New thread title thanks to
@Gloria Rostron 
you win twelve copies of the shit book and an ill-fitting suit for next time you've got an important event!
Last thread recap:
- Rancid Rach continues to be a massive cunt
- she doesn't work either full or part time, and can't be arsed to parent her kids and step kids.
- Joshua Marshall was dismissed without notice from Devon and Cornwall Police for improperly accessing the police database, and using a false identity to contact members of the public.
- Rabies shared a video of herself "happy crying" after her agent called to let her know she's on the bestseller list (only number 3 though, having sold less than 4000 copies).
- yet again, Daddy Issues Deborah is claiming Charleeeeeee's dad as her own
not everyone has to be a bestie or a substitute family member Raq, you can just have mates you know
- the Patchwork rabble went out for lunch with Mannah and family and then retired to the hamster cage house, where Mr Mannah feigned being asleep on the sofa, presumably to prevent BV Betty from wrapping her labia around his neck again.
- we were "treated" to BTS of the photo shoot in the cunty cape, with Ratchet jiggling her arse in see through leggings. Thanks babe, I'm trying to eat less junk and your wobbling arsecheeks have put me right off food, so cheers!
- Ravioli shared a video of Wilbert from 2020 playing with a strawberry, pretending that he'd gagged at touching it. Just looked like an 8 month old baby experiencing something for the first time, but of course she can't run with the non-verbal thing any more, so is now trying to push another "trait".
- more updates from Bratsy, who was singing in a bar. Which of course meant that Ratface had to share a video of herself singing the wrong words to a song at Sloshy. Thrilling content.
- Footage of Wilberforce looking miserable while Red Wine Rich recited dinosaurs at him, apparently W had "been on meltdown all night", followed by a grid post for maximum attention. Only Raquel could start off writing about how difficult it is to parent Wilbert, and end up talking about giving birth to BeKind and Lula
talk about bringing everything back to herself (and her vagina).
- time for a ramble up in the sex loft. Following the post on Instagram and Facebook saying that loads of the women they support have been asking for duvets and coats, they've been inundated at the centre. She went on to say that she went into refuge in 2005 and it was beautiful, really nicely decorated etc. Except she's previously said that she left the refuge and went back to Waynbo because it was grotty
then she basically gave a list of reasons why women shouldn't go into refuge - they have to flee across the country and set up in a new area where they don't know anyone and can't get support (I think she's confusing refuge with witness protection there). She'll have to leave her job, her kids will be uprooted from their school etc
bear in mind that when Ratchet herself was *allegedly* in refuge it was in Exeter, hardly "across the country" from where she lived. They're apparently all housed in blocks of flats, with MEN, some of whom have drug and alcohol issues, and all these men are hanging around outside their flats taking drugs
still droning on, she started about the cost of living crisis, which apparently some people aren't even aware of. Like the Instatwat who prances around in her house paid for with money donated to help abused women, and who is dripping in Gucci and has a new pair of expensive trainers on every day
anyway, she can't do Amazon wish lists any more, because "the trolls" ruin it. Instead, if you want to support the work she does
either sign up to the PatreCON, buy a raffle ticket (which nobody will ever win).
- after saying in January that she was going to "be more present" this year, she's *checks notes* swanning off to Brum the day before Tallulah's birthday to be fawned over by huns, and won't be back until lunchtime on her actual birthday. Considering her and Jo arranged the whole thing between them, you'd think they'd have planned it a bit better
- the "dream team" are off to Birmingham, but not before BV Brenda has belittled Sloshy in front of the paid help (Jo, Jen, and Linda, who's looking after the children while they're away). Joyce had packed a large suitcase to deploy with, all that fake tan and concealer must take up a lot of space.
- there's clearly not as many huns frothing at the gash to meet Queen Lateetha as she thought, as she was still plugging tickets up until a few hours before the event. The handful that are going had to tag her in to stories saying how excited they are
meanwhile Rack was swigging the Rescue Remedy (#ad)
- BeKind took time out of her busy schedule of travelling with her (not) new mates to facetime while Rabies was on stage, I bet that wasn't at all planned out beforehand!
- Raq wore a bizarre low cut dress combined with yet another pair of brand new trainers, while Sloshy put his best Kermit the frog shirt on. Sadly he wasn't sporting his trademark bucket hat, maybe it was upturned at the front for the huns to throw yet more money in.
- then after a night in a hotel (probably necking cocktails and loving Sloshy and his big bag of sex toys the hardest) it was off to Manchester and then Liverpool to meet more huns. Badly Dressed Brenda sported a lush green suit which was too tight around the crotch (for the love of god, PLEASE size up!) and too long in the leg, so was all bunched up around her lush trainers (surprisingly the same pair she wore the day before, maybe she sacrificed the space another pair would have taken up in the suitcase so that Joyce could pack an extra contouring kit). One hun was a bit "single white female", dressed up in one of those puffy sleeved tops that Rake used to wear, and even doing a turned in toes pose. Some wannabe male influencer called Tom pitched up with his partner and child, and is trying to become Sloshy's new bestie, promising him to go for a pint and birdwatching. Cringe! Someone turned up with a kid who is apparently a friend of Edie's - would this be an online friend for a 9 year old?
- Lula's birthday came and went without much fuss, but what do you expect when her mum doesn't actually like her? She's been packed off on a skiing trip with the school, so that's one kid out of Rancho's hair for a bit.
