Relationship Break.

[veryfondoftea]

For us, we broke up at the end of July and had just over a month of no contact at all, blocked from social media etc. Then from the end of August/early September to January ish we started to regain contact, friendly conversations, unblocked on social media, and started spending time together as friends at the end of Jan, talking through our issues and figuring out what we both wanted, then got back together early April.

Long process but we’ve been back together over two years and our relationship is better than it ever was! Best of luck to you, I hope you get the outcome that you’re looking for.

My now-husband and I had similar about 11 years ago. We split up because we both had separate issues to work on. Stayed apart for about 9 months with occasional contact. Saw other people but came back together when we were ready. We are now married with a child so when something similar reared its head a couple of years ago, a split wasn’t really an option so we went to counselling together and that was really good for us

 

[Hereforthegigs]

Totally agree with some of the comments on here, sounds like there's someone else that he has feelings for. A man never up and leaves unless it's for a reason, trust me. I've seen it happen too many times x

 

[Whaaaaat]

I would waste my time for 3 months being completely honest.

Me and my OH weren’t even a proper couple after 3 months, definitely not in the “I love you” and living together phase.

If there’s drama already then it doesn’t bode well for the future IMO.

 

[JakeMcEvoy]

My brother has his own house and split up with a girlfriend because he just didn't feel the same anymore and didn't see a future with her, despite being together for 4 or 5 years and there wasn't another woman involved.

He remained single for about 2 years after.

Yeah, many women do it, so i don't see why men are any different tbh.

 

[Slowcookersaddo]

Do you honestly think he will be wanting to rent a place totally by himself/get a mortgage/ and pay all the bills alone, having to do everything for himself with little company or anything else? Most of my friends have been separated/divorced more than once etc and I've never know a man to leave his girlfriend/wife to live as a single man ever. They all without exception have someone else. Sorry I know is hard.
[/QUOTE]

My brother has his own house and split up with a girlfriend because he just didn't feel the same anymore and didn't see a future with her, despite being together for 4 or 5 years and there wasn't another woman involved.

He remained single for about 2 years after.
[/QUOTE]


This happened to me ,I genuinely believe my ex left me but there was no one else involved .He was still an arsehole and had issues but I firmly believe no one else was involved .Yes it happens and it’s common that men will leave for another woman ,maybe 9/10 but it’s not always the case so the op shouldn’t assume without good reason

 

[Ellsbells123]

I think ultimately you have to do what is right for you and a only you know that.
Just don’t let him mess you around, you can’t wait forever for him to decide what he wants
Hope it all works out for you!

 

[noonecaresaboutyou]

So you got together during lockdown? Had this discussion with a friend..it’s like men were happy to be in a relationship during lockdown when no pubs etc open but once everything is back open they want their single life back again.

If he said he didn’t love you anymore and wanted a break it sounds to me like he used you during lockdown and now he’s off enjoying the single life again. Sorry to be blunt.

That wasn't blunt that was a very valid point.

Maybe I need to rethink my options here.

Honestly, if ye are only together three months, and he has already moved in to yours and is having issues with his ex, that is a huge red flag. You guys should still be in the honeymoon phase like, not taking breaks.

Again a very valid point. His ex sees me as a threat and doesn't want him to be happy so makes life difficult for him so he can't see me.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Alot of people have said that, and now my mind wonders....

Maybe I'm just kidding myself that all will be okay next week.

Ultimately, no one else is in your relationship and every relationship is different. I know I keep some things from my family and friends about my husbands behavior because they would judge him and that is not their place when he has mental health episodes.

You know your partner better than anyone, and if you don't to me that's a red flag all of its own. Why do you think he needed the break? What has he been doing on the break? I agree with what other have said, it is very rare for a man to leave his current partner to be single. I know men who have been dumped and have a new partner in weeks and all the other who left had someone else in the wings. Men are generally lazy and why would they leave to be on their own unless they had something else lined up. Also, I find that most men spend so long in their heads by the time they have spoke to you about the issues the relationship is over and has been for a while in their minds.

I hope it all works out for you, but be prepared it may not have the outcome you want. Take some time to focus on you, your life and what you want rather than waiting for him to decide if he want to be in it with you.

 

[Peakyblinders]

No I don’t think he has. He was very adamant that this is what he wanted, rather than discussing it between us and coming to a mutual decision. It’s hard but I just don’t see where texting him back would get me! Even though I miss him & enjoyed the time we had together, I’m on a bit of a journey of self-care atm, learning new skills and being selfish!

