Support for anyone that needs to vent

[Katydoo]

Hi all I couldn’t find an appropriate page so thought I’d come here and spill it all out before I pop! After 15 yrs alone I finally met an amazing man last August. I was 100% in the headspace that marriage was never something I’d experience and I was on the waiting list for IVF and sperm donation. I came off the pill in January, as advised by consultant, and new man was totally on board and understanding. Come June this year I was 6 months without a period and turning 40. Bloods showed my menopause had started probably last year (age 38/39) and I was put on ‘urgent list’ for fertility treatment, ‘fast-track’ solely for cancer/suspected cancer patients. Ive now been told due to covid delays I probably won’t be seen until after Christmas. By then who knows how advanced my menopause will be and if there’s anything there (eggs) to work with at all. I’m heartbroken, it feels like any minute chance I had is slipping away. I feel like I’m screaming and nothing is coming out because there’s nothing I can do.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Hi all I couldn’t find an appropriate page so thought I’d come here and spill it all out before I pop! After 15 yrs alone I finally met an amazing man last August. I was 100% in the headspace that marriage was never something I’d experience and I was on the waiting list for IVF and sperm donation. I came off the pill in January, as advised by consultant, and new man was totally on board and understanding. Come June this year I was 6 months without a period and turning 40. Bloods showed my menopause had started probably last year (age 38/39) and I was put on ‘urgent list’ for fertility treatment, ‘fast-track’ solely for cancer/suspected cancer patients. Ive now been told due to covid delays I probably won’t be seen until after Christmas. By then who knows how advanced my menopause will be and if there’s anything there (eggs) to work with at all. I’m heartbroken, it feels like any minute chance I had is slipping away. I feel like I’m screaming and nothing is coming out because there’s nothing I can do.

That's really tit. Sorry, words aren't enough. Loads of love.

 

[Penguin86]

Tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of my parents death (not in the 9/11 tragedy)

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of my parents death (not in the 9/11 tragedy)

Oh darling, I'm sending you so much love.
My son was telling me today about someone in his class who is adopted because their parents died in a car accident. They were in the car too but survived.

If I remember correctly from your posts this is really similar to your situation.

Nothing I say will be helpful really but please know that I'll be thinking of you.

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of my parents death (not in the 9/11 tragedy)

20 years ago seems like so long ago but for you I'm sure it just feels like yesterday.
We are here for you, share your memories or your feelings whenever you need to
We won't be able to help but we will want to listen to whatever you need to say x

 

[Penguin86]

Oh darling, I'm sending you so much love.
My son was telling me today about someone in his class who is adopted because their parents died in a car accident. They were in the car too but survived.

If I remember correctly from your posts this is really similar to your situation.

Nothing I say will be helpful really but please know that I'll be thinking of you.

Yeah we got hit by a drunk driver side on. I was in a coma for months and spent best part of a year in hospital.

20 years ago seems like so long ago but for you I'm sure it just feels like yesterday.
We are here for you, share your memories or your feelings whenever you need to
We won't be able to help but we will want to listen to whatever you need to say x

Yeah I still feel it most days. It's quite depressing that they've been dead longer than I knew them (i was 15 when they died)

 

[watermelon sugar]

@Penguin86 thinking of you today

 

[MoveBtchGetOutTheWay]

Thinking of you today. I can't imagine what you have been through .

I'm so sorry to digress as this does now feel insignificant but I really need people to talk to.

I have had abnormal smear test results before (5 years ago), had a colpscopy done which came back fine but they "scraped" our some cells whilst they were there.

I've just had my smear test done this morning and I've been having bleeding in-between periods and also after intercourse so naturally am a bit worried about that. I did have sepsis about 8 weeks ago and they never found the original infection and the nurse suggested it could be a vaginal infection (i had quite a bad one post birth with my first son and again after a miscarriage) and was surprised no one did did at the hospital. Anyway whilst she was there she did all STI tests and I bled when she did the smear. I feel like she's almost prepped for me to be sent straight to colpscopy.

