Ruby Granger #32 Butter Booty from Burden Blend

[hkcurly]

LADS, IT'S TEA TIME

You can imagine my utter joy when I received my tea in the post today. I bought the 50g pouch because unlike our Ro0bs, I'm not made of money.

Here it is in all its glory

Here's a closer look at the ingredients:

I was surprised Ruby okayed something with natural flavours in. It doesn't bother me and I guess they are natural but adding flavourings at all instead of just other dry ingredients seemed an odd move given her general obnoxiousness brand.

Here's a pic of the tea itself

And my mug because it's a great mug

(Also what thinks she is)
((kangaroo bee?? Geddit???)

ON TO THE TASTE TEST

There was no advice on the packet about water temp but as it seems to be mostly black tea I went for just boiling and I brewed it for 3 minutes.

Without milk:

With milk:

VERDICT

Okay, hear me out...

It's actually quite nice.

It's a little sweet with the coconut but not too much. I don't like black tea sweet at all but I think having a blend of teas helps balance it out a little. The coconut flavour isn't overwhelming and thankfully isn't too artificial, I'm guessing they've just relied on the dessicated coconut for the flavour, or they were very light handed with any coconut flavourings.

I preferred it with milk (I used cow's milk, soz Rubers), but that was actually more of a texture thing than a taste thing as the milk didn't really affect the flavour.

TASTE: 3.75/5.

I have genuinely enjoyed my cup of this. It's not dissimilar to other teas with coconut in that I've had before, I think actually from B&B if I remember rightly. It's not ground breaking, but it's nice, and I will probably finish the packet.

Would I buy it again? No, but mostly because I don't really drink very much tea these days, and it's expensive, and I'd rather spend my £12 (including shipping) on snacks.

HERE'S THE THING THO:

IT DOESNT TASTE LIKE A FUCKING CANDLELIT LIBRARY.

I don't understand why they've called it that. To me, I head "candlelit library" I expect a rich, smoky tea. I expect to see some lapsang in there or some other smoky tea. Something to ground it.

There's no smokiness to it. Sure, the coconut gives it some richness in a way that isn't overpowering, but it just all feels a bit.. light? I don't get the kind of heavy, cosy feeling you'd imagine from a cup of tea you're going to have next to you in an old library while you're up studying all night, which is what the name suggests, and would be very on brand for Rewbea.

Honestly this tea should've been released in spring/summer and branded as something to have by you while you sit outside and write pretentious letters to your underage fans friends

(also Im aware I sound like I'm talking out of my ass here - trying to convey taste in text is fucking hard ok. I'm not a tea snob I swear)

ONE LAST THING
It's interesting to me that THREE of the four teas in this blend are very commonly associated with claims of weight loss or "stimulating the metabolism."
Do with that information what you will.

 

[lmwfh17]

her commenters are so thick it astounds me. do they really think that she came up with the phrase “stone’s throw” by herself?

 

[lesbean]

My postgrad routine looks something like this:
7:00–wake up
7:30–go to work
8:00-12:00–work at coffee shop
12:00- customer toilet is clogged—unclog toilet
12:30–someone has changed their child’s nappy on a table. Ask them politely not to.
12:30-4:00-make coffee
4:00-4:30–cry over my useless degree
4:30-6:30–tutor English
7:00–home
7:00-8:00–try and figure out how to pay council tax
8:00-8:05–have the quickest, coldest shower ever (energy bills )
8:05-8:30– eat super noodles on toast. Make a mental note to buy more food.
8:30–22:00–cry
22:30–sleep
I’ll attempt to schedule in some frolicking in nature so I too can be a productive literary queen

 

[gossip_guy]

Damn, she's graced us with an hour's worth of content over two days! I don't think I can get through all that without an aneurysm but @gossip_guy I'm looking forward to your hilarious reviews

I don't know if I have the patience to recap the whole thing, it's all just so boring. It's just one endless montage of Ruby staring in fake childlike wonder at things, smiling lovingly at mummy, robotically reading poetry by others and atrocious poetry of her own, and parroting half-remembered factoids about things she doesn't care about.

It never ceases to amaze me just how dull Ruby manages to make these amazing places look. She's trekked to Paris, Italy and Edinburgh over the past few months and yet her life still looks hopelessly boring and bleak.

