Relationship help

[Frenchie]

You shouldn't have to juggle your relationship with him and your relationships with your mother and daughter - a good partner wouldn't try and make you. At the end of the day, your daughter was there before him and she'll be there after him too.

The fact that you say he doesn't care if you're upset is so concerning too, what kind of partner can't support someone when they're upset?

Ultimately its your choice and its so easy to sit at a keyboard and say you need to end it, but for the sake of your own mental health and your relationship with your daughter, its something you need to give some serious thought.

Thank you

 

[Makeupartist23]

Just wanted to share my story which is similar to yours a bit my mom dated a man who never had children and honestly didn’t understand the dynamic I actually lived with my mom and her partner who from the moment he moved in wanted my mom to himself and made it very aware he has never wanted children however that did change unfortunately down to my mothers age never happened.

There was me the eldest and my younger sister and brother from the moment he moved in it was a very much a him and us vibe instead of my mom taking us to school I would have to and this man didn’t want my mom getting out of bed before a certain time over time the relationship got worse and unfortunately did turn abusive he did end up hitting my mom and she did throw him out only to have him back a few days later. This became a pattern.

They are still very much together almost ten years later and I honestly pity her I’m currently 8 months pregnant with my first child her first grandson she had made comments about babysitting and her partner has made comments about it being there chance to be parents and constantly calls my baby there son it’s very strained when I’m alone with the partner although nice to each other I don’t trust him as far as I could throw him he too struggles with social engagements and that’s very apparent with family get togethers.I know I couldn’t trust the partner alone with my child and I end up feeling sick knowing my baby would be in his presence and because of that my son may potentially lose out on memories with his nan. In turn she will lose out on time with her grandson as the relationship has become strained due to her relationship with the partner.

i don’t want to upset you just wanted to give you a possible glimpse in the future I have no doubt your daughter is aware of how your partner feels even if she doesn’t voice it to keep the peace and maybe she will have a baby one day too I just hope she doesn’t feel like I do now where you know there’s no way of fixing things I do hope you keep the strong relationship and I have no doubt you love your daughter.

 

[Raininvain]

I think you need to leave him OP, your daughter is much more important than him. He sounds abusive to me and trying to isolate you. I'd start making arrangements to move on, see a solicitor etc. Theres thousands of men out there who will treat you better than this guy does. It sounds like theres something wrong with him.
Your boyfriend should have stayed single if he was going to carry on like this and just had casual realtionships. If you buy a house with someone, enter into a relationship etc, then obviously you need to make an effort with that persons family. Just duck him off.

 

[Frenchie]

Just wanted to share my story which is similar to yours a bit my mom dated a man who never had children and honestly didn’t understand the dynamic I actually lived with my mom and her partner who from the moment he moved in wanted my mom to himself and made it very aware he has never wanted children however that did change unfortunately down to my mothers age never happened.

There was me the eldest and my younger sister and brother from the moment he moved in it was a very much a him and us vibe instead of my mom taking us to school I would have to and this man didn’t want my mom getting out of bed before a certain time over time the relationship got worse and unfortunately did turn abusive he did end up hitting my mom and she did throw him out only to have him back a few days later. This became a pattern.

They are still very much together almost ten years later and I honestly pity her I’m currently 8 months pregnant with my first child her first grandson she had made comments about babysitting and her partner has made comments about it being there chance to be parents and constantly calls my baby there son it’s very strained when I’m alone with the partner although nice to each other I don’t trust him as far as I could throw him he too struggles with social engagements and that’s very apparent with family get togethers.I know I couldn’t trust the partner alone with my child and I end up feeling sick knowing my baby would be in his presence and because of that my son may potentially lose out on memories with his nan. In turn she will lose out on time with her grandson as the relationship has become strained due to her relationship with the partner.

i don’t want to upset you just wanted to give you a possible glimpse in the future I have no doubt your daughter is aware of how your partner feels even if she doesn’t voice it to keep the peace and maybe she will have a baby one day too I just hope she doesn’t feel like I do now where you know there’s no way of fixing things I do hope you keep the strong relationship and I have no doubt you love your daughter.

Thank you so much for your post, I’m sorry you’ve gone through it, I really don’t know what to say I’m at a loss what to think and do xx

 

[Candleshoe]

Thank you so much for your post, I’m sorry you’ve gone through it, I really don’t know what to say I’m at a loss what to think and do xx

I think you know what you need to do.
Are you scared of being alone and perhaps think being with him is better than being with no one?
If your daughter were in this situation what advice would you give her?
I wouldnt waste another second of my precious time on this man child.
Life is short believe me, don't spend it being unhappy.

 

[Frenchie]

I think you know what you need to do.
Are you scared of being alone and perhaps think being with him is better than being with no one?
If your daughter were in this situation what advice would you give her?
I wouldnt waste another second of my precious time on this man child.
Life is short believe me, don't spend it being unhappy.

Your right, he’s said tonight he wants his own family, it’s nothing to do with my daughter, he needs to decide what he should do

 

[Raininvain]

Your right, he’s said tonight he wants his own family, it’s nothing to do with my daughter, he needs to decide what he should do

I think its You that needs to kick him out not him deciding anything. You deserve so much better, hope you gain the strength from somewhere to tell him to duck off.

