Pregnancy #62

[anything at all]

Prams/travel systems really are so expensive for something that’s not even used for that long really. I’m glad we never spent thousands on our first!
As soon as they’re sitting up you likely consider replacing the travel system with a compact stroller that takes less room in the boot/house so the travel system is then a waste of money.

With my first pregnancy someone on the threads here recommended kinderkraft, only downside is I don’t think you can try them out in stores but their prices are much friendlier!! We had their b-tour system with my first and will clean it up and use it again for the second (unless we need a double pram). Maybe not to everyone’s style but thought I’d mention them as a cheaper option.

But absolutely get an idea of what you want and check Facebook marketplace, don’t feel like you have to spend thousands just because others do

 

[Cucumber and eggs]

Does anyone know if I can refuse consultant led care? I've had 3 pregnancies under consultant led due to health issues. But I've just had negative experiences each time. I just find it very stressful going up the hospital every week and sitting for 5+ hours to have tests, scans and waiting around to see consultants. My 2nd pregnancy I was bullied by 6 professionals in a tiny room who told me I was having a c section and booked me in . I actually went into spontaneous labour and gave birth naturally with no complications. My second pregnancy my daughter had a rare syndrome that I also have, and they suggested I abort the baby. During labour my fluid input and output were recorded, and because I had forgotten to record an output and call the nurse I was denied fluids during a 12 hour labour. I wasn't allowed to get up and move around and had to stay put in bed. I have ptsd from previous surgeries and professionals not listening to me and added complications. Obviously if there were issues with the baby I would be more than happy to go under fetal medicine and have them look after me

 

[hazmaz]

Oh goodness, I never struggled with nausea with my first but it’s rearing its head now im expecting our second

 

[Bingobango]

Anybody else get nauseous when babys kicking lots? Makes me feel so motion sick

 

[Crypticqueenie]

Does anyone know if I can refuse consultant led care? I've had 3 pregnancies under consultant led due to health issues. But I've just had negative experiences each time. I just find it very stressful going up the hospital every week and sitting for 5+ hours to have tests, scans and waiting around to see consultants. My 2nd pregnancy I was bullied by 6 professionals in a tiny room who told me I was having a c section and booked me in . I actually went into spontaneous labour and gave birth naturally with no complications. My second pregnancy my daughter had a rare syndrome that I also have, and they suggested I abort the baby. During labour my fluid input and output were recorded, and because I had forgotten to record an output and call the nurse I was denied fluids during a 12 hour labour. I wasn't allowed to get up and move around and had to stay put in bed. I have ptsd from previous surgeries and professionals not listening to me and added complications. Obviously if there were issues with the baby I would be more than happy to go under fetal medicine and have them look after me

Sorry you have had such an awful time with this so far! You can definitely ask. I'm not an expert but you can refuse anything in theory, it may be that you need to sign that you're happy birthing outside guidelines or something.

 

[scouseconstantine]

Woke up in the middle of the night to my boyfriend and bump playing a lovely little game. He’d squeeze my belly and then she’d quite happily kick him and have a wiggle. Oh but when bump realised Id woke up…no more kicks the betrayal from my future daughter has begun already!!

 

[Kaylarina]

Does anyone know if I can refuse consultant led care? I've had 3 pregnancies under consultant led due to health issues. But I've just had negative experiences each time. I just find it very stressful going up the hospital every week and sitting for 5+ hours to have tests, scans and waiting around to see consultants. My 2nd pregnancy I was bullied by 6 professionals in a tiny room who told me I was having a c section and booked me in . I actually went into spontaneous labour and gave birth naturally with no complications. My second pregnancy my daughter had a rare syndrome that I also have, and they suggested I abort the baby. During labour my fluid input and output were recorded, and because I had forgotten to record an output and call the nurse I was denied fluids during a 12 hour labour. I wasn't allowed to get up and move around and had to stay put in bed. I have ptsd from previous surgeries and professionals not listening to me and added complications. Obviously if there were issues with the baby I would be more than happy to go under fetal medicine and have them look after me

Technically yes, you can refused consultant led care - you can refused any type of treatment. That being said, you can't insist on being midwife led. Is there any way you can talk to the lead consultant? Tell them your fears and concerns and try to find a solution that everyone is happy with? If you need to, get PALS involved and the lead midwife.

 

[Keera]

Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate in laws being a bit too … excited?
First grandchild on both sides and while I’m grateful (really truly) for all the help and advice we are getting already (25 weeks .. when did that happen ) my experience with my own parents has been so laid back in comparison to my in laws and I’m starting to already get stressed about how much they plan to be involved!
My own parents have offered help and advice when asked and my mums taken me shopping to pick things out myself and has been happy to buy - with a couple of little nice surprises like toys and books. But the “big important things” they’ve always let me and partner choose without any input unless asked.
my in laws are buying are travel system which is lovely BUT they insisted on also coming to the appointment (fine) and gave a running commentary on why the pram/car seat would not be suitable for THEM!! for example, FIL made the sales woman try pram out in both ours and their car - it fits in ours but needs a wheel off to fit in his. He says this is going to be “unmanageable”.
I fear they think they will have the baby a lot without me and partner and I am unsure where they get this from as we have only broached them having a day a week when I go back to work when baby’s 9 months?
They are also already booking weekends away wanting to take us and the baby when I’ve been quite clear to partner I want our first holiday with baby to be the three of us, and I’m already dreading explaining I do not want any visitors to the hospital provided baby and I are well and go home in a day or two after birth.
Partner is aware of my wishes and knows his parents can be “hard headed” but I don’t think he realises how tense I’m getting over this
Maybe I’m being unreasonable but I’m worried about small tensions causing a huge blow up in the future

