Relationship help

[Frenchie]

Just wanted some other people’s views as I’ve no one to talk to , I’ve been with my partner 2 years, he has no children, when we met he never wanted to meet my daughter she’s 20, didn’t want to come round etc (she’s since moved out into her own place)
He’s a bit of a quiet one only his mum and brother in his little circle, he’s never wanted to go to parties/bbq/ or meet my family, in fact he’s only met my parents and brother and one friend (I’ve a big family)
Just lately we’ve been arguing , take yesterday, my daughter works long hours I was passing hers and brought some of her washing home, she’s in a flat so no drying place, I’m still not working so time on my hands (that’s another thing we row about) he says to me, why are you doing it what about the electric
It’s like it’s just him and his family and mine doesn’t matter, in fact when we met he said it’s just us, no mention of my daughter, I don’t even know if this makes any sence just needed to sound off .

 

[SansaStark]

That sounds really tough Frenchie

do you live together? it’s strange he doesn’t want to meet the people who are really important to you esp your daughter!

I don’t really have any advise to offer but do you see yourself being with him for the long run?

 

[Frenchie]

That sounds really tough Frenchie

do you live together? it’s strange he doesn’t want to meet the people who are really important to you esp your daughter!

I don’t really have any advise to offer but do you see yourself being with him for the long run?

Thank you for replying

yes we live together, he’s lovely to her when she’s here but doesn’t want her here if that makes sence? He wants children too maybe that’s the reason
I want to see a future but I’m so sad majority of the time

 

[HelloStereo]

Thank you for replying

yes we live together, he’s lovely to her when she’s here but doesn’t want her here if that makes sence? He wants children too maybe that’s the reason
I want to see a future but I’m so sad majority of the time

Have you talked to him about how it makes you feel when he is aloof and not concerned with meeting your family? Is there a reason why he is so wary of you giving your daughter some attention and doing favours for her? Both him and your family are important to you, and he shouldn't make you feel like you have to choose.

 

[Frenchie]

Have you talked to him about how it makes you feel when he is aloof and not concerned with meeting your family? Is there a reason why he is so wary of you giving your daughter some attention and doing favours for her? Both him and your family are important to you, and he shouldn't make you feel like you have to choose.

He says he doesn’t like meeting people etc, I’d almost say he’s like the black sheep of his family, Likes to keep his circle small , I have mentioned it but he doesn’t seem bothered he’s not very good with emotions doesn’t care if I’m upset, he doesn’t think about people’s emotions I don’t think .
If she comes round, it’s always ‘hmmmmm well she will be here ages’ I’m always clock watching so she doesn’t leave late, it’s horrible.
My mum and daughter came round the other afternoon, he made it very clear in a roundabout way we need to go to see his mum, so my family got ready and went .

 

[Rocknrolla]

Could he be on the spectrum somewhere? Not wanting to meeting new people, not aware of others feelings and not good with emotions are all traits

 

[Frenchie]

Could he be on the spectrum somewhere? Not wanting to meeting new people, not aware of others feelings and not good with emotions are all traits

Do you know what I said this to him, he agreed with me , I think it’s definitely something to look into, thank you

 

[Moe]

This must be so hard for your daughter. She was only eighteen when you got together so no wonder she moved out. I bet your mother and daughter have both got the measure of him.
I feel sorry for you that you are caught in the middle but it’s your own making. I would rather be on my own than sacrifice my family.
This may sound hard and not what you want to hear. I wish you all the best.

 

[emm]

I echo what everyone here has said but also wanted to ask, What has your daughter said about it?

 

[Frenchie]

I echo what everyone here has said but also wanted to ask, What has your daughter said about it?

She hasn’t really as he doesn’t make it that obvious in front of her, funnily enough she gets on well with him

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

If somebody couldn't/wouldn't accept my child or family then they would be shown the door!

 

[Frenchie]

Well I was going to post how he was lovely to my daughter the other week helped her out etc, she then pops in and he’s back to square one We had a chat and he says this place don’t feel like his (fair enough I shared with my ex) but no hope of moving and he knew this when he moved in, said he feels unimportant to my daughter, even the dog said he wants his own kids, she’s not his.

