The advice thread for random problems #7

[littlepup]

Has anyone ever bought or been given a gift experience from websites like Wonder days? Are they any good ?

Driving experiences and the like are usually very basic and require taking out extra insurance, upselling more time/laps, better cars, pictures etc at the time so cost the recipitant way more. They can also be restrictive with dates and locations selling out. My OH ended up paying about £80 extra to make it remotely worthwhile (the included cars weren’t great, anything decent was booked out months in advance) and having to compromise on dates/location.

I know someone who got a birthday package with an afternoon tea at a fancy restaurant, a comedy club evening and something else but the use by date was stupidly short, the afternoon tea could only be a week day, the comedy club was a week night and they couldn’t do it to coincide so they ended up having to travel to London twice to use them.

Basically, thoroughly check the restrictions/ts&cs because you’re probably as well to book direct or buy a voucher direct so you know exactly what you’re getting than go via a middle man.

 

[Former_Antelopee]

Hi everyone, I'm jumping in here because I need a bit of advice and I've nobody left to ask IRL. My friend got a labrador puppy back in October, we have been friends for 15 years. He had the dog about 3 months before he was told the dog was unable to continue living in his current accommodation. The landlord basically said the dog goes or they both go due to neighbours complaining about barking and his roommate was allergic to him. In January, he talked me into taking the dog. I find it very difficult to say no or put myself first because I am a people pleaser due to autism. I have struggled since day one. I thought I would manage because so many people say how amazing dogs are and how they couldn't be without them. I only heard positive things. I have tried and tried, spent hundreds of pounds on training but he is so energetic and I am so stressed. I cannot do anything, I can't sit down to have a meal, I can't read to my toddler, I can't play with my toddler, leaving the house is an army mission. I am shattered, stressed and really not enjoying this at all. He is now 11 months old, absolutely gorgeous but way too much work and I am not coping. I have had three heart attacks (I'm only 35) with the most recent in may this year and have been diagnosed with angina so the constant high blood pressure from the stress is making me ill. He has hurt my 2yo a couple of times stealing food from her and knocking her over, never intentional hurt but hurt all the same. It's got to the point where I have told my friend that I can't do it and he needs to be rehomed with someone who can give him everything he needs. I am too ill to manage this. Friend has gone ballistic, blocked me on everything and won't speak to me. He is angry with me for not coping and is furious that "his dog" needs to go. He can't take him back because of his circumstances so I have suggested a rescue which got me blocked.

Am I being a dick? I have tried for 6 months and all it's done is stress me out and upset me. I cry most days because I don't know what to do. I'm not a monster, just not a dog person and the kids are miserable too.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

I don't think so. I always think it's better to rehome and animal if the human hates life with the animal, as if you don't enjoy it then you won't be giving the dog it's best life imo and it's better for the dog to find someone who will enjoy like with it so the dog can live to the best if it's ability. You could ask your vets if they have any recommendations for rescues or look into breed specific rescues might be the easiest way

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

What’s the best thing to do with very worn, stained baby/ toddler clothes? They are in too bad condition to sell or give to a charity shop. Should I throw them away (which makes me feel bad but I don’t think I have any choice)?

Do you have a place locally that buys old clothes by weight? The one near us takes anything in any condition, apart from branded work uniforms. They sort out the good bits for re-sale, then the stuff that's no good is sent for recycling.
Our local food and clothing bank also collects the no good stuff, takes it to the weigh-in place, and uses the money to buy supplies.

 

[chickhicks86]

A relative died and left me money. Ive debts I must use it to pay, hence them leaving it to me, e.g. landlord/credit cards/energy/money towards being evicted. It’s for £7,500. I cant get any advice before March and honestly I don’t trust them as they set up my UC and stole from me, handing my claim around the office and allowing strangers to attend jobcentre “on my behalf”, police wouldn’t help as they had a consent form signed by me saying they could contact anyone, I just didn’t know that meant anyone, including volunteers of the organisation could claim to be me. The transition to UC I trusted them with they screwed up And I cannot access my account because it was set up by them.

I am banned from jobcentre because they triggered PTSD attack, and find dealing with me “too upsetting”.

I don’t know what to do, yes I’ve only just been formally contacted, at gone midnight.. everything is closed tomorrow due to weather.

Ive no gp, no social worker, no one now.

The money can’t go to anywhere else except my main account and it’ll all be taken immediately for debt, and end my small amount of ESA (CB) around and UC (I get around £300 a month for everything). I can’t stop it being taken. I’m being taken to court for non payment of debt and have fines for not paying, because the apps don’t work and the helplines are AI. I feel awful now for even telling.

