Social services advice

[lasttime]

I'm hoping someone on here can help. A friend of mine has kids with someone he's no longer with and allegedly there's been reports made to social services about the kids and house. Allegedly she told him that they called and told her and also told her she has to call tomorrow to make a self referral. I kind of believe the reports have been made but I'm also questioning it and didn't think that's how they'd proceed if reports have been made. Can someone clarify? I've tried googling. I really need help on how he should proceed as none of us want the kids in care and he's in no position to take them full time but is understandably concerned. Thank you.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Social wouldn’t tell you to self refer if they were going to initiate any kind of assessment based on reports made. Sounds like she’s making this up although I really can’t work out why tbh.

 

[lasttime]

Social wouldn’t tell you to self refer if they were going to initiate any kind of assessment based on reports made. Sounds like she’s making this up although I really can’t work out why tbh.

That's the problem I'm having. It doesn't make sense but I can't work out why she would lie. He's offered to go sort her house out but I don't see how that would help her long term because surely if they are investigating she'll need to be seen to be doing things for herself?

 

[judgejohndeed]

That's the problem I'm having. It doesn't make sense but I can't work out why she would lie. He's offered to go sort her house out but I don't see how that would help her long term because surely if they are investigating she'll need to be seen to be doing things for herself?

Has she previously been on at him to help her with her house? When you say sort it out, what does that mean?

 

[lasttime]

Has she previously been on at him to help her with her house? When you say sort it out, what does that mean?

Not that I'm aware, she's asked him to take the kids more but he can't because of work etc. He hasn't lived there in almost a year. Basically the house and garden are in quite a bad state and she's asked and he's agreed to go and spend two days holiday from work clearing her garden because he's panicked and doesn't want the kids in care.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Not that I'm aware, she's asked him to take the kids more but he can't because of work etc. He hasn't lived there in almost a year. Basically the house and garden are in quite a bad state and she's asked and he's agreed to go and spend two days holiday from work clearing her garden because he's panicked and doesn't want the kids in care.

Please don’t worry, they won’t remove children for home conditions unless they’re truly appalling. It’s at worst low level neglect that might require some support but honestly it sounds like she’s just being cheeky and wants a bit of help. I get where you’re coming from completely but if she’s asking for help from the father of her kids and he’s willing to give it, it may be better for the children if he helps to clear their home up. The report thing sounds like she’s made it up though.

 

[lasttime]

Please don’t worry, they won’t remove children for home conditions unless they’re truly appalling. It’s at worst low level neglect that might require some support but honestly it sounds like she’s just being cheeky and wants a bit of help. I get where you’re coming from completely but if she’s asking for help from the father of her kids and he’s willing to give it, it may be better for the children if he helps to clear their home up. The report thing sounds like she’s made it up though.

I completely agree about the help but my concern there was they might see it as her not helping herself. As in if she's not doing things for herself is she really coping etc. He also said he's doing it this once but will be leaving it to her to maintain which again is fair enough, she doesn't work and has no health issues so there's no reason she can't maintain it once its done. Yea I thought that, can't find anything online to back up what she said and it all seems a bit coincidental, there was allegedly three calls all made over the last three weekends he's had his children. Also thank you for the replies and reassurance.

 

[Ittybittytittyclub]

She may be making the self referral up to make it sound like she had a choice in social services being involved but actually she hasn’t got a choice. Or she could self refer to try and get help/support/funding. But if he is on the birth certificate he has every right to know what has been said between social worker and mum and also entitled to view all reports ie. the initial report/complaint and any report after each appointment and visit

 

[lasttime]

She may be making the self referral up to make it sound like she had a choice in social services being involved but actually she hasn’t got a choice. Or she could self refer to try and get help/support/funding. But if he is on the birth certificate he has every right to know what has been said between social worker and mum and also entitled to view all reports ie. the initial report/complaint and any report after each appointment and visit

I've just said that to him as he said he's going to call in the morning to find out but wasn't sure if they'd tell him anything. She's made up things before so it wouldn't surprise me if she is making some or all of this up too.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Sounds like she’s making it up, ive never heard of anyone being told to make a self referral.

My friend recently had social services involved. Her neighbour rang the police as she said my friend’s baby was left screaming while there was lots of shouting going on.

The police turned up, checked the house and the baby and then said social services have been notified because of the accusation, but that the police couldn’t see anything wrong.

Social services turned up, had a look around and said they weren’t taking it any further.

As a side note, my friend’s house is a bit of a mess and baby doesn’t even have a proper room, just a travel cot in a junk room, and social services didn’t have an issue as long as baby is loved and cared for.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I've just said that to him as he said he's going to call in the morning to find out but wasn't sure if they'd tell him anything. She's made up things before so it wouldn't surprise me if she is making some or all of this up too.