 

[Oopsididitagainandagain]

I really don’t want to sound harsh, but the relationship sounds seriously flawed from the get go.
To me, it sounds like he can’t accept you have a daughter and he hasn’t got anyone, which is not right in a relationship. He needs to accept your past and your family life, as I’m sure you’d accept his in a heartbeat.
Has he got MH issues?

I 100% get you love him and have made him a part of your life, but if he can’t accept your family, you need to cut him loose and not waste any more time on a poor relationship when the love of your life is out there somewhere.

 

[Blessed]

It seems he is jealous of the relationship you have with your daughter and if you both have children, he may restrict you from seeing your daughter since she isn’t part of the “nuclear” family you have with him.

Also, he does sound a bit insecure. Any plan on having your own house since he feels your current place doesn’t feel like his, which is understandable.

You need to be sure, you want a future with him, where your mother and daughter can be part of your lives without you watching the time (which is very unhealthy and controlling on his part). You want a partner who can accept your family as you have accepted his.

Also find out what you mum and daughter truly thinks of him because just from what you have written here, he is not worth the hassle.

What will be your advice to your daughter if she was with someone exactly like your partner and she has to watch the time when you visit?

 

[Frenchie]

Thank you, I’m not sure I said this without looking back but his dad died when he was 16, maybe that’s had an impact, I’m not sure but I know I need to sort this one way or another

 

[poppy120]

It’s not really relationship help but I’m posting this on behalf of a friend. My friend had liked this guy for about a year now, they have had a sort of “friends with benefits” situation for a while and she has started to like him. She doesn’t know whether to tell him or not because she is quite certain he only wants her for “friends with benefits” but she thinks he must like her to some extent to keep sleeping with her? I’ve tried to give my advice that she should tell him if she really feels she wants to but to be prepared for his answer which likely will not be what she is looking for

 

[Rockin' Robin]

It’s not really relationship help but I’m posting this on behalf of a friend. My friend had liked this guy for about a year now, they have had a sort of “friends with benefits” situation for a while and she has started to like him. She doesn’t know whether to tell him or not because she is quite certain he only wants her for “friends with benefits” but she thinks he must like her to some extent to keep sleeping with her? I’ve tried to give my advice that she should tell him if she really feels she wants to but to be prepared for his answer which likely will not be what she is looking for

Unless this man expresses an interest in the friend other than physical, I would tell her not to waste her time. She should meet other people, who want something more than this man is offering. Life is too short to hanker after something you can't have.

 

[Hello Kitty]

It’s not really relationship help but I’m posting this on behalf of a friend. My friend had liked this guy for about a year now, they have had a sort of “friends with benefits” situation for a while and she has started to like him. She doesn’t know whether to tell him or not because she is quite certain he only wants her for “friends with benefits” but she thinks he must like her to some extent to keep sleeping with her? I’ve tried to give my advice that she should tell him if she really feels she wants to but to be prepared for his answer which likely will not be what she is looking for

This happened to me years ago - we knew from the start that it we was only 'friends with benefits' and he even said he finished with his last girlfriend as it was getting too serious and he didn't want that. He was a really great guy with an amazing career and I appreciated that he was so honest, but I did start to have feelings for him and it went from the FWB stage to texting him as if we was seeing eachother.

Unless this man expresses an interest in the friend other than physical, I would tell her not to waste her time. She should meet other people, who want something more than this man is offering. Life is too short to hanker after something you can't have.

Agree with this!

 

[cedarpeach]

“He doesn’t care if I’m upset” really jumped out as a red flag. My ex was abusive but it started off very subtle and I dismissed his cold, callousness as him being “stoic” and “set in his ways”.

just please be careful and don’t miss any potential warning signs. If you find yourself trying to understand or explain behaviour that makes you sad, hurt or uncomfortable then you’re on a slippery slope. If your partner can’t or won’t make an effort to understand you then why bother with the relationship?
Good luck

 

[Keepitw0nky]

I won’t tell you what you should do, but if I imagine myself in the same situation I would end it. Your relationship and quality time with your daughter and family are invaluable and no1 priority, if someone doesn’t have the cognitive capacity to understand that and not be a cry baby about it that’s their problem. He doesn’t sound willing to adapt so why are you expected to.