The advice thread for random problems #7

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

So I told Mr Lolz about the whole win. I just felt too bad. Bless him he was so happy for me. But I swore him to secrecy and then gave him £2k.
I feel so much better. I could nevwr live a life of crime just keeping this “secret” was too stressfull

 

[BoogleC]

I don’t know if this is the right thread for it but I got dumped by my partner last week, quite brutally and he just packed all of his things and left. We were going through a really rough patch but I didn’t think but I didn’t see it coming. It’s been over a week but I’ve been feeling worse and worse each day, I know this will pass eventually but my god it is so painful. To think the person I love doesn’t want me anymore.

 

[conrea37]

PLEASE KNOW THIS IS LIGHT HEARTED. CONGRATS!

 

[Darvos]

Ooh, thank you! I'll keep it as brief as possible, basically friend has met a Romanian online and this person has had endless medical disasters (amongst many other things including being 'kidnapped' that all result in him desperately needing money)

He's supposedly had huge medical bills (including £2500 for an ambulance in Bucharest!) and has done a runner 3 times from hospital as he doesn't have insurance. He's claiming he's been arrested and has been told he'll be going to prison for non payment. Please could you ask your friend if this sounds legit? I really don't think it is.. TIA

With all the love to your friend and to you, who is being a great mate, and with absolutely no knowledge of the Romanian medical system, that is textbook scam

 

[Ray1403]

If someone seems uninterested whenever you have ethnic hairstyles and not straight hair would you say they don’t like you at all? Gone on a few dates and he can’t even look at me when I have natural textured hair.

nah i’m sorry but if he can’t even look at you with your natural hair that’s a big ol’ red flag to me

 

[conrea37]

I’m gonna try really hard not to doxx myself here…

Someone I know has been joking to a group of us about some wildlife cruelty they recently did. So cruel it ended the animal’s life. They seemed to think we’d all laugh and joke with them about it but very quickly started changing the story to say “for legal reasons” xyz happened and now they’re trying to say they were joking and it never happened after all. The thing is, they gave so many details that there’s no chance it didn’t happen.

Should I report it to the police? I want to remain anonymous so the animal welfare contact is not an option. I’m aware that a fine can be involved but also a prison sentence. I don’t think this person should get away with what they’ve done but I think the guilt of a potential prison sentence would weigh heavily on me.

Report it. No excuse for animal cruelty

 

[boatofbubbles]

That’s really lovely of you to go to that trouble. I hope it’s survived the night?

The pigeon survived the night. The owner got lost finding us but it is happily on its way home and should make a full recovery. The owner said the pigeon got lost in the strong winds we've been having lately.

 

[Carapop]

Have you considered getting an actual lion for your garden? That would almost certainly deter any dogs.

 

[Queenbee22]

Not really a problem but I’ve just had my offer accepted for my first home I’ve lived with my mum all my life so I’m naturally feeling really daunted and anxious at the moment. Any advice or encouraging words? Also the hugeness of it all has totally turned my tummy which isn’t helping! Any anxious tummy sufferer advice appreciated!

 

[Snippysnips]

I did try a caffeine shampoo a while ago but didn't see much difference but please can you learn to use anD instead of an?

Sorry my dyslexia bothered you, maybe if my school had cared AND helped me then my grammar wouldn't be so bad it's a struggle in life enough

 

[JoeBloggs]

Hi everyone, I'm jumping in here because I need a bit of advice and I've nobody left to ask IRL. My friend got a labrador puppy back in October, we have been friends for 15 years. He had the dog about 3 months before he was told the dog was unable to continue living in his current accommodation. The landlord basically said the dog goes or they both go due to neighbours complaining about barking and his roommate was allergic to him. In January, he talked me into taking the dog. I find it very difficult to say no or put myself first because I am a people pleaser due to autism. I have struggled since day one. I thought I would manage because so many people say how amazing dogs are and how they couldn't be without them. I only heard positive things. I have tried and tried, spent hundreds of pounds on training but he is so energetic and I am so stressed. I cannot do anything, I can't sit down to have a meal, I can't read to my toddler, I can't play with my toddler, leaving the house is an army mission. I am shattered, stressed and really not enjoying this at all. He is now 11 months old, absolutely gorgeous but way too much work and I am not coping. I have had three heart attacks (I'm only 35) with the most recent in may this year and have been diagnosed with angina so the constant high blood pressure from the stress is making me ill. He has hurt my 2yo a couple of times stealing food from her and knocking her over, never intentional hurt but hurt all the same. It's got to the point where I have told my friend that I can't do it and he needs to be rehomed with someone who can give him everything he needs. I am too ill to manage this. Friend has gone ballistic, blocked me on everything and won't speak to me. He is angry with me for not coping and is furious that "his dog" needs to go. He can't take him back because of his circumstances so I have suggested a rescue which got me blocked.