I suffer with anxiety and had PND after my second baby last year and am still on meds for it. Now sat here I've worked out it'll be about 6 weeks before I get results from a colspcopy if I'm sent. I'm now paranoid I have every STI under the sun (I have been tested before many years ago and have 0 reason to believe I have 1 but what if I caught it from a loo seat or its laid dormant for years is that a thing??!!). I came home and told my partner that I felt like she'd basically prepped me for abnormal results (without actually saying it) and that she'd done tests for infections etc. Obviously in my head I'm now worried he's going to think I've had some extra martial affair and have an sti and pre cancerous cells. Now I'm a very boring person, I sit and do latch hook in the evenings and have 2 boys under 3. There is rarely time for me to poop let alone anything else!

Worst of all I've put this all off for a year knowing I should go for regular smears but life has taken over and now I feel ultra irresponsible!

I also get married in less than 2 weeks and feel like I'm a walking anxiety ball ready to explode

Thank you for letting me share. I don't feel like I can confide in friends and family

 

[Penguin86]

Thank you for thinking of me

I've mostly spent time in the quiet and reflecting.

 

[Sheabutter]

It’s the same old song in butter world. Moving onward and forward. Wishing everyone else strength x

 

[TheGlossy]

I think I'm having post-lockdown / COVID stress.

A lot of changes took place during these lockdowns (changed jobs & apartments). Now that we're back to "normal" soon (restrictions due to completely end Oct. 22nd), I feel disoriented. As I said in a previous post, it seems as though life stopped for close to two years and we're suddenly thrown back into "normal life" and supposed to pick up where we left off when things have completely changed. I'm glad I made these changes, but during this whole lockdown, I had to keep things going without really processing what was happening on a personal level. It's only now that we're coming out of lockdown that I realize things have completely changed and I'm shedding my pre-lockdown identity. I'm the same person, but with all these changes, I'm different. I'd like to think I'm a much better version of myself, but it's bizarre to get back to "normal" when my life has changed entirely. It's as though I've been thrown from one parallel world / reality to another. I'm trying to adjust my new identity to this "normal" post-lockdown life. It literally feels like shifting dimensions.

 

[WilmaHun]

I missed your posts over the weekend but just wanted to say I hope you’re okay @Penguin86 - I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. Sending love

 

[Rockin' Robin]

I have had a really difficult weekend at work, I am really stressed over it. I verbally lashed out at my long suffering partner this morning over some toast, of all things! I had to cancel an appointment at my Doctors surgery this morning, because of the way I'm feeling. I managed to rescedule the appointment though.

 

[April89]

Mine is kind of light. I went to a hotel overnight with some friends and their friends for a party.

That kind of situation has made me see that some of my friends are really not my kind of people.

Someone spilled coffee and went to clean it up, a friend of mine said 'no leave it! Leave it for the cleaners f**k them!' I hate that attitude!!

A few other things happened, made me realise that some of my friends are just not my kind of people as it turns out.

I don't feel bad about it, just strange

 

[Raininvain]

Thinking of you today. I can't imagine what you have been through .

I'm so sorry to digress as this does now feel insignificant but I really need people to talk to.

I have had abnormal smear test results before (5 years ago), had a colpscopy done which came back fine but they "scraped" our some cells whilst they were there.

I've just had my smear test done this morning and I've been having bleeding in-between periods and also after intercourse so naturally am a bit worried about that. I did have sepsis about 8 weeks ago and they never found the original infection and the nurse suggested it could be a vaginal infection (i had quite a bad one post birth with my first son and again after a miscarriage) and was surprised no one did did at the hospital. Anyway whilst she was there she did all STI tests and I bled when she did the smear. I feel like she's almost prepped for me to be sent straight to colpscopy.

I suffer with anxiety and had PND after my second baby last year and am still on meds for it. Now sat here I've worked out it'll be about 6 weeks before I get results from a colspcopy if I'm sent. I'm now paranoid I have every STI under the sun (I have been tested before many years ago and have 0 reason to believe I have 1 but what if I caught it from a loo seat or its laid dormant for years is that a thing??!!). I came home and told my partner that I felt like she'd basically prepped me for abnormal results (without actually saying it) and that she'd done tests for infections etc. Obviously in my head I'm now worried he's going to think I've had some extra martial affair and have an sti and pre cancerous cells. Now I'm a very boring person, I sit and do latch hook in the evenings and have 2 boys under 3. There is rarely time for me to poop let alone anything else!

Worst of all I've put this all off for a year knowing I should go for regular smears but life has taken over and now I feel ultra irresponsible!

