Social services advice

[Tiredbones]

I work at Level 3 whereas Social Services is Level 4, if the original referral didn't meet threshold for Social Services but did show some support was needed a self referral would be appropriate. In our service this would just get passed through to us but maybe they felt a self referral would be a better way for her to acknowledge she needs help and is willing to work on it, or maybe to test her and see if she does it then if another referral comes in it shows history. Level 3 is voluntary whereas Level 4 isn't.
We would contact other parents to inform them we're working with the family if appropriate. It doesn't look dodgy to call and ask if a referral's been made, we get calls all the time in this sort of situation

 

[Clairer86]

From what I was told they had received three reports over 6 weeks about the house and garden and called her I'm assuming on Sunday just gone telling her that and that she needs to call back to self refer. However my friend the father of said children called them on Monday and was told no reports had been made and that if they had nothing would be disclosed due to confidentiality which I took to mean they wouldn't say what's been said as they said no reports have been made. I'm getting the info third hand as obviously she told him and he's telling me.

Tbh im not surprised you are confused. Not only is 3rd hand info open to discrepancies, add into that not really knowing about social services, and most people would be confused with the information you received from your friend.

I think the first thing to say is try not to worry if Social services do become involved. Regardless of what the Daily Mail will try and make you believe, we are not sociopaths who enjoy ripping families apart, and we certainly dont get cash bonuses every time we remove a blonde hair blue eyed child! And we can be a really good source of support and guidance. We always try and keep families together and we cant just remove children for no reason (by the time a family goes to court, its when we have been involved for a very long time and no sustained changes have been made, and it really is the last resort). There is also no shame in having a social worker, its just a shame that so much scaremongering is out there when it comes to social services. Social workers, we are not naive neither are we posh or even middle class tbh (most of us) and so we dont expect things to be 'perfect' as that is not realistic. There is a huge difference between a bit of mess and really bad living conditions. As long as your friend is open and honest then that will help the social worker offer her and the children the correct level of support/intervention.

It could be that your friend may have a family support worker, that would possibly be under early help, and that wouldnt normally be led by a social worker. but rather a family support worker. This is totally voluntary and your friend is well within her rights to decline the help and support offered to her. If a social worker has concerns-if a referral has come in then a social worker will be assigned to undertake a CAF assessment. The outcome of that assessment will be either no further action, advice to start an early help plan, or Social work involvement of either Child in Need or Child Protection. Being on a child in need plan is support based and also completely voluntary (not many people are aware of that). If there are safeugarding concerns then an assessment known as Section 47 enquiries will be done, and then a Initial Child Protection Conference will take place and the outcome of that might be to place the children on Child Protection plans. That isnt voluntary, and the family have to work with the social worker in that case.

 

[Hinchhater1442]

I wouldn’t worry from the point of view of him helping/her not coping alone. Social services don’t expect people to solely manage alone. It’s fine to accept help from others, grand parents, etc. In fact it’s a great thing that, you know, the father of the child(ren) is involved and taking steps to ensure their wellbeing..

 

[judgejohndeed]

Social wouldn’t tell you to self refer if they were going to initiate any kind of assessment based on reports made. Sounds like she’s making this up although I really can’t work out why tbh.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Sounds like she’s making it up, ive never heard of anyone being told to make a self referral.

My friend recently had social services involved. Her neighbour rang the police as she said my friend’s baby was left screaming while there was lots of shouting going on.

The police turned up, checked the house and the baby and then said social services have been notified because of the accusation, but that the police couldn’t see anything wrong.

Social services turned up, had a look around and said they weren’t taking it any further.

As a side note, my friend’s house is a bit of a mess and baby doesn’t even have a proper room, just a travel cot in a junk room, and social services didn’t have an issue as long as baby is loved and cared for.

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

I don't think using his leave is wasting them, it's his only option

 

[Ittybittytittyclub]

She may be making the self referral up to make it sound like she had a choice in social services being involved but actually she hasn’t got a choice. Or she could self refer to try and get help/support/funding. But if he is on the birth certificate he has every right to know what has been said between social worker and mum and also entitled to view all reports ie. the initial report/complaint and any report after each appointment and visit

 

[judgejohndeed]

They weren't but he is on the birth certificates. I also know that when social services where involved with my exs kids he wasn't notified to start with as his kids mum acted like he didn't exist despite him also being on the birth certificates. I think you have a point there but then she's lied previously about other things so its all a bit messy and complicated. I feel like there's no right way forward which is frustrating for everyone.