I actually thought that any parent with parental responsibility (were they married? If not was he listed as father on the birth certificates?) was notified by social services when a report was made. He could ring up and ask but I’m not sure it looks great to ring social and say ‘my ex claims there’s been a report can you tell me’ if you get where I’m coming from - I’m sure they have bigger fish to fry and it wouldn’t start an investigation, but looks a bit dodgy

 

[lasttime]

I actually thought that any parent with parental responsibility (were they married? If not was he listed as father on the birth certificates?) was notified by social services when a report was made. He could ring up and ask but I’m not sure it looks great to ring social and say ‘my ex claims there’s been a report can you tell me’ if you get where I’m coming from - I’m sure they have bigger fish to fry and it wouldn’t start an investigation, but looks a bit dodgy

They weren't but he is on the birth certificates. I also know that when social services where involved with my exs kids he wasn't notified to start with as his kids mum acted like he didn't exist despite him also being on the birth certificates. I think you have a point there but then she's lied previously about other things so its all a bit messy and complicated. I feel like there's no right way forward which is frustrating for everyone.

 

[judgejohndeed]

They weren't but he is on the birth certificates. I also know that when social services where involved with my exs kids he wasn't notified to start with as his kids mum acted like he didn't exist despite him also being on the birth certificates. I think you have a point there but then she's lied previously about other things so its all a bit messy and complicated. I feel like there's no right way forward which is frustrating for everyone.

Yeah it sounds complicated and frustrating. I think she has probably made it up and just needs some help sorting herself out tbh. The other thing I was thinking without knowing her is could it be possible she’s struggled with the kids during lockdown etc and needs a hand? You mentioned she’s asked him to take them more, there could be more to this. Him going to help out could be a good opportunity to have a frank conversation about how she’s doing with them etc and it’s definitely better to do that now

 

[lasttime]

Yeah it sounds complicated and frustrating. I think she has probably made it up and just needs some help sorting herself out tbh. The other thing I was thinking without knowing her is could it be possible she’s struggled with the kids during lockdown etc and needs a hand? You mentioned she’s asked him to take them more, there could be more to this. Him going to help out could be a good opportunity to have a frank conversation about how she’s doing with them etc and it’s definitely better to do that now

Yea she said she was struggling and then stopped him having them the following weekend. She has other kids that aren't his and so it is a lot for one person but she's had her mum round almost every day even during lockdown. However if she's lied for whatever reason I know that won't go down well, if she'd been honest she'd get a better reaction. Time will tell I guess. But thank you again for your advice and opinions it's definitely helped.

 

[Hinchhater1442]

I wouldn’t worry from the point of view of him helping/her not coping alone. Social services don’t expect people to solely manage alone. It’s fine to accept help from others, grand parents, etc. In fact it’s a great thing that, you know, the father of the child(ren) is involved and taking steps to ensure their wellbeing..

 

[Tiredbones]

I work at Level 3 whereas Social Services is Level 4, if the original referral didn't meet threshold for Social Services but did show some support was needed a self referral would be appropriate. In our service this would just get passed through to us but maybe they felt a self referral would be a better way for her to acknowledge she needs help and is willing to work on it, or maybe to test her and see if she does it then if another referral comes in it shows history. Level 3 is voluntary whereas Level 4 isn't.
We would contact other parents to inform them we're working with the family if appropriate. It doesn't look dodgy to call and ask if a referral's been made, we get calls all the time in this sort of situation

 

[lasttime]

Bit of an update, he called. They said there's been no reports but if there was they couldn't disclose due to confidentiality. I'm assuming by that they mean they wouldn't disclose details.

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

Sounds like she is self referring for Early Help, this is more of a pastoral care type help where the parent asking for help is given practical help and guidance to improve their circumstances. My niece has two children, the youngest is disabled and she realised she needed help with motivation to clean the house, go out food shopping and cook fresh healthy food on a daily basis as she was struggling with those things due to the pressure of being a single parent to a disabled child and moody teenager. It also gave the teenager the opportunity to go to youth groups and do fun activities away from his mum.

 

[Clairer86]

Im a social worker in Children's Services.

Just so im clear, your friend has told you that Childrens services have told her to make a self referral? For what? A CAF (Child and Family assessment)? or early help?

We would never tell a parent to self refer for a child and family assessment.

It might be they have told her to refer for early help? Or have school referred the family in to Children's Services? In terms of our role-in my local authority, we work with children and families on Child in Need Plans, Child Protection Plans, and also work with children who are in the process of being removed. We have a separate department who work with families on early help plans. But my role is very much geared around the Children's Act and that determines our level of intervention.

It could be your friend has heard the words 'social services' and panicked.

 

[lasttime]

Im a social worker in Children's Services.

Just so im clear, your friend has told you that Childrens services have told her to make a self referral? For what? A CAF (Child and Family assessment)? or early help?

We would never tell a parent to self refer for a child and family assessment.

It might be they have told her to refer for early help? Or have school referred the family in to Children's Services? In terms of our role-in my local authority, we work with children and families on Child in Need Plans, Child Protection Plans, and also work with children who are in the process of being removed. We have a separate department who work with families on early help plans. But my role is very much geared around the Children's Act and that determines our level of intervention.

It could be your friend has heard the words 'social services' and panicked.

From what I was told they had received three reports over 6 weeks about the house and garden and called her I'm assuming on Sunday just gone telling her that and that she needs to call back to self refer. However my friend the father of said children called them on Monday and was told no reports had been made and that if they had nothing would be disclosed due to confidentiality which I took to mean they wouldn't say what's been said as they said no reports have been made. I'm getting the info third hand as obviously she told him and he's telling me.