Oh yes, add the flour *first*...
Has she ever made this?
Oh yes, add the flour *first*...Fascinated to see how you don’t just end up with mashed potato and scrambled egg by step 2 of the recipe.
Don’t be an onion fascist. We are not onion fascists here.
Oh sorry, yes it's uncooked. You can just cook the amount you want and freeze the rest.And even then you're only supposed to do that with uncooked gnocchi, right? I Googled after the fact to see if it was a common problem and was immediately confronted with result after result saying not to freeze cooked gnocchi as it loses it's texture on defrosting. Jack strikes again, flying in the face of all accepted food wisdom like theMaverick smol pixieabsolute plonker that she is.
I remember the killer kidney beans, I’m a huge fan of dried beans and pulses they are cheap and with the exception of kidney beans can be soaked overnight and popped in a slow cooker as part of a casserole/stew/soup for delicious non slop meals.Even as a #1978truther I think Jack's too young to remember the That's Life "killer red kidney beans", isn't she?
Thanks space you xGood luck tender one x
To keep track of donations I could add a column to the wiki just so we can tot them up as we go, and backfill before it gets too big of a job.
I'm going to do some work splitting the rows so each slop is on it's own row, rather than having multiple on one frau's row.
Today I donated £10 to one charity and 10p to another (I pressed the wrong button on the self scan, do you want me to stop DONATING) so my forthcoming slop is covered, or it will be when I donate that second tenner.
I'm really looking forward to doing the pizza dough so if it all goes microwave pear-shaped I'll be gutted.
Bought some mozzerella and chorizo and a sieve so updated my costings. Apparently softing my flours will improve the crumb structure, and I do like to do things properly.
View attachment 1715817
Unf*ckupable wholemeal pizza dough
120g wholemeal flour, 8p (95p/1.5kg) - actual 23p (£1.95/1kg)
120g plain flour, 5p (Basics, 55p/1.5kg) - actual 19p (£1.60/1kg)
5g dried active yeast, 2p (65p/125g) - actual 5p (£1.20/125g)
1/2 tsp salt (optional) - larder
1 tbsp oil (sunflower or vegetable oil) - larder (olive oil)
Serves 4 at 5p each - actual 12p each (we'll see if it actually serves 4)
Extras: rolling pin £1.75, sieve £2.50
Spent £9.00
Birthday pizza sauce
4 fat cloves of garlic or 6 smaller ones - larder
1 onion - 17p (£1.00/kg)
50g butter or 50ml oil, sunflower or groundnut - refrigerated larder
1 teaspoon fennel seeds - £1.00/36g pot
a fistful of flat-leaf parsley - £1.00/11g pot
1 tablespoon white wine vinegar - 95p/350ml
1 tablespoon sugar - £1.70/1kg
2 x 400g tins of chopped tomatoes - larder (2x 500g passata)
2 tablespoons tomato puree - larder
a generous pinch of salt - larder
Makes a very large jar (so hopefully it's edible)
Extras: Crushed chillies 85p/28g pot - these were for a different Jack sauce I was considering so bought in error
Spent £5.67
Pizza toppings
grated mozzarella £2.20
diced chorizo £2.65
Spent £4.85
Total spent: £19.52
what the fluck!!! The potatoes are already cooked, why waste money heating them up and for gnocchi you need to have cold mashed potato or it won’t hold its shape. Surely if you really cared about poor people you would suggest using left over mashed potato for gnocchi, that way you save money by only cooking potatoes once. I will be amazed if this actually works as tinned potatoes don’t mash well.@Slopportunity Knocks gnocchi recipe
She has a weird obsession with tinned potatoes, and thinks that food banks are innundated with them.what the fluck!!! The potatoes are already cooked, why waste money heating them up and for gnocchi you need to have cold mashed potato or it won’t hold its shape. Surely if you really cared about poor people you would suggest using left over mashed potato for gnocchi, that way you save money by only cooking potatoes once. I will be amazed if this actually works as tinned potatoes don’t mash well.
