Pregnancy #64

[littlepup]

I have a friend who swears by the comb - she gave birth to an almost 9lb baby and that was the only pain relief she used!

This isn’t directed at you/your friend but I hate the kind of “I had no pain relief” flex thing some women do. I think it makes women feel crap it they can’t breathe their way through it and even gives the wrong expectations. The fact is it it hurts more/less for different women. “Our bodies are built for it” is a lie, they’re not, hence the high mortalities before healthcare advances could assist. Even between my two labours, one was back to back and a totally different kind of pain to the other.
You just don’t know what you’ll get until you’re there. I totally think get the comb, tens, hypnobirthing etc but there’s no prizes for doing it without pain relief if you decide you need it in the event.

 

[jay121]

Hi everyone I hope you don’t mind me joining! I am 5 weeks today with my second, I had my eldest 8 years ago so it all feels brand new again! Hope you’re all keeping well, I’ve enjoyed lurking on these threads over the last few days and thought why not say hello x

 

[Spencerskates]

Ah thank you everyone I’m very upset about it. I’m getting married next June and would have so loved a baby before hand as I’m pushing 36. I had a miscarriage in December and just don’t seem to have any luck

im so sorry for your loss, please know it wasn’t your fault. If you haven’t already, please reach out to the GP and ask for a referral to the recurrent miscarriage clinic - they used to only see you after three, but it’s now dropped to two.
my mum had me at 38 and I turned out fine, lots of women are having babies into their 40s now - I’m sure there’s a few of us on this thread that are older mums.

 

[littlepup]

I absolutely wasn’t referring to anyone on this thread and didn’t mean to cause upset. We need positive stories as much as the bad, balanced experiences are important. No one here has been boastful or dismissive. It’s, as others have said, the preachy ones who’re like “I can’t imagine why anyone would need pain relief, they must have a low pain threshold” and so on. They don’t understand how different each birth is and how lucky they are. The whole baby experience is rife with it. “My baby sleeps well so you must be doing something wrong if yours doesn’t”. It’s not a mindset here but it’s definitely out there!

The husband of my very pro breast feeding, (but not preachy herself) friend claimed any woman who didn’t breast feed just couldn’t be bothered, it’s so easy…. I tell you my blood boiled!! It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and he wasn’t even the one doing it!!!

I just mean to say that we all have our own experience, there is no ‘failure’ or ‘easy option’ and women’s bodies are built differently from each other. I think it’s really important to remember that, whether having been through it or yet to do it x

 

[Vmanxx]

I’m due TOMORROW! And I’m suddenly nervous despite it being no4 I’m guessing we won’t have an appearance until Sunday at the earliest though, probably more like this time next week

 

[Shinythings]

I swear to God if one more person says something stupid to me about having a baby to me I'm going to do a murder.

'You do know, you won't get more than a couple of hours sleep?'

'Babies don't just eat three times a day, you'll have to feed them every couple of hours'

'You do realise babies cry a lot and it's something you have to get used to!'

Etc etc

The urge to reply 'do you think I'm fucking stupid?' is unreal. As if I had absolutely no concept about what having a baby involves, as if they are the first person to tell me this. Honestly.

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

Today I have learned that Rennies are gross (is Gaviscon any better? It’s the chalky texture that made me feel really yucky. I was going to buy Morrisons own liquid antacid but it was aniseed flavour which seemed super gross). But, I learned that JuniorDragName seems to have ‘passed’ the private NIPT with flying colours (the percentage of foetal DNA seemed a bit low but not low enough for there to be any comment, and the probability of the various things seemed pretty gosh darned low). And we know the sex of the baby! What a rollercoaster of a day!

 

[Scorpihoe]

My 2 biggest learnings from my first birth was to not get your heart set on anything as so much is out of control and it can just lead to a lot of disappointment. Secondly make sure your birth partner is crystal clear on your preferences so that they can advocate for you if and when you’re not able to. My husband was absolutely brilliant at the point where I lost my head and managed to get me some pain relief when I was being refused it initially and I didn’t want to make a fuss.

My loose plan this time is ideally I’d like to give birth at the birthing centre and avoid epidural this time. However if I need inducing again epidural will be on my birth plan!

