The advice thread for random problems #2

[WeHadFunRight]

Question. Would you expect both your children to be invited to a child’s bday party if they were only 2 years age diff or just the one that’s close in age to the child celebrating their bday?

Just the child who is closest in age (assuming it’s a class party invite) but I wouldn’t have much of a problem with a sibling coming along if the parent was struggling with getting someone to look after them on that day - it just depends on circs - is it a hall party (in which case usually it’s pretty easy) but if it’s something where numbers count a bit more then that’s a conversation to be had….

 

[Mamacita]

Weird question to those who have to talk a lot e.g. in a job ( teachers maybe?). How do you do it??
I sometimes have to run 1-3h sessions at work and my throat is very sore after, feels raw. Is this normal or is there something wrong with the way I talk

 

[Tinker74]

I wouldn't have asked about the smell, it smelt of food, you knew they were getting food delivered, I'm not sure why you needed to comment.

Reminds me of a colleague who any time anyone ever ate any hot food in the office would make a big loud performance going on about the stink etc. Made people feel very awkward.

I think you will have made the bf feel awkward and uncomfortable - and therefore I would say it's a bit rude, albeit clearly not deliberately so.

I wouldn't have commented at all if she hadn't started a conversation with me asking me to help with the TV.. My plan was just to run to kitchen get a drink and run upstairs.. Even though the smell hit me straight away I would have said a thing only she opened a dialogue with me. And I don't think I mafe a performance of it.. I just asked if they had had garlic and what had they ordered because it stunk lol. If I had said that to my son and his gf they wouldn't have been bothered at all.. Probably had a laugh about the smell lol..

 

[NordieGal]

I have a really daft problem

I now have a cleaner helper and right now she is in my garden tidying it and making it look nice after all the plants dying and leaves falling ETC
I am suffering so much anxiety, how do people just sit there when others are doing work for them? She isn't even in the house and I'm stressed that I'm sitting and doing nothing while she is working hard. How on earth will I cope when she is in the house doing the cleaning?

I have had a cleaner helper before but we worked together and it was great but I can't do physical work anymore and it's killing me.

I once did some cleaning jobs to supplement my carer pay and didnt give it thought that people were sitting chatting with a friend or watching TV while I was cleaning .. I want to be able to do that but feel like I can't breath






I feel like a right nob sitting here so stressed.

I would take myself off to the bedroom and close over the door (ajar, not fully so as not to seem like you don't want to be disturbed). Have you got some organising you can do in there, like sorting clothes/tidying up dressing table etc? Something productive but out of the way? Or even read for a bit on your bed?

 

[thaliamay]

Hi all dip in and out of these threads but I am in AGONY right now and need advice. Anyone had facial virus it's like herpes... Not contracted from anyone else it seems when my immune system is shot to bits and my health is bad as it has been lately, I break out and this time it's the entire lower half of my face. Internally and externally it is sheer torturous pain. Big angry red raised lumps burning under the surface. What can I do aside from medications as can't take any. Please help, it's excruciating!

 

[boomska]

Bless you, it always hurts when things like this happen.

I personally wouldn't tell him. Mainly because (and I'm sorry if this is mean) you were the one that said you wanted to be friends and that your goals didn't align. Nothing wrong with that but I don't think it's fair now to change your mind on a dime, tell him and potentially mess up whatever it is he's got going on with his girlfriend.

Maybe you want what you can't have, maybe you want it cause it's a safe option cause you know deep down you can't have it. You said it's been an emotional week an meeting up with you estranged dad, maybe that's triggered some of the issues of abandonment and rejection.

My suggestion would be continue with the therapy and focus on yourself and dealing with your issues. Never know, maybe when you're feeling in a better place he might be single

Yeah this is very good points and advice. I think I’m feeling sensitive this week with everything.

