Ruby Granger #29 Is it soon yet?

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rubella



Girl what is we doin????

This was a painful read. I don't even know where to begin lmao
 
Reactions: 42
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rubysdeadfly

timemoveson said:
I’d love her to try and live on a council estate relying on a tiny income to get by for a week.
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pls no we don't need Alfie Deyes living on £1 a day again, I don' think she realises how privileged she is to be able to do the tiniest things like 'appreciating nature' during her morning walks, most people don't have free mornings to walk for an hour because they have walk and as a woman I wouldn't feel safe going on a walk alone because of where I live atm
 
Reactions: 22

FolderDuvet

rubella said:
View attachment 1391542

Girl what is we doin????

This was a painful read. I don't even know where to begin lmao
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Oh, I don't know actually. It's a bit underpolished, and could do with a couple of bits here and there cutting out (she's laboured the waves anaogy a bit too far.) Some of the description is slightly contradictory. She seems to be going for a feeling of disappointment or a lost past but she's managed to pull in slight revulsion ('like grease') which I don't think was necessarily the aim. [ETA: I think something like 'tears of dew glistened on her fingers' or similar may capture what she's going for, if the purpose of the passage is disappointment at a lost past.]

It reminds me a bit of Steinbeck, when he waxes on about the land. Cut down considerably I could see this being a good section towards the end of The Clergyman's Daughter or midway through Coming up for Air (though in its current state it definitely does not fit Orwell's style), or some other book that has a return to a place. There are definitely bits of this I very much like, though altogether it is a bit much. Good potential.

Is it self indulgent? Yes. Is that automatically bad? No. Does it need considerable editing and a rethink of purpose? Most definitely.
 
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theMoth


maybe I should become an editor.
but I’m not good at poems etc. and analysing texts.
 
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Deeznutslol

rubella said:
View attachment 1391542

Girl what is we doin????

This was a painful read. I don't even know where to begin lmao
Click to expand...
Not to be petty, but if you’re planting from seeds in ‘spring’ the chances of you having a fully grown rose bush able to produce actual roses by June the same year is slim to none considering the germination process alone takes about 6 weeks lmfao
 
Reactions: 41
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MissGGG

There's so many confusing things in that piece. Every time I think that this isn't that bad, she throws in another confusing metaphor, or jumps to a completely unrelated thought. There are definitely bits I like and with some work, I think a good writer could make them really nice. But some parts, like the grease line, or suddenly switching from they didn't need to her to they needed her because they smelled different (the logic is so confusing too), ruin it for me.
 
Reactions: 17

Griftwood

Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever cringed this hard for someone. I feel like she could benefit from an actual creative writing course where she could get real critique from people who aren’t up her ass like her followers. She’s never going to grow or improve when all she has is people telling her she’s wonderful.

Then again, she doesn’t really want to grow or improve or become a better writer - she wants the praise that she thinks comes with Being a Writer, and the sales of course, so she can pretend she’s making her own way in the world and not just coasting along on her rich girl privilege.
 
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figgypud

Firstly, she goes around in circles for a long time. Then when she feels like she's losing the point, she batters you with it. Then goes back around in circles to say the same thing again.

It's clear she's trying to imitate other authors rather than find her own style and that's always a recipe for disaster. However I suspect that that's exactly how she wrote her uni essays: reading loads of critical essays until she absorbs their style, read Blakeney's essay, write out her own essay sentence by sentence comparing it to scholar/Blakeney, hand in with the illusion of academic skills.

It's messy because she's writing for the sake of it, not because she has anything at all to say.
 
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Elekktra

And she said she has no idea what she wants to do in the future. I thought the point of a degree was to do the job you want to do.... how is she gonna chose what to study next year if she doesn't know what she wants to do. I'm confused.
 
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tuneyloon

I've read mountains of undergraduate creative writing work, but I can never get behind meandering purple prose like this, soz Rubes. It's the kind of thing that I'd skim the day of the workshop so I can give the bare minimum in my comments
 
Reactions: 11
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