 

[Motherpuffin]

Sorry a lurker here but I had to reply. Please leave him I’m the daughter of someone who was married to a narcissist with no social skills who isolated our mum and made us feel very unwanted. He was friendly enough infront of our mum but a total shitbag when it was just us and made it very clear our mum was ‘his’. It became abusive and we had to help our mum leave him and thank duck she did. Please protect your relationship with your daughter it should be the priority.

 

[Frenchie]

Sorry a lurker here but I had to reply. Please leave him I’m the daughter of someone who was married to a narcissist with no social skills who isolated our mum and made us feel very unwanted. He was friendly enough infront of our mum but a total shitbag when it was just us and made it very clear our mum was ‘his’. It became abusive and we had to help our mum leave him and thank duck she did. Please protect your relationship with your daughter it should be the priority.

xx

 

[Interestingbitsnbats]

Question has anyone been in a relationship break up with a mortgage involved? How did you draw the line with the arguements and decide to sell up etc I really need to know how people get the strength to do it

 

[emm]

Question has anyone been in a relationship break up with a mortgage involved? How did you draw the line with the arguements and decide to sell up etc I really need to know how people get the strength to do it

i dont want to be very negative but withiut a marriage contract this js a total minefield... my friend who is a family lawyer spends a lot of time on this and has always insisted that none of her friends ever buy somewhere without being married first as a lot of it without that contract can just come down to how good your lawyer is... my advice is the best lawyer you can get

 

[Interestingbitsnbats]

i dont want to be very negative but withiut a marriage contract this js a total minefield... my friend who is a family lawyer spends a lot of time on this and has always insisted that none of her friends ever buy somewhere without being married first as a lot of it without that contract can just come down to how good your lawyer is... my advice is the best lawyer you can get

Thats what I was thinking sick of having big arguments then going back to like it never happened because I know I would be bloody soul destroying to do but either way I'm screwed living with a partner that takes piss never do anything together etc or fighting to get my investment back he didn't pay the deposit my dad gifted me it. Partner put nothing in i paid legal fees etc he just pay half of bills and mortgage but he wants half of everything

 

[Tricham]

Could he be on the spectrum somewhere? Not wanting to meeting new people, not aware of others feelings and not good with emotions are all traits

My hubby is on the spectrum and this thought did enter my head too.

 

[emm]

Thats what I was thinking sick of having big arguments then going back to like it never happened because I know I would be bloody soul destroying to do but either way I'm screwed living with a partner that takes piss never do anything together etc or fighting to get my investment back he didn't pay the deposit my dad gifted me it. Partner put nothing in i paid legal fees etc he just pay half of bills and mortgage but he wants half of everything

good luck, you have a good case if your dad gave you money etc as that is easily proven. ugh you def sound better of without him!

 

[Interestingbitsnbats]

good luck, you have a good case if your dad gave you money etc as that is easily proven. ugh you def sound better of without him!

Easier said than done he never sees my point of view everytime it's me out of order says the most hurtful things and I don't think he loves me anymore its just about owning etc

 

[Frenchie]

Sorry a lurker here but I had to reply. Please leave him I’m the daughter of someone who was married to a narcissist with no social skills who isolated our mum and made us feel very unwanted. He was friendly enough infront of our mum but a total shitbag when it was just us and made it very clear our mum was ‘his’. It became abusive and we had to help our mum leave him and thank duck she did. Please protect your relationship with your daughter it should be the priority.

I think this is what he is, a narcissist , I’ve been doing my research and he has all the traits
things are getting tough again, I’ve been quite poorly and he’s shown no empathy to me, he’s also started to be …..look at me, I’m good, I’m the best etc, it’s very draining and I’m at a loss what to do.

 

[Tiktoklurker]

I think this is what he is, a narcissist , I’ve been doing my research and he has all the traits
things are getting tough again, I’ve been quite poorly and he’s shown no empathy to me, he’s also started to be …..look at me, I’m good, I’m the best etc, it’s very draining and I’m at a loss what to do.

Hi Frenchie,
Two years ago you said the exact same thing “I’m at a loss what to do.”
I think you know what you should do. Leave him girl. You’re better off without - hope you get better soon xx

 

[Frenchie]

Hey here I am again!!!

Well I’m going to be a nanny!! Daughter is pregnant , I’m over the moon! Her relationship sadly isn’t going great, and she could be facing life single mum, partner says he doesn’t want to be a babysitter, wants a life isn’t interested, she will always need me blaa blaa, god why are men aresoles!!!!

 

[emm]

Hey here I am again!!!

Well I’m going to be a nanny!! Daughter is pregnant , I’m over the moon! Her relationship sadly isn’t going great, and she could be facing life single mum, partner says he doesn’t want to be a babysitter, wants a life isn’t interested, she will always need me blaa blaa, god why are men aresoles!!!!

God he sounds awful, imagine describing being with your own child as babysitting, she's better rid of him.

Congrats on becoming (or soon to be) a nanny!

 

[Frenchie]

God he sounds awful, imagine describing being with your own child as babysitting, she's better rid of him.

Congrats on becoming (or soon to be) a nanny!

Sorry this is my partner, it’s a long story !

When I told him (my partner) she was pregnant he was livid, didn’t talk to me!