My dating life goal is marriage and potentially kids as he’s already been married twice and got three kids (by three different women!) and I’m so used to not saying what I want, I don’t want to budge on this.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Hi looking for some advice. We have a family holiday to center parks planned for next spring. I have recently divorced so will be in an apartment by myself. I was a recent add on as didn't want to go initially.
My brother and his wife and three sons under 12 will be in their own lodge.
My parents are sharing a lodge with my son who is 28. He adores his grandparents and wanted to stay with them.
All seems fine doesn't it... Well mybrother has started to bizarrely ignore some of my text messages.. He seems off. I don't message that often but when I have he has read but not replied.. Except to a birthday message. I asked my mum about it and apparently he is annoyed with me and my son that he has found out that my son is bringing his new girlfriend of 4 months on the center parcs holiday. They will have been together a year by the time of the holiday.
He apperently said he is furious and doesn't want to have to holiday with a stranger!
Iam shocked at this and haven't told my son as he is very sensitive and laid back and it will hurt him that his uncle thinks this. I mean is this strange? It's a bloody 5 day trip to center parcs! My son and his gf will not be in the same lodge as my brother.. They will be with my patents who are fine with it.. My son paid for his own lodge. And this girl is not a stranger she is important to my son and could become part of the family. She is a lovely quiet girl.
My brother has always been a bit strange.. He is very insular and introverted. He gave up work to be a full time dad years ago because he couldn't stand being around people lol. I think iam more hurt by his anger towards towards this and his ignoring my messages as iam recovering from a breakdown that I had following my marriage breakdown. I have basically been bed bound for 12 months and barely able to function. My family have not been supportive at all. My mum tried but just ended up annoyed at my selfishness as she saw it. My brother just ignored the whole thing. My grown kids helped me through. I cried ever day for 6 months. But iam finally feeling like getting back out there.

I’d just like to give a different perspective.
I’m similar to your brother tbh. And that doesn’t mean our issues should be your issues or that it is right.
But the last time I saw my whole family, all together, probably 2012-ish. I asked my parents not to invite my brothers partner who he has been with for years.
I on the other hand barely knew her as my whole family live in Africa. Anyway it wasn’t because I disliked her, I barely see my family and just wanted to spend time with them and not somebody that is a stranger to me.
This was also only for a week we all went away together and after that she was included in everything
Could you possibly have a few socials with your brother and her included? So that he doesn’t feel a stranger is intruding on his holiday

 

[Rxt156]

oh I hate deciding what to wear for a night out! where to look other than boo boo/new look?! These are my usual choices but no luck this time

 

[bookworm1210]

So I absolutely hate my job. I'm just bored and feel like there is nowhere to go in the job, despite me asking my manager for different things to do. I have been there a while now and just stuck in a rut!

I have wanted to do teaching since I was younger and even was going to study for this but changed by a levels to be with friends.
I have got a degree so could do a pgce but just scared!

help!

 

[shadowcat5]

Wondering if someone has some advice.
The wall in my bedroom is wet. I don't know whether it's a leak or condensation. I have the window open and a dehumidifier but nothing seems to shift it. The wall has mould on it. I can clean the mould off (shout out to cillit bang mould cleaner) and it does come off but it's obviously not dealing with the source of the problem. Does anyone have any advice? I have contacted the landlord (I'll refrain from comment on that)

 

[frex]

Defo tumble dry sometimes makes things a bit smaller

 

[Snippysnips]

Heathrow is actually the quickest. You can take the tube to Heathrow or there’s an express train that goes direct for more money. It only takes 15 mins from Heathrow to Paddington on the express.

Stansted express is 50 mins to Liverpool Street, Gatwick Express is 30 mins to Victoria Station, Luton express is 40 mins to Kings Cross St Pancras. You could get to any of these then Uber/cab to the hotel to avoid the tube.

London City would indeed be the closest airport, it’s just very small so limited flights. You could take the DLR from here to Bank in about 20 mins and get a cab from Bank, again avoiding the tube.

Thanks, it's helpful to know the times from each airport into places, I could probably be quite flexible with times of flights an day's, am assuming Glasgow an Edinburgh are going fly into all of them so can look up those areas when I get a hotel booked to see what's going to be closest to them

 

[Babysnark]

i don’t think she’ll get a chargeback with her bank sadly - the product has been delivered to her as ordered (ie, it’s a bottle of perfume). is it the right perfume but just a tester? have you checked through the website she used? they’re normally pretty smart on how they word things in terms of not claiming to be associated with real brands etc. if there’s wording in there that implies it would be a real legitimate product then there’s no harm in trying the bank.

the only way i can think is to request a refund directly from the website itself. though i will say that i don’t know many people who have had luck with that in similar situations

It's the right perfume but it's clearly a fake - the bottle is shoddy and the perfume itself smells slightly off.
She's emailed to request a refund as her bank says that's the first step.

Is it definitely fake? Like it's not just the tester thing making you think so? I used to buy from, I think perfume direct, and some were box damaged, unboxed , some testers (especially if discontinued) etc buy they were real.

Yeah for sure it's fake
Trust pilot (I googled it once she told me where she got it from) gives it 2 stars and a lot of reviews saying its a scam website.

i didn’t think of this! it could also be a bottle marked as a tester which never actually made it out onto a shop floor. OP - like pup says, is there anything else making you think it’s fake?

I'm sure, I have the real one and compared side to side its obvious. The wesite is unfortunately listed as based in Bulgaria and is now not listing any perfumes for sale either just other beauty products eg chanel foundation etc.

