The advice thread for random problems #6

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Mr Lolz and I are going through a stressful time at home, not of our own making. Anyway this is just to give a bit of context.
Tonight he blew his lid with me and tbh I’m shocked he hasn’t done it earlier.
He pointed out that for the last couple of weeks I’ve done nothing but pick fault with everything he does. And I mean even small things like brush his teet to loudly

I know I’m not the easiest person in the world but once he pointed it out tonight I felt sick at how I’ve been treating him. Some of this is in my nature to do but I’ve never been this bad.

I like to think I do some introspection and work on myself in general. But I’m not sure how to try and change this behaviour.
Any helpful tips?

 

[Kim Mild]

Mr Lolz and I are going through a stressful time at home, not of our own making. Anyway this is just to give a bit of context.
Tonight he blew his lid with me and tbh I’m shocked he hasn’t done it earlier.
He pointed out that for the last couple of weeks I’ve done nothing but pick fault with everything he does. And I mean even small things like brush his teet to loudly

I know I’m not the easiest person in the world but once he pointed it out tonight I felt sick at how I’ve been treating him. Some of this is in my nature to do but I’ve never been this bad.

I like to think I do some introspection and work on myself in general. But I’m not sure how to try and change this behaviour.
Any helpful tips?

I think the first step is that you've admitted you need to change. That is often so hard , so well done for doing that.
There is probably a reason you are behaving like this , so you may need to work on the cause. If I get like this , it's due to resentment, hormones or anger. Secondly. what you pick fault with is probably not the root cause of the above feelings, there may be something deeper.

 

[Chocolategoggler]

I need some info......
Just watching a vlogger talking about how for a woman the most blissful feeling at the end of the day is taking your bra and makeup off.
She was wondering what the male equivalent was, so now I want to know!!!!
I can't ring any blokes I know up as I know they'll start getting "ideas."
So I'm throwing myself on the mercy of Tattle to assuage my curiosity.
What is the equivalent for men. That feeling you just can't beat......????

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I need some info......
Just watching a vlogger talking about how for a woman the most blissful feeling at the end of the day is taking your bra and makeup off.
She was wondering what the male equivalent was, so now I want to know!!!!
I can't ring any blokes I know up as I know they'll start getting "ideas."
So I'm throwing myself on the mercy of Tattle to assuage my curiosity.
What is the equivalent for men. That feeling you just can't beat......????

Probably taking their shoes off

 

[Snippysnips]

I need some info......
Just watching a vlogger talking about how for a woman the most blissful feeling at the end of the day is taking your bra and makeup off.
She was wondering what the male equivalent was, so now I want to know!!!!
I can't ring any blokes I know up as I know they'll start getting "ideas."
So I'm throwing myself on the mercy of Tattle to assuage my curiosity.
What is the equivalent for men. That feeling you just can't beat......????

Know a lot of guys an grew up with a lot, an knowing all of them it would probably be something stupid like throwing their clothes off an scratching their balls in peace

 

[Scorpihoe]

I need some info......
Just watching a vlogger talking about how for a woman the most blissful feeling at the end of the day is taking your bra and makeup off.
She was wondering what the male equivalent was, so now I want to know!!!!
I can't ring any blokes I know up as I know they'll start getting "ideas."
So I'm throwing myself on the mercy of Tattle to assuage my curiosity.
What is the equivalent for men. That feeling you just can't beat......????

I asked my husband, for science reasons, and he said unbuckling his belt

 

[Happy Lady]

Random question. When we read signs on public transport stating front seats are for the elderly, what age would you expect that to be?

 

[Snippysnips]

Random question. When we read signs on public transport stating front seats are for the elderly, what age would you expect that to be?

I go with retirement age so above 60, it's not always obvious to see though, so I'll typically sit up the back or middle, but if I see someone come on an they are obviously struggling an front seats are gone then I'll give my seat in the middle up

It's hard cause while some you can tell who needs a seat, others you really can't, so while I can manage I'll stick to the back

 

[JoeBloggs]

I need some info......
Just watching a vlogger talking about how for a woman the most blissful feeling at the end of the day is taking your bra and makeup off.
She was wondering what the male equivalent was, so now I want to know!!!!
I can't ring any blokes I know up as I know they'll start getting "ideas."
So I'm throwing myself on the mercy of Tattle to assuage my curiosity.
What is the equivalent for men. That feeling you just can't beat......????

