimoto, I don’t but it is in my family.

 

[cowtastrophe]

I’m gonna try really hard not to doxx myself here…

Someone I know has been joking to a group of us about some wildlife cruelty they recently did. So cruel it ended the animal’s life. They seemed to think we’d all laugh and joke with them about it but very quickly started changing the story to say “for legal reasons” xyz happened and now they’re trying to say they were joking and it never happened after all. The thing is, they gave so many details that there’s no chance it didn’t happen.

Should I report it to the police? I want to remain anonymous so the animal welfare contact is not an option. I’m aware that a fine can be involved but also a prison sentence. I don’t think this person should get away with what they’ve done but I think the guilt of a potential prison sentence would weigh heavily on me.

100% report it. People who are cruel to animals don’t deserve your pity.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Hello everyone. My fridge freezer has broken down. It's ancient and honestly doesn't owe me a penny. So, I need to replace it.
The trouble is, my kitchen is upstairs.It's a converted cottage and my bedroom is downstairs. Living room and kitchenette upstairs.
I will need to order online because I've had back problems and struggle with pain and mobility.
Does anyone know of a firm - like John Lewis for example who will carry it upstairs for me and remove / dispose of the old one ?
I'm really stressing about it. Anxiety is a bitch.
Thank you

I like AO.com - they will deliver and dispose

 

[ReginaPhalange3]

Congratulations! There is no feeling quite like the first time you close the front door, youre home alone and you just look around amazed you have so much space and privacy!

The advice I received:

The first shop is surprisingly expensive (it really is!) So try and put money aside so that you can enjoy it and not worry adding up each thing as you go.
Take your time to find your style. There is no rush to decorate and purchase furniture. I didnt listen to this and ended up with a crazy expensive sofa, ugly table and chairs, gordie bed, huge sideboard, shit garden furniture and the wrong coloured carpets all of which I hated. I ordered the majority before I moved in 🫠 it was all changed within 18 months!
People will offer you so much and whilst its incredibly kind, do not accept unless you want/need it and will use it. I cannot tell you how much I was given that ended up in the way in the shed or spare room. It is not impolite to say thank you but no thank you. I swear sometimes people do it to rid themselves of clutter
And finally, enjoy yourself. It can be incredibly overwhelming at times, especially the solicitors, searches, mortgage sorting etc so once you get those keys, order a pizza, sit on your deck chair and be proud of yourself! (The best days are the days youre waiting on deliveries and sat on deck chairs in the living room )

Not really a problem but I’ve just had my offer accepted for my first home I’ve lived with my mum all my life so I’m naturally feeling really daunted and anxious at the moment. Any advice or encouraging words? Also the hugeness of it all has totally turned my tummy which isn’t helping! Any anxious tummy sufferer advice appreciated!

 

[avabella]

I'm not planing on making it a big deal with school but I'd i like opinions as it feels off,
My 5 year old swallowed a coin at school school (it happens no fault of school)
They rang me saying she was sick come pick her up (they didnt know at this point)
I turned up and they said she's just admitted to swallowing a coin.
We were quickly ushered off the site, I had to find my own way to the hospital. Which is fine I did, but surely she was under their care so surely yes have a parent attend but for their own back make sure the child attends a&e

What do you mean find your own way? You could have called an ambulance? I'm not sure if you expected members of staff to take her, despite you already turning up? Parental responsibility is just that. I hope she's ok, but the school did everything correctly here.

 

[Ray1403]

Maybe have a word with Dad and see how he feels about it. He may not want the faff and be ok to wait until after/before Xmas?
Can he do FaceTime? Perhaps you could send him in a meal and FaceTime together or some other compromise? Maybe find a service that will collect him and take him to a group meal?

trust me that won’t work, i got the guilt trip of a lifetime last year when i said we were spending christmas with my OH’s side

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I ordered some shoes on different colours as wasn't sure which I wanted. Sent 2 of 3 pairs back but had an issue with the refund taking a while. Emailed them and they've issued the refund now but I think they've refunded for all 3 pairs do I let them know or just ignore it? They've also sent it in USD not GBP which I found strange but whatever

Don’t tell them. I don’t feel sorry for companies that can’t do their jobs properly. Just think how many people they “steal” from by never refunding

 

[Miss Pepperpot]

