The advice thread for random problems #2

EasterEggs · Feb 1, 2023

A random and slightly icky one for you all (sorry).

Most mornings for the last month or so I have been retching like I’m going to be sick - not usually bringing anything up just saliva or a small small amount of bile. But on Sunday morning and today I was properly sick with horrible bile and it was awful.

I think it is stress/tiredness but I’m just not sure if this is something to see the Dr about?

I haven’t had sex in 3 years so I’m deffo not pregnant lol!

OnlyHereForTheLolz · Feb 1, 2023

EasterEggs said:
A random and slightly icky one for you all (sorry).

Most mornings for the last month or so I have been retching like I’m going to be sick - not usually bringing anything up just saliva or a small small amount of bile. But on Sunday morning and today I was properly sick with horrible bile and it was awful.

I think it is stress/tiredness but I’m just not sure if this is something to see the Dr about?

I haven’t had sex in 3 years so I’m deffo not pregnant lol!

Yeah, you need to go see your GP. It could just be something simple like reflux or anxiety. But rather have it checked.
Rule of thumb is that anything lasting longer than 2-3 weeks should be checked
---

Snippysnips said:
Anyone ever done a garage sale (UK) is it allowed?

I've a ton of stuff, an tbh I can't be bothered putting it all on selling sites one by one, was thinking about just advertising a garage sale at my own place an whatever doesn't go can just go to a charity shop, but an not sure if it's legally allowed or not

Totally legal. Don’t sweat

TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo · Feb 1, 2023

EasterEggs said:
A random and slightly icky one for you all (sorry).

Most mornings for the last month or so I have been retching like I’m going to be sick - not usually bringing anything up just saliva or a small small amount of bile. But on Sunday morning and today I was properly sick with horrible bile and it was awful.

I think it is stress/tiredness but I’m just not sure if this is something to see the Dr about?

I haven’t had sex in 3 years so I’m deffo not pregnant lol!

Book a GP appointment ASAP. Vomiting in the morning can be a sign of something serious. Whilst the odds are this isn't the case for your situation, it's best to get it checked out. Also, it can't be very nice. Hopefully the GP can solve the issue.

zoominmoom · Feb 1, 2023

Part rant, part looking for advice.

Everything is so hard lately. I'm naturally quite a neurotic person and find stuff like this hard to deal with.

My husband has had mental health issues for a while (we think CPTSD-based but not sure - still no diagnosis). It's been getting worse and we've been back and forth with the GP with medication that does nothing. Over the past couple of weeks he's been telling me he can't cope, doesn't want to be here anymore. I make medical appointments for him for various reasons which I won't go into. Tried to get an appointment and was told over 2 weeks. Called to say we needed one sooner as he's having crises almost daily. Told to just submit another appointment request online. Got another appointment only to be told they'd already referred to the community mental health team and I was told to call CMHT to chase them. Called CMHT and they said no referral had come through, so I need to speak to GP. Requested another appointment yesterday but have heard nothing. Everything has to be done via this bloody e-consult system which is clearly geared towards physical illnesses and is awful for mental illness or anything that is an ongoing issue. The form takes ages to fill in and asks millions of questions every time. Why is everything always such a palaver?

I'm worried about my husband getting worse and find it hard dealing with the emotional outbursts and trying to talk him down when he's saying he doesn't want to be here, although I know he can't help it. I just want some help for him and also for me. No help from family either side and not viable to ask for help for various reasons. My family don't even know about it as I don't want to break my husband's trust. He doesn't talk to his family so I'm the only support. It's just me and I have nobody to talk to. I feel sick every day at the thought of it getting worse and I'm always on the lookout for things that might trigger a crisis.

On top of this work is stressful, my hours have been increased, all the managers have been sacked because they apparently weren't needed but all that's happened is the managerial duties have been split between non-managers with no appropriate training.

My heart constantly feels like it's racing at 100mph and I'm waking up about 10 times a night so always feeling knackered.

Has anyone been through anything similar? How do you get through difficult periods like this?

Carapop · Feb 1, 2023

zoominmoom said:
Part rant, part looking for advice.

Everything is so hard lately. I'm naturally quite a neurotic person and find stuff like this hard to deal with.

My husband has had mental health issues for a while (we think CPTSD-based but not sure - still no diagnosis). It's been getting worse and we've been back and forth with the GP with medication that does nothing. Over the past couple of weeks he's been telling me he can't cope, doesn't want to be here anymore. I make medical appointments for him for various reasons which I won't go into. Tried to get an appointment and was told over 2 weeks. Called to say we needed one sooner as he's having crises almost daily. Told to just submit another appointment request online. Got another appointment only to be told they'd already referred to the community mental health team and I was told to call CMHT to chase them. Called CMHT and they said no referral had come through, so I need to speak to GP. Requested another appointment yesterday but have heard nothing. Everything has to be done via this bloody e-consult system which is clearly geared towards physical illnesses and is awful for mental illness or anything that is an ongoing issue. The form takes ages to fill in and asks millions of questions every time. Why is everything always such a palaver?

