Single by Choice

[peachesandcreamz]

People seem to think I'm either joking about not wanting a relationship/kids OR "you'll change your mind". How do you know?! Why do they think that the only way to be happy is with romantic relationships??

I have a great group of friends, travel lots, spend time with family, have plenty of hobbies. I just want to shake people and say - there is so much more to life!!
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i could have gone into work and told her i’d single handedly brought about world peace, cured cancer, won millions on the lottery and she would still have said “got a boyfriend yet?”

this deeply ingrained societal belief that a romantic partner is the absolute pinnacle of what anyone can achieve is toxic.

Ugh how vile! That really perpetuates the idea that getting a partner is something to work towards and a "prize". It's not that I CAN'T find a partner, it's that I don't want or need one

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

I don't get out much, don't have masses of friends (have some and family) don't like travelling far, but I still 99% love and value my lot in life. I'm happiest pottering around at home, musing on life, taking care of me and my sewing hobby. It's been a long battle to not follow the herd belief that you are half a person being single. Nope ...you were born single and go out single. All in all I'd say it's a little bit of personal Paradise & definitely a state of mind.

 

[Thatswhattatsaid]

People seem to think I'm either joking about not wanting a relationship/kids OR "you'll change your mind". How do you know?! Why do they think that the only way to be happy is with romantic relationships??

I have a great group of friends, travel lots, spend time with family, have plenty of hobbies. I just want to shake people and say - there is so much more to life!!
---

Ugh how vile! That really perpetuates the idea that getting a partner is something to work towards and a "prize". It's not that I CAN'T find a partner, it's that I don't want or need one

THIS! I have one friend in particular though that always brings up me finding a man in every conversation, to the point that we have a new manager at work, he’s in his early 30’s same as me, she’s currently off on MAT leave ready to have a baby and she messaged on his first day to ask if I’d met him and if I think he’s single, I said no and no idea and she said “you need to get in there”. I’m sorry what? Just because he might be single? Having seen him on a meeting he’d never be someone I went for anyway and I’m more than happy as I am?!? Why do people not get it?

 

[newtoyou]

THIS! I have one friend in particular though that always brings up me finding a man in every conversation, to the point that we have a new manager at work, he’s in his early 30’s same as me, she’s currently off on MAT leave ready to have a baby and she messaged on his first day to ask if I’d met him and if I think he’s single, I said no and no idea and she said “you need to get in there”. I’m sorry what? Just because he might be single? Having seen him on a meeting he’d never be someone I went for anyway and I’m more than happy as I am?!? Why do people not get it?

Urgh this makes me angry on your behalf! I know someone who always asks if there’s any men at work I like

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Urgh this makes me angry on your behalf! I know someone who always asks if there’s any men at work I like

Yes because any man is better than no man. It's so ridiculous and outdated. It also shows it's them who has co-dependent issues.

 

[aidil]

Was chatting to one of my friends the other day who is currently going through a divorce after her husband left her for another woman. She was saying she’s lost count of the amount of people who’ve come up to her saying “don’t worry, you’ll find someone else” Why is that the automatic thing to say?!

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

It's like the women who say "There are plenty of decent, good looking, caring single men out there." Ummm no there aren't. Clearly you've not seen the Apps and bumping into a hot single guy while eyeing up the aubergines is a Hallmark fantasy. I don't envy anyone their relationship or marriage. Perfectly happy to align with myself.

 

[unidentified]

It's like the women who say "There are plenty of decent, good looking, caring single men out there." Ummm no there aren't. Clearly you've not seen the Apps and bumping into a hot single guy while eyeing up the aubergines is a Hallmark fantasy. I don't envy anyone their relationship or marriage. Perfectly happy to align with myself.

God yes! My best friend does repeatedly say this Perfect man is out there. She told me it would all come together when I turned 33 (that’s when she left her ex husband and found her current one) but I’m now 35 this year so that hasn’t happened. Dating in this generation feels impossible. I can admit to myself that I would quite like to find someone to be with which is something I denied for a long time but I absolutely will not settle or be with someone for the sake of it. I am not a casual dater and don’t want to be. I would rather die alone (as my grandma would tell me) than die with someone who was a complete wick.

 

[al255]

Just realising this weekend how much happier I am single! It takes a lot for someone to be happy on their own and in a good space. I look at some people and they hop from one failed relationship to another!

