pls ignore the fact I just said lead twice i've not been awake long
pls ignore the fact I just said lead twice i've not been awake longwhen you have to lead a Victorian funeral procession to lead at 6 but a meeting at your private school at 7
I just realised what this reminds me of!!!View attachment 708437
Nah this outfit has sent me
Personally I would modify this to “being different is OK, as long as it’s real”. Being different is awesome - imagine how shit the world would be if we were all the same. But guess what? Sometimes being the same as everyone else is awesome too! Having fun in the same ways, reading and watching the same stuff, going to the same places etc. The issue isn’t that Ruby is different, it’s that she’s so obviously pretending to be different because she’s just so ‘not like other girls.’ Her points of difference aren’t authentic, they’re things she does because she thinks they make her special or superior in some way. She doesn’t like going out to clubs or pubs, drinking, doing all the dumb stuff people at uni do. In theory that’s fine - nights out aren’t for everyone, I barely drink myself and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being tee-total. The problem is Ruby doesn’t like this stuff because she sees people who do it as less intelligent or hardworking than her. She keeps watching Anne with an E because of her unhealthy childhood obsession, not because she genuinely prefers it to Breaking Bad. It’s ok to be basic and like the stuff everyone else likes, as long as you do genuinely like it too. Ruby’s points of difference are all so phoney.Being different is OK, just keep it to yourself.
There is an element of perfectionism that goes hand-in-hand with procrastination, which means that you want to be perfect but you know you can’t so you put stuff off until the point where you end up having to half-ass everything because there’s no time left! I see that a lot in Ruby. I agree there’s an element of superiority there but it’s the same kind of thing that I see in Holly Gabrielle, that looking down on others to cover up a deep, deep sense of insecurity in yourself. I also think that with Holly (and possibly Ruby) that’s a part of her overall MH issues. A feeling of superiority and an ED is probably not a good combination at all.Thing is though, I don't see Ruby being a perfectionist. Like maybe she likes to present herself as one but when you look closely none of the things she does resemble perfectionism in any way. Everything is half assed and poor quality. Everything. I'd say her problem is more of thinking she's better than everyone else and special golden child when it's very visible she's not. As a result she does shit job at everything cause she believes she's amazing at everything and her clueless followers encourage her even more into thinking she's all that.
Do we know she actually procrastinates and that's what causes shitty results in her supposed perfectionism though? I feel it's the same with how she's supposedly such a bookworm but actually doesn't even read most of the books, doesn't understand what she's reading at all and doesn't even care about her own book club. Has she ever made anything actually near perfection? I don't think so. Her videos always had shitty quality, random cuts and mistakes which I feel she was simply too lazy to refilm / correct. Her house and any surrounding areas are extremely filthy, her clothes have holes. Her content about her area of interest is poor quality too - factual mistakes, boring, no knowledge presented. She's lazy and mediocre but her family, private school tutors and her followers made her believe she's an academic genius, bookworm and perfectionist. But it's not true.There is an element of perfectionism that goes hand-in-hand with procrastination, which means that you want to be perfect but you know you can’t so you put stuff off until the point where you end up having to half-ass everything because there’s no time left! I see that a lot in Ruby. I agree there’s an element of superiority there but it’s the same kind of thing that I see in Holly Gabrielle, that looking down on others to cover up a deep, deep sense of insecurity in yourself. I also think that with Holly (and possibly Ruby) that’s a part of her overall MH issues. A feeling of superiority and an ED is probably not a good combination at all.
But but the 2019 version has Emma Watson and Timothée Shamalay in itI just realised what this reminds me of!!!
View attachment 709240
Wait, no, sorry, a decent version of Little Women isn't her favourite... (as someone who apparently loves the Victorian era so how does she not have issues with the multitude of what's wrong in the '19 adaption? Oh wait, I forgot, no depth. I'm with you hahah)
View attachment 709242View attachment 709252
Better!
Re Lady Chatterley - I wonder what she actually thinks of it? Has she actually managed to get through it all without flushing and clutching her pearls? Or was it too much like the Song of Achilles in the sensuality department? (as people have mentioned, not having a Greek Mythology phase doesn't seem to have stopped her from talking about The Odyssey. It's not like SoA is set in the same timeline or anything....oh wait....) I doubt she'd be interested in reading the book Penguin put out of the court case on Lady Chatterley ('The Trial of Lady Chatterley', for those interested) then...