I really hope for her and her mum's sake she actually did something normal and natural off-screen on this trip that they actually enjoyed outside all the fake bullshit, because otherwise it's just a sad waste of time.

Ruby has zero genuine interest in reading or literature. She spend the entirety of her English Lit degree doing everything possible to avoid having to read anything, whether getting Blakeney to summarise things or reading Sparknotes instead of the text. She reads almost nothing for personal enjoyment and just lies about it. So what enjoyment is she getting out of making this whole trip all about her fake literary persona?

She stuffed the suitcase trunk full of books she won't read, saw landmarks dedicated to authors whose work she'll never read, journaled the same old inane drivel about the weather. She goes to a few book shops just to rub her dirty fingers across everything in sight, only to buy nothing. She makes her mum stop the car so she can twirl by the roadside. She stiltedly and overdramatically reads poetry aloud for what she claims is 90 minutes of the car journey and makes mummy listen to the Pride & Prejudice soundtrack.

One of the few occasions where she leaves her dusty cave of a room to experience somewhere new and she just wastes the trip putting on the same old performance of lies and fakery. What a dreary, hollow, pathetic existence.

She doesn't look particularly happy at any point, and is just doing her usual "gorp wistfully at things like a child seeing civilization for the first time" thing, and it doesn't look any more natural. The major exception is that Ruby looks absolutely fucking delighted every time she turns back to see that her mum is still there and she hasn't run off to join a better family.

That's half the video: Ruby performatively walks sheepishly towards something, gazes in fake wonder at random things, turns to her mummy to look for approval and then looks overjoyed that she's still there to tell Ruby how special she is for dressing herself and writing her own name.

If you think that's an exaggeration, then behold:

Spoiler: Image Heavy

That's not even every example, I just got bored of making gifs after a while.

What's even more ridiculous is her yo-yoing between trying desperately to be a small child and trying desperately to prove she's a HOIYLY ADDJUCAYTED authority in literature and history.

She wants to be a child again so much that she's starved herself half to death to try to achieve that goal, but the end result is her looking older than her mother.

One minute she's addressing the camera with a claw-handed, bobble-headed, half-baked educational factoid about Hamlet as though she's an expert in the field, the next she's awkwardly and childishly trying to climb a tree in Doc Martins and MISSPAH TEENA DRASS.

When she's not climbing trees and clinging to mummy for dear life, she's engaging in her favourite pastime of reaching for books she has no interest in from the high shelves to make herself look VARRY small and young:

Neither her childlike fake persona nor her academic tour guide one are anything but cringeworthy and hilarious.

(Ruby decides that being a whole two feet away from mummy is simply far too much distance and takes a step closer.)

Ruby is so compulsively attached to her mother that you can't pry her away with a crowbar at this point, but it's hilarious that for all her overattachment, Ruby just does not seem to give a single fuck about her mother at all.

Mummy Bones mentions that she's been absolutely raving about wanting to go on the Caledonian Sleeper to Scotland for years. Despite her husband swimming in cash from all the earnings he hid away in an off-shore tax haven and Ruby getting rich from pilfered charity cash and endless sponsor money for products she never uses, neither one of them cared to take mummy on her relatively inexpensive dream holiday until Ruby got it for free. And she's forced to spend the whole trip catering to Ruby's whims, holding her camera, following her hourly schedule of dull tasks, praising her stupidity and enabling her madness. Syo koind and kahhring.

Even when they're not touring the city, Ruby makes mummy do all the same things as her. When Ruby reads, mummy must read. When Ruby "JARRNALS", mummy must "JAHRRNALL".

"The sky was blue yesterday, as it always was, but clouds hurried inwards as we passed Perth, farting together, merging with mist and tree and sky...THE ORDINARY/NORMAL IS ANYTHINK BUT."

It bears repeating: This illiterate, braindead fuckwit was given a First in English Literature by Exeter University. Here she is writing bad poems about what the weather was like while her and her mummy practiced synchronised flatulence.

Ruby is incapable of writing about anything but the weather, or nature, trying desperately to imitate all the poetry clichés she can. But what's the point in that for journaling? Where's the self-exploration in just running the weather report through a thesaurus? Who needs to look back on their old diaries to see nothing but a record of how blue the sky was?