And doesn’t mention that sweet potato is MUCH more watery and soft. Almost like she hasn’t tried it with this recipe.From the tinned potato gnocchi recipe. She thinks everyone who attempts her recipes has had their brain removed, doesn’t she?
View attachment 1715798
"Point y thin gsI cannot get enough of this 5 minute thing, with Tom Cruise dressing
5 minute thing with Tom Cruise Dressing*, 60p
One afternoon in the all-hours flail-and-flurry that was this-glorious-top-secret-for-now-project, I emerged from my writing corner (apologies to Virginia Woolf for not managing an entire ‘room of …cookingonabootstrap.comView attachment 1715467
View attachment 1715471
(FORENSIC!)
So I was a bit disappointed when I found out what this recipe actually was (a salad) as I wanted to make a proper slop.
I had all the ingredients already, so it was actually free to make
Cost using the very cheapest versions available at Tesco, as that’s where I shop: £1.68 (using Jack Maffs where you can buy 100g of frozen spinach for the same price per unit as a 900g bag).
Jack’s blog post states 60p but I guess that was a long time ago?
I did make a few substitutions:
Recipe only states “oil”, naturally I decided to use extra virgin olive oil as it’s a salad.
I only had cherry tomatoes so used those.
Recipe doesn’t specify the type of mustard so I used Colman’s.
Recipe states “fat cloves of garlic”, I thought 6 cloves between 2 people was quite enough already, so just used the 6 biggest ones I had. Also, she’s costed this using the cheapest garlic you can buy, but those bulbs are always tiny and you’d never get fat cloves.
On to the method!Dressing first. I measured out the oil.
View attachment 1715474
It seemed like an awful lot.
Oh well, on with the other dressing ingredients:
View attachment 1715477
Actual footage of me shaking the dressing:
View attachment 1715479
Not really. (Still not sure what Tom Cruise has to do with it, must be because she’s such a MAVERICK smol pixie)
So I opened up the lid to check if it needed further shaking.
Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear
It did get there in the end. That done, onto the meecrowavey:
View attachment 1715490
And the obligatory rinsing pic:
View attachment 1715494
Return to the meecrowavey. Jack says that cooking garlic in its pricked skins is a shortcut to roasted garlic.
No it is not.
View attachment 1715502
(Wine bottle for scale, these were not fat cloves, alas)
The garlic appeared shrivelled and not very soft.
Also Jack did not instruct me to drain the defrosted (hot) spinach - I didn’t want the salad to be swimming so I squeezed it out in the colander after I’d drained the chickpeas. I think maybe she made this once, with fresh spinach, then substituted frozen in the recipe to keep the cost down? A theme is emerging here Fraus…
I pressed on. Chopped the tomatoes and onion and chucked it all in a bowl:
View attachment 1715504
Time to stir! I was heating up food for my baby at the same time so I gave myself 50 seconds to toss it all together:
View attachment 1715510
(Baby’s lunch was looking more appetising at this point honestly)Ingredients: 3. Absolutely solidly middle class.
Recipe: 1. A weird mix of vague and specific (what kind of oil?), missing instructions. I think she made it once, wrote it down from memory, tweaked some things to make it cheaper and never made it again.
Visual appeal: 3. It definitely isn’t an ovary groaner and I can’t say I ever want to greedily inhale salad, but it looks fine if you don’t look too closely and notice the garlic.
Texture: 3. Again, fine, mainly chickpeas and tomatoes and onion.
Taste: 2. Where to begin?! There is WAY too much raw onion. (She doesn’t specify the size of onion) Olive oil was too strong and made it taste bitter. I was worried about the peanut butter but couldn’t taste that really. I nibbled at the garlic and it tasted of nothing. I guess all the flavour evaporated in the microwave?
Essentially, it tasted of raw onion swimming in olive oil with the added texture of chickpeas.