I am so glad for you that you are on the other side of your journey. The thing is, knowingTHIS THIS THIS 1000 times over! I am due to start my primary PGCE next month, and one of my greatest motivators to be an educator is to help my students learn “how to fail” in all the ways I didn’t… until I was 21 and faced the biggest “failure” of my life, suspending my degree 6 months out from graduation because my mental health hit rock bottom.
I was Ruby. I was the girl who measured her self worth by numbers, by grades, by social media likes, and in the end by calories too - the final thing being the tipping point, and what I fear will be Ruby’s too. All of that was embroiled in the pursuit of “perfection.”
If my recovery journey was a book, the title would be “How to fail” - to quote Elizabeth Day, who would get an honorary mention in my dedication, because her podcast by the same name has been a game changer for me!
It was during the THREE YEAR break from my degree that I decided do work experience in a primary school, and after just one day I knew that’s what I wanted to do. No question. That afternoon one student had expressed her fear of failure with me - I vividly remember it was over a shoebox doll house they were making. She was so scared of getting it wrong that she had barely started 30 minutes in!
I saw how, bytalking to her and empathising, I was able to reach her in a way that jaw stayed with me ever since. I realised that, not only could I rewrite my own story, but I could give others the tools to write their own with words that are infinitely kinder, positive and - well - accept that they are HUMAN.
As I said, It was THREE whole years before I went back to my degree. That is how long it took me to truly get my life back from the grips of an ED, which was merely a mask for the real issue of crippling perfectionism and self-worth. I write this because I do desperately fear that history will repeat itself with Ruby. Just knowing that she is doing the same degree at the same university is like dejavu, but there is one more similarity that I almost fear more than any other - the role of the “good girl”; the “perfect student.”
I played it for over a decade. At school, and then at Uni. I was the girl who didn’t so much as drink a sip of alcohol until freshers week, never went out to nightclubs and - yes - I did judge others who did. I had that superiority that i see in Ruby, because that is not what the “good girl” does. That is not what the “model student” does.
Yet that “good girl” didn’t realise how bad things had gotten; how far she had lost herself in the pursuit of perfection. She didn’t realise because the lie was so powerful she had convinced even herself it was true; that the A*s and 1sts and curated images on Instagram were somehow more real than the sunken cheeks, the dead clumps of hair, the bloodshot eyes and the silent tears.
They’re not, Ruby. And if your reading this, I only hope you realise it before it is too late. I say that as someone who geninely cares, which is more than can be said for the dozens of ”fans” on Instagram and YouTube, who at this point are no more than enablers.
I am so sorry for how long this is! But I needed to get it off my chest, as you’ll provably understand why. The quoted post really hit me - but in a good way. In that I’m so thankful I was able to “make it it the other side” and now use my experience to “do some good in the world” as Hermione would say ( book seven Hermione, that is… when she’d finally sorted out her priorities!)
I love this! It's so true that some people try so hard to be different but actually find no joy in what they're doing. All this talk of aesthetics can be so limiting - from Ruby's perspective, you can't like cottagecore but also enjoy a nice G&T.Personally I would modify this to “being different is OK, as long as it’s real”.
