The thread title is another one that wasn't intended as a title, it was a comment by me which
@Fifah1907 nominated as a title. I edited the swear, the original version was
Ratshit: "the trolls are jealous"
Tattlers: "oh, are we"
Anyway, I've splashed out on matching camel toe jumpsuits for us both to wear while drinking fizzy cat's piss to celebrate
Last thread recap:
- Fungus Flaps is a massive cunt
- she doesn't work either full or part time, and can't be arsed to parent her kids and step kids.
- there was a happy birthday story for someone who was a housemate twenty years ago (was this when she was living in a foster home, or sharing with Lianne, or the pissy bedsit?).
- they took Wilbert to a Christmas tree farm, where he saw some reindeer and huskies, but the autistic, non verbal lad asked for rhinos. She then pretended he was panicking about fake snow on his boots (spoiler alert - he wasn't panicking). They didn't manage to get a tree because Wilberforce couldn't cope with the fake snow (even though he was coping fine in the videos) so they'll have to go back when the kids are at school.
- Ratchet and the Snatchwork gang did a Christmas market, naughty Raq, that should have been marked as an #ad, you know the rules!
- she's done an ad for Wild deodorant, a company which prides itself on the product being in a reusable tin. That's great, except Ramshackle has got approximately seventy million of these tins because every time they launch a different colour, they send her a freebie.
- and yet another shit clothing reel, her and Jo don't have a single original thought between them, so every reel is the same but with different awful outfits.
- that other lazy bitch scam artist Miss Greedy is whinging about trolls again, so of course Rambo's on the bandwagon, joining in to support her "beautiful friend" (that she's met once, and they haven't even promoted each other's crap books).
- Fizzy Cat's Piss Freda decided to wait until she was live on Patreon to tell Sloshy that Seb, Isaac and Lula are all bringing a mate when they go to Liverpool to see Betsy after Christmas. Apparently it doesn't make a difference because it's an 8 bedroom house she's booked, so they'll all have their own rooms, and if they all have a mate, Rancid doesn't have to entertain them. Is she going to let teenagers run riot around Liverpool unsupervised while she's on the cocktails with Bratsy and Jen? Oh and Lianne, because if the kids are taking a friend, then Ratshit gets to bring one as well, because she can't drive on the motorway (even though she used to drive all over in the dead of night rescuing battered women
) so Lianne's driving. Sloshy had to beg for a couple of hours to go to Manchester on the train to go clothes shopping (what happened to his capsule wardrobe?).
- Ratfink came on in her bra to tell us that she'd cleared out all the hidden Christmas presents from under the stairs. The hallway way RAMMED with piles and piles of stuff, what cost of living crisis? Then she was saying "I don't even know what it is", while Cabernet Colin was waffling about "you'll put it all back in, then do it all again in 6 months". Well if you don't know what it all is, and you'll be shoving it away for 6 months, then it's clearly not Christmas presents, is it? There was a pair of trainers that she ordered in the wrong size (kid size 4 instead of adult size 4, sure Jan) so she never bothered to return them, she'll take them to the centre for the poor people who can't afford Nike trainers, maybe it will avoid someone having life long trauma.
- I don't think Rectum has ever mentioned it, but did you know she lived in a bedsit when she was 16? Whether this was before or after 12 different foster families and 103 different housemates is unknown. Anyway, Slosh made her some tomato soup and a ham sandwich which was her staple diet back then. I know YTS Alan said that Joyce's cooking gets the huns frothing at the gash, but I'm not sure that's exactly what he meant hun.
- over on Facebook, someone local to Ratarse who has 5 kids has had their house maliciously burnt down and has lost everything. A post was shared on the Spotted Paignton page, under which lots of people were offering donations to help the family, surprisingly not a single hun was on there recommending the Snatchwork Shithouse. You'd have thought with all the things Rambo and her girls can provide (including the free shop stacked with all her cast offs), this situation would be exactly the sort of thing they'd be able to help with
- on Patreon, she was asked about the MIA chickens. The reason they got rid is unclear - she made out it was because of the bird flu, and trolls reporting her for not having them covered, then said they didn't have the room to have them covered. When actually we all know they got rid so that Sloshua could take over the garden with his aviaries. She also said she's not opening #gifted items because she's doing all her Christmas shopping at the moment. There was a bit more about jumping on Miss Greedy's troll bandwagon, apparently old Greedy doesn't like being away from home, just like Ratchet! But she doesn't like talking about trolls, even though she gets messages every day.
- a new reel went up on the grid, this one an #ad for Elemis skincare. Despite saying she only uses Skin+Me
anyway, her skin looked really red and sore, maybe stop switching between whoever's paying you to show their products Rabid, and find something that actually helps it.
- Rumblestrip headed off to a wreath making workshop with Jo and Jen, and said she was "looking around at everyone else's, like I'm in school at a maths test". So you cheated and STILL managed to come out with less GCSEs than the average budgie. Anyway, the wreaths looked shit and definitely not worth the £55 each the session had cost.
- on Patreon, she's once again on the beg, because they've got 2 more families in need of support, one with 6 kids and the other with 7. She then waffled on about how Silky Steve always says that on the internet you have to act with "the highest level of integrity, like a police officer". Such as allowing your wife to share photos of you outside your house naked in the middle of the night, bullying your kids, or walking around a sex shop sticking your fingers into a rubber fanny
- Wobbly "had a meltdown" while she was live - basically he whinged a couple of times
and apparently "some woman followed us round Exeter taking photos" - it was actually a Tattler who snapped a couple of pics when she spotted them in the street while they were pretending to be at home.