I'm worried about my husband getting worse and find it hard dealing with the emotional outbursts and trying to talk him down when he's saying he doesn't want to be here, although I know he can't help it. I just want some help for him and also for me. No help from family either side and not viable to ask for help for various reasons. My family don't even know about it as I don't want to break my husband's trust. He doesn't talk to his family so I'm the only support. It's just me and I have nobody to talk to. I feel sick every day at the thought of it getting worse and I'm always on the lookout for things that might trigger a crisis.

On top of this work is stressful, my hours have been increased, all the managers have been sacked because they apparently weren't needed but all that's happened is the managerial duties have been split between non-managers with no appropriate training.

My heart constantly feels like it's racing at 100mph and I'm waking up about 10 times a night so always feeling knackered.

Has anyone been through anything similar? How do you get through difficult periods like this?

I am so so sorry that both you and your hubby are going through this. It can feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. And being at the mercy of the healthcare system is as terrifying as it is frustrating. I am in a similar situation myself right now. You’re not alone. I understand. I have no advice but to just take it one day at a time. Sometimes it’s one hour at a time. Anything more than that can feel overwhelming and it’s not helpful. You are in survival mode now and you just focus on getting yourself through. I don’t know of the services there (I’m in Ireland) but I’m sure there are free helplines where you/hubby can call just to vent? Where you can express your concerns about him without breaking his trust. And he can emotionally unburden himself without always putting it all on your shoulders? Also, while I understand you want to respect his privacy, I really recommend you talk to a trusted manager at work about the situation at home, without going into too much detail, you might be surprised at how supportive workplaces can be. And I’ll keep everything crossed that the doctors sort their shit out for you!

Babysnark · Feb 2, 2023

zoominmoom said:
Part rant, part looking for advice.

Everything is so hard lately. I'm naturally quite a neurotic person and find stuff like this hard to deal with.

My husband has had mental health issues for a while (we think CPTSD-based but not sure - still no diagnosis). It's been getting worse and we've been back and forth with the GP with medication that does nothing. Over the past couple of weeks he's been telling me he can't cope, doesn't want to be here anymore. I make medical appointments for him for various reasons which I won't go into. Tried to get an appointment and was told over 2 weeks. Called to say we needed one sooner as he's having crises almost daily. Told to just submit another appointment request online. Got another appointment only to be told they'd already referred to the community mental health team and I was told to call CMHT to chase them. Called CMHT and they said no referral had come through, so I need to speak to GP. Requested another appointment yesterday but have heard nothing. Everything has to be done via this bloody e-consult system which is clearly geared towards physical illnesses and is awful for mental illness or anything that is an ongoing issue. The form takes ages to fill in and asks millions of questions every time. Why is everything always such a palaver?

I'm worried about my husband getting worse and find it hard dealing with the emotional outbursts and trying to talk him down when he's saying he doesn't want to be here, although I know he can't help it. I just want some help for him and also for me. No help from family either side and not viable to ask for help for various reasons. My family don't even know about it as I don't want to break my husband's trust. He doesn't talk to his family so I'm the only support. It's just me and I have nobody to talk to. I feel sick every day at the thought of it getting worse and I'm always on the lookout for things that might trigger a crisis.

On top of this work is stressful, my hours have been increased, all the managers have been sacked because they apparently weren't needed but all that's happened is the managerial duties have been split between non-managers with no appropriate training.

My heart constantly feels like it's racing at 100mph and I'm waking up about 10 times a night so always feeling knackered.

Has anyone been through anything similar? How do you get through difficult periods like this?

So so sorry you're going through this, you seem so strong.

I have limited experience as I've only been the person who has the mental health crisis, not the person helping. However I do know that if it gets to the point where he is experiencing the crisis situation, you need to take him to a&e or call 999. I know it seems drastic but our health service now only gives help to those considered most at need, so you may need to push it this far if it comes down to it. From there he will be bumped up the list so to speak to get help.