Yeah it sounds complicated and frustrating. I think she has probably made it up and just needs some help sorting herself out tbh. The other thing I was thinking without knowing her is could it be possible she’s struggled with the kids during lockdown etc and needs a hand? You mentioned she’s asked him to take them more, there could be more to this. Him going to help out could be a good opportunity to have a frank conversation about how she’s doing with them etc and it’s definitely better to do that now

 

[Clairer86]

I'm back again, thought I'd revive this thread rather than start a new one.
Social services did end up involved albeit some time after I started this thread. The children where put on a child protection plan and it is all still ongoing.
My friend has been attending meetings and although there is no concerns over his parenting he has had to miss one of the 12 week meetings and is due to miss another both have been missed because he is at work. He gives them plenty of notice that he can't attend ie the day he receives the date however he is worried he will get backlash from ss for not attending, he can't not work and can't use his phone at work which is what the father of the other children does. Should he be concerned or will they understand?

So that is a bit shitty by the social worker; i mean i always try and work with the parent especially when they work. However, it would absolutely be in his best interest to prioritise the reviews (i presume the meeting is a Review Conference and not a core group meeting?). I cant lie, it doesnt look good if a parent does not attend those, even though he does work and the social worker should be mindful of that. I would get him to ask the sw if they can have a word with the IRO who chairs the reviews and explain to them the situation.

 

[Ghostpumpkin]

I'm hoping someone on here can help. A friend of mine has kids with someone he's no longer with and allegedly there's been reports made to social services about the kids and house. Allegedly she told him that they called and told her and also told her she has to call tomorrow to make a self referral. I kind of believe the reports have been made but I'm also questioning it and didn't think that's how they'd proceed if reports have been made. Can someone clarify? I've tried googling. I really need help on how he should proceed as none of us want the kids in care and he's in no position to take them full time but is understandably concerned. Thank you.

I work in a team closely linked with social services, we act on referrals of poor housing conditions, sometimes with children there. If there is a concern about the state of a property there are lots of services available to support the family which they would sign post them to before taking any action.

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

Sounds like she is self referring for Early Help, this is more of a pastoral care type help where the parent asking for help is given practical help and guidance to improve their circumstances. My niece has two children, the youngest is disabled and she realised she needed help with motivation to clean the house, go out food shopping and cook fresh healthy food on a daily basis as she was struggling with those things due to the pressure of being a single parent to a disabled child and moody teenager. It also gave the teenager the opportunity to go to youth groups and do fun activities away from his mum.

 

[lasttime]

Yeah it sounds complicated and frustrating. I think she has probably made it up and just needs some help sorting herself out tbh. The other thing I was thinking without knowing her is could it be possible she’s struggled with the kids during lockdown etc and needs a hand? You mentioned she’s asked him to take them more, there could be more to this. Him going to help out could be a good opportunity to have a frank conversation about how she’s doing with them etc and it’s definitely better to do that now

Yea she said she was struggling and then stopped him having them the following weekend. She has other kids that aren't his and so it is a lot for one person but she's had her mum round almost every day even during lockdown. However if she's lied for whatever reason I know that won't go down well, if she'd been honest she'd get a better reaction. Time will tell I guess. But thank you again for your advice and opinions it's definitely helped.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I'm back again, thought I'd revive this thread rather than start a new one.
Social services did end up involved albeit some time after I started this thread. The children where put on a child protection plan and it is all still ongoing.
My friend has been attending meetings and although there is no concerns over his parenting he has had to miss one of the 12 week meetings and is due to miss another both have been missed because he is at work. He gives them plenty of notice that he can't attend ie the day he receives the date however he is worried he will get backlash from ss for not attending, he can't not work and can't use his phone at work which is what the father of the other children does. Should he be concerned or will they understand?

I appreciate he might not want work to know about something so personal, but could he approach his boss for a “to whom it may concern letter” confirming the days he was at work?

 

[lasttime]

Tbh im not surprised you are confused. Not only is 3rd hand info open to discrepancies, add into that not really knowing about social services, and most people would be confused with the information you received from your friend.

I think the first thing to say is try not to worry if Social services do become involved. Regardless of what the Daily Mail will try and make you believe, we are not sociopaths who enjoy ripping families apart, and we certainly dont get cash bonuses every time we remove a blonde hair blue eyed child! And we can be a really good source of support and guidance. We always try and keep families together and we cant just remove children for no reason (by the time a family goes to court, its when we have been involved for a very long time and no sustained changes have been made, and it really is the last resort). There is also no shame in having a social worker, its just a shame that so much scaremongering is out there when it comes to social services. Social workers, we are not naive neither are we posh or even middle class tbh (most of us) and so we dont expect things to be 'perfect' as that is not realistic. There is a huge difference between a bit of mess and really bad living conditions. As long as your friend is open and honest then that will help the social worker offer her and the children the correct level of support/intervention.

