Tattle Turds #3

[Just William]

I’m having such a tit day today I can’t stop crying !!! Don’t know if it’s meds or what but I’m so emotional x

Oh sweetie I'm so sorry. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug or a shoulder. Let them flow, but it's tit when you don't even know why, but it's still early days from your diagnosis, it's been hard on the MT at times & tit can just build up without us realising it.
Just know that you're loved here & there are always turds here for you.

Sending you loads of love & (sweaty, sorry!) hugs, xxx

 

[DevonshirePixie]

How is everyone doing?!

Gosh, I forgot who posted it in the main thread but during our battle discussion about teas I read that someone drinks their tea without milk—just the herb (mint, I think it was) and some water.

I’ll be honest: I don’t know how to prepare a cup of tea with milk, haha. I just soak a bag of herbs in water. Do you just add milk after that? Idk!

But for what it’s worth, I have a little book of tea recipes that I’ve been working on these past few years (before I decided to sell paper gifts for my Etsy shop, I was just gonna sell tea). If anyone wants some recipes, just lemme know! Below is a “flight of teas” I prepared for Mama on Mother’s Day…

View attachment 1431674

If its proper tea such as Yorkshire tea I just put the bag in the cup, boiled water, steep (Soak) the bag in the cup and then add the milk Some cucumber sandwiches, Victoria sponge and you've got a lovely afternoon tea

 

[ReturningthePearls]

I’m having such a tit day today I can’t stop crying !!! Don’t know if it’s meds or what but I’m so emotional x

I totally understand the emotional reactions! My BPD causes severe issues with emotional regulation. Breathing helps me at times, just taking a step back from whatever I’m doing and breathing. See if it helps a bit!

 

[Just William]

How is everyone doing?!

Gosh, I forgot who posted it in the main thread but during our battle discussion about teas I read that someone drinks their tea without milk—just the herb (mint, I think it was) and some water.

I’ll be honest: I don’t know how to prepare a cup of tea with milk, haha. I just soak a bag of herbs in water. Do you just add milk after that? Idk!

But for what it’s worth, I have a little book of tea recipes that I’ve been working on these past few years (before I decided to sell paper gifts for my Etsy shop, I was just gonna sell tea). If anyone wants some recipes, just lemme know! Below is a “flight of teas” I prepared for Mama on Mother’s Day…

View attachment 1431674

That looks so lovely RTP!
Over here some add milk & others (like moi!) put milk in first & judging from the amount of my post y/day got I may be in the minority, haha! I prefer regular teas than herbal etc though a green tea occasionally makes a nice change!

 

[Junebug895]

If its proper tea such as Yorkshire tea I just put the bag in the cup, boiled water, steep (Soak) the bag in the cup and then add the milk Some cucumber sandwiches, Victoria sponge and you've got a lovely afternoon tea

Oooooo I love cucumber sandwiches! Posh bird, me

 

[Autisteuse]

Spoiler: Pretty Horrible Evening

I've had an awful evening. My mother was in a temper and went in on numerous ad hominem attacks. Why I'm so bad and terrible and lacking and selfish. Then she stormed off. My father, who was quietly sitting and listening to this, then attacked the fillers I've had in my lips ('it just doesn't work for you', he said) but said he saw why I needed it in my chin because it was/is fat. He then wandered off and talked about me to my mother. Lots of triangulation and 'well, she said/did'.
Later, when they both came back, I told them both that I don't need dissent or attacks on my character because I'm clinically depressed; and they both ignored, devalued what I was saying and went off on tangents of their own, laughing all the way. I told them that it is an immense effort to wash and dress every morning, let alone work, and got an 'unh-huh' from my mother. She's supposed to be my friend. But. My mother even said she doesn't believe I'm autistic because she 'doesn't like the word or what it connotes' and asked me to join the 3-5 year waiting list to be reassessed.
I was utterly stunned, and numb.
After all this, I was told how much I'm "loved" and how "special" I am and my mother's "favourite person".
I just don't get it, any of it. Can any of you decipher this for me? I feel completely broken. I imagine Ioan must have felt like this more than once, with the numerous volte-faces, but my head is in a whirl.
ETA a few words.

 

[ReturningthePearls]

Spoiler: Pretty Horrible Evening

I've had an awful evening. My mother was in a temper and went in on numerous ad hominem attacks. Ehy I'm so bad and terrible and lacking and selfish. Then she stormed off. My father, who was quietly sitting and listening to this, then attacked the fillers I've had in my lips ('it just doesn't work for you', he said) but said he saw why I needed it in my chin because it was/is fat. He then wandered off and talked about me to my mother. Lots of triangulation and 'well, she said/did'.
Later, when they both came back, I told them both that I don't need dissent because I'm clinically depressed; and they both ignored, devalued what I was saying and went off on tangents of their own, laughing all the way. I yold them that it is an immense effort to wash and dress every morning, let alone work, and got an 'unh-huh' from my mother. She's supposed to be my friend. But. My mother even said she doesn't believe I'm autistic because she 'doesn't like the word or what it connotes' and asked me to join the 3-5 year waiting list to be reassessed.
I was utterly stunned, and numb.
After all this, I was told how much I'm "loved" and how "special" I am and my mother's "favourite person".
I just don't get it, any of it. Can any of you decipher this for me? I feel completely broken. I imagine Ioan must have felt like this more than once, with the numerous volte-faces, but my head is in a whirl.

