The advice thread for random problems #6

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The advice thread for random problems #5

Does anyone compare themselves to others? And if you had a friend who said they’re not comparing themselves to others anymore would you assume they think they’re better than others and self righteous. I have a friend who does this constantly and such a negative way of thinking. I’ve told her I...

tattle.life

 

[Snippysnips]

I don’t even know if I’m in the right place but I was hoping someone would have advice.
I have PMDD and have taken two days off sick this year. Not back to back to separate days.
My boss has contacted my dr for my medical records. I had to give permission and was told it was my choice but the letter basically said if I didn’t it would go against me.

Need to add people I work with have been off since September last year and they’re fine but my two days hell no

Not sure if that's right to be honest, no one should be getting access to your medical records, usually if you are off for more than I think 5 days? It requires a sick note from your doctor but not access to your medical records

Are you UK? I'd maybe contact citizens advice an ask about if that was allowed or if your boss has overstepped boundaries, I used to have to take time off due to my anxiety disorder an never did I give my work place my records, it was notes from my doctor I gave them

It sounds like they have perhaps bullied you into gaining access which tbh could really land them in some serious shit

 

[boomska]

ETA - Am not sure if this is the right place for this so please let me know if it'd be better somewhere else. Thanks

This is a largely hypothetical question, but it’s been on my mind recently.

I’ve just found out that someone I used to work with has been told they only have about six months to live. We were never especially close, and since I left that company years ago, we haven’t spoken or interacted much—maybe the odd “like” on Instagram, but that’s about it. When we did work together, though, we got on well enough and would share a laugh whenever our roles overlapped.

They’re not the first former colleague I’ve heard of being diagnosed with a terminal illness, and in those cases I didn’t reach out either. It wasn’t out of malice or avoidance, more that we’d drifted out of each other’s lives, and I felt strange about getting in touch only because I’d heard they were dying.

I’m not beating myself up over it, but it has got me thinking. I’d be curious to hear what other people would do in this situation. Would you reach out, or just leave it be?

If they didn’t publicly announce it, or you found out directly from them,personally, I wouldn’t reach out. If it was me, and old work colleague messaged me, I would think “oh it’s only took a terminal illness for you to reach out and message ” as our lives can go at any point.

but then maybe I’m harsh..so maybe you could message them and say “hi just saw this funny meme. Made me think of X time.” But not being up Their illness?

 

[cowtastrophe]

ETA - Am not sure if this is the right place for this so please let me know if it'd be better somewhere else. Thanks

This is a largely hypothetical question, but it’s been on my mind recently.

I’ve just found out that someone I used to work with has been told they only have about six months to live. We were never especially close, and since I left that company years ago, we haven’t spoken or interacted much—maybe the odd “like” on Instagram, but that’s about it. When we did work together, though, we got on well enough and would share a laugh whenever our roles overlapped.

They’re not the first former colleague I’ve heard of being diagnosed with a terminal illness, and in those cases I didn’t reach out either. It wasn’t out of malice or avoidance, more that we’d drifted out of each other’s lives, and I felt strange about getting in touch only because I’d heard they were dying.

I’m not beating myself up over it, but it has got me thinking. I’d be curious to hear what other people would do in this situation. Would you reach out, or just leave it be?

Personally, I think I would leave it be. If it was someone I’d had contact with since leaving I might have got in touch but if there’s been no contact I wouldn’t.

 

[JoeBloggs]

No to everything.

If its not your home, you need to go via your landlord/HA or the Council. Whoever owns the property will have insurance which will help fight the other side.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

So this is really trivial but it’s also upsetting me, I started a new job about a month ago, everyone is lovely apart from one person who twice now has commented about my name, the first instance was ‘my ex sister in law has the same name as you, I hate that name’ then he said ‘oh your name is in that song ha ha’ then reeled off the singer/band, now I have a pretty common name, it’s an ok name, I got home from work & just wanted to cry, he has a really common name as well, I think that’s pretty rich slagging my name off when you have such a basic name, I just don’t know what to do because he seems quite popular & has been there for years. Or perhaps I’m just being sensitive? I’m not a very confident person & can take things to heart.

Get him on his own and ask "have I done something to upset you? Because you've made comments towards me a few times now".