It could be that your friend may have a family support worker, that would possibly be under early help, and that wouldnt normally be led by a social worker. but rather a family support worker. This is totally voluntary and your friend is well within her rights to decline the help and support offered to her. If a social worker has concerns-if a referral has come in then a social worker will be assigned to undertake a CAF assessment. The outcome of that assessment will be either no further action, advice to start an early help plan, or Social work involvement of either Child in Need or Child Protection. Being on a child in need plan is support based and also completely voluntary (not many people are aware of that). If there are safeugarding concerns then an assessment known as Section 47 enquiries will be done, and then a Initial Child Protection Conference will take place and the outcome of that might be to place the children on Child Protection plans. That isnt voluntary, and the family have to work with the social worker in that case.

Thank you for that information. I've had some involvement with social services before (not for me but an ex) so was kind of aware on how things started which is also why the alleged call to my friends ex confused me so much, I'd never heard of them calling to say reports have been made and that a self referral needs to be done. However I'll pass what you've said on so he has some peace of mind because I know he was really worried about them being taken into care as he can't have them full time with his current situation.
Also I want to just take a moment to say I really respect what you do and that people in your profession definitely deserve more credit than they get.

 

[judgejohndeed]

That's the problem I'm having. It doesn't make sense but I can't work out why she would lie. He's offered to go sort her house out but I don't see how that would help her long term because surely if they are investigating she'll need to be seen to be doing things for herself?

Has she previously been on at him to help her with her house? When you say sort it out, what does that mean?

 

[lasttime]

Bit of an update, he called. They said there's been no reports but if there was they couldn't disclose due to confidentiality. I'm assuming by that they mean they wouldn't disclose details.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Not that I'm aware, she's asked him to take the kids more but he can't because of work etc. He hasn't lived there in almost a year. Basically the house and garden are in quite a bad state and she's asked and he's agreed to go and spend two days holiday from work clearing her garden because he's panicked and doesn't want the kids in care.

Please don’t worry, they won’t remove children for home conditions unless they’re truly appalling. It’s at worst low level neglect that might require some support but honestly it sounds like she’s just being cheeky and wants a bit of help. I get where you’re coming from completely but if she’s asking for help from the father of her kids and he’s willing to give it, it may be better for the children if he helps to clear their home up. The report thing sounds like she’s made it up though.

 

[lasttime]

You would hope they would be able to see the differences, him working can only be a good thing surely? Does he feel like he could be honest with his boss about what’s happening? Maybe then they could arrange it so he gets a different shift when the meeting comes up. I appreciate it’s tricky because of the nature of it, it would just be a shame if this became a problem because it’s stressful, not knowing if something is going to become an issue.

Unfortunately the only way he'd be able to guarantee he's off for it would be to book holiday days which aren't guaranteed and understandbly he doesnt want to use all of his holiday on appointments, he already used a lot for previous meetings. The company he works for have a rolling 12 week rolling rota and ss are aware of this. The company also expect all appointments etc to be made for rest days so I don't think they'd be accommodating. They'd likely provide proof he was working but that's the best he'd get. Frustrating when it isn't his parenting in question but obviously his concern is that he will come under fire for not being able to attend which is a valid concern.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I've just said that to him as he said he's going to call in the morning to find out but wasn't sure if they'd tell him anything. She's made up things before so it wouldn't surprise me if she is making some or all of this up too.

I actually thought that any parent with parental responsibility (were they married? If not was he listed as father on the birth certificates?) was notified by social services when a report was made. He could ring up and ask but I’m not sure it looks great to ring social and say ‘my ex claims there’s been a report can you tell me’ if you get where I’m coming from - I’m sure they have bigger fish to fry and it wouldn’t start an investigation, but looks a bit dodgy

 

[lasttime]

Please don’t worry, they won’t remove children for home conditions unless they’re truly appalling. It’s at worst low level neglect that might require some support but honestly it sounds like she’s just being cheeky and wants a bit of help. I get where you’re coming from completely but if she’s asking for help from the father of her kids and he’s willing to give it, it may be better for the children if he helps to clear their home up. The report thing sounds like she’s made it up though.

I completely agree about the help but my concern there was they might see it as her not helping herself. As in if she's not doing things for herself is she really coping etc. He also said he's doing it this once but will be leaving it to her to maintain which again is fair enough, she doesn't work and has no health issues so there's no reason she can't maintain it once its done. Yea I thought that, can't find anything online to back up what she said and it all seems a bit coincidental, there was allegedly three calls all made over the last three weekends he's had his children. Also thank you for the replies and reassurance.