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@Frenchie , aside from the other good advice youve had, one thing that leapt out at me is you say he explains it by saying he wants a child of his own, but do you want more children? I can't help thinking that it sounds controlling and like he's using it as a plausible sounding excuse because he knows his attitude towards your daughter is off.
Maybe 10 years ago yes but tbh I’m not sure now
Leave him now before you waste anymore or your precious life with him.
You could meet someone really lovely and outgoing who will include your daughter and meet your family.
Think of the lovely family things you could be doing, holidays you could go on.
It sounds to me like this man is trying to isolate you.
I certainly wouldn't have a baby with him, you will be trapped then and tied to him forever.
You could meet someone really lovely and outgoing who will include your daughter and meet your family.
Think of the lovely family things you could be doing, holidays you could go on.
It sounds to me like this man is trying to isolate you.
I certainly wouldn't have a baby with him, you will be trapped then and tied to him forever.
Usually when you’re unsure about someone there’s a reason why, and 98% of the time that reason won’t change. This is a bit dramatic but it’s how I reason things myself sometimes- imagine god forbid something happened to one of your close family members, would you regret not spending as much time with them or that the time you have spent was dictated/tainted by someone else? A partner should add to your life not take away xI deep down know what I need to do (I think) but then we do have good times, his family are lovely, he’s done and bought a lot for the house, moneys a big part with me not working
Exactly this! You should be living your best life, not being miserable because of him.
If things were as they should be you wouldn't be on here asking us for advice.
Kick him out and get happy without him.
Well he’s basically saying my daughters not his, he has nothing to do with her etc etc, That we are realistically not going to have a baby and he wants one 
Tells me to go see her (he doesn’t want her here)Well he’s basically saying my daughters not his, he has nothing to do with her etc etc, That we are realistically not going to have a baby and he wants one
Tells me to go see her (he doesn’t want her here)Well he’s basically saying my daughters not his, he has nothing to do with her etc etc, That we are realistically not going to have a baby and he wants one
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I’m really sorry to sound harsh. But I think it needs to be said. How can you begin a relationship with a man who wants nothing to do with your daughter and never has? That must be very hurtful to your daughter. He needs a tough talk that the love and responsibility doesn’t go away when a child becomes an adult. Why wouldn’t you help your daughter out with washing etc, your her mum. Personally I’d be saying to him he either accepts the relationship with your daughter, your not asking him to be a step father but he has to be respectful of your relationship with her, or he needs to leave. Sorry to be blunt. Wish you all the best xJust wanted some other people’s views as I’ve no one to talk to , I’ve been with my partner 2 years, he has no children, when we met he never wanted to meet my daughter she’s 20, didn’t want to come round etc (she’s since moved out into her own place)
He’s a bit of a quiet one only his mum and brother in his little circle, he’s never wanted to go to parties/bbq/ or meet my family, in fact he’s only met my parents and brother and one friend (I’ve a big family)
Just lately we’ve been arguing , take yesterday, my daughter works long hours I was passing hers and brought some of her washing home, she’s in a flat so no drying place, I’m still not working so time on my hands (that’s another thing we row about) he says to me, why are you doing it what about the electric
It’s like it’s just him and his family and mine doesn’t matter, in fact when we met he said it’s just us, no mention of my daughter, I don’t even know if this makes any sence just needed to sound off .
Perhaps you should also look into route cause of why he doesn’t want to acknowledge her. Is it anxiety? Etc?
How are you still with this moron???
My mother got with a man who didn’t have his own children- he never understood the dynamics. Never would.
This sounds awful, im sorry you are going through this.
A couple of years ago my friend ended a 10 year relationship with someone similar. He had all the same traits as your bf and it just got worse. He would monitor how long her and her daughter showered, only allowd the washing machine to run once a week and only two loads etc etc. My friend was a shell of her former self, she felt she had to try to fix him as he had a traumatic childhood with harldy no family left and stuff. I never liked how he treated her daughter, he wasnt so much mean but there was an undertone to the things he said to her. Anyway when she left him(she eventually had a child with him) her daughter cried with happiness as she hadnt liked him all these years and how he made her feel.
Basically i think life is too short to spend time in an unhappy relationship, i know opposites attract but you shouldnt have to change everything about yourself to suit him. The fact he told you at the start of the relationship makes me think hes going to only get worse as time goes on.