Exactly - I think a lot of people assume perfectionism means doing things well but that’s not it at all. It’s having these very, very high standards that you set for yourself that are often impossible to live up to, and that are absolute nonsense if you are able to look at them objectively because ‘perfect‘ is totally subjective. ‘I’m a perfectionist’ is on of those phrases that people throw around without thinking, assuming it means ‘I like to do stuff properly’ but it’s way beyond that and often tips into something pathological that can be crippling. I agree it’s not clear with Ruby whether she is suffering from perfectionism and that explains some of her behaviours, or whether it’s just a word she adopts as part of this persona that she’s created. It’s hard to tell whether she half-asses stuff because she genuinely thinks she doesn’t need to try, or because she’s overthought it all and can’t cope with it not being how she wants it. Either thing isn’t great but as someone who does suffer from perfectionism, I can sympathise with some of her avoidant behaviours because it’s exactly what I’d do if I could!Without getting into the debate (spoiler alert: turns out I kind of do in the end) of whether or not Roobee is a perfectionist, could we just please let go of the notion that perfectionism = doing things perfectly, or even well? Perfectionism manifests in many ways. Sometimes it’s polishing things until they’re ”perfect” or appear so (I used to go over my math homework with a whiteout pen and even trace the grid back on if I’d covered it in my attempt to make every number look pretty), sometimes it’s procrastinating until the last moment and then either half-assing it or (if you’re good at thinking on your feet and tolerate pressure well) turning out something good. Sometimes perfectionism is a crippling fear of doing anything at all (I have an extreme example of this in my family, someone who is nearly incapable of making decisions and can’t take initiative at all, and it’s honestly devastating to watch) for fear of it not being perfect or good enough, or just ”wrong” somehow.
I could see Roobee half-assing things because she was told as a child that she was a perfectionist, and now she’s overcompensating by deliberately not doing her best with her videos and online presence (and it helps that no one criticizes her for this). Equally, she could just be throwing the word around because it fits with the character she wants to perform. Orrrr, maybe she’s slaving away at her content for hours on end and she just sucks at it
Many of the things Ruby does are things I do (i'm 21 and a few months older than her) I read childrens books and I love to dress up and cosplay. But I'm still a normal uni student. I don't drink or party and I'm not ashamed by that. Another thing that annoys me with her is that she's 21 and she's not bothered by a job (ye her parents are well off) But she's not getting a job or at least looking for experience. She's spoiled as hell. If she was taken into the real world I'm sure she wouldn't survive and run back to mummy and daddy, like she's done before. I'm still trying to look for a job and honestly I'm not successful but at least I'm trying. Yes I think I'm childish but there is a time and a place for being childish and that's not when I need to be an adult.Personally I would modify this to “being different is OK, as long as it’s real”. Being different is awesome - imagine how shit the world would be if we were all the same. But guess what? Sometimes being the same as everyone else is awesome too! Having fun in the same ways, reading and watching the same stuff, going to the same places etc. The issue isn’t that Ruby is different, it’s that she’s so obviously pretending to be different because she’s just so ‘not like other girls.’ Her points of difference aren’t authentic, they’re things she does because she thinks they make her special or superior in some way. She doesn’t like going out to clubs or pubs, drinking, doing all the dumb stuff people at uni do. In theory that’s fine - nights out aren’t for everyone, I barely drink myself and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being tee-total. The problem is Ruby doesn’t like this stuff because she sees people who do it as less intelligent or hardworking than her. She keeps watching Anne with an E because of her unhealthy childhood obsession, not because she genuinely prefers it to Breaking Bad. It’s ok to be basic and like the stuff everyone else likes, as long as you do genuinely like it too. Ruby’s points of difference are all so phoney.
I'm 22 (geez I just turned 22 two days ago and it has not sunk in yet) and I think to a certain extent we should cut ourselves some slack and not worry too much about what we're supposed to do as adults. Everyone does things at their own pace. As long as you're striving to do the best you can and be as independent as you can in your circumstances we shouldn't stress too much about it. I say this because feeling mature and independent is something that I struggle with to the point of obsession (a large part of this stress stems from the fact that I am deathly afraid of driving) and I know I personally should be easier on myself in that regard.Many of the things Ruby does are things I do (i'm 21 and a few months older than her) I read childrens books and I love to dress up and cosplay. But I'm still a normal uni student. I don't drink or party and I'm not ashamed by that. Another thing that annoys me with her is that she's 21 and she's not bothered by a job (ye her parents are well off) But she's not getting a job or at least looking for experience. She's spoiled as hell. If she was taken into the real world I'm sure she wouldn't survive and run back to mummy and daddy, like she's done before. I'm still trying to look for a job and honestly I'm not successful but at least I'm trying. Yes I think I'm childish but there is a time and a place for being childish and that's not when I need to be an adult.
I love your posts SO much. I've read this one like an article, even made myself coffee lol. If you had a blog, I'd love to read itI'll try to spoiler my novel - sorry, I write a lot; it's just how I communicate (add to that COVID/summer isolation). Feel free to skip my thoughts on literature, academia, and identity if you wish! I left part unhidden by the spoiler, as that part might be less of a digression than the rest.
