The advice thread for random problems #6

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OnlyHereForTheLolz

Was this not discussed before you went away together? Not everybody travels the same it seems like an important detail to talk about expectations
 
Reactions: 1

Snippysnips

If I went away with a friend I'd expect to do stuff with them as that would be the whole point of going away with them, they would need to state it to me that they wanted alone time otherwise I wouldn't know they wanted that
 
Reactions: 15

didisaythatoutloudoops

I think holidays with friends can vary from spending 24/7 together, to splitting up for the day and meeting up for dinner.

I personally prefer the latter, because holidays where you're spending every minute together for me can get a bit too much - and having that time apart can give you something really fun to discuss over dinner. It comes with the added benefit that you don't feel obliged to do certain activities, and you know everyone is doing what they want to do whilst still being able to enjoy the company of friends each day. But I can understand some people might prefer the former, especially if they're nervous about travelling or going to new places.

I think what marks whether you've been reasonable or not is:

1) did you state your desire to spend most of your time with people before going away?
2) did your friends promise certain activities or behaviours that then did not happen or fell through?
3) when the holiday started and you began to realise there was a disconnect in what you wanted vs. others, how did you solve the issue? Did you explicitly say you'd like to spend more time with people, or set up dinner reservations or find activities you could do as a group?
 
M

Melian

I did ask for a companion a few times. I was sort of aware there was something that they were doing that I might not be able to do. But there were a lot of us going and I knew I wasn't going to spend time with the same people
 
Reactions: 1

didisaythatoutloudoops

Melian said:
I did ask for a companion a few times. I was sort of aware there was something that they were doing that I might not be able to do. But there were a lot of us going and I knew I wasn't going to spend time with the same people
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Sometimes when there are lots of people on a trip, it's hard to keep track of who is doing what. Mini groups naturally form and it might have genuinely been that each person presumed everyone else was off doing something. You mentioned getting some bad messages from a friend - do you mind sharing what they said and if anything prompted them?
 
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OnlyHereForTheLolz

Melian said:
I did ask for a companion a few times. I was sort of aware there was something that they were doing that I might not be able to do. But there were a lot of us going and I knew I wasn't going to spend time with the same people
Click to expand...
If it was a big group then I would suggest in the future you make sure you are included with plans every day so this doesn’t happen again.
I imagine people broke off into smaller groups to do what they wanted and somehow in the shuffle you got “lost”
But this need to be discussed before you go away.
 
Reactions: 3

HelloStereo

I've been away with a few friends in the past and we did everything together. Usually we planned what we wanted to do beforehand though. If there was something i wanted to do that they didn't or vice versa we'd either compromise by doing that thing alone or fitting in something the other person wanted to do.

What were the shitty messages? Was it that they wanted alone time or that you wanted to visit things they didnt want to spend time / money on?
 
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T

Thank(space)you

boatofbubbles said:
Wondering if there is (if so please point me in the right way) a stopping smoking thread?
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Stopping smoking

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tattle.life

Vaping / quit smoking.

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tattle.life


Found 3 but I'll be honest cba to look for more haha .
 
Reactions: 2

boatofbubbles

Thanks I did search thread titles but nothing useful came up.
 
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Pesky Tarian

I seem to have reached that point in life where a lot of friends are going on to their second marriages. We have wedding number 5 this year in October and I've needed a new outfit for each as they're largely the same group of people! (I have done very well with charity shop finds ). In short I have a dark green dress and have found out today that the couples accent colour is dark green, can I still wear it? I don't want to look like a wanna be bridesmaid!.

Also would v grateful if anyone could recommend some closed toe high heels (black). X
 

Mamacita

Guess depends how bridsmaidy your dress looks and if its the same shade of dark green?
Ive been to so many weddings with the same group of people i started recycling outfits, ain't nobody got money for that new outfit each time

Hope they will all be happily together as im refusing to be going to round 2 weddings
 
Reactions: 4

Pesky Tarian

I did think well no one will remember what I wear, I can double up but then of course..there are the photos!.

It is exactly the same green . I don't think too bridesmaidy though. It has long sleeves and a little stand up collar, but then will October, 40+ bridesmaids be decked out in chiffon?. Maybe we'll have a heatwave and I can re wear a summer one .
 