She writes a poem about seagulls, because she was looking at a seagull at the time. Such imagination! This isn't even the first poem about seagulls that she's written recently! Everything she does in life is a rehashed slice of lazy ineptitude.

Ruby and her mummy fail at using the satnav, shoving in "Lochness" (not "Loch Ness"), not checking their recommended route and ending up on a street with "Lochness" in it, giving the distinct impression that Mummy Bones just keyed in some random bullshit, didn't take a second glance and just followed the directions anyway.

They find it absolutely hilarious that a street near Loch Ness is named Lochness View. These sheltered Tory assclowns have apparently never being out in the world at all, since the fairly common occurrence of streets and buildings being named after the places that they're in or near is just so funny and completely absurd to them. I bet Ruby's mind will be blown when she realises that most towns have a main street called Main Street and her mother will die laughing at how "funny" this information is. Daddy Bones won't notice she's died for several weeks.

"DISASTER STROIKES! Oiy cannot foind my rain hat!" - A sentence said sincerely by Ruby with no trace of self-awareness.

Ruby opines that more people who read TV might read books if they had more pictures in them, as though all people who watch TV are illiterate dimwits who require visual aids. The irony is that Ruby never watches TV, can barely read or use words and almost exclusively reads picture books aimed at small children.

Ruby mispronounces almost every name she uses in this video. She also mentions that she and mummy "OFFCWOARSE" went into a book shop because they "couldn't resist walking past". Umm, you did resist walking past, that's why you went inside. Again, she was given a First for English, despite no understanding of it. Good job, Exeter, your credibility is unmatched.

This is a sponsored video paid for by VisitScotland for tourist promotion, but Ruby manages to make the sights and beauty of the area look incredibly dull - camerawork is inept and constantly shaking and tilting at Dutch angles, and whatever she's saying for half the video is completely drowned out by the wind smacking the camera mic.

Scotland is full of wide, green vistas, but Ruby captures half of it in cramped portrait view footage. She has a huge disposable income - no filmmaking equipment is out of her reach - yet even after 7 fucking years of this, she's never improved in any way, and things like lavalier microphones, microphone windscreens, camera gimbals and tripods have just never occurred to her, meanwhile she'll spend £2,000 on an iMac she doesn't need.

They took a drone with them but only used it for one shot...of the motorway car park. Such majestic scenery. Book your trip now!

Ruby keeps trying to show some scenic literary landmarks, but clearly has no interest in literature and can't be bothered with making a competent video despite being paid a substantial amount of cash to do so. So we get fake, robotic narration parroting information she read from nearby plaques passed off as her own knowledge, and half-assed shots like the above, where mummy steps into frame to kick away a piece of gum/trash, but Ruby was just too fucking lazy to get a second, clear take, so this is all you see of this pavement monument.

The editing is the usual incoherence, but Ruby has gone one step further. You might remember from previous videos that Ruby recorded a bunch of random birdsong one time, but refused to say what it was for, then it quickly became clear that she was just slapping the ambient birdsong on her videos without a moment's thought as to whether it would fit. The sounds of birdsong loudly drowned out her voice in her own bedroom.

Here it's even more hilariously stupid: From 5:01 onwards, Ruby has added clear birdsong audio over shots of her wandering around the inside of an Edinburgh city hotel...

VisitScotland should ask for their money back.

 

[Bananarama19]

(First time posting images so hopefully I’ve done it right)

I don’t know why I found it so funny that the first photo in Ruby’s Greece photo dump was actually her in Paris. Could be a genuine mistake but, when I checked the vlog, the day the photo was taken was her birthday, so you’d think she’d realise she’s posting photos from different holidays and claiming them as the same one. Either way it made me laugh that’s she’s been on so many of the same style holidays with her family she’s getting them mixed up.

 

[lmwfh17]

ruby probably hasn’t made it past rory graduating from high school yet but i can’t wait for her to find out that by the end of the show and revival, rory’s life has ended up an abject failure due to the constant stream of undeserved praise and lack of criticism given to her throughout the series. remind us of anyone? although i kind of expect her to give up on the series when dean and the subsequent bfs become a more prominent feature of rory’s life lol

 

[graceiona95]

I have so many questions about this morning routine...

