The advice thread for random problems #6

[Loppylou89]

Hi. I'm not only a complete stranger to you, @Loppylou89 , but to this thread.

I wouldn't tell the "partner". Not your problem. Block him.

This has happened before, you say? I'd consider fine tuning your radar, and working out why you "keep the evidence" ready for when these women message you.

Please, "I always keep the evidence", I think this random problem may be from inside the house.

When I say I keep the evidence, I mean I just never delete anything. I was always taught to cover my a so I do it with everything in life.
I don’t ever message any man first and if I get messaged by someone, one of the first things I ask is if they’re single because I definitely wouldn’t entertain someone if I knew they were in a relationship

 

[OldTT]

Any experts on teenagers here? I have a 15 year old daughter, totally addicted to her phone, not doing revision for her Mocks, not meeting friends, nothing. Just in her room on her phone. I have to remind her to shower, do her normal homework etc. I'm at the point now where I want to take her phone from her completely. I've tried limiting it but I find it hard to manage as she sneaks it or I will forget because I'm busy with other stuff or my other children. I'm ashamed to say that it is half term here and apart from the day I took her to the wildlife park with her siblings she has spent every morning, noon and night on her phone in her room. I see her at meal times only.

It's worth nothing that my daughter is very happy girl, always smiling. She is autistic and needs lots of support, e.g. she is still unable to do her own hair, get to places alone and doesn't really like conversations unless she's asking for something.

I wish I'd never bought the phone but she has always struggled to fit in so it was for that and to contact friends (which she never does).

Hey. I’ve got an autistic 13 yr old and I’ve come to think phone usage is a bit different for neurodivergent kids.
In the follow up session after her diagnosis the consultant actually said that playing games on her phone was a technique she was using to regulate herself and not a bad thing.
She’s so drained and exhausted after a day a school where the rules of engagement are a constant challenge that mindless scrolling or repetitive simple games are her way to decompress. And i totally get that. I’m a bit the same.

I think talking to others on an autism thread is probably a good idea. Life in general is so much harder for our kids and the usual “rules” need to be thought about a bit differently.

 

[BearOnChair]

Wondering if anyone has done anything similar and if this could work...

We're selling our house and it's looking like our marriage is coming to an end. I can afford a small mortgage on my own but I will need more than half the equity of the house. I think he will be agreeable to that so the kids have a house we'd be happy with.
Will it work if we sell this house together, I buy a new one with the proceeds I need with a mortgage and he gets the remaining equity?

And then we deal with a financial order once the house is sorted? There's other assets involved that would mean he'll be able to get somewhere to live that's suitable.

Does that work??

 

[littlepup]

Wondering if anyone has done anything similar and if this could work...

We're selling our house and it's looking like our marriage is coming to an end. I can afford a small mortgage on my own but I will need more than half the equity of the house. I think he will be agreeable to that so the kids have a house we'd be happy with.
Will it work if we sell this house together, I buy a new one with the proceeds I need with a mortgage and he gets the remaining equity?

And then we deal with a financial order once the house is sorted? There's other assets involved that would mean he'll be able to get somewhere to live that's suitable.

Does that work??

If both sides agree, and there’s nothing dodgy tax evasion wise, you can do what you like.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I’ve worked at the same place for 20 years and recently left because the commute became too much. I’m in the privileged position that I don’t need a job immediately but I would like one.
I’m very confident in my capabilities and know I’m good at what I do.
However I’ve not interviewed in over 20 years and trying to dust my CV off has also shown me how out of the loop I am with these things.
I know I interview very badly, this was told to me years ago but I find it hard to sell myself.
Any tips or knowledge people would like to share?

Also where is best to look for contract work? I would prefer short to medium term contracts to being fulltime employed again.

Any advise at all would be greatfully received

 

[cowtastrophe]

Mr C used to have a friend who was a bit (a lot) of a wick and who had a big problem with me. Essentially, he doesn’t like women who have stuff to say for themselves and don’t put up with bad behaviour. I never tried to stop Mr C seeing him but I wouldn’t socialise with him. Mr C acknowledged he was a wick at times but he doesn’t have many friends and he’d known this guy years so he was hesitant about dropping him.

