The advice thread for random problems #7

[Ray1403]

my partner was really looking forward to christmas being the 3 of us (me, him, our toddler) but i found out my brother & his wife are working christmas day (emergency services) so my dad would be on his own (mum died 17 years ago). obviously i don’t want my dad to be alone but i keep burying my head in the sand and not talking to my OH about it because he was looking forward to having christmas at home this year (dad’s an hour away and disabled) and i keep overthinking the scenario in my head and burying my head in the sand and now it’s getting closer and closer i’m panicking because i can’t please everybody.
aaand breathe.

 

[cowtastrophe]

I was thinking of something slippy on the pavement edge or stinky on the door handles. They do get a label on the windscreen.

how do I find out who owns the road? It is HA properties one side and offices the other.

If it’s a private road then you can find out who the owner is on Land Registry but you’ll have to pay for the details. Otherwise, the HA will probably know, you could call and ask them?

 

[Bob93]

I wouldn’t even say I’m the stressed type of person I’m quite calm most of the time. I don’t think it’s possible to remove stress from life like that, it would mean not having a care in the world and that’s not possible. I’m going to get some blood work done to see what’s going on.

My chronic urticaria was caused by a reaction to some medication but even after coming off it the urticaria stayed. Fexofenadine is the only antihistamine that helps mine. Stress certainly worsens it, but mine was not caused by stress and is unfortunately there as a baseline for me.

If allergies or other fixable causes ruled out then the medical step after antihistamines is an injection that can be prescribed by a specialist.

A colleague developed it after having the coil fitted, and it went away when it was removed.

 

[Snippysnips]

I’m not asking for advice as such but is it just me who thinks it’s distasteful for our manager/head to joke about being broke when she earns double our wage which is well above the average salary and she knows we don’t earn like she does. I don’t know what she wanted us to respond to that. So strange and then it’s awkward when everyone goes silent yet a couple of weeks ago was boasting about how many properties she owns. So disingenuous.

Maybe it's me but I'd need to petty an embarrass her like "well maybe cancel your dildo subscriptions for lonely woman" or something

I get people earn different amounts but when people are on a higher wage than others an know this an then come out with things like that, it almost comes across like an intended gloat in order to flex but disguised as a joke

 

[chickhicks86]

I would just get a cheap life360 tile tracker from amazon and test it out. If it doesn’t work you can return for a refund

I use a Tile in my son's backpack (he doesn't have a phone). It's pretty good, but relies on being near phones that have Life 360 on them for the location (which is fine for us as he's around lots of other school kids who have that app when tracking is needed). You can get Android trackers too.

 

[Former_Antelopee]

Hopefully you will be fine, UK is pretty good on making sure eggs are safe, bad food poisoning can hit roughly 2 hours later, with mild being 6/9 hours an very little being within 48 hours, an you can definitely tell food poisoning when it hits, had it a few years back from a restaurant an it was hell

I'm hoping I'll be ok I hate food poisoning I had it once when camping worst place to have it

 

[Serene Serena]

I’m not sure what to do in the situation I’m in. I started a new job recently yet there isn’t a lot of work to do and especially not for junior staff. I’ve now been asking daily for work to be given to me as in my first week I was asked well why didn’t you ask for work and it’s unacceptable to think there wasn’t anything for me to do. I’ve haven’t experienced a job like this before. It’s almost like I’m begging for work surely that’s not right? It’s their responsibility to make sure there’s work? I don’t want to raise this higher and complain because I’m worried. The line manger has said she has got work coming out of her ears but I’m not sure how that’s related to the junior staff? We don’t do the same work that she does. I’m not sure what is going on here.

You need to be assertive with your line manager and ask for a meeting to discuss your concerns. It sounds like a lot of misunderstanding and miscommunication. Good luck

 

[boomska]

I vote against anything which will make you feel crap

Thank you!

Wagagmas it is! X

 

[Chocolategoggler]

Oh I see
Can you open an online banking account and have it paid into there and then pay those that you owe?

Have just read that you can use inheritance to pay off debts without it affecting your universal credit , Shelter Website, Have a look

I thought you were allowed to have so many thousands and still get benefit.

 

[Carapop]

It's the stairs that are worrying me. I bought a chair last year from a local firm and despite knowing about the stairs, refused delivery and just went away.