-how is she a 'recent' graduate? she handed her diss in 4+ months ago, she is a third of the way through her gap year
-does she not know how to brush her hair? genuine question because it looks and sounds painful every time she does it
-why is it terrible quality ASMR for the first half then narrated for the second half? pick one
-why does the porridge have so many random flavours in it? why is it made with TEA?!?!?
-omg the metal fork scraping the metal pan, please god no
-why is she soaking a pot in cold water? use hot water lol there is a boiling water tap right there
-why does she just go in the garden and stand there like some kind of weird apparition - maybe you don't have time for a walk, but you could play with the dog or something damn, don't just stand and be spooky
-final point WHY does she empty her unfinished tea into the bin right at the very end? the sink Ruby! use the sink for liquids!

 

[slicketyrickety]

Oh the irony

 

[gossip_guy]

15 seconds in and already it's a mess.

Even in the rare event that Ruby manages to include a nice, well-framed shot, she manages to find a way to completely fuck it up. For this shot, the wind is violently lashing against the mic, making the whole thing sound like a completely amateurish shitshow - the opposite of "aesthetic".

The ridiculous thing is, there's no need to keep the camera audio - Ruby's not saying anything, so there's nothing lost by just muting the audio from the raw footage and adding music over in editing. But as with everything she does, she put zero effort into this and didn't give it a second glance.

She cuts straight to herself in her bedroom, her bed unmade, her sheets unchanged and her mattress exposed yet again. Her fake freckles look especially pronounced - she looks like a possessed doll.

She waffles on, waving her claw hands about while trying to sound VARRY intelligent and VARRY proFASHIONAL, but then keeps interrupting herself to moan about the lighting and tell the audience that she's going to change the camera position.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO INCLUDE THIS FOOTAGE, RUBY. Just stop filming, move the camera and film a second take. But, again, she's so fucking lazy that she'd rather look completely incompetent and dumb as a sack of rocks than spend 30 seconds filming another take.

She's just the laziest, most incompetent dipshit.

She's also got this hanging on her wall, and the irony of Ruby and her snooty, garbled fake Emma Watson accent having this in the background while mispronouncing every third word is completely lost on her.

This is another Scotland video, making it another video that VisitScotland will regret paying Ruby for, since it was a complete waste of money and a paid holiday and they got nothing for it but incomprehensible trash.

Ruby informs us that she's going to waste this particular day of the holiday by playing make-believe and pretending to be a Romantic poet. She assures us that this was both her and her mother's favourite day of the trip, and mummy won't say anything to the contrary unless she wants to wake up with the house on fire...

Then she pretends to wake up from a restful sleep, but since mummy's filming her, the creepy implication is that Mummy Bones has been watching her sleep all night...

Whether her mummy has been gazing at her lovingly for the entire night or considering smothering Ruby with a pillow is left open to interpretation.

Ruby rambles for a while about how Lord Byron used to wake up at noon after staying up late, but this is irrelevant as Ruby's decided to just wake up at "around savvan", like "PARCY SHALLEY" and some of the other Romantics probably did.

Can't blame her for not wanting to sleep the holiday away (although she's clearly wasted the entire trip in every other way possible), but so far this is less a "follow someone else's daily routine" and more "cherry-pick the Romantics who have a routine closest to what I usually do anyway".

And in that spirit, Ruby decides she's not going to read philosophy like the Romantics apparently did, but will instead just burn precious time on the holiday by wasting away in the B&B room and pretend to read some Byron.

"But this is not cheating!" Ruby interjects claw-handedly...

"The Ryomantics often DID read each other's WAHHRK!"

She evidently went overboard with her fake freckles this day, since it looks like she was just blotting one side of her nose with a Sharpie.

Ruby parrots a bunch of borrowed, contrasting opinions from essays she looked up. It's a given that she didn't read any of the actual texts herself.

She also doesn't tee up any of the topics she starts rambling about, so for as much as Ruby wants this to be a VARRY ADDYOOKAYSHANUL video for all the laymen, it's just a bunch of out-of-context nonsense being tossed about that doesn't make sense to her, let alone anyone else.

"The ackadammick Roddrick Speehs has gone as far as to sayy...that DON JUAN...was ACKSHUALLY inspired by the Waverley novels? AND oiy'm not THORROUGHLY convinced boiy his argument, boht thaahr is some tryooth to it." That's it. That's a complete thought, in Ruby's mind, perfectly acceptable to offer up to someone and walk away.

