Single by Choice

[MollyMalone]

One thing I struggle with is that I do generally take a pretty dim view of men as a whole these days - based on my own experiences, what I hear from others, and broader societal themes (not to mention violence against women and girls). I do genuinely like men less overall now than I did a few years ago. I personally think it's justified, but I also worry that in thinking and saying that, I'm "just as bad as them". I don't want to be a female incel (and don't get me wrong I'm definitely definitely not) but do you know what I mean? It's not OK for men to say they don't like women, but I have to admit I'm more anti-man than I used to be and that's a big part of why I want to be single.

Obviously not ALL men... but finding an exception is like finding a needle in a haystack and I can't be arsed! Is that terrible? I'm totally open to challenge on this.

I don't think it's terrible..we are all products of our own experiences and environments. You're basing this on your own experiences with men which is so valid.

I think the fact you're aware of it is good and means you are definitely not "as bad as them".

Whenever I feel like this I remind myself of all the decent men I know. I have two great brothers in law (and one head one but that's a story for another day), who are lovely, normal, kind, decent, great husbands and dads, they clearly adore my sisters and respect women. It's a nice reminder that while I am yet to meet MY good man, there are lots of good men in the world.

 

[Flowergirl14]

I don't think it's terrible..we are all products of our own experiences and environments. You're basing this on your own experiences with men which is so valid.

I think the fact you're aware of it is good and means you are definitely not "as bad as them".

Whenever I feel like this I remind myself of all the decent men I know. I have two great brothers in law (and one head one but that's a story for another day), who are lovely, normal, kind, decent, great husbands and dads, they clearly adore my sisters and respect women. It's a nice reminder that while I am yet to meet MY good man, there are lots of good men in the world.

Very true.
I too had a lovely Dad and brother, both sadly passed away.

But us singletons do not know who is a good guy when we are out and about, or walking home from the train station late at night and hearing footsteps behind us! Good men do not have it tattooed on their forehead

 

[qqwertyy]

I saw a post from someone saying that she’d fallen a bit too deep into hating men and it was blocking her energy from manifesting a good partner.

I do kind of get it but at the same time, it feels like we’re blaming ourselves again when we’re just responding to men’s behaviour. The ‘man-hating’ hasn’t come out of nowhere, it’s a consequence of their actions, and it’s generally more fear - not just physically, but fear of being hurt, cheated on, emotionally damaged etc. - than hate.

I wish I didn’t dislike men but time and time again I am shown why I do, even though I do know some lovely men.

 

[sleepflowers]

I think it's important to remember that women's dislike of men is mostly institutional, against the patriarchy, rather than every individual man. I know plenty of nice men on an individual level, and if a man is truly good, he will realise that sayings like 'men are trash' don't apply to him and not get angry about it!

Our dislike of men as women is also rational considering how much they enact their hate of us and how lopsided that hate is, when you consider the ratio of things like domestic abuse, and laws put in place to make women's lives harder through history.

 

[TheLearningChannel]

I feel like this too.
I too have been let down by the men in my life - and my children by their tit father. I grew up in a misogynistic family. I do know good men, two of my best friends are men.
However the older I get the less likely I am to entertain crap and seeing my friends put up with mediocre men - or hearing their encounters with same - just makes me despair. Everyday the news is full of men attacking women and children.
I have found that older men (my age) are generally full of arrogance, unbelievable self confidence and seem to think women are a much lesser species. I did the thing where you dont move out of the way on paths and the only men who didnt move were my age cohort. One shouted at me for not getting out of his way. Young men and more elderly men always moved. My cohort also seem to be leading the charge on racism and every other ism you can find.

 

[petitspois]

One thing I struggle with is that I do generally take a pretty dim view of men as a whole these days - based on my own experiences, what I hear from others, and broader societal themes (not to mention violence against women and girls). I do genuinely like men less overall now than I did a few years ago. I personally think it's justified, but I also worry that in thinking and saying that, I'm "just as bad as them". I don't want to be a female incel (and don't get me wrong I'm definitely definitely not) but do you know what I mean? It's not OK for men to say they don't like women, but I have to admit I'm more anti-man than I used to be and that's a big part of why I want to be single.

Obviously not ALL men... but finding an exception is like finding a needle in a haystack and I can't be arsed! Is that terrible? I'm totally open to challenge on this.

Your view is based on evidence though whereas incels have hugely negative opinions on women based on feeling entitled to our bodies, energy and labour. Women who are fed up of men tend to be happy avoiding them.

 

[Boogs]

I hate to say it but it’s not just men. Dating women I have found so much manipulation and unhealthy behaviour in relationships too. I would just like to live without unnecessary drama and manipulation so will stay single unless an actual adult who is emotionally intelligent and able to take responsibility for themselves comes along.

 

[Quattro formaggi]

I hate to say it but it’s not just men. Dating women I have found so much manipulation and unhealthy behaviour in relationships too. I would just like to live without unnecessary drama and manipulation so will stay single unless an actual adult who is emotionally intelligent and able to take responsibility for themselves comes along.

Sorry just out of interest are you a man dating women or a woman dating women?