This is brilliant babe! Good for you!!! X

 

[JD-Morgan]

[/QUOTE]
Do you honestly think he will be wanting to rent a place totally by himself/get a mortgage/ and pay all the bills alone, having to do everything for himself with little company or anything else? Most of my friends have been separated/divorced more than once etc and I've never know a man to leave his girlfriend/wife to live as a single man ever. They all without exception have someone else. Sorry I know is hard.
[/QUOTE]

My brother has his own house and split up with a girlfriend because he just didn't feel the same anymore and didn't see a future with her, despite being together for 4 or 5 years and there wasn't another woman involved.

He remained single for about 2 years after.

 

[no-no]

It’s a weird one isn’t it? We did talk about meeting up as he said he wanted us to be friends and he stills cares about me (apparently). But to me that is just messing with my head - you either want to be with me or you don’t! And he chose the latter.

At the start I took a weeks leave from work (I’m a PhD researcher) and I spent that week in bed, crying, eating chocolate very stereotypical. But something clicked in me and thought this could be a blessing in disguise. He was a commitment-phobe, gaslighted me several times and I was always left wondering where this is going and if it’s my fault. It’s made it hard because it happened in lockdown but in a way I’m glad I couldn’t go anywhere and just look after myself. I’m learning to drive after years of wanting to do it, I’ve started going to the gym again and I’m looking forward to the future.
I hope you continue to look after yourself. And yes, don’t check any social media!

I’m going through this at the minute. Watched SO many videos on narcissism, and the empath in me is almost self-destructive, but I’m keeping him at arms length.

So happy for you doing the things on your list that you’ve probably been putting off I find that’s the best remedy and I’m trying to do the same

 

[User_name_100]

And how would I know if their is another women.

I could be totally wrong. Just from my experience if a man suddenly asks for a break out the blue then there can be another woman behind it all. As I said, just my experience from what has happened to me and friends in the past but please don't take that as gospel.

Are you taking some time to figure out what you really want from the relationship?

 

[ChubClubThug]

I think the lockdown, the threat of the virus and everything that it has brought has made a lot of people take stock of their life and question what they really want out of life. I'm not blaming it on that of course (only you know what truly is happening in your own relationship) but it has changed things for a few people. Being stuck together, or without each other has been an eye-opener for many. In my experience in a break up there is always someone who wants to end it a lot more than the other person. He may be trying to let you down gently as he's not got the guts to just be blunt about it. If you miss him tell him. Tell him exactly how you feel, but don't put pressure on or try and persuade him to stay with you because it will just be temporary. If he has got another woman or is wanting other women, I think you'll be able to tell. His behaviour will change towards you. I can't explain it, you'll just know.

 

[Likkleone]

For us, we broke up at the end of July and had just over a month of no contact at all, blocked from social media etc. Then from the end of August/early September to January ish we started to regain contact, friendly conversations, unblocked on social media, and started spending time together as friends at the end of Jan, talking through our issues and figuring out what we both wanted, then got back together early April.

Long process but we’ve been back together over two years and our relationship is better than it ever was! Best of luck to you, I hope you get the outcome that you’re looking for.

Thank you for sharing!! I’m so happy for you both.
I bet that required a lot of strength during that time apart. But ultimately it was for the best!

I think it’s time for me to do the same. We’ve had an absolutely amazing time as ‘friends’ recently but I need commitment and security and I think time away will tell us if this is the man that can give that to me.

 

[Interestingbitsnbats]

Just don't have a break and your fella gets someone else pregnant and decide he wants you back you spend most your life being second best when baby comes im not being selfish just sick of the mother of his kid clicking her fingers and him jumping

 

[Likkleone]

No I don’t think he has. He was very adamant that this is what he wanted, rather than discussing it between us and coming to a mutual decision. It’s hard but I just don’t see where texting him back would get me! Even though I miss him & enjoyed the time we had together, I’m on a bit of a journey of self-care atm, learning new skills and being selfish!

I wish I could message you directly!!

I am so happy to hear you’re doing well. I totally understand the good and the bad days. In terms of them communicating, it’s like they want everything without commitment. I spent every weekend and multiple days during the week seeing my ex, it was like our old days, so happy and caring for each other. I find out he’s been messaging another woman on Instagram, literally commenting on EVERY post and being a bit of a beg tbh - is he 15? Lol it’s 46! Which although I was so hurt by, it really helped me to realise that he needed to understand life without me.