They fell out a number of years ago after friend’s girlfriend claimed I’d said things I hadn’t and my husband called him out on his behaviour towards me generally. They didn’t speak for a couple of years until we got married and Mr C asked if he could invite former friend and his girlfriend in the spirit of making up with them. I was reluctant but said ok fine. They started being friendly again for a couple of years then the wick did something to Mr C which was a major betrayal - involved going behind his back and telling family and friends a lie about Mr C. Things blew up and they stopped speaking again.

We recently saw them at a mutual friend’s birthday and chatted amicably but it was clear to me that wick hadn’t really changed. He happened to be in the area yesterday and they met for a drink. wick has invited us for a weekend at their house. I am really torn about going. I don’t honestly want to but Mr C has not had a good time recently with one thing and another and he really needs some friendly faces.

This all sounds incredibly juvenile, but I just can’t decide if I should let bygones be bygones for Mr C’s sake and go for the weekend or say no.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Mr C used to have a friend who was a bit (a lot) of a wick and who had a big problem with me. Essentially, he doesn’t like women who have stuff to say for themselves and don’t put up with bad behaviour. I never tried to stop Mr C seeing him but I wouldn’t socialise with him. Mr C acknowledged he was a wick at times but he doesn’t have many friends and he’d known this guy years so he was hesitant about dropping him.

They fell out a number of years ago after friend’s girlfriend claimed I’d said things I hadn’t and my husband called him out on his behaviour towards me generally. They didn’t speak for a couple of years until we got married and Mr C asked if he could invite former friend and his girlfriend in the spirit of making up with them. I was reluctant but said ok fine. They started being friendly again for a couple of years then the wick did something to Mr C which was a major betrayal - involved going behind his back and telling family and friends a lie about Mr C. Things blew up and they stopped speaking again.

We recently saw them at a mutual friend’s birthday and chatted amicably but it was clear to me that wick hadn’t really changed. He happened to be in the area yesterday and they met for a drink. wick has invited us for a weekend at their house. I am really torn about going. I don’t honestly want to but Mr C has not had a good time recently with one thing and another and he really needs some friendly faces.

This all sounds incredibly juvenile, but I just can’t decide if I should let bygones be bygones for Mr C’s sake and go for the weekend or say no.

I feel for you, Mr Bloggs has a very similar friend.

Why don't you suggest he goes alone and spend some one on one time with his friend and that you would like some time alone?

 

[cowtastrophe]

I feel for you, Mr Bloggs has a very similar friend.

Why don't you suggest he goes alone and spend some one on one time with his friend and that you would like some time alone?

That sounds like a good excuse! Apparently, friend did actually ask if I would agree to come along so he's clearly aware that I’m less than bothered about seeing him.

 

[annanuttall]

Quick question, can a married woman have a male platonic friend? A guy friend who has met your husband and you know you will never sleep with.

 

[Thank(space)you]

Quick question, can a married woman have a male platonic friend? A guy friend who has met your husband and you know you will never sleep with.

Anyone can have friends

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

Of course, I've had 2 brilliant male best friends over the years. 1st one had a very jealous and frankly unhinged girlfriend who demanded he stopped seeing me (which absolutely broke my heart when he did, we'd been friends for over 6 years and he was godfather to our eldest) - 2nd one moved away for work and we gradually lost all connection. Both met and knew my husband, who didn't give a tit who I was friends with. Still sad about losing them both, tbh, but men are much better friends than women in my experience.

 

[petitspois]

Mr C used to have a friend who was a bit (a lot) of a wick and who had a big problem with me. Essentially, he doesn’t like women who have stuff to say for themselves and don’t put up with bad behaviour. I never tried to stop Mr C seeing him but I wouldn’t socialise with him. Mr C acknowledged he was a wick at times but he doesn’t have many friends and he’d known this guy years so he was hesitant about dropping him.

They fell out a number of years ago after friend’s girlfriend claimed I’d said things I hadn’t and my husband called him out on his behaviour towards me generally. They didn’t speak for a couple of years until we got married and Mr C asked if he could invite former friend and his girlfriend in the spirit of making up with them. I was reluctant but said ok fine. They started being friendly again for a couple of years then the wick did something to Mr C which was a major betrayal - involved going behind his back and telling family and friends a lie about Mr C. Things blew up and they stopped speaking again.