I've posted a bit in previous threads about Ruby and her interest in literature, and my thoughts are somewhat scattered, so I won't quote individuals at this time. For reference, though, I'm an advanced PhD candidate in a related field. This isn't said as a boast (a couple of the smartest people I know either dropped out of college or barely made it through their programs), but as background/reference. My path to the end of my degree has been significantly delayed for a few reasons, but the biggest is that I had invaluable job opportunities in my field before finishing, and the payoff of those paid experiences (including research/published output) was too good to turn down. One could say I've been employed as a postdoc without the doctorate. It's not something that makes me proud; I really need to be done with my dissertation to get a more permanent position in my field, and I see the mental toll this has taken on me & those around me. I have also struggled a lot (mostly secretly, aside from what could not be hidden as a child) with some other issues. I don't really want to discuss me, so I'm being deliberately vague here.
All this preamble is to say that I do see a bit of my younger self in Ruby, and I hope that she can learn a few things quickly - these have to do with self and identity. The romanticization of studying literature is something that is fundamentally rooted in history. Some of the great scholars of the past were true superstars, and some - sadly - were partially charlatans, borne up by money, privilege, and their white maleness (no inherent offense to white men meant - it's just a fact that educated women and educated PoC were largely exceptions in European history). But the romanticization and appearance of being "learned" was partially performative for a certain group of people. The performative aspect of being "learned" as it relates to modern social media is interesting. Someone could probably write a nice dissertation or monograph exploring the ways in which elite philisophical "schools" (often not institutional but conceptual or "underground") and literature groups interacted throughout history (including ancient schools of thought through more modern groups like the Vienna Circle and Oulipo). These interactions could be compared to how "elites" and experts situate themselves in postmodern contemporary society. How is belonging established? How does one gain a reputation as "learned"?
I can say from my position as perhaps "waiter/janitor to the learned" (this is what students are, and often junior scholars too) that the standards seem impossibly high these days. There are times I read an article and marvel at how intelligent it is. The people I have met seem like celebrities at times. But everyone is, underneath it all, human. The gossip is the same. The petty grievances are the same. Universities have tolerated sexism and racism and harassment/assault/emotional abuse as "quirks" or "eccentricities" for far too long. No amount of intelligence or expertise can make up for damaging (emotionally or physically) another person, no matter the age, gender identity, or perceived intelligence of the victim.
But performance of intelligence is still done at all levels. The "secret genius" of films is a great lie. You must put yourself out there and establish a persona that others trust or like, or you will not succeed. In this, Ruby has probably done well for herself. She has created the persona and comes across as responsible even when there is not much content. That's nothing outstanding but also better than withdrawing entirely. Her contact with professors and tutors is creating a delicate web of connections; that web will be there for her if something bad happens, but it can never be completely neglected, nor can it remain delicate.
As a younger student, I wanted to have a lot of books around me and I read many if not all of them. I also wanted them to be a part of my identity, even though I didn't know very much yet (who can, at 18-22?). I see how the formation of identity took place while I was still working out what I was interested in, what questions were important to me, and how I envisioned myself relating to others, past and present. I guess this is to say that Ruby is on this kind of journey, and to expect her to have it all figured out is unrealistic. Literature and history often are "slow-burning" fields: perhaps one may show an early talent for writing or interpretation, but both fields require experience and LOTS of reading for perspective. Ruby's doing that reading now, I hope.
The issue is perhaps how she performs for us. It would be a nice turn to see her put out more content about the issues and topics that interest her - content that asks questions or discusses rather than presenting it as a finished thought (often without sources backing it up). Engaging with contemporary scholarship can only help, because older scholarship is often written in a dogmatic way. There are still dogmatic scholars, but you'll find many more who acknowledge the complexity of the issues and history they discuss, and act humble in light of them. This humility, again, can be expressed easily in the form of questions or musings. It doesn't mean saying, "Oh, I'm so ignorant." It means framing your work as an exploration vs. fact-finding mission or lecture.