Am I being a dick? I have tried for 6 months and all it's done is stress me out and upset me. I cry most days because I don't know what to do. I'm not a monster, just not a dog person and the kids are miserable too.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

If the dog has put your child in danger and it is affecting your health, you have no option. If your friend thinks that housing his dog is more important than that he is not your friend.

I would give him a date by which he can make alternative arrangements to find the dog somewhere else, or you will.

 

[charlied0106]

I’m really unsure about what Christmas card to send to my father from my 10 month old daughter. I’ve sent him dad cards from me and hubby for Father’s Day and his birthday and grandad ones from my daughter. His response to the last grandad card was “not sure about being a grandad”… It’s a long story but he’s only met her once and doesn’t have a relationship with her. His wife - who I used to call mum but I have reverted back to calling her my stepmum - is really bitter that I’ve had a baby and she hasn’t (there’s 25 years difference between them) and both my parents had a horrible reaction to my pregnancy announcement. My dad has lost his spine when it comes to his wife it seems.

Anyway, back to the cards… do I just send him one saying grandad from my daughter and a parents one to them both from hubby and I? Will my stepmum kick off if she’s not included in the grandad card? I overheard her telling my wedding nanny that she “isn’t anything” to my daughter because she’s too old to be a grandma… despite being married to my father for almost 20 years.

Am I overthinking this? My parents are a huge source of trauma for me (I’ve done a lot of EMDR therapy) so I’m trying to protect myself from another Christmas argument (after they made me miss last year’s Christmas dinner with hubby and in-laws). Do I just wait to see what kind of card they send to us first and just reciprocate that?

Send them a "From our home to yours" card. Fuck stressing over people who bring you pain 🩷

 

[Former_Antelopee]

Just to add I think people get too much hate for rehoming dogs. I'd rather the dog be in a home where it's wanted than have a life where it's just put up with because the owner knows they'll be judged for admitting they need to re-home it

 

[RoseyThorney]

Thanks all, turns out a couple of others in our friendship group have already reported him.

 

[Carapop]

Hi everyone, I'm jumping in here because I need a bit of advice and I've nobody left to ask IRL. My friend got a labrador puppy back in October, we have been friends for 15 years. He had the dog about 3 months before he was told the dog was unable to continue living in his current accommodation. The landlord basically said the dog goes or they both go due to neighbours complaining about barking and his roommate was allergic to him. In January, he talked me into taking the dog. I find it very difficult to say no or put myself first because I am a people pleaser due to autism. I have struggled since day one. I thought I would manage because so many people say how amazing dogs are and how they couldn't be without them. I only heard positive things. I have tried and tried, spent hundreds of pounds on training but he is so energetic and I am so stressed. I cannot do anything, I can't sit down to have a meal, I can't read to my toddler, I can't play with my toddler, leaving the house is an army mission. I am shattered, stressed and really not enjoying this at all. He is now 11 months old, absolutely gorgeous but way too much work and I am not coping. I have had three heart attacks (I'm only 35) with the most recent in may this year and have been diagnosed with angina so the constant high blood pressure from the stress is making me ill. He has hurt my 2yo a couple of times stealing food from her and knocking her over, never intentional hurt but hurt all the same. It's got to the point where I have told my friend that I can't do it and he needs to be rehomed with someone who can give him everything he needs. I am too ill to manage this. Friend has gone ballistic, blocked me on everything and won't speak to me. He is angry with me for not coping and is furious that "his dog" needs to go. He can't take him back because of his circumstances so I have suggested a rescue which got me blocked.

Am I being a dick? I have tried for 6 months and all it's done is stress me out and upset me. I cry most days because I don't know what to do. I'm not a monster, just not a dog person and the kids are miserable too.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

I won’t restate everything already said but I really hope you read it and heed it and it offers some comfort and reassurance.

My two cents:

You were an absolute gem to take on that puppy when you did, you gave it more than a fair chance, you have enough evidence to confidently say that you cannot offer the dog a longterm home as it puts your health and your child’s health both at risk.

If your friend was so concerned about the dog then why did they not find a new place to live where they could keep the puppy? Why is it so apparently reasonable that you entirely upend your life but your friend shouldn’t have to deal with any consequences? Either they are responsible for the dog or they’re not.