It's like handing in an essay that was just one half-paragraph from mid-way through and the rest missing. No real context, no explanation, no expanding on why she disagrees. Just a stolen clump of ideas that she half-assedly stole without consideration as to whether any of it would be interesting or make sense, then swiftly rushed past so she doesn't have to explain further and reveal that she didn't read any of the actual books herself. She thinks dropping these academic quotes in her videos makes her sound well-read and incredibly smart, but it invariably has the opposite effect.

It's time for breakfast with a side of sped-up narration. Ruby notes that "PAHHRCY SHALLEE" would've had "DRY BRAD".

(Dry Brad.)

But Ruby decides that, again, she's just going to ditch the Romantics thing again and have "avockadyoh tyoast" with some "pyeenut bottah on dry brad" instead.

(Peanut butter on dry Brad.)

Ruby adds that "Lyord bOiHYroHN was KYOWN tyoo drink a COHP of VARRY STRONG GREEN TEA without milk or shoggah for BRACKFSST". This is handy, since that's what Ruby usually has. And if it wasn't? Well, Ruby would've just had what she usually has anyway. This is just "Ruby's B&B in Scotland Morning Routine" with added pretentious factoids.

Ruby and her painted-on freckles interject again, and she notes that "many of the Ryomantic pyoets were ACKSHUALLY VEGETARIAN...which is RILLY QWUOOOL TO SEE, and ACKSHUALLY quoyte convenient for this video because OIY AM VEGAN." No, Ruby, you're not.

She plays Danse Macabre yet again, because she can't go a single video without adding her new overused musical cliché. She does not clarify if this was part of the Romantics' daily routine as well.

"William Blake rackommands tyo think in the mworning, act in the nyoon and read in the yevening." Ruby doesn't think or read, but she certainly acts like she knows how to do both of those things, so I guess that's one out of three.

Ruby pantomimes reading a book on her Kindle, just like MAURIE SHALLIE and pals did. Ruby almost always pretends to read physical books rather than her Kindle, so it makes sense that she'd finally dust it off for a video in which she is supposed to be following a routine from the 19th Century, so incompetent is she.

Ruby rattles off a laundry list of activities that the Romantics were known for. Ruby naturally chooses the least eventful activity on the list. There will be no bear-teasing or pistol-duelling with mummy; Ruby's going for a walk.

"WAHRDSWAHHRTH was knyown for his VARRY long warrks." Ruby notes that Lord Byron and co. were doing 25 mile walks every day. Ruby decides to go for a short walk instead. "It was PARRFACTLY LOVVLY."

Literally the entire video thus far has just been Ruby opting out of the routine she chose to make the focus of this video in favour of just doing her usual performative stuff instead.

The wind beats the absolute shit out of her camera mic again as this footage gets repeated. The abrasive noise is layered with a weirdly off-key rendition of a familiar classical song and Ruby's yammering, mangled narration. It sounds absolutely fucking awful.

In her 3rd post-pyjama outfit of this "day", Ruby is chewing something, chugs some water, swallows, then continues chewing away. I have no idea.

She starts playing Danse Macabre again, because once per video just wasn't enough.

The Romantics apparently wrote lots of letters in the evenings, or that's the story that Ruby's going with to justify her just doing her usual writing more unsolicited bullshit to people who will never reply.

She really wants to convince people that Blakeney hasn't just moved on with her life and left her behind.

But again, this is just the same old Ruby crap redressed as a Romantics-themed routine.

She says they had some "drinks and nibbolls", then spears an olive with a cocktail stick. Thankfully we're spared a repeat of her taking about 46 bites to finish a single olive, and she cuts straight to her saying she'll be drinking some wine (GASP).

"BOYRON loyked to drink his woine out of HUMAN SKOWULLS. Boht oiy'm not gyowing tyoo dyoo that."

Skowulls. I can't even.

Ruby says she and her mother had a wonderful conversation about "pyost-STROCKcharullism". This undoubtedly never happened.

Then it's time for Ruby and mummy to each read passages from their books for some reason.

Ruby is still unable to read anything aloud without having a facial seizure. Her eyebrows keep trying to leap free of her face for some reason, possibly to distance themselves from the embarrassment of her fake accent once and for all.