I also get married in less than 2 weeks and feel like I'm a walking anxiety ball ready to explode

Thank you for letting me share. I don't feel like I can confide in friends and family

Hi, I think there no point worrying and just try to wait. If the worst comes to the worst and it is an STI then there's no shame in getting one absolutely anyone can get one and there's treatment for them all now. Also you cant get them from toilet seats but you can have no symptoms for years.I know a fair few people who have had one and all of them are now fine so don't worry. I'm sure it will be alright if its one of those.x

 

[Sugarbee123]

I desperately need some advice. I’ve been with my husband for 7 years. He’s gone away for a few days to see his friend in Edinburgh I was lying in bed and I randomly got the urge to check his messages on his iPad. I know that was wrong but I did it. He’s been hanging around with this guy who lives directly opposite us it started off them playing golf but then it started to develop into big nights out, which obviously I wasn’t bothered about but he did have a problem with gambling and drink when we first met he would be violent and say horrible things to me but things got better so I didn’t have a problem with him going out, but this guy who lives over the road is just one of those typical lad lads he’s disrespectful to his girlfriend they have a daughter but he’ll just go on like 5 day benders always getting in trouble with the police etc. Anyway when they last went out a couple of weeks ago he told me they were just going for tea then coming home he was out most of the night, I had to be up early for a meeting and he didn’t have his keys so I had to wait up for him as he wasn’t answering his phone or texts. The next few days I felt sick constantly didn’t eat and just had a horrible feeling something had happened. When I checked his messages last night this guy was talking about the girl they’d met the night before was sending him naked pictures and stuff. I don’t know what actually happened as after ge sent that message my husband rang him straight away. And I know it’s probably just lad banter but I found some messages about him bragging about this girl my husband slept with (obviously before me) and just been very disrespectful in the way he was talking about me, he’s been gambling £100s which I always ask him about as he’s always on the app and he tells me it’s ‘free bets’ but obviously it’s not. I just feel so hurt by what I’ve seen as when he’s with me he’s the doting husband he’s very soppy and always so kind which is why I think I feel so hurt that he feels like he has to act like this typical lad when he’s with this guy. The last time they went out before the incident with the girl and the naked pictures, I was at work on a sleep over, he rung me in the middle of the night absolutely paralytic saying he was in the woods looking for the dogs because he’d lost them, my dogs are my world and one of them is blind so you can imagine the state I got myself into as there was nothing I could do, I literally nearly walked out of my work to go find the dogs, he was thag pissed he’d not even got home so hadn’t even let the dogs out. I was livid I told him that I would never stop him from doing something but I said every time you go out with this guy something bad happens, he agreed and said you’re right I’m not going to go out with him, I’ll just stick to playing golf with him. But the messages I found he was booking days off work so he could go out with him for nights away and booking days off to go to the races. I don’t want to be that paranoid wife but I don’t trust him when he’s with this guy. I just feel so hurt and disrespected I don’t know what to do.

 

[Rockin' Robin]

I desperately need some advice. I’ve been with my husband for 7 years. He’s gone away for a few days to see his friend in Edinburgh I was lying in bed and I randomly got the urge to check his messages on his iPad. I know that was wrong but I did it. He’s been hanging around with this guy who lives directly opposite us it started off them playing golf but then it started to develop into big nights out, which obviously I wasn’t bothered about but he did have a problem with gambling and drink when we first met he would be violent and say horrible things to me but things got better so I didn’t have a problem with him going out, but this guy who lives over the road is just one of those typical lad lads he’s disrespectful to his girlfriend they have a daughter but he’ll just go on like 5 day benders always getting in trouble with the police etc. Anyway when they last went out a couple of weeks ago he told me they were just going for tea then coming home he was out most of the night, I had to be up early for a meeting and he didn’t have his keys so I had to wait up for him as he wasn’t answering his phone or texts. The next few days I felt sick constantly didn’t eat and just had a horrible feeling something had happened. When I checked his messages last night this guy was talking about the girl they’d met the night before was sending him naked pictures and stuff. I don’t know what actually happened as after ge sent that message my husband rang him straight away. And I know it’s probably just lad banter but I found some messages about him bragging about this girl my husband slept with (obviously before me) and just been very disrespectful in the way he was talking about me, he’s been gambling £100s which I always ask him about as he’s always on the app and he tells me it’s ‘free bets’ but obviously it’s not. I just feel so hurt by what I’ve seen as when he’s with me he’s the doting husband he’s very soppy and always so kind which is why I think I feel so hurt that he feels like he has to act like this typical lad when he’s with this guy. The last time they went out before the incident with the girl and the naked pictures, I was at work on a sleep over, he rung me in the middle of the night absolutely paralytic saying he was in the woods looking for the dogs because he’d lost them, my dogs are my world and one of them is blind so you can imagine the state I got myself into as there was nothing I could do, I literally nearly walked out of my work to go find the dogs, he was thag pissed he’d not even got home so hadn’t even let the dogs out. I was livid I told him that I would never stop him from doing something but I said every time you go out with this guy something bad happens, he agreed and said you’re right I’m not going to go out with him, I’ll just stick to playing golf with him. But the messages I found he was booking days off work so he could go out with him for nights away and booking days off to go to the races. I don’t want to be that paranoid wife but I don’t trust him when he’s with this guy. I just feel so hurt and disrespected I don’t know what to do.