 

[Snippysnips]

Hi everyone, I'm jumping in here because I need a bit of advice and I've nobody left to ask IRL. My friend got a labrador puppy back in October, we have been friends for 15 years. He had the dog about 3 months before he was told the dog was unable to continue living in his current accommodation. The landlord basically said the dog goes or they both go due to neighbours complaining about barking and his roommate was allergic to him. In January, he talked me into taking the dog. I find it very difficult to say no or put myself first because I am a people pleaser due to autism. I have struggled since day one. I thought I would manage because so many people say how amazing dogs are and how they couldn't be without them. I only heard positive things. I have tried and tried, spent hundreds of pounds on training but he is so energetic and I am so stressed. I cannot do anything, I can't sit down to have a meal, I can't read to my toddler, I can't play with my toddler, leaving the house is an army mission. I am shattered, stressed and really not enjoying this at all. He is now 11 months old, absolutely gorgeous but way too much work and I am not coping. I have had three heart attacks (I'm only 35) with the most recent in may this year and have been diagnosed with angina so the constant high blood pressure from the stress is making me ill. He has hurt my 2yo a couple of times stealing food from her and knocking her over, never intentional hurt but hurt all the same. It's got to the point where I have told my friend that I can't do it and he needs to be rehomed with someone who can give him everything he needs. I am too ill to manage this. Friend has gone ballistic, blocked me on everything and won't speak to me. He is angry with me for not coping and is furious that "his dog" needs to go. He can't take him back because of his circumstances so I have suggested a rescue which got me blocked.

Am I being a dick? I have tried for 6 months and all it's done is stress me out and upset me. I cry most days because I don't know what to do. I'm not a monster, just not a dog person and the kids are miserable too.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

I had a lab, he was a rescue at a year old an what I can say is they are NOT easy, I had mine 15 years an loved him to bits, however he come into a adult only household an there were 4 of us, they are incredibly energetic all their days, like am not kidding he was still bounding about at like age 12/13 etc, they literally do not come out that "puppy" stage, they take a hell of a work (I was main trainer)

Your friend is being an asshole, anyone with any sense should be understanding that dogs are not easy regardless of breed an with a toddler as well I think it has been more that unfair to leave you in this position, the dog isn't going to eventually calm down an be placid, I loved my boy to bits but christ there wasn't a day he wasn't bouncing off the walls

You also have vets to think about, the older labs get the more problems they are prone too (as like with all dogs) we were thousands with some things during his lifetime, then you have the stupid things like for example a bent tail due to idiotic behaviour they can get into

You need to give your friend the ultimatum, either he finds a new home for the dog or you do, it's not fair to either of you to be left like this

 

[Queenbee22]

Thank you all
I’m 36 now so it’s time for me to move on but I do feel quite sad about it and it all feels a bit scary and huge! I’m sure the excitement will kick in, I’ve just never moved away from home once not even for uni so it’s a big deal

 

[veryfondoftea]

Hi everybody, not sure where else to put this but random seems to fit. I have this general feeling that I am unable to tolerate life.....I am not suicidal, I am not depressed, I am anxious though. But this is more of a feeling that as soon as some kind of minor inconvenience comes along, like a change of appointment, or an extra task, or my daughters friends aren't free when I have tried to arrange a playdate, or my husband is upset with me or something, I go straight from regulated to completely unregulated and cannot cope with the feelings. I have always had this overarching feeling that I would be better off dead, not that I have or had any plans to take my life. Does any of this make sense?! I am just fed up with feeling like this and don't know why I do feel like this so I am kinda hoping someone recognises themselves in this and has already found the answer!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I’m not a gambler which is ironic as I’ve won £6,000 yesterday.
I don’t really want to tell anyone. Is it bad to keep it secret even from Mr Lolz? We don’t need the money so I’m thinking I can splurge it without feeling guilty. But if I tell him I’d feel obliged to be more sensible

 

[petitspois]

I’ve got a job offer for a role I’m overqualified for. It’s slightly more pay than my previous one, more flexibility, and the people seem genuinely nice. The thing is my duties in the role will be more assisting and a lot less stressful than what I’ve had before. At this stage in my life I wasn’t looking to be mentally tested or gain further knowledge in the field so I don’t mind the reduction in work load. I’m just thinking whether to let my new colleagues know this information if they ask or not and whether that changes anything. I don’t want someone to be annoyed that I don’t have to do as much work. I’m also hoping I don’t be frustrated at someone explaining something to me that I already know from my old job.

Keep quiet! Nothing good can come of telling people. If you get frustrated, just remember the benefits and, remember, you can always look for something else.