I’ve been to Reddit for you! A lot of people recommended Appliance Online and their help section says they deliver up steps and remove old appliance. Maybe call before ordering to confirm etc.

 

[Former_Antelopee]

I need to pluck up the courage to go to a hairdresser, my hair is really thick & frizzy although I straighten it, I've probably only ever been to the hairdressers a handful of times in my life, when I was 10 I went she washed, cut, blow dried my hair & I came out looking like Deidre Barlow (had similar glasses too) full on poodle hair, my uncles ex wife was a hairdresser so she mainly cut my hair in my teens, then her & my mum would sit & smoke/drink afterwards taking the piss out of my hair, I then had my hair done in my late 20's at a hairdressers, I spent the 3 hours (wash, cut, colour, blow dry, straighten) apologising for the state of it because its so thick & frizzy, I last went about 3yrs ago, the hairdresser was so lovely but I just felt so out of place, felt like everyone was staring at me & just uncomfortable, then felt they were probably talking about me afterwards about my awful hair, I suppose I could have a mobile hairdresser in but its the faff of washing my hair myself I can't be arsed with (I can't be arsed at the best of times ) I just trim my own hair/dye it but want something different. Sorry for the long rant.

My mum's hair dresser is mobile and takes a portable sink with her so she can wash hair without having to use your shower

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Does anyone use air tags for their luggage, an if so what ones do you use

Due to go on holiday in two weeks an there are strikes going on, airport itself I don't believe is affected but the luggage part might be an our luggage is supposed to be getting sent to our ship, so figured I'd get airtags to keep a eye on where it is

It's a android phone I have an a few I've seen are for apple, but I also don't know which are good either

I saw someone on IG recommend these but I have no idea if they are any good

https://amzn.eu/d/06e0fqe3

 

[becca7721]

Spoiler: Spoilered as long

Hopefully @becca7721 this money, so kindly given, will be able for you to get a start on reducing your debt, it must be a worry.
It's sad that you've lost your relative to get it though, so condolences to you

To be honest I’m losing my home due to hoarding disorder and council won’t help me because my landlord stole my bin (yes, they laughed down the phone and said people like me don’t need one) so the therapy was withdrawn as council collections are so haphazard and they’ll only take one bag every three weeks I needed a bin to store waste in, and exemption from food waste and recycling as lot of it isn’t suitable. Now council will only take one bag every three weeks depending on various circumstances and there’s seven adults plus two children living in property. Council have refused homelessness application as not in therapy which was stopped and that’s automatic band f even on street. There’s something like five collections before I must go.

I have been reducing the debt. The payments will reduce slightly but move forward faster and improve credit rating for moving so that’s good.

Her death and will have torn the family apart. Last three months have been hell. They only speak to me to have a go. I’ve had dozens of texts re DWP taking the money so why don’t I just give it to them as I don’t deserve it, and much worse. She was last of those that hadn’t hurt me and it’s a big hole. Landlord knows and is taking advantage too.

I am NOT ungrateful for her help with this.
II hope you don’t think that as it will help. It’s so hellishly difficult.

can the executor pay the debts on your behalf, so the money doesn’t hit your account?

He was considering that, however, my family are fighting, legally and dirty, over the will, it’s been really nasty and hard on him as he’s been forced to do everything exactly as it’s written and legal. I’m not saying he would commit fraud but there are things she wanted done “informally“ like a family gathering and people taking away what they wanted from her valuables and a nice meal for everyone to come together as the funeral was tiny and most couldn’t go - that was dropped. Unnamed(?) in will valuables must now go to auction.

Multiple people have lawyers chasing him, I’ve had accusations of benefit fraud from family levied at me as well.

He runs his own law firm, plus other businesses, he cannot stand me but that’s based on what he’s been told about me, so that’s not his fault. He’s been professional about all of this with me and I appreciate it.

 

[Django]

That sounds a bit extreme ! I don't have any lighter fuel in the house .

It's not extreme at all, the fuel will evaporate almost immediately

 

[cowtastrophe]

There is a thread

AncestryDNA, 23andMe dna tests

Has anyone done either of these? Any thoughts? Im tempted to do one to find out heritage background, but not interested in finding family members. Can you opt out of the finding family part? Any thoughts on which is better?

tattle.life

Thanks, I'll have a read!