 

[petitspois]

I don’t even know if I’m in the right place but I was hoping someone would have advice.
I have PMDD and have taken two days off sick this year. Not back to back to separate days.
My boss has contacted my dr for my medical records. I had to give permission and was told it was my choice but the letter basically said if I didn’t it would go against me.

Need to add people I work with have been off since September last year and they’re fine but my two days hell no

What country do you live in?? That’s outrageous

 

[HelloStereo]

What an asshole. You don't need that kind off energy in your life.

100%, I blocked / removed him from everything when he said I lacked self reflection and was wondering what benefit we bring to each other's lives. It's just a complete asshole move to make someone think there's something wrong with them when really it's because you've dug yourself too deep into a lie and can't bring yourself to come clean.

It's someone who up until last month kept trying to chance their arm with me too.

 

[boomska]

Is it normal to just not retain anything?? we had a training at work this morning with a quiz after, I flicked through the slides and then answered the Q’s fine… but then everyone was chatting about it this afternoon and bringing up certain points, once I X’d out I completely forget everything and wouldn’t even be able to put a few sentences together about what the training entailed…

I will also watch the same things on TV or same films and even though I know I’ve seen it, I’ll have completely forgotten what the episodes are about or what happens! Same with books, I know I’ve read it but couldn’t give you two lines on the plot…

Is this normal?!!

This is called something but I can’t remember what it’s called. But basically it’s like you’ve got a weak memory muscle- normally people who are ADHD/neurodivergent c

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Has anyone here started over, completely, on their 30's or later? I'm just so tired of my life, it's itchy and uncomfortable and just doesn't fit me any more but I have no idea what else I want to do. And it terrifies me to stay where I am because I would regret it so massively if I did, but it also seems so foolish to give up everything I've built in the last decade for a midlife crisis?

I feel so dragged down by my job, my mortgage, the demands of my day to day, my depression is consistently bad, had been for years now despite antidepressants and therapy and yoga and all the stuff people tell you to do to fight this and somethings gotta give or I will literally unalive myself when my dog's time has come because she’s the only thing keeping me together at this point. The only thing keeping me from doing something irreversible is the thought of not knowing what would happen to her.

I just want to get into my van and drive off yelling "Sayonara bitches" at this point because I despise my life so fucking much I can't stand it any longer.

I’ve not started over but I am an adventurer by heart so would do it.
My feeling is if you suffer with depression and this is how you feel. Then get rid of everything jump in your van and yell “Sayonara bitches”
Society tells us we must want a house and settle down but this is not for everyone.
Have you thought about communal living. The older I get the more that appeals to me. Or just sell everything and hit the road

 

[Chocolategoggler]

I've just followed one of her tips on 2 towels heavily stained with hair dye. I didn't put enough sodium percarbonate in, so chucked in more on top and still managed to get nearly all the dye out.
I will try to do better next time.
Nancy's probably giving me an eye roll

 

[petitspois]

I had some new internal oak doors a while ago, the untreated kind and unfortunately I never got around to treating them. Family life has rumbled on and they now have greasy finger prints (kids) and tea stains (husband nudging the door open, tea in hand). These seem ingrained , does anyone know how I can clean these before I oil them please?. Google suggested fairy liquid but it didn't lift anything.

If they're completely untreated I would suggest a very very fine sandpaper.

 

[Jas28]

I can be the same, am dyslexic so know that sometimes things can come out a mess to others, everyone's brains understands things totally differently, I used to work in a betting shop an the way I calculated bets no one else could understand how I done it but to me it made perfect sense, so it definitely does help just talking it out with people an figuring out a way both can understand

My manager is quite defensive though so when you do ask something back she makes it sound like it’s argumentative due to her tone. I do miss our previous lead as they were just so easy to get on with

 

[boatofbubbles]

Seeing the bumble advert, I am tempted to join to find someone... maybe. The idea of finding a relationship is big after a pretty bad experience with my youngest dad. If I joined up would it be possible to just find someone in the county not the town. I dont want people at work talking about it for example.