Sending all the love to you here.

zoominmoom · Feb 2, 2023

Carapop said:
I am so so sorry that both you and your hubby are going through this. It can feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. And being at the mercy of the healthcare system is as terrifying as it is frustrating. I am in a similar situation myself right now. You’re not alone. I understand. I have no advice but to just take it one day at a time. Sometimes it’s one hour at a time. Anything more than that can feel overwhelming and it’s not helpful. You are in survival mode now and you just focus on getting yourself through. I don’t know of the services there (I’m in Ireland) but I’m sure there are free helplines where you/hubby can call just to vent? Where you can express your concerns about him without breaking his trust. And he can emotionally unburden himself without always putting it all on your shoulders? Also, while I understand you want to respect his privacy, I really recommend you talk to a trusted manager at work about the situation at home, without going into too much detail, you might be surprised at how supportive workplaces can be. And I’ll keep everything crossed that the doctors sort their shit out for you!

Thanks for your kind words and sorry to hear you're in a similar situation. I hope everything gets better for you soon. I've called the Samaritans once or twice when it all got too much and they were a good listening ear. I'm considering starting going to a carers support group too.

Luckily work were very understanding when it all kicked off a couple of years ago. I haven't told them it's got bad again because last time I burst out crying and felt a bit silly! I know I can speak to them if I need to, though.

Unfortunately we heard nothing from the doctor today so I'm going to have to request an appointment again tomorrow. I wonder if their online consult thing is shut at certain times. It should say so if it is as it takes about 15 minutes to fill out each time!
---

Babysnark said:
So so sorry you're going through this, you seem so strong.

I have limited experience as I've only been the person who has the mental health crisis, not the person helping. However I do know that if it gets to the point where he is experiencing the crisis situation, you need to take him to a&e or call 999. I know it seems drastic but our health service now only gives help to those considered most at need, so you may need to push it this far if it comes down to it. From there he will be bumped up the list so to speak to get help.

Sending all the love to you here.

I hope you're feeling better with your mental health now We've had situations where we've had to get the police/paramedics/A&E involved before and I'm trying to avoid it happening again if at all possible, and I'm sure he doesn't want that either, though I know sometimes there's nothing else that can be done. One of the A&E doctors basically told him to man up which was so inappropriate it'd be funny if it wasn't so serious. Some of the other people there were good though and one nurse in particular was great.

Fingers crossed I can get the GP to do something. It's no wonder A&E is clogged up if people struggle to get care before it becomes a crisis.

Slaybutter · Feb 2, 2023

I want to start volunteering. I have the spare time and I would like to find something that lets me give back. I have a couple ideas of my own but I would really appreciate recommendations.

OnlyHereForTheLolz · Feb 2, 2023

Slaybutter said:
I want to start volunteering. I have the spare time and I would like to find something that lets me give back. I have a couple ideas of my own but I would really appreciate recommendations.

Age UK and The Cinnamon Trust. I volunteer with them. Or you could look for a smaller more local charity

Slaybutter · Feb 2, 2023

OnlyHereForTheLolz said:
Age UK and The Cinnamon Trust. I volunteer with them. Or you could look for a smaller more local charity

The Cinnamon Ttust looks like something I would enjoy. I’ll see if there is a similar program in my country. Thanks!

Violeteyes89 · Feb 3, 2023

Hi all, I couldn’t figure out how to start a new thread so thought it best to post in here!

A bit of a tricky one but my other half and I live in a flat which is quite old and has terrible sound proofing. Our neighbours seem like nice people who keep themselves to themselves. We just have one awkward issue. They have a baby, who based on when I first saw the baby as a newborn must now be about 18 months old. Our bedroom is on the other side of their bedroom. We’d rarely hear the baby crying through the walls even as a newborn but for the past 3 months or so, we’ve been woken up on a regular basis around 2 or 3AM by the baby squealing and crying. It’s so loud that we feel like the baby is in the same room as us. Even with earplugs in we sometimes wake up. We can hear the parents talking quite loudly too. We live in 2 bedroom flats so I am not sure if the baby sleeps in their other room and then when she wakes, they bring her into their bedroom. We don’t have children ourselves but I do sympathise if they are suffering with broken sleep. Is it awkward if I raise the issue with the neighbours however? I’m not sure if they realise how loud their baby is - it doesn’t even sound like crying, more squealing. I just don’t want to come across as unsympathetic and cause them stress but it’s really really annoying me now!

Milktray · Feb 3, 2023

Violeteyes89 said:
Hi all, I couldn’t figure out how to start a new thread so thought it best to post in here!

