Single by Choice

[newtoyou]

Guys, I feel only you would understand how stupid this is. Long story short I was on this free counselling site talking about the fact that I think I’ve developed feelings for someone for the first time in my life (it’s a no go btw). I explained that I’ve never had these feelings and had been happily single forever. And the person replied “you need to get married” (not to this person I like, just in general). And “it’s the only solution” Great, thanks.

 

[peachesandcreamz]

Guys, I feel only you would understand how stupid this is. Long story short I was on this free counselling site talking about the fact that I think I’ve developed feelings for someone for the first time in my life (it’s a no go btw). I explained that I’ve never had these feelings and had been happily single forever. And the person replied “you need to get married” (not to this person I like, just in general). And “it’s the only solution” Great, thanks.

Hahahahaha WHAT!! What exactly does that solve?!

 

[newtoyou]

Hahahahaha WHAT!! What exactly does that solve?!

The fact that I think I like someone and am confused about it

 

[Sprezza]

Yay I've found my people

 

[Thatswhattatsaid]

Guys, I feel only you would understand how stupid this is. Long story short I was on this free counselling site talking about the fact that I think I’ve developed feelings for someone for the first time in my life (it’s a no go btw). I explained that I’ve never had these feelings and had been happily single forever. And the person replied “you need to get married” (not to this person I like, just in general). And “it’s the only solution” Great, thanks.

Please tell me it wasn’t the counsellor that said it

 

[LaBlonde]

Guys, I feel only you would understand how stupid this is. Long story short I was on this free counselling site talking about the fact that I think I’ve developed feelings for someone for the first time in my life (it’s a no go btw). I explained that I’ve never had these feelings and had been happily single forever. And the person replied “you need to get married” (not to this person I like, just in general). And “it’s the only solution” Great, thanks.

wow i’ll just get out the catalogue and order a husband shall i?!?!!

as above, please tell me it wasn’t the counsellor who said this.

 

[newtoyou]

Please tell me it wasn’t the counsellor that said it

It was! To be fair it’s not a site of trained councillors. They’re called “listeners” and anyone can do it but you are not supposed to give advice, it’s just somewhere for people to speak about their worries to someone. I did give them a 1 star review though

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Most women I know are fed up with their husbands but have been together so long, I honestly don't think they could cope being on their own. I also know of a fair few who are quite wealthy through divorcing. One lady I knew maybe late forties woke up one day to find her husband gone for good. Off to Thailand to live with his very young girlfriend. Another's husband was done for getting up to stuff in a men's toilet. The rest seem to be snoring in front of the TV and talking about Verisure alarms.

 

[LaBlonde]

It was! To be fair it’s not a site of trained councillors. They’re called “listeners” and anyone can do it but you are not supposed to give advice, it’s just somewhere for people to speak about their worries to someone. I did give them a 1 star review though

i honestly kind of want you to go back on there like “okay i married someone now what”

(not meaning to make light of your situation at all, i’m just gobsmacked that was the “advice” they gave you)

 

[savedlatin21]

Just weighing in my opinion (this thread is definitely for me). I am 35 years old. From the age of 27-33, I really, REALLY tried hard with the dating thing. Gave it my best intentions, and I feel so bad for my younger self and the absolute mit I had to put up with. Some really awful experiences, being absolutely used by men when I was looking for something real and genuine, it's just sad really especially when I tried to start dating 'older' men (ie 37-42) in the hope they'd be more genuine.

The last couple of years of my dating was fuelled by the fact I knew I wanted to buy a house and that it would be more realistic sharing the expenses with a man (sad but true). Well, this year I made my house purchasing a reality and I did it myself. It's been an absolute stretch but I did it, and without needing a man. Now I've done it, my desire to ever date again has fizzled out to 0%. I count myself lucky I've no desire to have a baby and that I'd need to force myself into a desperate dating situation for this. I am so happy ever since I deleted my apps and erased the expectations of people around me to 'find' someone. What needs to change is society's expectations that everyone needs to be coupled up. Women don't need a husband these days, things have changed and society needs to catch up.

 

[GiftedNotFree]

Just weighing in my opinion (this thread is definitely for me). I am 35 years old. From the age of 27-33, I really, REALLY tried hard with the dating thing. Gave it my best intentions, and I feel so bad for my younger self and the absolute mit I had to put up with. Some really awful experiences, being absolutely used by men when I was looking for something real and genuine, it's just sad really especially when I tried to start dating 'older' men (ie 37-42) in the hope they'd be more genuine.

The last couple of years of my dating was fuelled by the fact I knew I wanted to buy a house and that it would be more realistic sharing the expenses with a man (sad but true). Well, this year I made my house purchasing a reality and I did it myself. It's been an absolute stretch but I did it, and without needing a man. Now I've done it, my desire to ever date again has fizzled out to 0%. I count myself lucky I've no desire to have a baby and that I'd need to force myself into a desperate dating situation for this. I am so happy ever since I deleted my apps and erased the expectations of people around me to 'find' someone. What needs to change is society's expectations that everyone needs to be coupled up. Women don't need a husband these days, things have changed and society needs to catch up.

This is me too! I am 33 this year and so uninterested in dating or attempting to meet anyone on purpose. If it happens it happens, I guess? But I put in no effort. I am over it - it’s boring and demoralising (online dating/apps!) and zaps me of energy.
I bought a house myself 2 years ago and live alone — it wasn’t easy but so so worth it. To have a place to live that is solely yours is so freeing!

 

[LaBlonde]

Just weighing in my opinion (this thread is definitely for me). I am 35 years old. From the age of 27-33, I really, REALLY tried hard with the dating thing. Gave it my best intentions, and I feel so bad for my younger self and the absolute mit I had to put up with. Some really awful experiences, being absolutely used by men when I was looking for something real and genuine, it's just sad really especially when I tried to start dating 'older' men (ie 37-42) in the hope they'd be more genuine.