Spoiler: Love, love, love

This is some horrendous gaslighting, right here, beautiful Autisteuse. I am literally trembling right now, this is so gross. You’re not supposed to “get it,” because there is nothing understandable to salvage from this entire encounter.

You were wrongfully kicked around by two people who are supposed to uplift you. You were encouraged to doubt the credibility of your diagnosis. You were criticized for body adjustments you chose to make for your own comfort and contentment. You were then buttered up after the abuse with flowery compliments that have now emotionally disoriented you.

This has happened to me before and it can be so utterly confusing, and the numbness is overwhelming. Your mother is your friend, if that’s who she is to you. My sister taught me that we can still be friends with those whom we love who have harmed us…but we need to decide how close to keep them. You can love your mother endlessly and simultaneously hold her at arm’s length, or give yourself whatever distance you need from her to feel safe. It’s the only way I can survive with my father, and unfortunately I’ve had to do it with my mama on occasion (she’s also my confidante). YOU decide the nature of your relationships, you decide who to love, and you decide how you love them. That’s the only way to thrive, in my opinion.

I’m so sorry, Autisteuse. Please don’t let the criticisms sink in because they’re worthless, by your own power to deem them so. I love you very much—ALL of us do.

 

[Autisteuse]

Spoiler: Love, love, love

This is some horrendous gaslighting, right here, beautiful Autisteuse. I am literally trembling right now, this is so gross. You’re not supposed to “get it,” because there is nothing understandable to salvage from this entire encounter.

You were wrongfully kicked around by two people who are supposed to uplift you. You were encouraged to doubt the credibility of your diagnosis. You were criticized for body adjustments you chose to make for your own comfort and contentment. You were then buttered up after the abuse with flowery compliments that have now emotionally disoriented you.

This has happened to me before and it can be so utterly confusing, and the numbness is overwhelming. Your mother is your friend, if that’s who she is to you. My sister taught me that we can still be friends with those whom we love who have harmed us…but we need to decide how close to keep them. You can love your mother endlessly and simultaneously hold her at arm’s length, or give yourself whatever distance you need from her to feel safe. It’s the only way I can survive with my father, and unfortunately I’ve had to do it with my mama on occasion (she’s also my confidante). YOU decide the nature of your relationships, you decide who to love, and you decide how you love them. That’s the only way to thrive, in my opinion.

I’m so sorry, Autisteuse. Please don’t let the criticisms sink in because they’re worthless, by your own power to deem them so. I love you very much—ALL of us do.

Thank you, RTP. I can't respond now, because I have no words - but thank you xxx

 

[Howdy]

Spoiler: Pretty Horrible Evening

I've had an awful evening. My mother was in a temper and went in on numerous ad hominem attacks. Why I'm so bad and terrible and lacking and selfish. Then she stormed off. My father, who was quietly sitting and listening to this, then attacked the fillers I've had in my lips ('it just doesn't work for you', he said) but said he saw why I needed it in my chin because it was/is fat. He then wandered off and talked about me to my mother. Lots of triangulation and 'well, she said/did'.
Later, when they both came back, I told them both that I don't need dissent or attacks on my character because I'm clinically depressed; and they both ignored, devalued what I was saying and went off on tangents of their own, laughing all the way. I told them that it is an immense effort to wash and dress every morning, let alone work, and got an 'unh-huh' from my mother. She's supposed to be my friend. But. My mother even said she doesn't believe I'm autistic because she 'doesn't like the word or what it connotes' and asked me to join the 3-5 year waiting list to be reassessed.
I was utterly stunned, and numb.
After all this, I was told how much I'm "loved" and how "special" I am and my mother's "favourite person".
I just don't get it, any of it. Can any of you decipher this for me? I feel completely broken. I imagine Ioan must have felt like this more than once, with the numerous volte-faces, but my head is in a whirl.
ETA a few words.

Spoiler: More love

I can't get close to RTP's wisdom on this but when I read this I just wanted to reach out and say we all love you on these threads. You are kind, thoughtful, articulate and full of integrity. Your parents have no right to spin your emotions around like this. RTP said it all better with personal experience but I simply wanted to say loud and clear that you are a special woman.

Edited for typo.

 

[peteburnsreincarnated]

YAY! You're coming to the gig now too!