I'm not usually one to give advice, because I'm not very good at it, but I would suggest you trust your own instincts. This "friend" sounds like bad news. I don't want to say too much, for fear of upsetting you, but it sounds like a case of the seven year itch. Can you have a heart to heart conversation with him, and find out how hè feels? I hope things improve for you.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I desperately need some advice. I’ve been with my husband for 7 years. He’s gone away for a few days to see his friend in Edinburgh I was lying in bed and I randomly got the urge to check his messages on his iPad. I know that was wrong but I did it. He’s been hanging around with this guy who lives directly opposite us it started off them playing golf but then it started to develop into big nights out, which obviously I wasn’t bothered about but he did have a problem with gambling and drink when we first met he would be violent and say horrible things to me but things got better so I didn’t have a problem with him going out, but this guy who lives over the road is just one of those typical lad lads he’s disrespectful to his girlfriend they have a daughter but he’ll just go on like 5 day benders always getting in trouble with the police etc. Anyway when they last went out a couple of weeks ago he told me they were just going for tea then coming home he was out most of the night, I had to be up early for a meeting and he didn’t have his keys so I had to wait up for him as he wasn’t answering his phone or texts. The next few days I felt sick constantly didn’t eat and just had a horrible feeling something had happened. When I checked his messages last night this guy was talking about the girl they’d met the night before was sending him naked pictures and stuff. I don’t know what actually happened as after ge sent that message my husband rang him straight away. And I know it’s probably just lad banter but I found some messages about him bragging about this girl my husband slept with (obviously before me) and just been very disrespectful in the way he was talking about me, he’s been gambling £100s which I always ask him about as he’s always on the app and he tells me it’s ‘free bets’ but obviously it’s not. I just feel so hurt by what I’ve seen as when he’s with me he’s the doting husband he’s very soppy and always so kind which is why I think I feel so hurt that he feels like he has to act like this typical lad when he’s with this guy. The last time they went out before the incident with the girl and the naked pictures, I was at work on a sleep over, he rung me in the middle of the night absolutely paralytic saying he was in the woods looking for the dogs because he’d lost them, my dogs are my world and one of them is blind so you can imagine the state I got myself into as there was nothing I could do, I literally nearly walked out of my work to go find the dogs, he was thag pissed he’d not even got home so hadn’t even let the dogs out. I was livid I told him that I would never stop him from doing something but I said every time you go out with this guy something bad happens, he agreed and said you’re right I’m not going to go out with him, I’ll just stick to playing golf with him. But the messages I found he was booking days off work so he could go out with him for nights away and booking days off to go to the races. I don’t want to be that paranoid wife but I don’t trust him when he’s with this guy. I just feel so hurt and disrespected I don’t know what to do.

This other guy isn’t the problem.

your Husband is a grown man. No one is holding a gun to his head,forcing him to go out on drinking benders. He’s doing it simply because he wants to.
you shouldn’t have looked at his private messages - what you’ve found is essentially Two stupid men talking juvenile tit to eachother in some weird bid to impress one another and be all alpha male and macho - it’s utter garbage and while it’s not great seeing your husband in this light, unfortunately it’s sometimes just the kind of crap men chat to eachother.

the gambling is a huge issue. You do need to discuss that with him. He sounds like he has an addiction and needs to get help with that. Did you discover that via the messages on the iPad or via bank statements etc??

you are going to have to talk to him about what you’ve seen on the iPad but honestly the nonsense “lad chat/banter” really isn’t the issue. The gambling, and the drunken out all night behaviour is.