 

[Blondeangel2515]

I'd be reporting her but that's just me, personally it's none of anyone's business what's going on with me, if I want to share things then I will but it's not up to someone to keep asking me

As far as commenting on your appearance, personally that's just rude especially if it's in front of others, I myself suffer from bad skin an when stressed it flares up, if someone was commenting on it in front of others I'd be shutting them the fk up there an then

She seems to be way over stepping boundaries, nothing to do with age, she just seems to be a noisy person which some people are, have you spoken to her privately an told her you don't want to share information an she's being disrespectful to you with commenting on you in front of others? I'd say tell her you feel uncomfortable an it's not her business what's going on an to stop with her comments on things, an if not then it needs to be reported, the last thing you want is to be harassed just because she wants to know whats going on

I went to my supervisor over the hospital stuff as I was more taken aback and shocked this woman was even aware of it. Her excuse was she was asking where I was and someone said I’m working from home due to a family member being in hospital but I’ve been in all week so made no sense. I think she was trying to save her back over it.

I keep saying back to her I’ve been to my doctors or I’m trying a new prescription to make her feel like a dickhead over it. But she seems to mainly do the comment when our attractive colleague is talking to me. Who I don’t fancy etc before anyone thinks it’s to do with that. But I’m more shocked no one’s said anything to her over it after I’ve made it obvious it’s dick behaviour. Just to reassure me it’s not just me who thinks these comments are inappropriate.

I haven’t gone to her privately over it yet. As I’ve been too wary maybe I’m taking it the wrong way or overthinking things of her behaviour to be honest. This is why I’ve posted it here before I confront her over all this the next time she says anything. an incident happened where me and others were joking and talking about something that was to do with the lady in question but weren’t aware. She pointed it out to just me saying she’s offended I apologise but she kept interrupting me and not accept my apology basically acting like a child in front of a full room of people. Which made me realise if she can be like that after one incident where I’ve actually done something wrong unintentionally then I’m fine to actually go off on one the next time she makes a comment to me

 

[conrea37]

given the train drivers union is on strike I would avoid trains on the day

 

[Slaybutter]

Nah, that looks exactly the same. Let me know how it goes. I'm always up for a ba

Instead of reaching out and fixing a wrong address they sent a phishing text. Talk about customer service.

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

I wish I could
She’s had a lot go on in the space of a few months a few years ago, lost a lot of friends, I think she feels he’s all she’s got?
We are close and do text/talk daily , I think he’s brainwashed her tbh

How long have they been together? Did the friendships break down since she’s been with him? Cutting off their partners from their support networks is a classic abusive behaviour unfortunately

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

What does everyone take to work for lunch or does anybody have any ideas of what I could have to mix things up a bit? (I work in an office with only a microwave and kettle for context). I am wanting healthy ideas but I am so bored of bringing the same things everyday (sandwich, jacket potato, pasta or soup).

I often take Gym Kitchen ready meals. They are relatively low calorie but healthy with lots of veg etc and the portion sizes are really decent. I can't get along with the lasagne though.

 

[Snippysnips]

I’d defo still keep pushing the NHS if you still want them reduced. My partners friend had hers done not that long ago funded by them.

I know exactly how annoying it is cause I am slim and my boobs still stay big. They are even bigger after I’ve had my son.

Thanks I'll maybe try again because tbh it really affects my mental health, am only 5ft an quite slim, I can't wear shirts, if I get the size to fit then the buttons look like they are holding on for dear life but if I get a bigger size then it looks like I've been in my mum's wardrobe, an I suffer a lot of back pain plus can't sleep on my side either

I was told I'd need to go private which I looked it up an it was coming in around £6000 which there's no way am affording it

 

[Snippysnips]

That high pitched screech goes right through me. I tell my friends with children as they can see me flinch
We’be been very lucky in that the neighbours children are very quiet and well behaved All the other people are middle aged and well behaved

I honestly wish I could go next door an tell them but the mother is more obsessed with the gym an her wine at night than bothering with the kids an the dad is always working, the summers are the worst because they are out all day, but I feel it would cause a battle if I spoke an am sure now that if you sell then you have to make it known if there's issues with neighbours, but she recorded the younger one for social sites once where she was actually causing the kid to screech by winding him up cause she kept asking him if he was bad which just made it worse, an am not sure if there's laws where you can report if your causing a kid distress for the whole purpose of being able to record them having a "meltdown" am not even a joined house an I can hear them with all the doors an windows shut

I get kids will have meltdowns but it's not even one of those, it's literally screeching for the sake of making noise