I won’t be there to support him, hold him or encourage him and It’s kind of time to realise our worth by leaving them in the cold. They’ll come running back but will the trust? I’m not sure. Imagine always wondering if he’ll change his mind again one day, I’m not sure it’s the way I want to live.

It’s a shame I feel I’m mourning a friend, I think about him constantly but to combat this I’ve signed up to kickboxing (something I’ve wanted to do for YEARS), booked in a facial, started to meditate and luckily had very very interesting meeting for potential work which reminds me that you NEVER know what will happen tomorrow. It’s better to take each day as it comes and fill it with happiness. Maybe he’ll be back in my life one day but whatever happens I want to be the best version of myself.

P.s i went through a phase of checking his social media, did you? But now I’ve stopped completely because it’s so toxic and It was only me that it hurt in the end.

 

[no-no]

Same here, the videos on narcissism are crazy arent they! How are you and your situation? x

Yes, really eye-opening! Dr Ramani and Rebecca Zung vids are good.

I’m taking it one day at a time thanks. Doing some self-care and keeping busy helps.

 

[Titntat]

This is really interesting to hear - did you both go with other people in this time if you dont mind me asking? If so, how did you deal with that? As thats something that has always bothered me, I always feel i cannot go back to someone who has slept with someone else in a time apart - however I am an overthinker.

We only went on a few dates each and then I think we soon realised the grass isn't always greeneryou just need to water your own grass.

 

[under the ivy]

I wish I could message you directly!!

I am so happy to hear you’re doing well. I totally understand the good and the bad days. In terms of them communicating, it’s like they want everything without commitment. I spent every weekend and multiple days during the week seeing my ex, it was like our old days, so happy and caring for each other. I find out he’s been messaging another woman on Instagram, literally commenting on EVERY post and being a bit of a beg tbh - is he 15? Lol it’s 46! Which although I was so hurt by, it really helped me to realise that he needed to understand life without me.

I won’t be there to support him, hold him or encourage him and It’s kind of time to realise our worth by leaving them in the cold. They’ll come running back but will the trust? I’m not sure. Imagine always wondering if he’ll change his mind again one day, I’m not sure it’s the way I want to live.

It’s a shame I feel I’m mourning a friend, I think about him constantly but to combat this I’ve signed up to kickboxing (something I’ve wanted to do for YEARS), booked in a facial, started to meditate and luckily had very very interesting meeting for potential work which reminds me that you NEVER know what will happen tomorrow. It’s better to take each day as it comes and fill it with happiness. Maybe he’ll be back in my life one day but whatever happens I want to be the best version of myself.

P.s i went through a phase of checking his social media, did you? But now I’ve stopped completely because it’s so toxic and It was only me that it hurt in the end.

It’s a weird one isn’t it? We did talk about meeting up as he said he wanted us to be friends and he stills cares about me (apparently). But to me that is just messing with my head - you either want to be with me or you don’t! And he chose the latter.

At the start I took a weeks leave from work (I’m a PhD researcher) and I spent that week in bed, crying, eating chocolate very stereotypical. But something clicked in me and thought this could be a blessing in disguise. He was a commitment-phobe, gaslighted me several times and I was always left wondering where this is going and if it’s my fault. It’s made it hard because it happened in lockdown but in a way I’m glad I couldn’t go anywhere and just look after myself. I’m learning to drive after years of wanting to do it, I’ve started going to the gym again and I’m looking forward to the future.
I hope you continue to look after yourself. And yes, don’t check any social media!

 

[noonecaresaboutyou]

you’ve only been together for 3 months.......

I think you’ve seriously rushed into this. Sorry, but you don’t really know each other. Take the whole thing down a level, and just get to
Know each other. Moving in together so quickly is probably not a great idea either. He sounds like he has lots to work out and get sorted in his own life before he embarks on any kind of relationship with you or anyone else. He needs to get his finances in order - which I would assume have nothing to do with you?
I’m sorry if that sounds blunt but this just all sounds like far too much, far too soon and I think you need to just take a huge step back.

Yeah I agree with you there, I'm quite an intense person when it comes to relationships hence why I was single for so long.

No his finances haven't got anything to do with me.

I did suggest taking a step back and slowing it down, and he agreed.

You weren't blunt at all, sometimes I need people to be straight down the line with me.