 

[Snippysnips]

Thanks, the just eat might be a nice idea since it's a new town, the cleaning stuff would have been ok I think if it were a first home but it's just a move so I feel like they will already have most if not all of that anyway, same with anything like towels or general household stuff

 

[littlepup]

Id like some advice regarding cleaners if anyone can help I've never had one before but I'm considering hiring one on an adhoc basis as sometimes when I have a lot of work on i let housework slide a lot.

But I just wondered how it works. Do they have a key to your property and just let themselves in? Do they use their own stuff? Do they tidy as well?

You might want a cleaning service rather than a cleaner who’ll generally want a fixed slot.

In my experience cleaners may fold some stray clothes, put the bed sheets into the wash, take out bins and stack papers to a pile but they don’t tidy away, just clean (with their own stuff). We always end up having a big tidy the night before, make sure there’s clean bed linen etc.

Good cleaners are like gold dust though. There’s a difference between being able to clean and being a cleaner by profession.

 

[becca7721]

It can depend on what you’re using to access Amazon. Not everything works across all versions of their site, which is stupid I know. So there’s things that won’t work in the app/mobile versions but will on desktop but that’s also further complicated by what device you’re using…

 

[bozlem3080]

You should still be getting something. Did you actually go through the whole application process and told no? Nobody should have only £10 a week to spend on food.

I applied online then got a notification to attend a face to face meeting with a job coach or whatever they are called, I had to prove who I was ie photo ID & show my tenancy agreement, then said I wasn’t entitled to any help but to basically look for a better paid job or ask for more hours. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t have any dependents? So came away absolutely heartbroken that there is zero help out there for me.

I wouldn’t of taken the job I have now if I knew they wouldn’t give me a minimum of 24hrs, I’m so stupid to think that I was actually going to be better off instead I’ve just fallen flat on my arse again

 

[JoeBloggs]

I think it will be my last-resort option - firstly because he's a cat who absolutely loves sunbathing on the patio, being in and out, and he's lucky enough that our garden(s) are within a courtyard and therefore safe from traffic etc. It's a lovely life for him. Secondly, I get the feeling that once I keep him in she'll ever accept me letting him out again - I think that's her end goal, she's moaned about cats (mine and others) here and there over many years.



She hasn't asked outright but has said 'she's desperate' and has insisted she's spent 400 quid on plants (I have seen absolutely no difference/nothing being added or brought in - we share a drive). I also just don't physically understand how one cat can produce enough wee each day to destroy a garden that is about half an acre! She seems to just want him inside but won't outright ask for it. She also seems disappointed when I offer solutions like bird nets, curry powder, even sonic repellers etc.

I call BS. I have two cats that use my garden (and possibly others) and they have not destroyed my plants.

Cat's don't like things like citrus, mint etc. So she can put olbas oil on tea bags, citrus peelings, pepermint oil, mint plants etc. Personally I think its on her to do something if she has such a problem. Cats roam and they have a right to, I would not be keeping my cat in because of this.

Tell her you've offered options, if it bothers her that much she should take some action.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

So my previous job I was on a 4hr contract but did 20hrs a week. I was a supervisor on minimum wage but thought it would look good on my CV, I’ve got a new job told the manager I could do as many hrs they could offer me over 24 if possible no problem, I’m only being put in for 16hrs a week, I literally can’t survive, there are no extra hours to have, I’m single so not entitled to UC as according to them I earn ‘too much’ (I live in a HMO so bills included) but by the time I’ve paid my rent & debts I owe I have £65 a month for food, my only options are to either find another job with more hours but there don’t seem to be any around or to take on an extra job doing nights perhaps twice a week, I’m in my 40’s & feel like such a failure.

Please don't feel like a failure. Life is hard and people don't talk enough about the fact that not everybody does what is considered "well" in life. Try and change your mindset. Are you healthy, do you have a roof over your head and food in your house. If so you are winning! There are a lot more people in your exact shoes than you think, some of them might even look well off but are probably one bill away from losing it all.

Is there some sort of extra work you can do for an income? Maybe dog walking, cat sitting, a bit of light gardening etc If you are a crafter try and sell your work. I recently met a lady who does pet sitting in people's homes for an extra income. SHe uses a reputable app/website for her services and makes fairly good money. Plus in the host family home she's saving on utilities, although that might not be relevant to you