I guess it’s not quite the same but Mr Bloggs would say scratching his balls after a long day

 

[JoeBloggs]

Random question. When we read signs on public transport stating front seats are for the elderly, what age would you expect that to be?

I would say it depends on how they look, over 70 but perhaps a bit younger if they looked frail.

 

[Happy Lady]

I go with retirement age so above 60, it's not always obvious to see though, so I'll typically sit up the back or middle, but if I see someone come on an they are obviously struggling an front seats are gone then I'll give my seat in the middle up

It's hard cause while some you can tell who needs a seat, others you really can't, so while I can manage I'll stick to the back

Thank you for your response, and also @JoeBloggs .

The reason I ask is because when I get on a bus, I see these notices and simply ignore them, as I think they are for old people. However, I now realise that as I'm almost 70, perhaps I fit into the "old" category. Yet, I don't look it, feel it or act it . So for now I'll just continue letting other old people use those seats.

 

[Snippysnips]

Thank you for your response, and also @JoeBloggs .

The reason I ask is because when I get on a bus, I see these notices and simply ignore them, as I think they are for old people. However, I now realise that as I'm almost 70, perhaps I fit into the "old" category. Yet, I don't look it, feel it or act it . So for now I'll just continue letting other old people use those seats.

My dad's the same, he's 70 next year but would still naturally go for the middle seats even though he could take the front, I'd say go for whatever seat you feel comfortable with

 

[Kim Mild]

Thank you for your response, and also @JoeBloggs .

The reason I.ask is because when I get on a bus, I see these notices and simply ignore them, as I think they are for old people. However, I now realise that as I'm almost 70, perhaps I fit into the "old" category. Yet, I don't look it, feel it or act it . So for now I'll just continue letting other old people use those seats.

It's not compulsory to sit there, just the elderly can if they find it easier. I have certain seats I prefer on the bus , I imagine I'll always gravitate towards those if they are free.

 

[Chocolategoggler]

I guess it’s not quite the same but Mr Bloggs would say scratching his balls after a long day

That was my secret thought

 

[PunkRocker]

I need some info......
Just watching a vlogger talking about how for a woman the most blissful feeling at the end of the day is taking your bra and makeup off.
She was wondering what the male equivalent was, so now I want to know!!!!
I can't ring any blokes I know up as I know they'll start getting "ideas."
So I'm throwing myself on the mercy of Tattle to assuage my curiosity.
What is the equivalent for men. That feeling you just can't beat......????

I just asked my husband and he said rearranging his balls

 

[pinkmug]

Mr Lolz and I are going through a stressful time at home, not of our own making. Anyway this is just to give a bit of context.
Tonight he blew his lid with me and tbh I’m shocked he hasn’t done it earlier.
He pointed out that for the last couple of weeks I’ve done nothing but pick fault with everything he does. And I mean even small things like brush his teet to loudly

I know I’m not the easiest person in the world but once he pointed it out tonight I felt sick at how I’ve been treating him. Some of this is in my nature to do but I’ve never been this bad.

I like to think I do some introspection and work on myself in general. But I’m not sure how to try and change this behaviour.
Any helpful tips?

I don't know the full context obviously but I am prone to similar behaviour when I'm tense, so I'll try to give my two cents. I might ramble so it's under spoiler.

Spoiler

Nitpicking and overly criticising others can be a way to try and regain control, especially when other things are spiraling. Anxiety and general restlessness is a terrible trigger of mine for acting like this, because I know I can't do much about the actual thing that's causing me stress, so I become a horror for everything else (cleaning, others' harmless habits, signs of weakness in people, noise, bad manners, etc.) Small offenders on their own, or just non-issues, but they become a nightmare to me if I'm anxious or overstimulated.

My advice is choosing a calm, preferably solitary moment to reflect on what's bothering you about him, actual problems that he can fix but doesn't, or just personal quirks that you didn't mind much before? If things aren't that big a deal when you're not in close proximity, you might try and find a way to unsee/unhear it until this phase is over.

For stuff like noise, visual annoyance etc. from others, I just find it easier to remove myself from the situation. Watching something engaging, earplugs, earphones, changing rooms, listening to something that you like, gaming... The point is directing your attention away from the point of irritation so it fades into the background. When your mind stops fixating on it, your tension will diminish too.