Reactions: 1
C

Codiaeum


I personally wouldn't wear it if it's such a close shade match and really simply rewear something you have. Who cares if here are pictures with you wearing that same dress - I guarantee you the men won't all be getting new suits for each wedding and most of them won't even get a new shirt. Maybe you can style a dress it a bit differently than the other time you wore it?
 
Reactions: 5

Mamacita

Yeah that's why i stopped being bothered about rewearing. I couldn't tell you what others wore to previous weddings and can't say i have ever analysed anyone's wedding photos and thought AHA this person is wearing the same dress. If i have to be honest i barely look at anyone's wedding photos anyway
 
Reactions: 5

didisaythatoutloudoops

Personally, I think if you have been told the bridal party colour, that it's an indirect wedding-soft way of saying 'please note this colour is reserved for the bridal party'.
 
Reactions: 2

Pesky Tarian

didisaythatoutloudoops said:
Personally, I think if you have been told the bridal party colour, that it's an indirect wedding-soft way of saying 'please note this colour is reserved for the bridal party'.
Click to expand...
The groom is our friend so comms have been somewhat minimal (!). I only realised when my husband picked up his suit and it had the green waist coat, pocket square etc.

I do think you're right though. I won't feel comfortable in the green. Thanks to all who replied .
 
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H

Happy Alpaca

Am I overreacting....

Had a handyman round replastering my ceiling. I'd seen him on local pages for the last couple of years and his work looked good, so when I recently needed some work doing, I contacted him and a couple of others for a quote. Out of 3, he's the only one that turned up when he said he would and gave a quote, so I booked him in.

When he turned up, he seemed a cheeky chappy kinda guy, joking when he turned up, saying he'd bought me a gift, then saying it was a bag of plaster, and saying it's not his usual gifts of flowers.

I was working from home, and he had to walk past me to his van. Random questions came every time he passed. "Are you single" I said yes. "Happily?" I said yes. Thinking I wasn't really sure how to respond, so just to keep it to one word answers. Then half an hour later when he passed "How old are you?" I said I wasn't discussing it and that I was working, kinda laughing it off. He said "why are you being cagey".

In my head I couldn't work out if he was just having banter, but at the same time I was thinking, I've only met him twice, I'm not telling him all my personal details. I felt safe cos I can contact work people over the computer if needed, but I was starting to think of ringing one of them.

He then kept trying to guess my age.....guessing 15 years younger, I just laughed again and said no. I was already thinking, what a creep, trying to flatter me with chat up lines.

I started to wish he would leave, and maybe I should've asked him to go. Or maybe I should've been firmer, saying I was trying to work. But that would've felt like an overreaction......it was just random questions, once every half hour ish. And then I'd have had to find another plasterer after being fed up of others not turning up, and I couldn't really tell if the situation was odd or not.

Then as he was leaving, he sat down to write an invoice, and asked if I'd ever been married. I said I wasn't discussing it. Then he responded, so would you be interested in friends with benefits. I just said "erm no" and turned back to my computer.

Thinking back to when I got the quote from him, I remember noticing he made a few digs about his ex wife.....etc. which I remember thinking was a bit of a red flag, but brushed it off.

My question is (and thanks for reading).....how would other people have handled this situation? I just feel really awkward now, and not sure why. I feel a bit grubby.

Would others be flattered? I think I feel that if he genuinely fancied me, he shouldve text me after......not when he is in my home and he has control cos he's got my ceiling half done. It just felt wrong.

Then the friends with benefits thing, asking that whilst knowing I had to sit there while he was writing out the invoice......I just thought.....how many women is he being like this with?
And is he even aware that it's not appropriate? But then i thought, we're all adults after all, and he was just asking questions.......

Any thoughts or comments are appreciated x
 
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Reactions: 11

yogiessexdubs

You’re definitely not overreacting, he crossed boundaries and in your home. I’m sorry this happened to you.
 
Reactions: 11

DianaBanana

I wouldn’t be flattered, I’d be pissed off that someone came into my home and made me feel uncomfortable. I don’t think you’re overreacting either.
 
Reactions: 13
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