I live in a studio flat (kitchen, bathroom and main living room with pull down bed)
I own this property, been here years and have lived in flats previously so very used to having people living above.
Tenant above (also studio flat) moved in about 5/6 months ago and has been a nightmare from day one, lots of banging and crashing, slamming doors, very loud conversations, washing machine on early which is loud when it's directly above and numerous occasions of screaming and swearing once waking me in the early hours.
I contacted her landlord in the first month and explained, he apologised and said he'd speak to the agent who in turn said they would spk to the tenant. He also gave me the agents contact details.
Nothing changed so I rang the agents who were lovely and said they would contact her again, I thought at that point there was more than one person living there, they said only one on the tenancy but technically they could add another if needed, it wasn't a major issue.
They spoke to her and she claimed to have no idea what noises I was complaining about but I hoped things would settle.
They got worse.
I rang agent again this time speaking to the actual person in charge of said tenant, she was rude, kept interrupting me, insisted it wasn't unreasonable behaviour to have a washing machine on at 7am and that I had to expect to hear noise. Told me to ring police if I didn't like the screaming and swearing.
I explained several times I was well aware that noise was to be expected as was very used to having people above as I've lived here over 20 years but this is by far the worst tenant.
She basically told me new regs coming in meant it was harder to evict someone without either the landlord paying loads of money through a court and the only way to do it is if she breaks the tenancy by doing something serious such as trying to sell the flat.
Roll on several weeks and the screaming and shouting got worse, every few days, all different times, once three times in one day.
Her boyfriend was regularly staying so general noise was worse too.
And then the parents arrived.
And haven't left after six weeks.
They are definitely sleeping/staying there but I don't know if it's permanent or a long holiday.
She goes out to work but they are in the flat most of the day, really loud calls, bellowing over what sounds like facetime, I can also hear the tinnyness of the person they are speaking too.
I believe they are all Filipino or similar so can't understand what they are saying but they are loud!
One morning they woke me at 4am laughing and talking loudly, crashing around in their kitchen, the same at 6am the following day.
I literally get no peace on my days off. They wake me early every morning so I've had to start going to bed earlier to make up for never getting a lie in or chance to catch up on sleep.
On the plus side since they arrived she hasn't had a screaming/swearing incident.
They go to bed reasonably early.
On the negative they are noisy constantly when home.
I never get to relax on my days off or enjoy not having to get up early for work.
I'm exhausted and on edge constantly, I don't enjoy my own home anymore.
They have bellowed conversations in person and on the phone.
Play music loud.
Have visitors several times a week.
The dad is a smoker and goes out numerous times letting the main door slam every single time.
What do I do?
Am I wasting my breath complaining as they have already said it's hard to evict and clearly the agent isn't on my side?
Do I say she's got her parents staying in the hope she's broken her tenancy but risk looking a twat if it turns out they are just having a long holiday?
Do I just contact the landlord rather than the agent in the hope he will be more proactive although realistically he will just pass the info to the agents anyway?
Do I wait a few more weeks and see if the parents leave?
These places are not designed for multiple occupants, it's a squeeze even for a couple let alone three adults and potentially four when the boyfriend is there.
Sorry for such a long post!
Just to add selling/moving out isn't an option for me at the moment sadly.

 

[Former_Antelopee]

Put a sign up saying you are using weed killers poisonous to dogs so keep dogs away

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I’m really unsure about what Christmas card to send to my father from my 10 month old daughter. I’ve sent him dad cards from me and hubby for Father’s Day and his birthday and grandad ones from my daughter. His response to the last grandad card was “not sure about being a grandad”… It’s a long story but he’s only met her once and doesn’t have a relationship with her. His wife - who I used to call mum but I have reverted back to calling her my stepmum - is really bitter that I’ve had a baby and she hasn’t (there’s 25 years difference between them) and both my parents had a horrible reaction to my pregnancy announcement. My dad has lost his spine when it comes to his wife it seems.

Anyway, back to the cards… do I just send him one saying grandad from my daughter and a parents one to them both from hubby and I? Will my stepmum kick off if she’s not included in the grandad card? I overheard her telling my wedding nanny that she “isn’t anything” to my daughter because she’s too old to be a grandma… despite being married to my father for almost 20 years.

Am I overthinking this? My parents are a huge source of trauma for me (I’ve done a lot of EMDR therapy) so I’m trying to protect myself from another Christmas argument (after they made me miss last year’s Christmas dinner with hubby and in-laws). Do I just wait to see what kind of card they send to us first and just reciprocate that?

Do you want to send them cards? If they are not interested in your child just send one from all of you as a family.
I obvs don’t know the whole story or family dinamics but I wonder if you need to give them cards.
It sounds like you need to cut them out of your life

 

[petitspois]

You’re all right. I’ll just send a generic mum and dad one and include my daughter in it as well. I sent my dad some pics of her yesterday and his response was just “great everyone looks good, keep warm and safe”. He doesn’t even ask about her.

Also realised in my OG post I said she’d said she was too old to be a grandma, I meant she said she was too young.

I don’t even want to ring them this Christmas Day because of how they acted last year but I know it’ll be an argument if I don’t. Might just say we’re heading out the door in 15 mins to keep it short and sweet.

I really think you need to pull back and put your own family first. They can sense they have a hold over you. Just be polite but do what’s best for your family.

 

[Serene Serena]

Ooh, thank you! I'll keep it as brief as possible, basically friend has met a Romanian online and this person has had endless medical disasters (amongst many other things including being 'kidnapped' that all result in him desperately needing money)

He's supposedly had huge medical bills (including £2500 for an ambulance in Bucharest!) and has done a runner 3 times from hospital as he doesn't have insurance. He's claiming he's been arrested and has been told he'll be going to prison for non payment. Please could you ask your friend if this sounds legit? I really don't think it is.. TIA

She's just read your post and says please tell your friend that a lot of healthcare in Romania is free, and funded by the state. Citizens are encouraged to get insurance. However, if this man can't afford insurance, he will still be looked after medically and wouldn't be charged for an ambulance - the cost of which would be about 400 euros, not the amount he's cited. If he is is need of medical treatment he will receive it, and not have to pay. He certainly wouldn't be arrested and sent to prison. He's a Billy Bullshitter, or as my friend says, a mincino.

 

[Django]

Sorry my dyslexia bothered you, maybe if my school had cared AND helped me then my grammar wouldn't be so bad it's a struggle in life enough

There's nothing wrong with your grammar!