 

[al255]

Do you know what gives me the ick. Couples who get married after 2 years of being together. Wtf is all that about! How can you know you really want to be committed to that person after 2 years?

 

[Chocolategoggler]

Do you know what gives me the ick. Couples who get married after 2 years of being together. Wtf is all that about! How can you know you really want to be committed to that person after 2 years?

A male colleague said to me that you know after 18 months if you're with the right person.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

A male colleague said to me that you know after 18 months if you're with the right person.

What would he know being a man? Only kidding.

 

[peachesandcreamz]

It's like the women who say "There are plenty of decent, good looking, caring single men out there." Ummm no there aren't. Clearly you've not seen the Apps and bumping into a hot single guy while eyeing up the aubergines is a Hallmark fantasy. I don't envy anyone their relationship or marriage. Perfectly happy to align with myself.

Hahahaha please - I think some people believe there are gorgeous/respectful/honest/etc guys on every corner just waiting to be snapped up! Single men of any kind are thin on the ground. Particularly as I am going into my 30s a large chunk of people are/have been married, may already have several kids. I couldn't think of anything worse than becoming a step-mum (no offense to any step-mums out there!)

 

[unidentified]

Hahahaha please - I think some people believe there are gorgeous/respectful/honest/etc guys on every corner just waiting to be snapped up! Single men of any kind are thin on the ground. Particularly as I am going into my 30s a large chunk of people are/have been married, may already have several kids. I couldn't think of anything worse than becoming a step-mum (no offense to any step-mums out there!)

Haha I have a nearly 16 year old and I totally get the turn off. I have a child but want someone without them because the thought of step mum role makes me wants to vom I’m such a hypocrite

 

[Thank(space)you]

I really wish I didn't want a relationship. I've got a great life, but I do want more kids, a relationship etc and I wish I didn't! Because it seems impossible. I don't have much free time so don't have many hobbies, which seems to be everyone's go to suggestions when you're single. And my friends are busy with their lives and their partners. So if anyone has any tips for me I'd appreciate it.

 

[shadowcat5]

I really wish I didn't want a relationship. I've got a great life, but I do want more kids, a relationship etc and I wish I didn't! Because it seems impossible. I don't have much free time so don't have many hobbies, which seems to be everyone's go to suggestions when you're single. And my friends are busy with their lives and their partners. So if anyone has any tips for me I'd appreciate it.

my best advice is (albeit stupid and annoying) to just allow life to happen. I’ve never had a relationship and for awhile during my late teens (lile 18 when you just become an adult) I did want one. What I realise now looking back is that I wasn’t in a place in my life where I would have thrived in a relationship and I wasn’t ready for it. I had to do a lot of work on myself. So my advice would be put all of your energy into making your life better. Try something new, redecorate, all that good stuff. Just 100% focus on you completely. It might happen for you, it might not. in general, and this is definitely very airy fairy lol, I believe that what’s meant to happen for us will happen, but you want to make sure you’re in the best place you can be to receive that if and when it does happen. The best thing you can do is build a life that doesn’t feel like something is missing

 

[Here for gossip]

Am a single mother of six years, I wouldn't be bothered with men am happy on my own, when my child is away with family over night, i like to chill out in my PJs get a takeaway and watch TV in peace which is not very often I enjoy my own company to much to entertain a man

 

[al255]

Am a single mother of six years, I wouldn't be bothered with men am happy on my own, when my child is away with family over night, i like to chill out in my PJs get a takeaway and watch TV in peace which is not very often I enjoy my own company to much to entertain a man

we are the same!!! I love being child free on a Saturday night, no plans and literally sitting in front of the tv and catching up on everything I’ve missed from the week. It’s bliss🥹

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Interesting article about women being single, although it‘s not really about being single by choice, and doesn’t see as many bright sides as this thread does!

https://www.archive.is/oldest/https...easing-numbers-of-women-choosing-to-be-single

 

[Zulkraa]

Interesting article about women being single, although it‘s not really about being single by choice, and doesn’t see as many bright sides as this thread does!

https://www.archive.is/oldest/https...easing-numbers-of-women-choosing-to-be-single

I prefer the word bachelorette to spinster For me the word spinster translates to crazy old cat lady for some reason