 

[Greencatfysh]

Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate in laws being a bit too … excited?
First grandchild on both sides and while I’m grateful (really truly) for all the help and advice we are getting already (25 weeks .. when did that happen ) my experience with my own parents has been so laid back in comparison to my in laws and I’m starting to already get stressed about how much they plan to be involved!
My own parents have offered help and advice when asked and my mums taken me shopping to pick things out myself and has been happy to buy - with a couple of little nice surprises like toys and books. But the “big important things” they’ve always let me and partner choose without any input unless asked.
my in laws are buying are travel system which is lovely BUT they insisted on also coming to the appointment (fine) and gave a running commentary on why the pram/car seat would not be suitable for THEM!! for example, FIL made the sales woman try pram out in both ours and their car - it fits in ours but needs a wheel off to fit in his. He says this is going to be “unmanageable”.
I fear they think they will have the baby a lot without me and partner and I am unsure where they get this from as we have only broached them having a day a week when I go back to work when baby’s 9 months?
They are also already booking weekends away wanting to take us and the baby when I’ve been quite clear to partner I want our first holiday with baby to be the three of us, and I’m already dreading explaining I do not want any visitors to the hospital provided baby and I are well and go home in a day or two after birth.
Partner is aware of my wishes and knows his parents can be “hard headed” but I don’t think he realises how tense I’m getting over this
Maybe I’m being unreasonable but I’m worried about small tensions causing a huge blow up in the future

Argh, I could have written this. My in laws are similar, not as bad as yours sound in terms of the travel system etc but I’m sure they would have been - we’ve had to have a few pretty awkward conversations with them so far about things like this. I’m also anxious about it and my partner wasn’t really taking it seriously til last week. His dad made some comment about my husband “popping round to check on the house once a week” (they travel a fair bit) and husband had to say look, things will be different once baby arrives!


They expected to buy us something “big” I.e the travel system and I think they were taken aback we didn’t include them in that shopping. Our main gripe has been about them “popping over” as soon as baby arrives which we had to correct them on. My husband also seemed to think they’d be having the baby sleep at theirs - I was the same, I said maybe when she’s 9/12 months but it would be very rare for us, the main thing they MIGHT do is come and babysit for us at our own house. My advice would be unfortunately to have some awkward chats now about it and try and get through to them, you’ll only feel more annoyed and anxious as the due date approaches (speaking from experience)

 

[Keera]

Argh, I could have written this. My in laws are similar, not as bad as yours sound in terms of the travel system etc but I’m sure they would have been - we’ve had to have a few pretty awkward conversations with them so far about things like this. I’m also anxious about it and my partner wasn’t really taking it seriously til last week. His dad made some comment about my husband “popping round to check on the house once a week” (they travel a fair bit) and husband had to say look, things will be different once baby arrives!


They expected to buy us something “big” I.e the travel system and I think they were taken aback we didn’t include them in that shopping. Our main gripe has been about them “popping over” as soon as baby arrives which we had to correct them on. My husband also seemed to think they’d be having the baby sleep at theirs - I was the same, I said maybe when she’s 9/12 months but it would be very rare for us, the main thing they MIGHT do is come and babysit for us at our own house. My advice would be unfortunately to have some awkward chats now about it and try and get through to them, you’ll only feel more annoyed and anxious as the due date approaches (speaking from experience)

Ah its so hard trying not to upset anyone - especially when I know they are helping us out massively financially with the travel shstem!
yes the “popping in” is already a bit of an issue and has been anytime partner and I have lived within a 15 minute driving radius of them. I’m not sure they know either that I’m going to be breast feeding and I’m sure that will cause upset
The other thing that’s really setting alarm bells off is the unwillingness to learn about new safety aspects - their last newborn was 30 years ago!!!! But comments have already been made like “it’s like riding a bike” looking after newborn and I want to scream that I’m sure it is NOT 🫠

I’m going to go through my birth plan with partner this weekend so he knows what’s happening and try and impress upon him how I want visiting in the first few weeks to be so he can break the news gently that we will not be requiring a daily “pop in”

 

[Greencatfysh]

Ah its so hard trying not to upset anyone - especially when I know they are helping us out massively financially with the travel shstem!
yes the “popping in” is already a bit of an issue and has been anytime partner and I have lived within a 15 minute driving radius of them. I’m not sure they know either that I’m going to be breast feeding and I’m sure that will cause upset
The other thing that’s really setting alarm bells off is the unwillingness to learn about new safety aspects - their last newborn was 30 years ago!!!! But comments have already been made like “it’s like riding a bike” looking after newborn and I want to scream that I’m sure it is NOT 🫠