After moaning about how she can't write in the evenings because she's tyoo toiyahd, Ruby cuts to her outro, where she looks dishevelled (and one side of her face is covered in red welts for some reason - possibly an allergic reaction to the freckle paint she keeps speckling on). She rambles about how BRATH-TYAKING Scotland is and how you need to see it for yourself because she knows her videos didn't do it justice.

Yeah, no shit. You spent one video of the trip filming half the scenery in portrait view with shitty editing and godawful audio, then spent the second video not leaving the B&B. What a waste of a trip.

 

[Griftwood]

I like how she makes a whole video about GRADES BAD BOO HOO and yet introduces herself as someone who “recently graduated from Exeter University with a 1st” Tell me again how grades aren’t your entire identity and self-worth, Rootabaga.

(also, now that Roobee is out of macadamia, it’s safe for the rest of us to get in the water, so I’ve just signed up for Open University lol)

 

[Ilaariaa]

Yeah wow it is truly awful when people enjoy pop culture why can't they just sit in their childhood bedroom and be an intellectual like Ruby get a grip lol she is not better than anyone, despite what she purports in her videos.

Ruby isn't even "someone like Ruby" she just pretends, I find it incredibly easy to believe she got a 2:2 in her first university essay because it's super normal. And that's all she is. Despite what she was told when she was 6 or how she desperately wants to come across, she is just completely, utterly average

I'll go out on a limb and say that someone who didn't finish school, works at a gas station and goes home and watches Love Island (the horror!) provides a more meaningful contribution to society than Ruby sitting in her parents' mansion scamming her fans, earning money off of the Holocaust, and pretending to be an intellectual when she can barely string a coherent sentence together.

 

[gossip_guy]

 

[StatusWoe]

Ok this latest post is funny because it implies that her family and friends didn't want the academic planners.

 

[Mr.Mistoffelees]

What are these outfits?
What a bad day to have eyes.

 

[pinkmug]

Re: her grade criticism. I've recently watched a documentary on youtube about homeless children and kids of poverty, and one young boy was saying how his grades are his only way out, he has no other ways to find an exit and it's the only way he can go to college and play football. Grades may not be everything for Ruby, as someone else also said in the thread before, but it's easy for her to pass judgement from her ivory tower when so many students are dependent on them due to broken systems all around the globe. Cannot stand her shallow activism, I wish she'd shut up and find a therapist. I find myself wishing the same for nearly every influencer lately.

 

[lmwfh17]

she’s Mad mad

 

[Ilaariaa]

The way she washes that pot She's 22, she supposedly lived away from home for 4 bloody years, how can she know nothing about how to do basic house chores?! Their entire place makes me want to attack it with hot water and soap.

To me it's insane that she poured the leftover tea in the bin and not in the sink. Like, have you ever emptied a bin before in your life? Where does she expect all that liquid to go once it's in the bag? It's just gonna soak everything and drip out of the bag.
Seriously sometimes I'm just baffled at how clueless she is

 

[gossip_guy]

In Ruby's latest TikTok I see she says precent instead of percent, a few other people have noticed it and made comments in the video and Ruby says the reason why she says it like she does is because it's an accent thing that she picked up in Devon and she can't seem to shift it.

And yet it sounds like no Devonshire accent that has ever existed. She's somehow been able to transform her whole voice into this bootleg Hermione catastrophe, yet she can't retrain herself to pronounce one word differently? Nah, sorry Ruby, not buying it. This is part of her mush-mouthed, slush-brained completely fake accent.

Speaking of fake, her new routine video is some profoundly dull, recycled shit.

Dance Macabre plays once again, since that's the new Ruby music cliché and she shoves it in every video she makes now.

She rambles some incoherent bullshit about how she doesn't have as much of a morning routine as an evening routine (even though she has significantly more morning routine videos than night ones), because if you have a good night routine, it sets you up for a good morning and therefore a good day.

She pretends she went for an off-screen "late ron", and magically changes from her PJs to a black top and ponytail to pretend to take a post-"ron" shower by just turning the water on and off. She then reappears back into her room, back in her PJs, with completely dry hair and the exact same bun placement she had in her room.

She doesn't even attempt to make this shit believable. There's no footage of the run, no shower is taken, nothing actually happens. It's as preposterous as the time she pretended to go on a run by just covering the camera lens, taking her hand away and claiming that a marathon run had taken place inbetween, despite not a single hair on her head changing position before and after, then pretended to have a shower by walking fully clothed into the shower room and putting on a shower cap, as though she showers fully dressed like some malnourished Victorian never-nude.