And me!
love a bit of slipknot, type o negative and Rob zombie

 

[Junebug895]

And me!
love a bit of slipknot, type o negative and Rob zombie

Oh most excellent!! Pete Steele is my god God rest his soul x

 

[peteburnsreincarnated]

Oh most excellent!! Pete Steele is my god God rest his soul x

Mine too!
Heres a little treat for you

 

[Junebug895]

Mine too!
Heres a little treat for you

Oh my ovaries have gone aquiver ...

 

[Autisteuse]

@Howdy, @ReturningthePearls, @Endora - thank you for the support, affirmation, peace and quietude you brought me. I can't thank you enough. And I feel guilty, because I'm not on this thread often enough and it feels like you're doing emotional labour for me - I can't apologise sufficiently. You all mean the world to me and I value you so greatly. Across the vast, dark gulf of nothingness that is the Net, I feel as though I have true friends.
My mother apologised copiously this morning. She was abject and felt wretched. I still felt bewildered and numb, though, because when people make a wholesale and unjustified attack on me - not that which I have done, but the content of my character - and it bears no resemblence to that which I am, it's...beyond disconcerting. My mother says she is sorry for the ad hominems. That I have the greatest integrity of anyone she's met. And apologised for gaslighting me over my autism. I feel empty, nonetheless. There's a point of no return: it may be vanishingly small, smaller than a mouse's heartbreak or a high E in alto on a harp, but it is broken nonetheless.
I have to figure out what to do. From not drinking at all, I'm now having several glasses of wine to deal with my anguish. I can't stand being in my own skin. I can't bear those watching hours of the night when one is faced with the totality, the true reality of oneself, and there is no comforting barrier between 'I am' and 'what I am'.
I'm so grateful to our community, our lovely sisterhood. I had the thought earlier that death would be peaceful and sternly quelled the thought; but I do not know how I would survive without you all. The loneliness in my everyday world is crippling. My online life is blessed.
Love to all of you.

ETA: I asked my father to apologise for having disparaged my appearance (I was finally content in my own skin/face afteer so many years; yes, I used to model, but always saw myself as ugly, and had been given a complex/phobia by my schoolmates mocking my thin upper lip and double chin, the latter not affected remotely via diet or exercise: even when I was six stone at 5'10" and anorexic, The Chin was always with me). He said: 'well, I don't see why I should apologise. I have to point out your issues as I perceive them. Your profile looks unnatural and your chin is an obvious problem area.' And then, arms folded: 'so, tell me: why should I apologise?'
Typical narc.

 

[ReturningthePearls]

@Howdy, @ReturningthePearls, @Endora - thank you for the support, affirmation, peace and quietude you brought me. I can't thank you enough. And I feel guilty, because I'm not on this thread often enough and it feels like you're doing emotional labour for me - I can't apologise sufficiently. You all mean the world to me and I value you so greatly. Across the vast, dark gulf of nothingness that is the Net, I feel as though I have true friends.
My mother apologised copiously this morning. She was abject and felt wretched. I still felt bewildered and numb, though, because when people make a wholesale and unjustified attack on me - not that which I have done, but the content of my character - and it bears no resemblence to that which I am, it's...beyond disconcerting. My mother says she is sorry for the ad hominems. That I have the greatest integrity of anyone she's met. And apologised for gaslighting me over my autism. I feel empty, nonetheless. There's a point of no return: it may be vanishingly small, smaller than a mouse's heartbreak or a high E in alto on a harp, but it is broken nonetheless.
I have to figure out what to do. From not drinking at all, I'm now having several glasses of wine to deal with my anguish. I can't stand being in my own skin. I can't bear those watching hours of the night when one is faced with the totality, the true reality of oneself, and there is no comforting barrier between 'I am' and 'what I am'.
I'm so grateful to our community, our lovely sisterhood. I had the thought earlier that death would be peaceful and sternly quelled the thought; but I do not know how I would survive without you all. The loneliness in my everyday world is crippling. My online life is blessed.
Love to all of you.

ETA: I asked my father to apologise for having disparaged my appearance (I was finally content in my own skin/face afteer so many years; yes, I used to model, but always saw myself as ugly, and had been given a complex/phobia by my schoolmates mocking my thin upper lip and double chin, the latter not affected remotely via diet or exercise: even when I was six stone at 5'10" and anorexic, The Chin was always with me). He said: 'well, I don't see why I should apologise. I have to point out your issues as I perceive them. Your profile looks unnatural and your chin is an obvious problem area.' And then, arms folded: 'so, tell me: why should I apologise?'
Typical narc.

I am in tears, darling. We’re always here for you. Please understand that taking on your grief is not burdensome labor to me—it’s a gift to be trusted with the privilege of holding your emotions. All I wish is for you to find joy and comfort in yourself and your world.