 

[pinkmug]

It's not OK for men to say they don't like women, but I have to admit I'm more anti-man than I used to be and that's a big part of why I want to be single.

To be fair, women saying they don't like men isn't the same as otherwise. When women say they hate men, it's because they are angry and worried about an ongoing culture of violence and they avoid men. When men hate women, it's usually because they can't get laid and they kill women.

I totally understand what you mean and I agree. You don't even need to justify it imo. Women do heinous stuff too and yet if I am to be locked in a room with 50 women for an hour, I'd take that over 50 men. We're not at fault for feeling unsafe, every day is a reminder of what goes wrong when you inevitably make some insecure horrible guy feel less than.

 

[Boogs]

Sorry just out of interest are you a man dating women or a woman dating women?

I’m a woman.

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

I love this thread. Thank you all for sharing your views, I promise I will reply tomorrow but have been out this eve. X

 

[Shawads]

To be fair, women saying they don't like men isn't the same as otherwise. When women say they hate men, it's because they are angry and worried about an ongoing culture of violence and they avoid men. When men hate women, it's usually because they can't get laid and they kill women.

I totally understand what you mean and I agree. You don't even need to justify it imo. Women do heinous stuff too and yet if I am to be locked in a room with 50 women for an hour, I'd take that over 50 men. We're not at fault for feeling unsafe, every day is a reminder of what goes wrong when you inevitably make some insecure horrible guy feel less than.

I worked in the criminal justice system and I saw first hand how much manipulation goes on when trying to get a woman for ‘whatever’ purpose It has impacted my dating life, I will never go on a date site again so my slightly warped view somewhat based on seeing the very worse of people means that I’m definitely limiting myself if I ever were to decide I want to date again.

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

Currently on holiday back in my native country and staying with married friends. Seeing betrothed couples in their own habitat is wild. When you’re in their home, you are granted a glimpse of what it’s*really* like and just affirms my single status. Constantly snapping at each other. Can barely look at one another. Definitely not having regular sex.

Someone remind me of the advantages again?

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Whenever I feel like this I remind myself of all the decent men I know. I have two great brothers in law (and one head one but that's a story for another day), who are lovely, normal, kind, decent, great husbands and dads, they clearly adore my sisters and respect women. It's a nice reminder that while I am yet to meet MY good man, there are lots of good men in the world.

Such a good point and I do need to remind myself of this!

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Very true.
I too had a lovely Dad and brother, both sadly passed away.

But us singletons do not know who is a good guy when we are out and about, or walking home from the train station late at night and hearing footsteps behind us! Good men do not have it tattooed on their forehead

Indeed. And maybe I've spent too much time watching Tiktok "storytimes" but there are so many men who seem like they'd be decent but then turn out to have secret other families etc.

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

I saw a post from someone saying that she’d fallen a bit too deep into hating men and it was blocking her energy from manifesting a good partner.

I do kind of get it but at the same time, it feels like we’re blaming ourselves again when we’re just responding to men’s behaviour. The ‘man-hating’ hasn’t come out of nowhere, it’s a consequence of their actions, and it’s generally more fear - not just physically, but fear of being hurt, cheated on, emotionally damaged etc. - than hate.

I wish I didn’t dislike men but time and time again I am shown why I do, even though I do know some lovely men.

SO WELL SAID! And then if they do meet someone they act superior like it's anything other than luck. I hate manifesting culture too but that's for another post haha.

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

To be fair, women saying they don't like men isn't the same as otherwise. When women say they hate men, it's because they are angry and worried about an ongoing culture of violence and they avoid men. When men hate women, it's usually because they can't get laid and they kill women.

Totally and like @petitspois said, avoiding is different to actively (or even passively) making life harder for women like men do. That's such a good point. And other than on here I'm not out there spewing hatred and mistreating men. I barely even talk about this with friends because they just don't get it - and I also suspect they'd think "well with that attitude she's never going to meet someone". Two people in the last month have said to me "if you want to win the lottery (meaning find a partner) you have to buy a ticket" and another one said "I think not dating is just a wall you've got up".

A) I don't want to win that lottery
B) duck off! Maybe I"m just weak but why would I WANT to subject myself to what modern dating is like? Surely a wall is more logical.

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

I thought all my quote posts would merge together, sorry guys

 

[qqwertyy]

I’ve been out for drinks with (single) friends tonight and I’ve been reminded that I don’t enjoy being around men-centred women. Most of the conversations revolved around dating which meant I had nothing to add (not really interested atm) and it felt like that SATC moment where Miranda goes off about them having nothing else to talk about other than men.

 

[AshMay]

I live with a friend who is absolutely wonderful but obsessed with dating and is never not on the apps, in talking stages, or seeing someone. And then she'll always be talking about men or texting them constantly even while spending time with me/others. I admire her persistence and get that she wants to find her person and have kids etc, and sometimes it's fun to get the gossip since I don't actively date myself.... but overall I just don't get it?? I don't find it interesting talking about mediocre men all the time or it infringing on quality time. Plus I like home to feel like a sanctuary so I cba with random men being in the house ruining the energy (as much as I appreciate it's her home too). But yeah, I just don't get it when people centre men so heavily!!!