Getting my breathing right really helped me up to a point so I’ve downloaded an app (Freya) to support me with this

Thank you for the advice, I read somewhere to write 2 birth plans, one is your ideal birth, how you’d like it to go, your preferences etc. And the next plan is things you would accept - essentially in an emergency I’d accept anything to keep us both alive. I know the birth may not go my way, but as long as me and baby make it to the other side safely, that’s all that matters

My ideal birth would be, I sneeze and the baby comes out, no pain, breastfeeding is super easy and I go back to my pre pregnancy weight within the week

 

[Keera]

I am formula feeding (please don’t come for me 🫣) and haven’t got a chair as I’m hopefully baby girl will be sleeping through when she goes to her own room
We have a guest room where my husband can go to sleep if he is being woken up but luckily he is one of those people who doesn’t need much sleep so he will support with night feeds

I wanted to breastfeed and it didn’t work out, baby K is 14 weeks, 75th centile for weight, sleeping amazingly, never been to the doctors, never had a cough/cold yet and her skin is perfect. Plus I’m getting 8 hours of sleep and her dad sorts her at the weekend so I can get a lie in . Breastfeeding is certainly a great thing and should be encouraged but if you decide to do formula never ever feel ashamed (for anyone on this thread not just you) - if baby is happy, healthy and fed that’s all there is to it

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

We told our Mums yesterday, there was lots of tears which set me right off, haha! MotherDragName has already told me off for the heinous crime of lifting her suitcase (which wasn’t actually heavy). How quickly she has forgotten how long she hid her own pregnancy with me and all the madcap things she did throughout that’s helped make it feel a bit more real for us. We’re just holding our breaths a bit till our private NIPT results come back which should be this week.

 

[Scorpihoe]

Getting a pedicure today…I’m 34 weeks tomorrow! It just hit me that these could be my Labour toes 🥹🥹🥹

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

Thank you everyone for the really kind words. I’m also sorry if I’m upsetting any expectant mums. I’m so devastated and feel so alone so this forum gives me some comfort. It’s never an easy thing to go through but I think it’s so difficult on your first. After my D&C in December the doctor kept telling me next time you will be lucky but I feel like the most unluckiest person in the world. I’ll bounce back and get strong again but I’m just mourning the loss of my special little baby that never made it here

You’ve not upset any of us. A lot of women in this thread have sadly suffered losses along the way, or who have found the journey challenging, so you’re amongst people who understand here and who don’t judge anyone for anything . Processing this is important for your wellbeing.
You’re of course welcome here all the time but I wanted to tell you there is a TTC thread as well which has always been super supportive to everyone through the highs and the lows. Lots of us have migrated over from there/keep checking into there to see how our thread mates are doing.

as an ETA, I’m (almost) 40 and didn’t start TTC till I was 38 because of a multitude of reasons. I started my periods extremely young as well, like 10 or 11, if that happens to make a difference. At my recent scan my husband and I definitely didn’t feel like we were some geriatric couple in the waiting room. We might have been the oldest but not old enough to be anyone’s grandparents, haha. So far, though I haven’t really been hanging out with loads of expectant couples I’ve seen a real age range amongst people in the waiting rooms with us, so whilst it’s probably statistically easier when you’re younger, it’s not necessarily impossible

 

[Scorpihoe]

I feel like my bump is bigger than average. I was measuring above the 97th centile on my 25 week appointment, but my growth scan was all fine. Baby is big (high 80’s centile), but nothing concerning.

people have asked how many weeks I am, and when I tell them they seemed shocked, they’re about to say “oh I thought you’d be further along” and then stop themselves

But I don’t care, my baby’s living in a villa

People need to stop commenting on women’s bodies, pregnant or not!

 

[Spencerskates]