A couple of years ago my friend ended a 10 year relationship with someone similar. He had all the same traits as your bf and it just got worse. He would monitor how long her and her daughter showered, only allowd the washing machine to run once a week and only two loads etc etc. My friend was a shell of her former self, she felt she had to try to fix him as he had a traumatic childhood with harldy no family left and stuff. I never liked how he treated her daughter, he wasnt so much mean but there was an undertone to the things he said to her. Anyway when she left him(she eventually had a child with him) her daughter cried with happiness as she hadnt liked him all these years and how he made her feel.
Basically i think life is too short to spend time in an unhappy relationship, i know opposites attract but you shouldnt have to change everything about yourself to suit him. The fact he told you at the start of the relationship makes me think hes going to only get worse as time goes on.
I quite agree. I would be putting my foot down at being told my own child (no matter how grown) has to leave at a certain time etc. My children will always be welcome in my home. You say he could potentially be on the spectrum, but how do you know he’s not just using that as an excuse to get his way? Autism is more than being antisocial. If he doesn’t care when you’re upset then what’s the point? A relationship has to be equal and it sounds like it has to be on his terms. He comes across very controlling in a very under-handed way, that’s a big red flag in my opinion. I hope you make the right decision for you OP.
This is the start of controlling and manipulative behaviour... this will only get worse over time until you’ve been isolated from the people you love. Run a mile and do it fast!!!!Just wanted some other people’s views as I’ve no one to talk to , I’ve been with my partner 2 years, he has no children, when we met he never wanted to meet my daughter she’s 20, didn’t want to come round etc (she’s since moved out into her own place)
He’s a bit of a quiet one only his mum and brother in his little circle, he’s never wanted to go to parties/bbq/ or meet my family, in fact he’s only met my parents and brother and one friend (I’ve a big family)
Just lately we’ve been arguing , take yesterday, my daughter works long hours I was passing hers and brought some of her washing home, she’s in a flat so no drying place, I’m still not working so time on my hands (that’s another thing we row about) he says to me, why are you doing it what about the electric
It’s like it’s just him and his family and mine doesn’t matter, in fact when we met he said it’s just us, no mention of my daughter, I don’t even know if this makes any sence just needed to sound off .
Thank you for your replies 
Well it’s happened again, I went out to meet her for peace, she wanted to come up so I lied and met her elsewhere, not seen her in 2 weeks for various reasons, we did pop back with my mum too, he’s all lovely when she’s around but she knows, (mum) .
it’s ridiculous and I’ve had enough, I’m not going to post here no more about it, it’s hard to Know what to do, as tomorrow he will no doubt be lovely until the next time, trust me I love my daughter with all my heart
Well it’s happened again, I went out to meet her for peace, she wanted to come up so I lied and met her elsewhere, not seen her in 2 weeks for various reasons, we did pop back with my mum too, he’s all lovely when she’s around but she knows, (mum) .
it’s ridiculous and I’ve had enough, I’m not going to post here no more about it, it’s hard to Know what to do, as tomorrow he will no doubt be lovely until the next time, trust me I love my daughter with all my heart
I can tell you love your daughter very much, and as you say, it’s hard to know what to do when he’s being otherwise charming. I just think it’s a shame you feel you have to meet up with your daughter elsewhere because of what your partner thinks. There shouldn’t be an atmosphere, your partner should accept your relationship with your daughter. I hope it all works out well for you, whatever you decide to do xThank you for your replies
Well it’s happened again, I went out to meet her for peace, she wanted to come up so I lied and met her elsewhere, not seen her in 2 weeks for various reasons, we did pop back with my mum too, he’s all lovely when she’s around but she knows, (mum) .
it’s ridiculous and I’ve had enough, I’m not going to post here no more about it, it’s hard to Know what to do, as tomorrow he will no doubt be lovely until the next time, trust me I love my daughter with all my heart
Thank you
At the end of the day only you can make a decision. It’s clear you love your daughter and spending time with your family. I hope you work something out.
Thank you x
You shouldn't have to juggle your relationship with him and your relationships with your mother and daughter - a good partner wouldn't try and make you. At the end of the day, your daughter was there before him and she'll be there after him too.
The fact that you say he doesn't care if you're upset is so concerning too, what kind of partner can't support someone when they're upset?
Ultimately its your choice and its so easy to sit at a keyboard and say you need to end it, but for the sake of your own mental health and your relationship with your daughter, its something you need to give some serious thought.
The fact that you say he doesn't care if you're upset is so concerning too, what kind of partner can't support someone when they're upset?
Ultimately its your choice and its so easy to sit at a keyboard and say you need to end it, but for the sake of your own mental health and your relationship with your daughter, its something you need to give some serious thought.