If Ruby were a cisman, more of her posturing would be tolerated or it would be better masked by certain stereotypical "male genius" characteristics. Eccentric cismen are perceived as geniuses and their quirks forgiven. Eccentric women and those who do not conform to gender stereotypes are perceived as "weird" or mentally ill. Being a high-functioning autistic cisman in academia is no problem. Being a high-functioning autistic woman or NB/trans individual is often not tolerated or shameful. Even in universities, ciswomen are supposed to be organized, diligent, self-sacrificing, caring, nice, pretty, neatly dressed but not flamboyant, and not too authoritative or bossy. There are exceptions, but very few compared to the bizarre or mentally ill cismen that are celebrated without a second thought. And let's not even discuss how many abusers, racists, sexists, Nazis, and fascists are still lauded as great scholars and people.
For this reason, I personally would give Ruby a chance before writing her off as incompetent. But I understand her social media presence for what it is: a typical young adult struggling with building an outward-facing identity and conception of self. Academic MySpace or Deadjournal. It may be cringe or naive at times. Maybe a good analogy is to see this growth as learning to paint? (disclaimer: I'm not good at art, but I'll try this analogy nonetheless) When you put paint on a canvas for the first few times, it might be a disaster: globby, childish, unsophisticated. You might not know how to thin paints, how to mix colors, how to use white and black to create muted or lighter hues, how to blend things together or use perspective. How to create shadow and light. You may not even know the basic methods of brushwork, let alone your signature brushwork (that will come later). You have to play around and see how colors interact with each other. Then you start to understand the environment of the canvas and the tools you are using. And you can improve.
Ruby is learning how to read. How to actually read. She needs to challenge herself or someone else needs to. Scholars are not mushrooms grown in the dark. They need external input. It's better for her if she finds the right tutor/professor early in her career. This person will help her frame ideas better and focus less on "seeming" bookish. In the end, in academia, everyone is either bookish or good at faking it (unless they have amazing talent for teaching/administration). Liking to read and having a lot of books - these traits are not enough. But regardless, reading is the path to something else, maybe something she wants to be. I guess we'll find out eventually. I'd like personally to see her enjoy writing more, and to see her write more elegantly. There are methods for developing oneself as a writer, but you have to want to improve.
She could be good at encouraging young children to read and developing interactive history lessons for certain books. Maybe that's a volunteer thing for her to explore, and maybe she'd like to do a degree in education. That's not my passion but it strikes me that she could make her regression /obsession with childhood pay off if she marketed to homeschooling parents or literature clubs for young kids.
Happy Birthday! I turned 22 at the end of July and it definitely still hasn't sunk inI'm 22 (geez I just turned 22 two days ago and it has not sunk in yet) and I think to a certain extent we should cut ourselves some slack and not worry too much about what we're supposed to do as adults. Everyone does things at their own pace. As long as you're striving to do the best you can and be as independent as you can in your circumstances we shouldn't stress too much about it. I say this because feeling mature and independent is something that I struggle with to the point of obsession (a large part of this stress stems from the fact that I am deathly afraid of driving) and I know I personally should be easier on myself in that regard.
Ruby may not have an actual job, but she makes money from YouTube, so it is like a job. In fact, she made enough money to be able to invest in a house when she was, I think, 18, though I've heard that vlog is no longer on her channel. It is currently being rented out, but she bought it thinking she might live in it in the future. However . . . even if she doesn't need to earn money, why not do volunteer work, especially during the summer when she is not taking classes. That would be a wonderful way for her to gain different kinds of experience and meet new people.Many of the things Ruby does are things I do (i'm 21 and a few months older than her) I read childrens books and I love to dress up and cosplay. But I'm still a normal uni student. I don't drink or party and I'm not ashamed by that. Another thing that annoys me with her is that she's 21 and she's not bothered by a job (ye her parents are well off) But she's not getting a job or at least looking for experience. She's spoiled as hell. If she was taken into the real world I'm sure she wouldn't survive and run back to mummy and daddy, like she's done before. I'm still trying to look for a job and honestly I'm not successful but at least I'm trying. Yes I think I'm childish but there is a time and a place for being childish and that's not when I need to be an adult.
'94 version has Christian Bale, your argument is invalidBut but the 2019 version has Emma Watson and Timothée Shamalay in it
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