You are worthy of the utmost respect. You are worthy of the right to love your beauty and admire your character. You are worthy of heartfelt apologies. You are worthy of being understood and valued. You are worthy of self-pride and inner/external peace. I hope you remember these things as you move forth in this life—this life that can be so callous to us but also so very generous and bountiful. There’s a quote I really enjoy: “I am what I have been searching for.” As difficult as that might be to believe during these rough few days, the truth of it will always shine through.

I love you so much, and I carry your heart with me always.

 

[MooBelle]

@claudiarocks - a little taster of what me & @Junebug895 are talking about!

Saw them last month. Absolutely incredible. ‍‍‍‍

 

[ReturningthePearls]

Spoiler: TW: Eating Disorder

I binged-ate again, friends—after my father exploded on us this morning. It ruined my calorie count and I gained a few pounds more. I’m trying so hard to lose weight and my medication is slowing my metabolism, so it’s particularly difficult now. I don’t mean to trouble anyone with this, it just feels good sharing it. Thank you for reading.

Also, on a totally unrelated note that just makes me happy to talk about: I collect reborn dolls, or meticulously crafted art babies. They’re very special to have on display but I also take them off the shelf and hold them when I have panic attacks/depressive episodes—something about holding babies, even fake ones, calms me down. I held one this morning when I got upset about the binge-eating. Would anyone like to see two of my newest ones?

 

[ReturningthePearls]

@claudiarocks How are you? I miss you!

 

[TheNotoriousManzana]

Spoiler: TW: Eating Disorder

I binged-ate again, friends—after my father exploded on us this morning. It ruined my calorie count and I gained a few pounds more. I’m trying so hard to lose weight and my medication is slowing my metabolism, so it’s particularly difficult now. I don’t mean to trouble anyone with this, it just feels good sharing it. Thank you for reading.

Also, on a totally unrelated note that just makes me happy to talk about: I collect reborn dolls, or meticulously crafted art babies. They’re very special to have on display but I also take them off the shelf and hold them when I have panic attacks/depressive episodes—something about holding babies, even fake ones, calms me down. I held one this morning when I got upset about the binge-eating. Would anyone like to see two of my newest ones?

@Autisteuse I'm not very good at comforting words, but I wanted to let you know I've read your posts and I'm listening. I have a similar person in my own family and it is incredibly hurtful to be painted as something you are not. I don't know why people do that. I find it an alien concept to deliberately set about tearing into the soul of another person.

@ReturningthePearls show the dolls if you wanna
I very much like dolls, toys and puppets - they fascinate me, especially for the role they play both in comforting us as children (and adults!) but also their part in storytelling.

 

[Howdy]

@Howdy, @ReturningthePearls, @Endora - thank you for the support, affirmation, peace and quietude you brought me. I can't thank you enough. And I feel guilty, because I'm not on this thread often enough and it feels like you're doing emotional labour for me - I can't apologise sufficiently. You all mean the world to me and I value you so greatly. Across the vast, dark gulf of nothingness that is the Net, I feel as though I have true friends.
My mother apologised copiously this morning. She was abject and felt wretched. I still felt bewildered and numb, though, because when people make a wholesale and unjustified attack on me - not that which I have done, but the content of my character - and it bears no resemblence to that which I am, it's...beyond disconcerting. My mother says she is sorry for the ad hominems. That I have the greatest integrity of anyone she's met. And apologised for gaslighting me over my autism. I feel empty, nonetheless. There's a point of no return: it may be vanishingly small, smaller than a mouse's heartbreak or a high E in alto on a harp, but it is broken nonetheless.
I have to figure out what to do. From not drinking at all, I'm now having several glasses of wine to deal with my anguish. I can't stand being in my own skin. I can't bear those watching hours of the night when one is faced with the totality, the true reality of oneself, and there is no comforting barrier between 'I am' and 'what I am'.
I'm so grateful to our community, our lovely sisterhood. I had the thought earlier that death would be peaceful and sternly quelled the thought; but I do not know how I would survive without you all. The loneliness in my everyday world is crippling. My online life is blessed.
Love to all of you.

ETA: I asked my father to apologise for having disparaged my appearance (I was finally content in my own skin/face afteer so many years; yes, I used to model, but always saw myself as ugly, and had been given a complex/phobia by my schoolmates mocking my thin upper lip and double chin, the latter not affected remotely via diet or exercise: even when I was six stone at 5'10" and anorexic, The Chin was always with me). He said: 'well, I don't see why I should apologise. I have to point out your issues as I perceive them. Your profile looks unnatural and your chin is an obvious problem area.' And then, arms folded: 'so, tell me: why should I apologise?'
Typical narc.

Hello dear @Autisteuse and so sorry for this long delay; life has been stressful with health in recent weeks and I'm struggling to keep up. Sending you love. I'm glad this community is a comfort for you, please stay