- instead of using the phone that's constantly in her hand to look herself, Rumbaba asked her huns if anyone has an Airbnb in London. Must be hoping for a freebie.
- Ratface reckons that every day after school, she walks with Wibble to the shop, except she usually makes Cabernet Chris do the school run
apparently he "wouldn't have coped" in the shop earlier this year, but now he has a large bag of Squashies every day (probably eaten alone in his prison cell/bedroom while watching the iPad). Then she thinks it's "ridiculous" that they walk back to the car pretending to be different animals. Anyone who's actually looked after a 3 year old would know that actually this isn't ridiculous or unusual, but even though she's 40 and he's her fourth child, it's like a whole new world for her.
- on PatreCON, the trolls had been out "in force" on the Snatchwork page - one person has questioned whether the cost of the wreath making had been paid out of the business. A legitimate question, and hardly "out in force". Quick mention of "Jo manages all my money and accounts", just in case we weren't sure of who's being thrown under the bus when it comes.
- strap in Tattlers, we're off to Jubai!
Or not, because despite super organised PA Jo and Obsessive Oscar, they managed to miss their flight by a day. Nobody had that on their Tattle Bingo card did they? Luckily the super lush travel fella they used was able to get them on "an emergency flight" (aka another one due to fly the same route, it's not like a private jet was laid on for you Rambo, you're not that important)
- There was a notable missing 'E' from Rachaele's name, hopefully she kicked off about the paperwork being wrong because she paid very good money for that 'E', thank you very much!
- on arrival in Jubai, they're in their hotel with a beautiful view of a load of a load of tower blocks. Ratchet was straight down to the beach to *checks notes* eat pizza. Keep it klassy, hun.
- later, she was getting ready on PatreCON and said that she won't be drinking because it makes her miss the kids too much, so she'll be sticking to coke - and was VERY particular to point out that she means Coca Cola, absolutely, definitely not cocaine, because she wouldn't do that anyway, and she thinks it's not allowed at all in Jubai, but they got offered all sorts in the street in Barbadocelona and Majorca.
- while Bucket Hat Brian and Bucket Fanny Brenda were loving each other the hardest, Seb and Isaac had been told not to have any friends over while they're away. Sloshy checked the CCTV and saw Seb had some mates round, so blocked his phone (what a great move when you're out of the fucking country). Ratchet saw Linda walking the dogs so rang Lula to ask why she wasn't walking the dogs as instructed, Lula said that Linda had just grabbed the leads and done it. A call to Betsy's mate who's staying there (even though Betsy has moved out) revealed that she'd told Lula to walk them, and she had refused. Side note - Betsy's friend is staying after she fell out with her mum, and the mum rang Rabies and asked if she could go there. So despite Wilbert being so severely autistic and violent that his own mother can't take him out by herself, he's yet again happily being looked after by a random teenager, and not giving a single shit.
- ever respectful in a Muslim country, Rambo headed out for a meal wearing a playsuit that showed off her undertit tattoo and almost all of her legs. She also claimed that she always goes commando unless she's on her period, so her flaps will have been getting a full airing.
- what may end up being the highlight of the Jubai trip for Tattlers was the keep sand dune safari trip, with Rashflaps shrieking and wailing in the back, while Joyce had the most genuine smile in years plastered across his face. She's obviously packed all her finest designer gear to fit in with the rich folk of Jubai, sporting a different pair of massive bug eye Gucci shades and the Mulberry cuff bracelet. Apparently it was a bad as the boat trip she absolutely hated in Majorca, because Rumplestiltskin can be pissed off and moaning anywhere in the world! Maybe the jeep driver was a troll. She had to flip into "saviour" mode because a lady with a baby got out of the jeep and waited on the dunes, and she was worried that the driver might leave her there. Because the people who run these activities are always dumping people off in the desert and forgetting them
- meanwhile Sloshy was trolling Racket in real life by sharing the most awful, unflattering photos and videos of the most beautiful woman in his world
we can almost forgive the pouting selfies!
- we were treated to some snaps of Raquel "reading in the pool", like everyone does on their holiday, and later she shared her "depop bargain jumpsuit" which showed off a hefty camel's toe. Maybe you should have worn that for the desert safari hun, you would have fit right in.
Just a reminder that a D&C police officer was dismissed for misconduct, with the date of this article being the same date as a certain person started their "career break"...
'Through their actions the officer undermined the public’s trust and confidence in the police force'
www.devonlive.com
Running total of overnight breaks away since Joyce started his career break on 15 June:
Night at Herpes Lodge (midweek)
Night in Exeter (Saturday)
Night in London (midweek)
July:
Joyce's birthday - one night at Boringdon Hall (midweek), then two nights (Friday and Saturday) in a lodge in Cornwall with Arsetrid and Simon.
October:
Herpes Lodge (weekend), night in London (mid week in half term), Friday night in Southampton
November - 2 nights in London (Sunday and Monday)
December - 5 nights in Jubai
If you are new, please read the wiki (pink button at the top) and if you are in need of support or advice in relation to domestic abuse, there are some links and helplines listed at the bottom of the wiki page
and I keep that fake smile on in front of them.
.
Thanks for making me howl with laughter on the daily. You've all gotten me through some shit mental health.
