Wow, to me this thread is even more interesting than the ‘how much do you earn’ one. An even less discussed topic.
I think there can be so much pressure put on sex in a relationship- how much you should be having, what you should be doing - it can become a real neuroses for people, when it should be the most natural thing. The more you can relax with your partner, listen to your instincts and get out of your head, usually the better results.
That and communication as others have said. To not be embarrassed to say what you like and don’t like and not resent or pressure the other person either. When I was younger I hated giving head because I thought my mouth was too small and had so much anxiety that it was ‘expected.’ I always felt and still do that a blow job is about the most intimate thing you can do - more so than regular penetrative sex. But since getting older with a more understanding partner who would never pressure me into it, I’ve found it not such a terrifying thing after all...
Sorry I know I’m a little off topic. But I’ve also been in a relationship in my twenties when we barely had sex - at an age you’d expect we would. Again though that came down to an inability to relax. And we actually began having much more sex as time went on. But no one would ever have guessed.
Of course I don’t have experience of sex ending in a serious long term as was originally discussed. But I think if you are still affectionate - cuddles, kisses etc then you definitely still have lots to work with. If you barely touch one another, something special is lost but doesn’t mean it can’t be got back. But either way, it has to be addressed or the relationship will die. Not that you have to have sex, if you’re both happy with other types of intimacy or whatever works for you both, then great. But you have to be on the same page.
I think there can be so much pressure put on sex in a relationship- how much you should be having, what you should be doing - it can become a real neuroses for people, when it should be the most natural thing. The more you can relax with your partner, listen to your instincts and get out of your head, usually the better results.
That and communication as others have said. To not be embarrassed to say what you like and don’t like and not resent or pressure the other person either. When I was younger I hated giving head because I thought my mouth was too small and had so much anxiety that it was ‘expected.’ I always felt and still do that a blow job is about the most intimate thing you can do - more so than regular penetrative sex. But since getting older with a more understanding partner who would never pressure me into it, I’ve found it not such a terrifying thing after all...
Sorry I know I’m a little off topic. But I’ve also been in a relationship in my twenties when we barely had sex - at an age you’d expect we would. Again though that came down to an inability to relax. And we actually began having much more sex as time went on. But no one would ever have guessed.
Of course I don’t have experience of sex ending in a serious long term as was originally discussed. But I think if you are still affectionate - cuddles, kisses etc then you definitely still have lots to work with. If you barely touch one another, something special is lost but doesn’t mean it can’t be got back. But either way, it has to be addressed or the relationship will die. Not that you have to have sex, if you’re both happy with other types of intimacy or whatever works for you both, then great. But you have to be on the same page.
It’s just hard as he’s a really nice person and has lots of friends and I look forward to seeing him but he’s so cold towards me when it comes to romance intimacy love etc 
His mum doesn’t even know about me 
You are obviously emotionally invested in the relationship, which just shows you are a kind and loving person. And it’s been going on for some time (3 years). Usually what helps is remembering what hooked you in the first place, and contrast his behaviour then with his behaviour now. Emotionally abusive men “love bomb” to get you hooked and then over time start withholding love and getting you to do more and more for them, as you struggle to figure out what went wrong and you blame yourself. They can also use hot and cold approach and get you to be happy with absolute crumbs of affection after a while, eroding your belief that you are worthy of something better. Give yourself some time and try to observe the situation impassionately (as much as you can). Try withholding your affection and see how he reacts. And look up YT videos about emotional abuse and covert narcissists, there are quite a few good ones, some done by therapists other by survivors. See if it helps. xx
. We’ve booked a holiday for turkey for June as we need the break but after that I think I need to sort something out. It’s not fair on either of us to keep going like this. 