 

[Mrsbumble]

Hi everyone, like everyone else im looking for some advice. I have been with my partner for over 10 years and I’m now pregnant (unplanned). I found out very early on and told him the same day, he was in shock, wasn’t thrilled and wasn’t gutted. He has always said he’s not bothered whether he has kids and tbh I kind of felt the same. We had an early scan and everything was fine, we discussed telling people and told his mum the same day (he wanted to do this, at no point did I say let’s start telling people. We didn’t tell my family until 5-6 weeks later). Today, we had a disagreement over something really silly and he asked me to help him move something heavy. I told him no as I’m pregnant, he scoffed and said ‘pregnant’ under his breath and continued to say it was my choice I am pregnant, he thought I was on contraception and basically gave the impression that he’s not happy that I’m pregnant. He has made other comments, when he spoke to his friends about it he said he said he’d been ‘trapped’ but laughed and made out it was a joke, I now know that wasn’t a joke and believe that’s how he feels. He’s also told me last week that he is dreading the baby coming a bit, but that was before all of these other comments and I just thought he was nervous about it all! It’s now been on my mind all day, I can’t bring myself to speak to him because I just think I will snap so I’m trying my best to relax, get some sleep and see how I feel tomorrow. The issue I have now is that I feel like he is going to resent me and the baby once it is here, I feel like I’ve been left with an impossible decision, have an abortion or split up with him. My head is all over the show I just do not know what to do. Why did he want to tell his family if that’s the way he felt without discussing it with me first? I feel like I can’t even be bothered to discuss it with him, I feel really angry with him and think he has been cruel. Any advice welcome (please be nice, I am feeling quite fragile atm!)

edited to add that I am now 13 weeks pregnant!

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Hi everyone, like everyone else im looking for some advice. I have been with my partner for over 10 years and I’m now pregnant (unplanned). I found out very early on and told him the same day, he was in shock, wasn’t thrilled and wasn’t gutted. He has always said he’s not bothered whether he has kids and tbh I kind of felt the same. We had an early scan and everything was fine, we discussed telling people and told his mum the same day (he wanted to do this, at no point did I say let’s start telling people. We didn’t tell my family until 5-6 weeks later). Today, we had a disagreement over something really silly and he asked me to help him move something heavy. I told him no as I’m pregnant, he scoffed and said ‘pregnant’ under his breath and continued to say it was my choice I am pregnant, he thought I was on contraception and basically gave the impression that he’s not happy that I’m pregnant. He has made other comments, when he spoke to his friends about it he said he said he’d been ‘trapped’ but laughed and made out it was a joke, I now know that wasn’t a joke and believe that’s how he feels. He’s also told me last week that he is dreading the baby coming a bit, but that was before all of these other comments and I just thought he was nervous about it all! It’s now been on my mind all day, I can’t bring myself to speak to him because I just think I will snap so I’m trying my best to relax, get some sleep and see how I feel tomorrow. The issue I have now is that I feel like he is going to resent me and the baby once it is here, I feel like I’ve been left with an impossible decision, have an abortion or split up with him. My head is all over the show I just do not know what to do. Why did he want to tell his family if that’s the way he felt without discussing it with me first? I feel like I can’t even be bothered to discuss it with him, I feel really angry with him and think he has been cruel. Any advice welcome (please be nice, I am feeling quite fragile atm!)

edited to add that I am now 13 weeks pregnant!

Your partner “thought” you were using contraception? Surely as a couple you both would know what contraception is being used?!

Can I ask how old you both are? Do you live together? How is your relationship out with the pregnancy? Are you generally happy/stable? How are you set up financially?

You are going to have to sit down with him and lay this all out on the table and have a real, honest, proper serious conversation about everything. You both need to be brutally honest.

Having a baby is the single hardest thing you will ever do and the pressure it puts on you as individuals and as a couple is immense and you have got to be working together as a team to get through it. You need to find out now exactly how he feels and what he wants, but either way, your relationship with him has changed and no matter what happens, things will never be the same again.