Relationship Break.

[JakeMcEvoy]

3 months officially but was talking way before we got together.

Honestly, if ye are only together three months, and he has already moved in to yours and is having issues with his ex, that is a huge red flag. You guys should still be in the honeymoon phase like, not taking breaks.

 

[Chandler Bing]

We agreed on a break with my ex, in the end we were apart for about 2 months. I don't know if he wanted to get back together, I didn't but we kept seeing each other because of a mutual hobby and a group of friends so we kind of just drifted back together without much thought because it was easy. We split up for good about 15 months after that (we lived together for the last 6 months of the relationship which was a huge mistake).

I know that if my husband told me he wants a break because the love is gone then that break is permanent. I deserve better than that, I'm not going to be waiting around to see if the love comes back. I'd rather be on my own than with someone who doesn't love me and want to be with me, I've been there before and never again.

 

[Raininvain]

If someone's saying that to you I think they have got someone else lined up but are keeping you in the wings in case it doesn't work out or they change their minds. Men don't move on unless they have someone else sorry.
Let him go and keep your dignity don't be waiting whilst he decides which woman.

 

[Suzesnooze]

3 months officially but was talking way before we got together.

So you got together during lockdown? Had this discussion with a friend..it’s like men were happy to be in a relationship during lockdown when no pubs etc open but once everything is back open they want their single life back again.

If he said he didn’t love you anymore and wanted a break it sounds to me like he used you during lockdown and now he’s off enjoying the single life again. Sorry to be blunt.

 

[SqualorVictoria]

Hi OP

In my experience, when people move in together too soon those are the relationships that tend to crash and burn. 3 months ago he was pretty much a stranger, it's only a matter of weeks. At 3 months you should still be in the excited to see each other and going on dates phase, not splitting the household bills and grocery shopping phase. It's not surprising to be overwhelmed

If I were you I'd pull back and see what happens. He'll either come running back or he won't, either way you'll know. But please don't try to fix it, or chase him. Pull back and concentrate on yourself and living your own life, as hard as it might be.

I hope it all works out for you xxx

 

[Raininvain]

And how would I know if their is another women.
[/QUOTE]
Do you honestly think he will be wanting to rent a place totally by himself/get a mortgage/ and pay all the bills alone, having to do everything for himself with little company or anything else? Most of my friends have been separated/divorced more than once etc and I've never know a man to leave his girlfriend/wife to live as a single man ever. They all without exception have someone else. Sorry I know is hard.

 

[Drea1984]

I feel men are a bit like monkeys? They don’t let go of a branch before they have there hands on the next one

I feel men are a bit like monkeys? They don’t let go of a branch before they have their hands on the next one

*their!!!

 

[Mercedes12]

I agree with what other posters have said regarding men: never known any men to end a relationship unless they’ve had another woman lined up. Men are lazy and don’t like doing things for themselves, I’d be very surprised if any man left his wife or gf to be single and alone.

also, 3 months and living together does sound very quick (obviously I don’t know your situation) and lockdown is very different to normal life.

I’d say don’t wait around for him or chase him, try and move forward with your life.

 

[IndigoStar]

You have to go with your instinct - and not torture yourself with negative thoughts. If it's meant to be, it will feel right.

 

[HoneyBee29]

Honestly in my opinion you either want to be with someone or you don’t. All or nothing. Relationships are like being on a roller coaster at times and it’s not always lovey dovey and good times things happen and sometimes things aren’t great. I’ve been with my now husband for 8 years and we have been through some tough times and have started to drift apart and at point I thought the love had gone at one time or another due to things happening with work, mental health issues etc but we always manage to get through it and we are a stronger couple because of it. We’ve never taken a break, if it was ever suggested that would be it end of

 

[Spencerskates]

Not quite the same scenario, but my partner and I actually split up and then got back together, and it did us the world of good!

For us though, it was more separate issues that we needed to deal with, rather than a lack of love or either of us seeing anyone else. I’d say that for it to work you need to be really open with each other and figure out what you want from the break, and what the terms and conditions are. If he suggests that seeing other people, I feel like it’s an excuse to sleep with someone else.

 

[JoeBloggs]

We've has time apart when my husbands depression was bad. He needed some space but our relationship was never on a break. For me a break is a freedom to see other people and once that comes into play it’s over for me.

it’s happened twice and only for 2-3 days. The second time he asked me to come back after a few hours. We were living in a very small flat and since moving to somewhere bigger it hasn’t happened. Life can get on top of you especially at the moment.

 

[Titntat]

Not quite the same scenario, but my partner and I actually split up and then got back together, and it did us the world of good!