A bit of a tricky one but my other half and I live in a flat which is quite old and has terrible sound proofing. Our neighbours seem like nice people who keep themselves to themselves. We just have one awkward issue. They have a baby, who based on when I first saw the baby as a newborn must now be about 18 months old. Our bedroom is on the other side of their bedroom. We’d rarely hear the baby crying through the walls even as a newborn but for the past 3 months or so, we’ve been woken up on a regular basis around 2 or 3AM by the baby squealing and crying. It’s so loud that we feel like the baby is in the same room as us. Even with earplugs in we sometimes wake up. We can hear the parents talking quite loudly too. We live in 2 bedroom flats so I am not sure if the baby sleeps in their other room and then when she wakes, they bring her into their bedroom. We don’t have children ourselves but I do sympathise if they are suffering with broken sleep. Is it awkward if I raise the issue with the neighbours however? I’m not sure if they realise how loud their baby is - it doesn’t even sound like crying, more squealing. I just don’t want to come across as unsympathetic and cause them stress but it’s really really annoying me now!

Oh I've been there...my baby screamed for the best part of a year. Every night without fail. We were shattered. We had been to the GP, the health visitor and tried every method in the book.
We lived in a terraced house and every night, I was paranoid that my baby had woke the neighbours.

One morning, I bumped into my neighbour...we smiled, said hello and very light heartedly he said 'you must be shattered...she's gorgeous but she's got a good pair of lungs on her at night'

We laughed but I was mortified. It made me even more paranoid, so I resorted to driving her around in the car at 2am, to get her back to sleep.

There's not many options unfortunately, but the end will be insight. I had party people living next door after my neighbour left.

Violeteyes89 · Feb 3, 2023

Milktray said:
Oh I've been there...my baby screamed for the best part of a year. Every night without fail. We were shattered. We had been to the GP, the health visitor and tried every method in the book.
We lived in a terraced house and every night, I was paranoid that my baby had woke the neighbours.

One morning, I bumped into my neighbour...we smiled, said hello and very light heartedly my neighbour said 'you must be shattered...she's gorgeous but she's got a good pair of lungs on her at night'

We laughed but I was mortified. It made me even more paranoid, so I resorted to driving her around in the car at 2am, to get her back to sleep.

There's not many options unfortunately, but the end will be insight. I had party people living next door after my neighbour left.

Thanks for your response! This is exactly what I don’t want to do, I don’t want to cause them more stress. I think we just need to resort to some better earplugs … and tbh I would actually rather be woken by a crying baby than someone playing loud music or having parties at all hours.

Rxt156 · Feb 3, 2023

Violeteyes89 said:
Hi all, I couldn’t figure out how to start a new thread so thought it best to post in here!

A bit of a tricky one but my other half and I live in a flat which is quite old and has terrible sound proofing. Our neighbours seem like nice people who keep themselves to themselves. We just have one awkward issue. They have a baby, who based on when I first saw the baby as a newborn must now be about 18 months old. Our bedroom is on the other side of their bedroom. We’d rarely hear the baby crying through the walls even as a newborn but for the past 3 months or so, we’ve been woken up on a regular basis around 2 or 3AM by the baby squealing and crying. It’s so loud that we feel like the baby is in the same room as us. Even with earplugs in we sometimes wake up. We can hear the parents talking quite loudly too. We live in 2 bedroom flats so I am not sure if the baby sleeps in their other room and then when she wakes, they bring her into their bedroom. We don’t have children ourselves but I do sympathise if they are suffering with broken sleep. Is it awkward if I raise the issue with the neighbours however? I’m not sure if they realise how loud their baby is - it doesn’t even sound like crying, more squealing. I just don’t want to come across as unsympathetic and cause them stress but it’s really really annoying me now!

I’ll bet it’s annoying then just as much. If they could stop the baby crying and waking up then they would. They’re not doing on purpose to annoy you…. They can’t turn the baby’s crying down 🫣 Not sure what bringing it up will achieve apart from create awkwardness.

Slaybutter · Feb 3, 2023

Violeteyes89 said:
Hi all, I couldn’t figure out how to start a new thread so thought it best to post in here!

A bit of a tricky one but my other half and I live in a flat which is quite old and has terrible sound proofing. Our neighbours seem like nice people who keep themselves to themselves. We just have one awkward issue. They have a baby, who based on when I first saw the baby as a newborn must now be about 18 months old. Our bedroom is on the other side of their bedroom. We’d rarely hear the baby crying through the walls even as a newborn but for the past 3 months or so, we’ve been woken up on a regular basis around 2 or 3AM by the baby squealing and crying. It’s so loud that we feel like the baby is in the same room as us. Even with earplugs in we sometimes wake up. We can hear the parents talking quite loudly too. We live in 2 bedroom flats so I am not sure if the baby sleeps in their other room and then when she wakes, they bring her into their bedroom. We don’t have children ourselves but I do sympathise if they are suffering with broken sleep. Is it awkward if I raise the issue with the neighbours however? I’m not sure if they realise how loud their baby is - it doesn’t even sound like crying, more squealing. I just don’t want to come across as unsympathetic and cause them stress but it’s really really annoying me now!