If there are some things that you genuinely think he needs to work at, choosing a less rocky time to discuss them is probably better. He must feel on edge now, αs are you. The important thing is you are aware of this and trying to find a solution. I don't know if this was helpful but good luck!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I don't know the full context obviously but I am prone to similar behaviour when I'm tense, so I'll try to give my two cents. I might ramble so it's under spoiler.

Spoiler

Nitpicking and overly criticising others can be a way to try and regain control, especially when other things are spiraling. Anxiety and general restlessness is a terrible trigger of mine for acting like this, because I know I can't do much about the actual thing that's causing me stress, so I become a horror for everything else (cleaning, others' harmless habits, signs of weakness in people, noise, bad manners, etc.) Small offenders on their own, or just non-issues, but they become a nightmare to me if I'm anxious or overstimulated.

My advice is choosing a calm, preferably solitary moment to reflect on what's bothering you about him, actual problems that he can fix but doesn't, or just personal quirks that you didn't mind much before? If things aren't that big a deal when you're not in close proximity, you might try and find a way to unsee/unhear it until this phase is over.

For stuff like noise, visual annoyance etc. from others, I just find it easier to remove myself from the situation. Watching something engaging, earplugs, earphones, changing rooms, listening to something that you like, gaming... The point is directing your attention away from the point of irritation so it fades into the background. When your mind stops fixating on it, your tension will diminish too.

If there are some things that you genuinely think he needs to work at, choosing a less rocky time to discuss them is probably better. He must feel on edge now, αs are you. The important thing is you are aware of this and trying to find a solution. I don't know if this was helpful but good luck!

That was super helpful and exactly how I’m triggered too. It’s all about controlling what I can because the “stressful” situation is out of our hands.
The removing myself is a great idea and I’ll try it

 

[Penguin2022]

This is a nice problem to have but I need help!

I currently have 2 job offers on the table and I don’t have the first clue how to decide. Salary wise there is £1000 in it so that’s not a dealbreaker. Commute time broadly similar. Both roles came us as a result of internal restructures so would be very similar in terms of being able to make the role my own and no existing hierarchy. For context I do something which is transferable across multiple industries (eg admin, finance, comms etc). Need to leave current role asap as redundancies are afoot and I’ve been there less than 2 years so payoff would be bugger all.

Job 1 - an industry I LOVE the idea of working in. Got a nice feel from the team at interview and would definitely work well with my immediate manager. Probably less varied work but then in turn “easier.” Less forthcoming on how flexible the role would be in terms of wfh / flexing when required. More of a “serious” role and company. It’s worth noting I interviewed for this first and really wanted it until job 2 threw a spanner in the works!

Job 2 - not an industry I’ve ever worked in before but the role is very close to what I currently do. More open about flexibility. Interview was much more informal and I very much got a sense of the people I’d work with and think we’d get on really well. More creative which I’m less used to.

I’d feel bad about turning down either and as a lot of the key factors (travel, pay) are so similar there’s no obvious choice for me….

 

[Thank(space)you]

This is a nice problem to have but I need help!

I currently have 2 job offers on the table and I don’t have the first clue how to decide. Salary wise there is £1000 in it so that’s not a dealbreaker. Commute time broadly similar. Both roles came us as a result of internal restructures so would be very similar in terms of being able to make the role my own and no existing hierarchy. For context I do something which is transferable across multiple industries (eg admin, finance, comms etc). Need to leave current role asap as redundancies are afoot and I’ve been there less than 2 years so payoff would be bugger all.

Job 1 - an industry I LOVE the idea of working in. Got a nice feel from the team at interview and would definitely work well with my immediate manager. Probably less varied work but then in turn “easier.” Less forthcoming on how flexible the role would be in terms of wfh / flexing when required. More of a “serious” role and company. It’s worth noting I interviewed for this first and really wanted it until job 2 threw a spanner in the works!

Job 2 - not an industry I’ve ever worked in before but the role is very close to what I currently do. More open about flexibility. Interview was much more informal and I very much got a sense of the people I’d work with and think we’d get on really well. More creative which I’m less used to.

I’d feel bad about turning down either and as a lot of the key factors (travel, pay) are so similar there’s no obvious choice for me….

From what you've written, I get the feel job one would be the one for you. Congrats on the offers

 

[Piff paff puff]

Mr energy company have been hassling me to get a smart meter before they switch over. My they fitted one in my neighbour house and now his water boiler doesn't work properly and after numerous phone calls they won't come out to sort it.
So my problem is that my storage heater and my water boiler aren't going to work after the switch over with either meter. How can they leave people with these problems without any provision?