In a follow up from my 12 week scan meltdown, I was so upset about how it had gone and the fact that the failure to screen had been put down solely to my BMI that I decided to talk to my midwife about it. She escalated it to a more senior midwife who called me yesterday and was really nice. It turns out I’m not the first person to raise stuff like this about this particular sonographer , someone else reported a similar experience a couple of weeks ago and they believe other women have experienced the same but haven’t wanted to speak up on a formal or informal level about it. So, because I did want to speak up on an informal level it’s going to the line manager as feedback. I don’t doubt the sonographer is good at her job, it was just her lack of communication with me and then talking really fast about the quadruple test being my only option that left me really upset. I had a private scan on Sunday, with an ex-NHS midwife of 40 years. I told her about my nhs scan experience and she just explained everything so well to me. Explained all the things the sonographer will have recorded about what she saw that I can’t see in badger notes. Explained that it can be super hard to do the screening because the babies don’t behave as they’re expected to. Mine is a proper mover and groover (I have no idea if that’s normal or not because I’ve never seen a live scan and assumed babies just floated about sedately till I saw mine wriggling around!) and loves being faceplanted, loves hugging the back of my uterus and also loves lying on its side facing my spine. So, screening measurements were always going to be hard. I mentioned my bmi had been blamed and she was a bit more ‘eh, it’s not really the be all and end all’. She had me move about to scan different ways but at no point jabbed me hard in the abdomen with the scanner. Because it wasn’t a screening scan I felt like we got lots of time to watch our little JuniorDragName and I have 23 images and videos. I do understand a private scan will always have a different purpose and the nhs scan was about important medical stuff and that should take priority, but not everyone has the luxury of affording extra scans whenever they feel like them, and all it would have taken was the nhs sonographer taking a bit more time to talk things through so the parents can enjoy the view whilst the sonographer does what they need to.

NIPT screening bloods tomorrow, we’ve decided to find out the biological sex of the baby as well. I know it’s dumb but my mind is blown that that is even possible.

I’m really glad you spoke up. I hate how some staff speak about BMI! I had a similar experience but the opposite way I guess - a sonographer said to a trainee something along the lines of how much easier it was to scan me compared to the previous woman because I was so ‘lovely and slim’. I was literally in the depths of my eating disorder and having a scan as part of our fertility investigations so it wasn’t the compliment she thought it was!

 

[Keera]

Thank you for all your kind words I keep thinking
I’m ok and I keep having waves of just sobbing. Right now I just don’t know how I’ll ever stop feeling sad

Spoiler: Chat about this

It’s a feeling I unfortunately know. You could have been me 3 years ago. Just know that we made the same decision you did, planned for our future and now have our baby years later in a much improved financial situation. I was extremely sad at the time but made the decision knowing it was the right thing to do in my heart, time really does heal all wounds even though it may not seem that way right now 🤍

 

[indeedjoy]

One of the team today has came in with whooping cough so I’ve sent them home as I am fuming that they’d risk spreading it! Let alone selfishly for me being pregnant 🫠

 

[Spencerskates]

Do people keep asking you what are you going to name the baby? I'm reluctant to share the gender because the name question comes right after.

With our first we told people some of the names we were considering but then when they always had something to say we stopped and said we weren’t sharing his name until he was born. People are less likely to share a shitty opinion when faced with an actual baby with that name rather than a hypothetical one.
This time round we genuinely don’t have any names yet at almost 34 weeks!

 

[Shinythings]

I'm opting to use hypnobirthing, tens machine, water etc and gas and air. That's just my personal choice and what I feel is best for me. I'm absolutely not opposed to extra pain relief if I need it. I'm also not stupid enough to be one of those people who do follow hypnobirthing that suggest birth is not painful and it's just a mindset. Of course it's bloody painful. I think the problem is, like with anything, people see the extreme hypnobirthing side of things and think that's what it's about. For me, I'm just taking what's helpful (breathing with the pain, reframing the pain, self compassion) and not taking the rest as gospel. That's all it is really, just another coping method.

On the flip side, when I've said about what I'm hoping for you get the 'you don't get a medal for not having an epidural ' crowd as if you've slagged it off. I'm not doing it for a medal. It's just a personal choice and I'm not opposed to having one if I feel I need it. Pregnant women are damned if they do, damned if they don't.

The way I see it is women should be given all the information and research about various birth choices so they can make a truly informed decision. As long as they are doing that and choosing what feels right for them, then that's all anyone should be concerned about.

 

[Ljb1984]

Hi guys hope you don’t mind me jumping in just popping in for a rant. 41 and having the worst pregnancy known to man (or woman) . 17 weeks and have been bleeding since 12. Found out I had a haematoma at 14 weeks. That has now gone but I spent a night in hospital and my recent diagnosis is low laying placenta,cervical ectropian and thrush. Hooray for me. Baby is doing good thank god. I just feel so alarmed every time I bleed even though it’s small amounts. Sorry just coming on to rant and see if anyone has had anything similar. Thanks xx

 

[Sickofinstacrap]

Parking myself here for the next 8 months baby number 2 hoping the first trimester goes easier on me this time