I’ve been single for about 16 years following a mentally abusive relationship in my late teens-mid twenties and aim to stay that way. I have lost a lot of friends who just can’t get their heads around the idea that anybody could be happy on their own. I have a nice life, I own my home and can do what I want when I want, so although I find it sad that I’ve lost these friends sometimes, I don’t really feel like my life is lacking in any huge way. What does irritate me though is how some middle aged married men look at an overweight 40 year old single woman and think they must be a sure thing side piece. It’s happened to me a few times but most recently, I contacted the mechanic I’ve used for years a couple of weeks ago to book in my car’s MOT and since then it has been endless inappropriate messaging from him every day. Even if he wasn’t married I wouldn’t be interested. When he came to pick up and drop off the car, he was being really touchy feely with me and I didn’t like it, he was also saying he might pop in for a cuppa sometime which creeped me out a bit and the messaging is still going on. I’ve always thought he was a nice bloke, our families have known each other for years, but I find this behaviour really odd and so it’s made me feel quite uncomfortable. Sorry for offloading!
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Offload away! Yuk! So sorry you’re having to put up with that from him and with extra stress and awkwardness as you’ve known him so long. Is it worth messaging him back asking he stops as it’s making you uncomfortable?
A good friend made a pass at me a couple of years back (while I was upset about something too, so nice and opportunistic!). I think he thought I’d be well up for it, got quite the shock when I made it clear I wasn’t. I just feel like a lot of guys think you must be absolutely gagging for it if you’ve been single a while. They can’t comprehend there are other things people find fulfilling than getting laid.
Firstly - hello! You are understood and extremely welcome in this thread
I'm so sorry to hear about your past relationship, and about what happened with the mechanic, COMPLETELY inappropriate behaviour. In an ideal world I'd say you should report it, but I can understand with it being a family friend and (it sounds like) a small independent business there's no one to take it to.
Do you have any close friends? True friends will understand and support your choices, even if they are not single themselves. My closest friends are a mix of single/in a relationship/married with kids. They can see I am happy with my life and don't feel anything is missing. In fact, I'd say my friends fulfil the "partner" role (physical intimacy aside) better than any relationship I've ever had! Relationships don't have to be sexual or romantic to be fulfilling, and I pity people who don't understand that.
I'm sure a lot of us can relate to what you say about men - they assume we are desperate to find someone the older you get! The question "why are you single??" is the most tedious. I'd like to say "Because I want to be!", but often that's incomprehensible - so I usually go with "I've not found anyone good enough for me yet!". Still gets some interesting reactions (men assuming I think far too highly of myself and should "settle"), but it suffices!
It sounds like you have a great life single. Like you say "doing what I want, when I want" is the BEST, and no one can take that away
I holiday alone when I want, eat out alone, take myself on day trips, go to the cinema. I am great company!! 
Thank you for letting me offload and being so supportive and understanding. It is difficult like you say as he’s a family friend, this shift from him is just so odd to me. I haven’t done anything to encourage him, unless I’ve been off the scene for so long that I didn’t realise ‘can I book in for my MOT’ is now a chat up line! I ignored his messages today and so far this evening I’ve had ‘don’t you love me anymore’ and ‘I’m so disappointed’ like leave me alone, I never loved you, I just need my car MOTing and fixing.
I do have a couple of good friends that I’m meeting up with tomorrow, one single and one in a relationship who totally gets why I don’t want to be in one. I think I’ll talk to them too.
This feels like a safe space so thank you again
I do have a couple of good friends that I’m meeting up with tomorrow, one single and one in a relationship who totally gets why I don’t want to be in one. I think I’ll talk to them too.
This feels like a safe space so thank you again
This made me smile
Bloody love this!
Well!
I love these it’s always avoid men and eat chocolate/drink booze
I think those who don't understand why you'd want to be single, don't have anyone to support them but their partner. Likely because they have cut off their friends to prioritise time with their new bf/gf, and then they think "HOW could I live without them!!"
I've got a couple of really close friends and we are more supportive of each other than any partner I've ever had.
I've got a couple of really close friends and we are more supportive of each other than any partner I've ever had.
Happy Singles Day everyone
Hello
I am in my forties , been divorced twice, single two years and can't see me ever changing my mind on that.
I attract narcissistic men who like to change me. I just don't trust my judgement with men so have decided it's easier to be single.
I love the mental freedom too much. I just have to think about my kids and myself.
I struggled at first with this as spending years being told I was basically crap was a lot to undo.
I would say the last six months I have grown to like myself again, enjoy my own company, relish being selfish.
I can't and won't give this up. I get love from many sources , don't need it from romantic love.
So glad I found this post.
I am in my forties , been divorced twice, single two years and can't see me ever changing my mind on that.
I attract narcissistic men who like to change me. I just don't trust my judgement with men so have decided it's easier to be single.
I love the mental freedom too much. I just have to think about my kids and myself.
I struggled at first with this as spending years being told I was basically crap was a lot to undo.
I would say the last six months I have grown to like myself again, enjoy my own company, relish being selfish.
I can't and won't give this up. I get love from many sources , don't need it from romantic love.
So glad I found this post.
Don’t give up! You sound like you are doing brilliant. I’m the same age and I just can’t see the point of being in another relationship now. Like you I attract the wrong men and always end up worse off.Hello
I am in my forties , been divorced twice, single two years and can't see me ever changing my mind on that.
I attract narcissistic men who like to change me. I just don't trust my judgement with men so have decided it's easier to be single.
I love the mental freedom too much. I just have to think about my kids and myself.
I struggled at first with this as spending years being told I was basically crap was a lot to undo.
I would say the last six months I have grown to like myself again, enjoy my own company, relish being selfish.
I can't and won't give this up. I get love from many sources , don't need it from romantic love.
So glad I found this post.
I'm happy being single, but I can never shake off this weight on my shoulders that believes there must be something wrong with me, I must be unattractive, I've failed at life, etc, which I know logically is complete nonsense because I know lots of wonderful people who are single and lots of terrible people who are married which proves those beliefs are completely untrue! But it's still sat there at the back of my subconscious.
This video is from the POV of asexuality but it’s v useful in explaining a concept called chrononormativity which is the idea that everyone in society should follow the same path on the same time line to keep order. Kind of related to you saying it’s in your subconscious because that’s what society has taught you
Coming to the realisation that i think i just want a few FWBs rather than a boyfriend. Relationships just create too much worry and anxiety/pressure for me.
If only FWB didn't create anxiety and pressure too. Also having to try before you buy puts your numbers up, often in exchange for terrible sex! That was my experience anyway.
Yeah I get this too...especially when it seems the only thing people care about it is whether you have a partner or not. I got the alumni magazine from my old school the other day - several pages given over to wedding details of former female students, not much given over to details about their careers or anything else.
Being single (& childless) is the final taboo: quite rightly there is a lot of focus on racism, homophobia, transphobia etc, but it is still perfectly acceptable to say thoughtless & microaggressive things to people (& usually women) who are single & childless, especially after 30.
It is hard for it not to chip away at your soul & self belief after a while; even if you know deep down that being single is the right choice for you, society does everything it can to make you doubt yourself.
It is hard for it not to chip away at your soul & self belief after a while; even if you know deep down that being single is the right choice for you, society does everything it can to make you doubt yourself.
I always have to keep reminding myself that what they say is saying more about them than me, so much so that I had to say to one persistent witch "you're boring me.......you're really boring me!" .......Her face!!!!!!