For us though, it was more separate issues that we needed to deal with, rather than a lack of love or either of us seeing anyone else. I’d say that for it to work you need to be really open with each other and figure out what you want from the break, and what the terms and conditions are. If he suggests that seeing other people, I feel like it’s an excuse to sleep with someone else.

Me and my partner did this too. Had about 18 months apart. Lived separate and had separate lifes.

Got back together about 2 years ago. I think the time appart made us really appreciate each other and he's alot more hands on the before.

 

[On A Roll]

My ex and I had a break, but looking back with hindsight, he used it as an excuse to ‘make the break-up easier’. In fact it did the opposite, as when we did officially break up, it was horrible and I was very bitter towards him for a while.

hindsight is a great thing, at the time I really had no idea what to do as I didn’t want to believe it was over etc.

 

[Alexi92]

It’s a weird one isn’t it? We did talk about meeting up as he said he wanted us to be friends and he stills cares about me (apparently). But to me that is just messing with my head - you either want to be with me or you don’t! And he chose the latter.

At the start I took a weeks leave from work (I’m a PhD researcher) and I spent that week in bed, crying, eating chocolate very stereotypical. But something clicked in me and thought this could be a blessing in disguise. He was a commitment-phobe, gaslighted me several times and I was always left wondering where this is going and if it’s my fault. It’s made it hard because it happened in lockdown but in a way I’m glad I couldn’t go anywhere and just look after myself. I’m learning to drive after years of wanting to do it, I’ve started going to the gym again and I’m looking forward to the future.
I hope you continue to look after yourself. And yes, don’t check any social media!

Wow you are such an inspiration! Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years on Tues (he won’t remember), has never said ‘I love you’ and has lied about loads of silly things and made out he hasn’t etc but I’m too afraid to leave even though it won’t go anywhere I am just forever hoping it will change for the better. Just wanted to say it. Just wanted to say that you’re amazing x

 

[JakeMcEvoy]

That wasn't blunt that was a very valid point.

Maybe I need to rethink my options here.


Again a very valid point. His ex sees me as a threat and doesn't want him to be happy so makes life difficult for him so he can't see me.

I'd imagine she doesnt see you as a threat but moreso has reservations about her childrens' father moving into what is essentially a strangers home, during lockdown. It doesn't really demonstrate excellent judgement on his part. No offence.

Also, just take it from someone who knows, if there are ex issues in the beginning, especially with a woman who makes life difficult and uses the children as a weapon (which I'm assuming you mean by making life difficult for him) then chances are they won't resolve this over time. Unless of course he is using this time to arrange court ordered access/maintenance etc. But I doubt that is what he means when he says sorting out issues with the ex and finances.

 

[User_name_100]

If someone's saying that to you I think they have got someone else lined up but are keeping you in the wings in case it doesn't work out or they change their minds. Men don't move on unless they have someone else sorry.
Let him go and keep your dignity don't be waiting whilst he decides which woman.

Agree with this. I reckon there's another woman behind all of this.

Has him suggesting a break come out of nowhere by any chance?

 

[under the ivy]

Wow you are such an inspiration! Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years on Tues (he won’t remember), has never said ‘I love you’ and has lied about loads of silly things and made out he hasn’t etc but I’m too afraid to leave even though it won’t go anywhere I am just forever hoping it will change for the better. Just wanted to say it. Just wanted to say that you’re amazing x

Aw thank you. It’s so sh*t isn’t it? From what you’ve said, something in you knows this isn’t right. So in a way you’ve already made your decision. I was the same in my relationship, genuinely thought something would change & we’d settle down so it was a shock when he broke up with me (making out I was the problem). There is someone out there who will love you how you deserved to be loved x

 

[JoeBloggs]

Oh wow okay, 3 months while the world has been closed is not a true reflection of a relationship. You will have been stuck together more than normal and no able to get out and about. If I'm honest, if he already needs a break then things aren't looking good. Where was he living before he moved in with you? Why did you move in together and no do it distanced?

Also the fact his ex and him has been parted 4 years and she sees you as a threat, a threat to her? If they have parted and shes moved on that shouldn't be the case. Is there something more?

This happened to a friend of mine, her boyfriend left her to sort his finances out due to debt. She said something that stuck with her after he left her and said if he can't cope with a relationship when he has money issues then how will he cope when something bigger comes up.

 

[BettyCrocker]

you’ve only been together for 3 months.......

I think you’ve seriously rushed into this. Sorry, but you don’t really know each other. Take the whole thing down a level, and just get to
Know each other. Moving in together so quickly is probably not a great idea either. He sounds like he has lots to work out and get sorted in his own life before he embarks on any kind of relationship with you or anyone else. He needs to get his finances in order - which I would assume have nothing to do with you?
I’m sorry if that sounds blunt but this just all sounds like far too much, far too soon and I think you need to just take a huge step back.