Ruby is just filling her day with fictional events for the millionth time, and it's not even impressive things. How sad and laughably pathetic a state has your life gotten to as an influencer when you have to pretend to leave the house and take a shower to fill a video you've already made dozens of times before? Who aspires to this level of embarrassing, fake incompetence?

The hilariously moronic bullshit continues as Ruby lights a candle just to immediately blow it out.

She's assembled pumpkins everywhere because PONKINS ARE HAHHR OIDANTITEE!

Multiple undeclared ads are included, this time for RAMADDEE KWOMBYOOCHA and Tea Pigs.

Ever-predictable, she can't even make toast without shoehorning in a pretentious literary quote to make herself seem like an academic wunderkind, and it only makes her seem like a fake dimwit. "THAAR'S THIS WONNDERFOL LOIN ACKSHULLY IN DYODIE SMITH'S OIY CAPSHA THE CARSULLL: "YOU WODDN'T THINK THAT EVEN MILLIONAIRES CUD HAVE SOMMTHING BATTER THAN FRASH BRAD AND REAL BOTTA...ANDDD...HONEY FORTY."

(Fresh Brad.)

She also can't even spread toast, and just mashes some butter directly into the centre of a thin, dry-as-burnt-sand slice of toast and gives up.

She make a point to brag that "OFFCWOORSE" she's using a vegan alternative "BOTTAH", even though she regularly eats and uses non-vegan products, like honey, wool and dairy bread. She claims that the vegan "BOTTAH" is "THE BASST" that she's ever tried. It's a dead giveaway that this, too, is a gifted product.

She says she's submitted her poetry to a competition, because rejection from Oxford and endless publishers wasn't enough and she wants professional poets to tell her how atrocious her seagull poems are.

Her screen shows her not just browsing one competition site, but many different poetry contest/submission sites:

The Poetry Society.
The Patricia Eschen Prize.
The Troubadour International Poetry Prize.

Rather than focusing on improving her craft - a craft for which she has no talent or genuine interest beyond wanting to be given accolades related to her fake genius bookworm persona - she's just going to toss her repetitive, clichéd, shitty first-draft mind-fart poems about the weather in every direction and hope that she'll win something by the grace of sheer statistical probability.

Much like her transparently greed-driven attempts at getting a novel published, she's not doing it for the passion of writing, or to have people read her work. She wants money, praise and awards, that's it.

And since this is a routine video, we're to assume that Ruby enters multiple poetry competitions every night of her life.

She mentions that she likes to have a dessert in the evenings, even though 90% of what little she eats are sugary dessert foods.

She says she's going to put some frozen pastries in the air fryer. The outside of the air fryer is unsurprisingly covered in dirt and dust (ironically, they left the peel-off protective plastic on the timer instruction side, though this has naturally done nothing to prevent anything else getting filthy.

Then she opens it, and shows herself putting pastries into a tray that still has old food shavings and detritus sprinkled all over the bottom.

I don't know if Daddy Bones has been using this as a cigarette rolling tray or it's been left outside to collect weeds and grass clippings, but these swamp-dwelling goblins never clean anything in this kitchen, especially if food will touch it.

She awkwardly climbs into bed like it's the first time she's encountered a bed in her life. She tries to climb foot first onto the centre of the bed, then peels back the covers with a confused look on her face. It's bizarre. It seems like her feeble brain can't understand how to get around the small table she's plonked next to her bed - the idea of simply moving the table across so that she can get into bed simply does not occur to her. So she awkwardly climbs around it, narrowly avoiding knocking everything over with the grotty, never-washed grandma throw that's trailing behind her.

Once again, despite her constant attempts to convince people that she's a hyper-organised and preternaturally productive child prodigy whose astounding intelligence can't be quantified, she struggles to summon the brainpower to solve even the most basic problems, while her situational awareness is non-existent.

Or maybe her covers and sheets are all just fused together after months of being covered in dirt, dust and god knows what else, then never changed, so they require a complex system of manoeuvres to navigate. If the existing filth weren't enough, she starts awkwardly picking apart her pastries in tiny bits, likely getting more in her bed than anywhere else.