We recently saw them at a mutual friend’s birthday and chatted amicably but it was clear to me that wick hadn’t really changed. He happened to be in the area yesterday and they met for a drink. wick has invited us for a weekend at their house. I am really torn about going. I don’t honestly want to but Mr C has not had a good time recently with one thing and another and he really needs some friendly faces.

This all sounds incredibly juvenile, but I just can’t decide if I should let bygones be bygones for Mr C’s sake and go for the weekend or say no.

I wouldn't go as alcohol will be involved so it's much easier for something upsetting to be said and you're on his turf so have to be more flexible and polite than you'd have to be if you met on neutral ground. I'd suggest Mr C goes alone but probably say it's a good opportunity for you to catch up on [insert reason] as opposed to specifically saying you're not going because his mate is an a.

 

[Snippysnips]

Quick question, can a married woman have a male platonic friend? A guy friend who has met your husband and you know you will never sleep with.

Of course, am not married but I've got plenty male friends who have partners, none of us are interested in anything more than just being mates, personally I get on better with the males than females as I find them easier to talk with an tbh take a joke better

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

That sounds like a good excuse! Apparently, friend did actually ask if I would agree to come along so he's clearly aware that I’m less than bothered about seeing him.

Yeah, let Mr C go by himself. If he’s willing to take the chance of friend stabbing him in the back again then at least you don’t have to watch the betrayel

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Quick question, can a married woman have a male platonic friend? A guy friend who has met your husband and you know you will never sleep with.

Yes and no. I’ve had several platonic male friends. And as someone else mentioned, I thought they made better friends than women (this is a personal opinion from my experience with women)
Anyway there had also been a few that at some point tried to be inappropriate so they were dropped.
Unfortunately some men pretend to just want friendship but that quickly becomes evident. Kick those to the curb

 

[Mamacita]

Quick question, can a married woman have a male platonic friend? A guy friend who has met your husband and you know you will never sleep with.

I think yes but it's not always black and white and will depend on various factors imo.

E.g. (not saying this is your situation just using this as an example)- you may know you will never sleep with the person and don't fancy them at all but does the feeling go both ways? What if the guy is actually hoping for something, is it appropriate and worth to keep the friendship going?

I would personally find it weird if my husband suddenly developed a close friendship with a woman. Not because it's necessarily wrong but because it would be so out of ordinary for him but it might be perfectly normal for someone else

 

[cowtastrophe]

Yeah, let Mr C go by himself. If he’s willing to take the chance of friend stabbing him in the back again then at least you don’t have to watch the betrayel

I just don’t think the guy will bring anything positive to Mr C’s life but he’s feeling so down at the moment that I think he just wants someone to talk to (apart from me and the dogs and his mother obviously).

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I just don’t think the guy will bring anything positive to Mr C’s life but he’s feeling so down at the moment that I think he just wants someone to talk to (apart from me and the dogs and his mother obviously).

I feel for him. Some people forgive and forgive and forgive.
I’m a forgiver but I never forget.
But if he needs an ear and it helps him then let Mr C make the mistake. At least your a good Mrs C because you are not discouraging it as you realise he needs it at the moment.

 

[Snippysnips]

I just don’t think the guy will bring anything positive to Mr C’s life but he’s feeling so down at the moment that I think he just wants someone to talk to (apart from me and the dogs and his mother obviously).

Is there no clubs or anything close by he could go too? Just to meet others, I knows there's Andy's man club but am not sure of all of their locations, I know a few that go to it, it's a mental health club but the guys I know have gotten a few really good friendships from going an now go out on guys nights

 

[cowtastrophe]

Is there no clubs or anything close by he could go too? Just to meet others, I knows there's Andy's man club but am not sure of all of their locations, I know a few that go to it, it's a mental health club but the guys I know have gotten a few really good friendships from going an now go out on guys nights

There is a men’s shed nearby and I did encourage him to go but he was worried it would be full of weirdos He’s fairly introverted and tends to overthink things. I might suggest that again actually as he's very practical and they do quite a few projects along those lines apparently.