How can something with so few ingredients, all of which are nice, be so wrong?
Overall: 2 - TerribleWhen my OH got home I invited him to try “the slop”. I had only managed a few mouthfuls so there was nearly a whole bowlful for him.
Fraus, he declared it “pretty nice” but “way too much onion”.
I expressed surprise that he used the word “nice” and he said “maybe it would be better blended?”
At this point I opened the front door and booted him out. He’s now on his way to Southend with a couple of juicy burgers (or perhaps kebabs).
Oh! As an actual 1978 herrEven as a #1978truther I think Jack's too young to remember the That's Life "killer red kidney beans", isn't she?
Id never heard of this, brilliant!Oh! As an actual 1978 herrthis does actually bring back vague memories.
Esther Rantzen believed that she'd been poisoned by a Delia Smith chilli recipe so carried on a bizarre one-sided feud, mentioning at every opportunity both the dangers of kidney beans and the recklessness of Delia for using them. Is that right?
I mostly remember it because of the way my mum loudly scoffed every time she spotted Rantzen on the telly - she was definitely in Team Delia, and loudly opined that Rantzen was obviously incapable of following recipes. Jack, take note! WARNED.
I wonder if Jack will teach Content to say "sausages" like the dog Esther Rantzen had on "That's Life." (One for the older Fraus)Oh! As an actual 1978 herrthis does actually bring back vague memories.
Esther Rantzen believed that she'd been poisoned by a Delia Smith chilli recipe so carried on a bizarre one-sided feud, mentioning at every opportunity both the dangers of kidney beans and the recklessness of Delia for using them. Is that right?
I mostly remember it because of the way my mum loudly scoffed every time she spotted Rantzen on the telly - she was definitely in Team Delia, and loudly opined that Rantzen was obviously incapable of following recipes. Jack, take note! WARNED.
Or degloved sausages.I wonder if Jack will teach Content to say "sausages" like the dog Esther Rantzen had on "That's Life." (One for the older Fraus)
She might even go the whole hog and get it to say "bollock sausages"
Completely off-topic now, but I've just found the other side of the story. Sounds my mum might have been a little too pro-Delia!Oh! As an actual 1978 herrthis does actually bring back vague memories.
Esther Rantzen believed that she'd been poisoned by a Delia Smith chilli recipe so carried on a bizarre one-sided feud, mentioning at every opportunity both the dangers of kidney beans and the recklessness of Delia for using them. Is that right?
I mostly remember it because of the way my mum loudly scoffed every time she spotted Rantzen on the telly - she was definitely in Team Delia, and loudly opined that Rantzen was obviously incapable of following recipes. Jack, take note! WARNED.
She’s speaking in her special slow voice with a patronising smile for the povs because they’re all thickI just looked it up and seems Jack’s beloved ‘sister restaurant’ to which she’d apparently never been (but that inspired feats of fizzy vinegary repugnance) didn’t take Hoxton by storm either.
View attachment 1715787
From the tinned potato gnocchi recipe. She thinks everyone who attempts her recipes has had their brain removed, doesn’t she?
View attachment 1715798
I still say sausages like that dog didI wonder if Jack will teach Content to say "sausages" like the dog Esther Rantzen had on "That's Life." (One for the older Fraus)
She might even go the whole hog and get it to say "bollock sausages"
We'll hold your hair back in spirit, dear heart.I feel I should slopalong too, just trying to decide what
So much choice - not many sick buckets.
There was a whole thing of people poisoning themselves with kidney beans in their slow cookers in the 1970s, because they didn't pre-cook the dried beans first. Seven outbreaks of kidney bean poisoning occurred in the U.K. between 1976 and 1979.Completely off-topic now, but I've just found the other side of the story. Sounds my mum might have been a little too pro-Delia!
I wasn’t sure if board marker would wipe off the grouting"Point y thin gs
Ouch y-do no t touch"
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