 

[Snippysnips]

Thanks @Snippysnips and @Serene Serena I agree, it's not actually a long time. My currently-pregnant friend was trying for 18 months and then it was about a month after she said "we are on pause, we have a few family weddings and trips coming up where a baby would be inconvenient" that she then got pregnant typical!

I think the travelling trip is out unfortunately due to the current world state but also because my friend also is saving money for her wedding too (yep, planning a big Irish wedding and trying for a baby, she doesn't do things by halves) but I will definitely keep trying to distract her and hopefully she does see a therapist or someone about her general anxious state with things currently too. I know her mum has suggested that but it's led to a bit of a fall out so I will have to handle any suggestions around that carefully.

What about little staycations rather than travel, it can still make for a fun break, an if she's preparing for a wedding then chances are all this added stress isn't helping, maybe let her know that once the weddings out the way an the stress of it is gone then maybe she will be more relaxed

An truthfully, having had friends pregnant at their wedding there's nothing worse, they hated their day, they were sore, tired, dress was tight, their feet had ballooned so the shoes were killing them, it had cost them a fortune having the dress altered, an their hormones were a mess, maybe let her know that it really isn't a great thing as am sure she'd want to enjoy her day, an the last thing she'd want is to have god awful morning sickness, my aunt had it from beginning to end with her two

 

[cowtastrophe]

I’m not asking for advice as such but is it just me who thinks it’s distasteful for our manager/head to joke about being broke when she earns double our wage which is well above the average salary and she knows we don’t earn like she does. I don’t know what she wanted us to respond to that. So strange and then it’s awkward when everyone goes silent yet a couple of weeks ago was boasting about how many properties she owns. So disingenuous.

We have a manager who has just engineered getting free accommodation from the company so has moved into it and is letting her actual house out. She was bragging about getting a grant to pay for carpets in front of people on minimum wage who can’t afford to live near work when she’s on £60k+ with a free house. Read the room.

 

[Meg78]

Has anyone ever had their child deliberately hurt them?

Tonight we were watching a Christmas movie all laid out on the sofa as a family, my 7 year old son moved to lay down on top of me and asked if he’d hurt me with his elbow, (he commonly leans to get up and I’m usually what he leans on) I said no, he then lightly whacked me with an open palm and asked if that hurt, I said no and asked why he was doing that, he didn’t answer and settled down. About 20 mins later he did it again across my throat but this time really hard, I answered that it DID hurt, and he said under his breath “yesssss!” with a huge grin. I paused the film, asked what the fuck was going on, why did he hurt me and enjoy it, and he couldn’t give me an answer. His dad took him up to bed to let me calm down.

I’m still really freaked out about it, my kid is very sweet and cuddly but seeing him actively enjoy hurting me is burned into my brain and I’m sat here staring at his Christmas presents I need to wrap and I can’t bring myself to do it, I want to refund it all and buy him therapy because clearly I’m doing some vastly wrong.

Is this a normal thing? Am I raising a psychopath? Where the fuck has my sweet child gone?

 

[Snippysnips]

Does anyone struggle with feeling exhausted in the morning and if so have you found anything to help with it?

All my life I've always struggled with mornings, doesn't matter if I've had a perfect night's sleep with no disturbance or if it's been broken sleep, it's always a struggle to get out bed and leaves me feeling quite honestly pissed off, I don't use an alarm because I naturally wake between 7am an 8am and so long as I am up at 8 then it's fine so it's not like I am being woken from an alarm either, once I am up an had breakfast then am fine, but it's just the whole trying to get out of bed an that drowsy feeling I can't get rid off

 

[Snippysnips]

Because it is a private road, the council are not interested. We are also in a police tow area, but they too are not interested

A road is either owned by your factor or the council, a private road is only private under a landowner(who has to pay an maintain it), when houses are built the company building owns the land until it's finished then they wipe their hands clean of the ownership when it's all built an it's either the factor or council that has to take it

Am in a private area an the roads an pavements are all council

The council just cannot be arsed dealing with anything anymore, it's how factors got introduced, it was a way for the council to basically pass all responsibilities onto them so they could ignore it, but if you aren't paying factor fees then it will def be the councils responsibility

Maybe a sharp key along the side of them will make them think twice about parking on pavements "woops must have been the pram "