Im going to end up with nothing at all and I’m terrified.

Who is "them" and what do you actually need advice with? Why do you not want the money taken for your debts if that was the intended use? I don't really underestand what you're asking...

 

[Serene Serena]

I would steer clear of anything with religious content. Just buy the baby a cute tableware set with his name on.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Does anyone had any ideas or advice for a cat who refuses to wear a collar?! My friend has had her cat for three years, but he’s always been kept inside so she didn’t have a collar on him. She’s now moved to a house with a garden and wants him to be free to roam more but only if he wears a collar. The little devil keeps breaking out of them!

I second this. Cat collars are essentially made to be “lost/broken” because if it get’s caught it can kill them. I wouldn’t worry about him not wearing a collar as lonh as he is chipped

 

[Snippysnips]

I’ve got a job offer for a role I’m overqualified for. It’s slightly more pay than my previous one, more flexibility, and the people seem genuinely nice. The thing is my duties in the role will be more assisting and a lot less stressful than what I’ve had before. At this stage in my life I wasn’t looking to be mentally tested or gain further knowledge in the field so I don’t mind the reduction in work load. I’m just thinking whether to let my new colleagues know this information if they ask or not and whether that changes anything. I don’t want someone to be annoyed that I don’t have to do as much work. I’m also hoping I don’t be frustrated at someone explaining something to me that I already know from my old job.

I agree with above, don't say a word, it may lead to them thinking that because it's less work then they can start to slowly offload more work freely, just think of the benefits an keep quiet

 

[littlepup]

Question for you all? What have you bought that has enhanced or made your life easier? I have a budget of about €500 and want to buy myself something beneficial to me. I'm a busy working Mum of two autistic preteens. Life has been hard (think fighting for every little thing!) up until the last year of two but we seem to have come through it and finally we have a little extra cash for us.

Air fryer, water tooth flosser and electric toothbrush, hallway shoe cabinet, a decent vacuum cleaner so it’s not such a mission and a stick one too for inbetween easy cleans, a dishmatic sponge on a stick thingy that you fill with washing up liquid for about £2.50, ready meals (as a person who usually cooks everything from scratch), fast flow shower head, a good bleach spray that does 1/2 the cleaning for you (less scrubbing, bleach isn’t the enemy), putting the washing on when you have a min rather than waiting for a full load and tumble drying ( I would usually wait for cheap rates and hang out then Panic about rain), clothes steamer, chucking socks and buying new that all match rather than trying to pair 1000 different white socks,..

I think spreading the cost on small things can be more rewarding than one expensive device. A year of tumble drying and no ironing if you’re quick to fold while warm is better than a good steam iron/steamer because it saves hanging it in the first place and the time to iron, for instance. Also think of the niggly small things like if you’re always running out for milk and loo roll and set up a delivery, Amazon subscribe to toothpaste, silly things can give you one less job and thing to think about can take the weight off x

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Just after people's opinions please. It's my dad's 70th next year, he's turning 69 soon so we haven't spoken much about his 70th. Usually we like to go away as a family for parents' bigger birthdays, city break pre grandchildren and caravan or lodge style holiday since grandchildren are on the scene. I've found out my brother has booked a holiday and it clashes with the weekend dad turns 70. My brother wants us to now celebrate my dad's birthday a weekend early, which is obviously annoying, but also doubly annoying as our dad's birthday falls on a Saturday next year, so we would have been away for his actual birthday which would have been perfect. So do I arrange my dad's birthday weekend away early to suit my brother, or do I stick with his actual birthday weekend which was always the plan although not set in stone?! If I arrange the weekend before his birthday, I'm going to have to arrange something on his birthday weekend too such as a meal out. Also, I had offered to pay for my parents portion of the accommodation as a gift, but my the weekend my brother wants to go is Bank Holiday and it's a lot more expensive.

I’m in team does it matter. Do it the week after his birthday if it’s cheaper. Imo your dady would want your brother there. Alternatively ask your dad what he would like

 

[Serene Serena]

My best friend has forgotten my birthday, again. When I think about it, shes never actually wished me a happy birthday. I want to approach it with her but dont know where to begin

Tell her about the lovely presents you got from your other friends.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Just wondered what people would do about this....
A family memeber painted a nice picture for our first kid when they were born.
They are the sort of person that has an issue with everything. After a couple of issues the last few times we've met up at family gathering we don't talk anymore, a relief really after alot of unnecessary drama. One of the things they said was how my children's behaviour spoils their day. Both are neurodiverse, we have some challenges but nothing that I would say is massively out of the ordinary for any kids really.
I know they started a painting for my other kid but we've never been given it and I doubt we will now.
I don't know if I want to keep the first painting. It feels unfair on the second one and generally unfair on both of them to have it from someone who's been quite vocal about disliking us all. My husband says keep it because it's a nice painting but I don't know if my hearts in it.
What would you do in the same position?

