I don't know about anyone else but tonight has hit me harder than I thought. I'm not stuck at home, I've not lost my job, I'm healthy and I should be thankful. But I had a tough arse year last year, really, really tough. A long relationship ended, I ended up homeless due to it for just over a month. I lost what I considered as the only family I had and all my friends. I found myself sat in a dark place wondering if I'll ever see the morning.
I really wanted this year to be good.
Now it's November, I haven't been out "having fun" since the start of February... Last time I was in a pub, restaurant, trip away was the start of February due to my anxiety I haven't been one the ones to go to pubs, meet my mates, go for meals, then trips away etc. I suffer with my mental health and usually I like to fill my spare days with stuff to do. I try to do pointless trips away as many times as possible because I have a really strong hatred towards the town I live in and feel trapped.
I know that may sound selfish because omg you can't go to the pub or go away poor you?? Right?
But I go to work and I go home and I go to work and I go home etc.
My work is quieter than usual but the odd person I do see are a lot more nasty than usual. It's draining.. Honestly. Going from a busy job to just nothing aswell as thinking how long are they going to keep us here before they decide enough is enough? It's exhausting. Not physically but mentally. I find myself sat in work and my blood is boiling. Why? I don't fucking know?
Because I'm angry? The world is turning to shit and people are dying yet there's idiots pissing about on their jollies every other day??
I had a tough time growing up. I had a tough first relationship that went on for years. I struggled with money for years. Struggled with mental health. My birthday is NYE it's a difficult day for me. I don't like Nye and I don't like my birthday for personal reasons. I don't celebrate it but last year it got to about 11pm and I thought fuck this year has got to be a good one. One where I no longer have this feeling in my gut. But here we are.
Like I said I'm alive, I'm healthy, I have a job and I'm glad for that. It must be so bloody difficult for everyone who aren't so lucky to have those things.
But God, what a tough year it's been.
Another tough year. I wonder how many people are thinking that? I wonder how many people are thinking shit I can't do these tough years anymore.
If anyone on this thread or anyone reading this thread feels that way then please speak to someone, easier said than done I know because I never do that. But speaking to a stranger about this sort of stuff is meant to be easier than speaking to someone you know so please message me.. I really mean that.
As cringe as it sounds... Life is tough, but so are you