She pretends to watch "GILMORE GAHRLS" and shoehorns in yet another ad for "NYORD V.P. ANNE". Her laptop somehow looks even more covered in crusty shit than ever before, despite her apparently not really using it any more.

She yet again claims that she has the attention span for all the books she "reads", but can't focus on television. This despite the fact that she clearly doesn't read, either. She then claims she likes to watch something in the evenings for "between THARRRTY and FWORETEE-FOIYVE minutes"...y'know, the length of most TV show episodes...

Her brain is just completely uncapable of regulating the utter bullshit and lies she comes up with and she instantly contradicts herself. "I AWHLWHEYS WATCH SOMMTHING THAT IS FWORETEE-FOIYVE MINUTES, BUT I NAVVER WATCH TV BECAUSE I CAN'T FYOCUS ON ANNYTHING FOR MOAR THAN TWANTEE MINUTES. UNLASS IT IS READING! AND THAN I READ FWORE TWANTEE-FWORE HOURS!"

Then she goes to get ready for bed, showing off her usual parade of undoubtedly gifted, but undeclared face products from no-brand companies being held up to the camera.

After that, she moves to the sink, which is still dripping water constantly and is covered in limescale and mould as a result. This family has the time and money to piss off on a new jet-setting holiday every two weeks but the lazy fucks can't be bothered to clean anything or fix obvious leaks in their bathroom, preferring to live in a home where every room is a festering, spit-speckled toilet of grime and disaster.

Instead of cleaning the sink, Ruby is back to her performative habit of pretending she read while brushing her teeth. It never gets any less stupid, and in this case she looks even more like a braindead moron.

She says she's started "DYOOING THIS MINI CWOORSE ON HOW TYOO DYOO CRYPTIC CROSSWAHRDS" because it's something she wants to learn to do. Note now she makes this sound like an academic endeavour, when in reality, she's looking at some kind of very basic word puzzle explanation aimed at children.

Ruby often claims that Oscar Wilde is her favourite author and that she loves wit and wordplay, and pretends to be naturally gifted at English. Here she needs someone to explain how cryptic crosswords work like she's 5, even though they're self-explanatory wordplay riddles. Another day, another shortcut to avoid using her brain and figuring something out for herself.

While she's always painted this affectatious habit of teeth-brushing multitasking as a productive life-hack, here she accidentally shows more than ever how stupid it is.

She's not doing two things at once. She's looking at her iPad, and as she's reading the children's puzzles app and flipping through, the rest of her brain just shuts down; the hand holding the toothbrush that's vibrating in her mouth is just frozen in place, burring away against her tooth and gum. This hand only starts moving again when she's finished tapping on her iPad.

Not only is this read-and-brush thing a fundamentally stupid thing in concept since you'll read almost nothing while getting toothpaste all over your book/tablet, but Ruby here proves that she physically can't multitask. She's incapable of doing two things at once, and her mind just short-circuits and has to divert all attention and dwindling brainpower from one task to the other. Meanwhile there's a high-speed electric toothbrush slowly eroding a single spot in her gumline. No wonder her gums looks heavily receded given this and her malnutrition.

"ALL ALACKTRONICS ARE POT ASOIDE WHAN OIY GYO TO BAD, I DYON'T WANT TYO GYO ON THAM," she says, then sits in bed on her gifted Remarkable, which is not powered by stupidity, but electricity.

She claims she's writing yet another novel. Her only planning tool is still just "moind maps" like a 12 year old. Again, this is a routine video, so Ruby is claiming that she does the initial planning for a new book every single night.

She claims that she needs to write all her ideas down before bed, otherwise the deafening sound of a billion magnificent ideas shouting to be heard in her brain will keep her awake at night, so she needs to "declutter" her mind by crapping them onto paper. But despite this infinite well of new ideas that she apparently has to pull from in her mind, every story she writes is about a gifted young Ruby clone who's smarter than everyone and is "bullied" because of her genius, while every poem she writes is about the weather, nature and/or seagulls.

And "OFFCWOOOARSE" she then has to read in bed, so she waves The Secret History at the camera like a prop, when in reality she didn't read a fucking thing.

 

[ilikecorgis_]

I TOLD YOU SHE WAS GOING TO MAKE GILMORE GIRLS HER NEW PERSONALITY

 

[lesbean]

POV: Ruby Granger smothers you