I wouldn’t be bothered about the painting and I doubt your kids care.
Keep it if you like it or return it if you don’t

 

[Jas28]

I’m not asking for advice as such but is it just me who thinks it’s distasteful for our manager/head to joke about being broke when she earns double our wage which is well above the average salary and she knows we don’t earn like she does. I don’t know what she wanted us to respond to that. So strange and then it’s awkward when everyone goes silent yet a couple of weeks ago was boasting about how many properties she owns. So disingenuous.

 

[ReginaPhalange3]

Also, being around the sea. The weather isn't for it right now but walking along the beach, listening to the waves is very calming

 

[Tanley]

Just after people's opinions please. It's my dad's 70th next year, he's turning 69 soon so we haven't spoken much about his 70th. Usually we like to go away as a family for parents' bigger birthdays, city break pre grandchildren and caravan or lodge style holiday since grandchildren are on the scene. I've found out my brother has booked a holiday and it clashes with the weekend dad turns 70. My brother wants us to now celebrate my dad's birthday a weekend early, which is obviously annoying, but also doubly annoying as our dad's birthday falls on a Saturday next year, so we would have been away for his actual birthday which would have been perfect. So do I arrange my dad's birthday weekend away early to suit my brother, or do I stick with his actual birthday weekend which was always the plan although not set in stone?! If I arrange the weekend before his birthday, I'm going to have to arrange something on his birthday weekend too such as a meal out. Also, I had offered to pay for my parents portion of the accommodation as a gift, but my the weekend my brother wants to go is Bank Holiday and it's a lot more expensive.

I would be asking your brother why he has booked a holiday when he knows it’s your dad’s 70th and you usually go away as a family. Why can’t your brother change his dates instead? Or why can’t he take your dad out for a special dinner the week before and accept that the usual birthday plans are going ahead without him? It’s over a year away, but it’s a big birthday and I would just tell your brother that it’s down to him to move things around, not everyone else.

 

[Carapop]

A band me and my husband liked in our teens are reforming for a one off gig, he snapped the tickets up and I was like yeah great. Today he tells me the gig is at a student union.. what do I wear as an early 40's woman to a gig at a student union?!.

Although I'm hoping that as it's a reunion gig everyone will be our age ‍.

The joy of being a married woman in your forties is that you don’t have to impress anyone. You certainly don’t have to dress like a load of mangy students! Wear whatever you’d wear going to your local pub. What is the band??

 

[BettyRizzo]

Tell her about the lovely presents you got from your other friends.

This genuinely made me laugh.

"I was so spoilt by the nice people in my life"

 

[Padparadascha]

I’m not asking for advice as such but is it just me who thinks it’s distasteful for our manager/head to joke about being broke when she earns double our wage which is well above the average salary and she knows we don’t earn like she does. I don’t know what she wanted us to respond to that. So strange and then it’s awkward when everyone goes silent yet a couple of weeks ago was boasting about how many properties she owns. So disingenuous.

I work with a woman like that. Shes nice but totally out of touch Her husband is on the kind of money where his bonuses are more than my annual gross salary. They have multiple properties, kids are grown and gone, always jetting off on luxury holidays. They have a few high end cars.

My husband is long term sick and my wage has to support us and our family, car is tiny, ancient and I pray not on its last legs yet.

When there were restructuring changes at work and we were a bit worried about job security, we were all in the same boat apparently according to her. Not the same boats at all love. Hers is a luxury yacht and mine is a patched up second hand refugee dingy.

I avoid her now.

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

Just after people's opinions please. It's my dad's 70th next year, he's turning 69 soon so we haven't spoken much about his 70th. Usually we like to go away as a family for parents' bigger birthdays, city break pre grandchildren and caravan or lodge style holiday since grandchildren are on the scene. I've found out my brother has booked a holiday and it clashes with the weekend dad turns 70. My brother wants us to now celebrate my dad's birthday a weekend early, which is obviously annoying, but also doubly annoying as our dad's birthday falls on a Saturday next year, so we would have been away for his actual birthday which would have been perfect. So do I arrange my dad's birthday weekend away early to suit my brother, or do I stick with his actual birthday weekend which was always the plan although not set in stone?! If I arrange the weekend before his birthday, I'm going to have to arrange something on his birthday weekend too such as a meal out. Also, I had offered to pay for my parents portion of the accommodation as a gift, but my the weekend my brother wants to go is Bank Holiday and it's a lot more expensive.