Like other people said I’m sure they are struggling too. Definitely look into these noise insulating pieces:
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Milktray · Feb 3, 2023

Violeteyes89 said:
Thanks for your response! This is exactly what I don’t want to do, I don’t want to cause them more stress. I think we just need to resort to some better earplugs … and tbh I would actually rather be woken by a crying baby than someone playing loud music or having parties at all hours.

Unfortunately it's price you pay for having shared walls. I've had a fair few neighbours in my time.

Party animals, builders, TV surround sound lovers, instrument players, feisty, gobby....

AND I know I'm that neighbour with the noisy kids.

I'd take a crying baby (with an end in sight) over the middle aged party animals.

All lovely neighbours but never a quiet one. Some make noise at night, some in the day... I've accepted now, that the only time that I will have silence is when I move to a detached house in the country (minus the kids)...I just need to win the lottery!

littlepup · Feb 3, 2023

Violeteyes89 said:
Hi all, I couldn’t figure out how to start a new thread so thought it best to post in here!

A bit of a tricky one but my other half and I live in a flat which is quite old and has terrible sound proofing. Our neighbours seem like nice people who keep themselves to themselves. We just have one awkward issue. They have a baby, who based on when I first saw the baby as a newborn must now be about 18 months old. Our bedroom is on the other side of their bedroom. We’d rarely hear the baby crying through the walls even as a newborn but for the past 3 months or so, we’ve been woken up on a regular basis around 2 or 3AM by the baby squealing and crying. It’s so loud that we feel like the baby is in the same room as us. Even with earplugs in we sometimes wake up. We can hear the parents talking quite loudly too. We live in 2 bedroom flats so I am not sure if the baby sleeps in their other room and then when she wakes, they bring her into their bedroom. We don’t have children ourselves but I do sympathise if they are suffering with broken sleep. Is it awkward if I raise the issue with the neighbours however? I’m not sure if they realise how loud their baby is - it doesn’t even sound like crying, more squealing. I just don’t want to come across as unsympathetic and cause them stress but it’s really really annoying me now!

I’m struggling to believe this is real. If there was anything, anything at all they could do to stop their baby crying and waking at 3am they would be doing it. I’m not sure what you think they can possibly do? Or what they’re not doing? It’s not fun for them, the baby is distressed. Are you implying they should switch the bedrooms for your sake? What solution do you suggest?!

If someone came to me with this complaint I’d not feel embarrassed or awkward, I’d be furious at their ignorance.

Milktray · Feb 3, 2023

littlepup said:
I’m struggling to believe this is real. If there was anything, anything at all they could do to stop their baby crying and waking at 3am they would be doing it. I’m not sure what you think they can possibly do? Or what they’re not doing? It’s not fun for them, the baby is distressed. Are you implying they should switch the bedrooms for your sake? What solution do you suggest?!

If someone came to me with this complaint I’d not feel embarrassed or awkward, I’d be furious at their ignorance.

I was mortified after being told my baby had a good set of lungs at night.

I would have preferred to feel furious at their ignorance but personally I had a bit of depression and felt like it was my fault my baby was screaming...I felt like a massive failure.

Broken sleep is hell though, so I do feel for the poster. As you say, nothing can be done and it's a case of 'riding it out'.

Rxt156 · Feb 3, 2023

The only solution to stopping your neighbours baby crying:
Move

littlepup · Feb 3, 2023

Milktray said:
I was mortified after being told my baby had a good set of lungs at night.

I would have preferred to feel furious at their ignorance but personally I had a bit of depression and felt like it was my fault my baby was screaming...I felt like a massive failure.

Broken sleep is hell though, so I do feel for the poster. As you say, nothing can be done and it's a case of 'riding it out'.

I’m really sorry to hear you were made to feel that way and I can understand why, just my personal reaction would have been anger.
I’d be like, “honestly what do you want me to do, because you’re not sleeping I’ll try smothering them? Not as though the baby’s distress is my absolute priority not to mention my own and partner’s lack of sleep. Now I’ve got to think of the neighbours”

Even if the family are trying to let the baby cry it out it’s their prerogative within their own home.
OP needs to get some ear plugs and maybe think about checking on the neighbours who could be really struggling. Perhaps reassure them that they are understanding. Unless the neighbours are awful, neglectful parents who aren’t attending to their baby I can guarantee there’s nothing they’d love more than the baby not to cry, especially at night.

The advice thread for random problems #2

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