- on PatreCON, Ramble reckoned that someone on the knock off Freedom course was worrying about paying her rent etc, and another lady "who hasn't got a pot to piss in" gave her £20 out of her purse. So Rapid, standing there dripping in Gucci, with fistfuls of supermarket vouchers and huns throwing money at her on the daily, sat by and watched as someone who can't afford it gave their own money away to someone else. As she would say, it blows my mind that her followers aren't questioning what she's doing with all the money she is getting to supposedly help these women.
- some hun have Ratshit a card full of sickly sweet rambling about how amazing she is
- back in Torbaydos, Wibble was taken out wearing his Gruffalo outfit. He was apparently scared of the police - more likely his dickhead dad didn't want to be spotted by his ex-colleagues after being sacked from the force. After seeing a horse on the beach, it was back to the hamster cage house for a KFC.
- Wilbert's poorly, with a temperature and "fluid leaking out of his ears". So he's fully dressed and wrapped in a duvet, sleeping in the hobbit loft while Rabies waits a call back from 111 and films him, of course. She admitted on PatreCON that she knew Wilbert wasn't well before she went away, so instead of Joyce (the one who took a "career break" to be around for the kids) staying home to look after him, she texted Wilby's teacher and then the mum of Wilby's friend, who selflessly offered to have him the following day as her son was also poorly
then followed a bunch of bullshit about how she's never had a friend who can have her kids for her (so we're forgetting all about PA Jo, Stabby Jo, Emily, Lianne etc, are we?)
And she's never had a school mum friend, she has to drop Edie at the gate because one of her biggest trolls is another parent at her school.
- 9 year old Edie's got fake nails on. Really practical for a kid.
- Cokehead Carol apparently bumped into her uncle John in Manchester Waterstones (what a coincidence, he was just buying her book), which warranted a rambly post about how amazing he is, and mentioned that Wilbert has his middle name - but when he was born she said that his middle name was after her brother
how convenient that she has an uncle with the same name now that the brother is on the toxic heap.
- Sunday night and poorly Wilbur has "sneaked" into Edie's bed with her. So he's unwell, and instead of seeking out comfort from his parents, he goes to his 9 year old sister. Was the door to the hobbit loft locked so they can't be disturbed while they're loving each other the hardest?
- Monday dawned, with a screenshot from the family group chat of Tallulah saying her legs hurt from skiing and she's hungry. Henpecked Henry instantly responded to tell her she should be more grateful because not everybody gets to go on a school skiing trip, including Bratsy and Seb. Lula pointed out that saying her legs hurt doesn't mean she's ungrateful (which is fair enough, Racket is always praising Lula for being so blunt and honest
).
- Rabies asked for "recommendations" for building work in the garden, when we all know she'll be fishing for a freebie
- the tat shop advertised their opening hours over the Easter break, including marking the days when either BV Barbara or Chablis Shaun will be there - a grand total of 3 days between them over a two week period.
- on Patreon, she said that when they viewed the house to rent it was a shit hole because the landlady had to flee abroad after her ex had attempted to murder her (not quite the full story, and not really anyone's business anyway). She then went on to point out a house next door which is up for sale, and they've reduced the price twice now. She also said that they'll be redoing Isaac, Lula and Edie's bedrooms - even though they weren't done long ago, and Edie's has already been remodeled for the bathroom. More money than sense (or taste).
- Wilbert's antibiotics have kicked in, and he's well enough to be out stuffing ice cream down his neck on the sea front and rampaging about trampling flowers to look at dinosaur models
- in a live shared from PatreCON, Ramble and Sacked Copper Steve couldn't decide which kid they like the least - Lula's hard work, Bratsy's really hard when she's home because she treats the place like a doss pad for her and her mates. Cabernet Colin started saying that they need a meeting when she comes home to set out some ground rules with a "united front, instead of me saying it and you laughing behind me so she takes no notice". Rabies then apparently "blows up on a catastrophic scale when it all becomes too much" and "goes off like a hand grenade". She didn't look too happy when he said that
then it was on to Lula, who has loads of friends round all the time (remember shy, anxious little Lula, who preferred animals to people? Yeah, she disappeared and was replaced by bleached hair, skintight mini dresses, vapes and getting people to buy her alcohol
). Seb was next in the firing line - seriously, people are PAYING to watch them slag off their kids in turn?! Apparently he was eating some sweets that turned his mouth blue and Sloshy asked him if "this is the man you want to be" - seeing as his paternal role model is a jobless bum who follows his rancid wife around and takes pouting photos of himself in that fucking mirror (sometimes even tagging where he got his socks from) I think that question should be posed to the dismissed, disgraced, former police officer himself
Running total of overnight breaks away since Joyce started his career break on 15 June:
Night at Herpes Lodge (midweek)
Night in Exeter (Saturday)
Night in London (midweek)
July:
Joyce's birthday - one night at Boringdon Hall (midweek), then two nights (Friday and Saturday) in a lodge in Cornwall with Arsetrid and Simon.
October:
Herpes Lodge (weekend), night in London (mid week in half term), Friday night in Southampton
November - 2 nights in London (Sunday and Monday)
December - 5 nights in Jubai
January - 1 night in London (Miss Greedy's book launch)
February - 1 night in London after dropping Betsy at the airport
If you are new, please read the wiki (pink button at the top) and if you are in need of support or advice in relation to domestic abuse, there are some links and helplines listed at the bottom of the wiki page
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and if seb pays them any board money then he's well within his rights imo to have a 10 minute shower! 
. Yes it’s hard. But, you know what, it’s much harder for the child.