I think once you reach adult age we're all very aware that plans and responsibilities get in the way of celebrating things on the exact day. It's also more than a year in advance, and I don't think there's any real issue in celebrating a week early or late. I'd simply find cheaper accommodation, begin budgeting a little aside each month now, or trying for the weekend after your brother's holiday. Lots of options to go with.

 

[Darvos]

Fingers crossed for AO: they have always been great with us*, so are our company of choice now for anything involving removing the old one and installing the new, but our deliveries don’t involve stairs.

*I’ve mentioned somewhere here before about how my washing machine died on a Saturday and AO delivered and installed the new one and took the dead one away with all packaging before 8:30 on the Sunday morning. They were so quiet. I was in bed with a brew and Mr Darvos handled it. Living the dream

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I live in a studio flat (kitchen, bathroom and main living room with pull down bed)
I own this property, been here years and have lived in flats previously so very used to having people living above.
Tenant above (also studio flat) moved in about 5/6 months ago and has been a nightmare from day one, lots of banging and crashing, slamming doors, very loud conversations, washing machine on early which is loud when it's directly above and numerous occasions of screaming and swearing once waking me in the early hours.
I contacted her landlord in the first month and explained, he apologised and said he'd speak to the agent who in turn said they would spk to the tenant. He also gave me the agents contact details.
Nothing changed so I rang the agents who were lovely and said they would contact her again, I thought at that point there was more than one person living there, they said only one on the tenancy but technically they could add another if needed, it wasn't a major issue.
They spoke to her and she claimed to have no idea what noises I was complaining about but I hoped things would settle.
They got worse.
I rang agent again this time speaking to the actual person in charge of said tenant, she was rude, kept interrupting me, insisted it wasn't unreasonable behaviour to have a washing machine on at 7am and that I had to expect to hear noise. Told me to ring police if I didn't like the screaming and swearing.
I explained several times I was well aware that noise was to be expected as was very used to having people above as I've lived here over 20 years but this is by far the worst tenant.
She basically told me new regs coming in meant it was harder to evict someone without either the landlord paying loads of money through a court and the only way to do it is if she breaks the tenancy by doing something serious such as trying to sell the flat.
Roll on several weeks and the screaming and shouting got worse, every few days, all different times, once three times in one day.
Her boyfriend was regularly staying so general noise was worse too.
And then the parents arrived.
And haven't left after six weeks.
They are definitely sleeping/staying there but I don't know if it's permanent or a long holiday.
She goes out to work but they are in the flat most of the day, really loud calls, bellowing over what sounds like facetime, I can also hear the tinnyness of the person they are speaking too.
I believe they are all Filipino or similar so can't understand what they are saying but they are loud!
One morning they woke me at 4am laughing and talking loudly, crashing around in their kitchen, the same at 6am the following day.
I literally get no peace on my days off. They wake me early every morning so I've had to start going to bed earlier to make up for never getting a lie in or chance to catch up on sleep.
On the plus side since they arrived she hasn't had a screaming/swearing incident.
They go to bed reasonably early.
On the negative they are noisy constantly when home.
I never get to relax on my days off or enjoy not having to get up early for work.
I'm exhausted and on edge constantly, I don't enjoy my own home anymore.
They have bellowed conversations in person and on the phone.
Play music loud.
Have visitors several times a week.
The dad is a smoker and goes out numerous times letting the main door slam every single time.
What do I do?
Am I wasting my breath complaining as they have already said it's hard to evict and clearly the agent isn't on my side?
Do I say she's got her parents staying in the hope she's broken her tenancy but risk looking a twat if it turns out they are just having a long holiday?
Do I just contact the landlord rather than the agent in the hope he will be more proactive although realistically he will just pass the info to the agents anyway?
Do I wait a few more weeks and see if the parents leave?
These places are not designed for multiple occupants, it's a squeeze even for a couple let alone three adults and potentially four when the boyfriend is there.
Sorry for such a long post!
Just to add selling/moving out isn't an option for me at the moment sadly.

The other thing I forgot to mention is that they will be concerned if you contact the council. It’s against the law for that many people to live in a small flat that they rent. I complained to the council about my landlord when I was 20 because he kept bringing new people to live in the property even though there weren’t room for them. They take it very seriously