The last couple of years of my dating was fuelled by the fact I knew I wanted to buy a house and that it would be more realistic sharing the expenses with a man (sad but true). Well, this year I made my house purchasing a reality and I did it myself. It's been an absolute stretch but I did it, and without needing a man. Now I've done it, my desire to ever date again has fizzled out to 0%. I count myself lucky I've no desire to have a baby and that I'd need to force myself into a desperate dating situation for this. I am so happy ever since I deleted my apps and erased the expectations of people around me to 'find' someone. What needs to change is society's expectations that everyone needs to be coupled up. Women don't need a husband these days, things have changed and society needs to catch up.

congratulations on your house!!! having your own space, which you can decorate and make exactly your own, is the best xx

 

[newtoyou]

i honestly kind of want you to go back on there like “okay i married someone now what”

(not meaning to make light of your situation at all, i’m just gobsmacked that was the “advice” they gave you)

Hahaha if I hadn’t already blocked them, I would!

The rest seem to be snoring in front of the TV and talking about Verisure alarms.

The verisure alarm is so hilariously specific

 

[Salted Caramel]

Hello my people! I'm also single by choice. My last serious relationship was with someone I thought I might be with forever, she cheated on me and has destroyed my trust. I have no desire to be treated like that again and so I'm quite happy on my own now. I've been single and happy for about 8 years!

 

[peachesandcreamz]

Just weighing in my opinion (this thread is definitely for me). I am 35 years old. From the age of 27-33, I really, REALLY tried hard with the dating thing. Gave it my best intentions, and I feel so bad for my younger self and the absolute mit I had to put up with. Some really awful experiences, being absolutely used by men when I was looking for something real and genuine, it's just sad really especially when I tried to start dating 'older' men (ie 37-42) in the hope they'd be more genuine.

The last couple of years of my dating was fuelled by the fact I knew I wanted to buy a house and that it would be more realistic sharing the expenses with a man (sad but true). Well, this year I made my house purchasing a reality and I did it myself. It's been an absolute stretch but I did it, and without needing a man. Now I've done it, my desire to ever date again has fizzled out to 0%. I count myself lucky I've no desire to have a baby and that I'd need to force myself into a desperate dating situation for this. I am so happy ever since I deleted my apps and erased the expectations of people around me to 'find' someone. What needs to change is society's expectations that everyone needs to be coupled up. Women don't need a husband these days, things have changed and society needs to catch up.

This is amazing, what a feat to purchase a house alone - even doing it with a partner in the current climate is a mission!!

My rent has just gone up and when I see others splitting rent and bills with partners, I must admit that is one of the only things I am jealous of.

.....Then I remember how much I love living alone and it's sooooo worth it!

 

[dinosaursideways]

Guys, I feel only you would understand how stupid this is. Long story short I was on this free counselling site talking about the fact that I think I’ve developed feelings for someone for the first time in my life (it’s a no go btw). I explained that I’ve never had these feelings and had been happily single forever. And the person replied “you need to get married” (not to this person I like, just in general). And “it’s the only solution” Great, thanks.

My (way past retirement age, white, male) GP said nearly the same thing word for word when I had an appointment with him to discuss my deteriorating mental health due to past and recent trauma. "I just want to see you back here in a year's time married and with a baby". a year later and I am not, in fact, married and pregnant and am, instead, diagnosed with complex PTSD and on the waiting list for Step 4 NHS mental health care. A relationship/children was not the solution I was in need of.

Happy to have been signposted to this thread from the dating one and find some solidarity!!!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

My (way past retirement age, white, male) GP said nearly the same thing word for word when I had an appointment with him to discuss my deteriorating mental health due to past and recent trauma. "I just want to see you back here in a year's time married and with a baby". a year later and I am not, in fact, married and pregnant and am, instead, diagnosed with complex PTSD and on the waiting list for Step 4 NHS mental health care. A relationship/children was not the solution I was in need of.

Happy to have been signposted to this thread from the dating one and find some solidarity!!!

Omg I’m so sorry. I really hope the waiting list isn’t too long.

And yes solidarity to everyone here. I’m really lucky in that my friends and family have no issue with me being single. I sometimes forget that wider society thinks it’s strange.

 

[GiftedNotFree]

My (way past retirement age, white, male) GP said nearly the same thing word for word when I had an appointment with him to discuss my deteriorating mental health due to past and recent trauma. "I just want to see you back here in a year's time married and with a baby". a year later and I am not, in fact, married and pregnant and am, instead, diagnosed with complex PTSD and on the waiting list for Step 4 NHS mental health care. A relationship/children was not the solution I was in need of.

Happy to have been signposted to this thread from the dating one and find some solidarity!!!

I’m so sorry you received such poor care. What a ridiculous notion - all this does is perpetuate the MYTH that children / marriage is a bed of roses. I hope you get the care you need!

 

[Lauramar]

Hello single people! I've been single for a long time and plan to stay so. I absolutely adore my own space and this may sound selfish but I love that I can do what I want, when I want to. I don't have to consider anyone else when making plans or decisions. Most of my friends and family actually seem quite unhappy and bored in their relationships and spend a lot of time complaining. I'm not going to seek out a relationship or agree to dates when asked because I'm simply not willing to have anyone disrupt my peace I've also had men tell me that I'm wrong about this and I actually do want to go on a date with them but so far, it hasn't been the case

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I’m so sorry you received such poor care. What a ridiculous notion - all this does is perpetuate the MYTH that children / marriage is a bed of roses. I hope you get the care you need!

Oh that’s a good point! That kind of attitude is really insulting to married people too.