I’m going to go through my birth plan with partner this weekend so he knows what’s happening and try and impress upon him how I want visiting in the first few weeks to be so he can break the news gently that we will not be requiring a daily “pop in”

Yeah exactly! Very generous of ours to offer but they only offered after we’d already gone shopping and then made it sound like we should have included them. I just hate passive aggressiveness!

totally agree re not keeping up with new guidance. I’ve already mentioned things like safe sleep, which blankets we can/can’t use, having baby downstairs with us all day and therefore needing a downstairs sleep space - all met with laughs and some eye rolls about how silly it all is nowadays. So nice for a first time mum to deal with!!

 

[Super_Berry]

Oh I feel you. I don't have this issue with our in laws because they don't live here, but I feel it with my parents. Honestly you would think I was a teenager the way they have been commenting as if we have no idea at all what were doing.

My parents are helping us out financially which has been amazing, but they do seem to think they'll be here a lot. I'm starting to feel v.anxious about the few weeks after birth. The idea of being sore and bleeding and trying to breast feed with an audience of my parents and in laws (they are visiting post-birth) for a few days is making me so stressful. I'm trying to pull back contact with my parents just now a little - saying we're busy at weekend and not texting back as quickly - in the lead up to the birth. But god it's hard because this is our first grandchild for our parents too and I know they're excited.
---

Yeah exactly! Very generous of ours to offer but they only offered after we’d already gone shopping and then made it sound like we should have included them. I just hate passive aggressiveness!

totally agree re not keeping up with new guidance. I’ve already mentioned things like safe sleep, which blankets we can/can’t use, having baby downstairs with us all day and therefore needing a downstairs sleep space - all met with laughs and some eye rolls about how silly it all is nowadays. So nice for a first time mum to deal with!!

Oh I had this with my dad when I explained that people don't use cot bumpers (is that what they're called?!) anymore and my mum rolling her eyes when I told her I plan to batch cook and freeze some meals for us.

 

[anything at all]

My partners parents are separated so I sort of have 2 sets of inlaws and one of them was very intruding and over excited with our first, you’d have thought they were the ones having a baby, but ever since our son left the baby baby stage and no longer wanted to be held they couldn’t care less they’ve only seen our son (now 20months) 3 times this year and all the stuff they had talked about doing before he was born they haven’t bothered with.
Not sure if it will be same case with others in laws but some do get bored quickly !!

You may have to have some awkward talks and set some rules, before baby is here is probably better. Mine thought they’d be coming up the hospital to see our son as soon as he was born, yeah no thanks

and I don’t know if any others are likely too.. but when we let ours know our son was born they went and posted it on Facebook that second…neither me or my partner had posted anything and there were still people we’d have liked to have told without them seeing it on Facebook from someone else

Im hoping they’ll be more chill now we’re having our second but we will see..

 

[Greencatfysh]

My partners parents are separated so I sort of have 2 sets of inlaws and one of them was very intruding and over excited with our first, you’d have thought they were the ones having a baby, but ever since our son left the baby baby stage and no longer wanted to be held they couldn’t care less they’ve only seen our son (now 20months) 3 times this year and all the stuff they had talked about doing before he was born they haven’t bothered with.
Not sure if it will be same case with others in laws but some do get bored quickly !!

You may have to have some awkward talks and set some rules, before baby is here is probably better. Mine thought they’d be coming up the hospital to see our son as soon as he was born, yeah no thanks

and I don’t know if any others are likely too.. but when we let ours know our son was born they went and posted it on Facebook that second…neither me or my partner had posted anything and there were still people we’d have liked to have told without them seeing it on Facebook from someone else

Im hoping they’ll be more chill now we’re having our second but we will see..

Oh lord, good point about sharing news of baby’s arrival. My MIL doesn’t use social media but she WhatsApp’s about 50 friends/family a day so I bet whatever message we send her will get forwarded on immediately unless we ask her not to!

 

[Kaylarina]

Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate in laws being a bit too … excited?
First grandchild on both sides and while I’m grateful (really truly) for all the help and advice we are getting already (25 weeks .. when did that happen ) my experience with my own parents has been so laid back in comparison to my in laws and I’m starting to already get stressed about how much they plan to be involved!
My own parents have offered help and advice when asked and my mums taken me shopping to pick things out myself and has been happy to buy - with a couple of little nice surprises like toys and books. But the “big important things” they’ve always let me and partner choose without any input unless asked.
my in laws are buying are travel system which is lovely BUT they insisted on also coming to the appointment (fine) and gave a running commentary on why the pram/car seat would not be suitable for THEM!! for example, FIL made the sales woman try pram out in both ours and their car - it fits in ours but needs a wheel off to fit in his. He says this is going to be “unmanageable”.
I fear they think they will have the baby a lot without me and partner and I am unsure where they get this from as we have only broached them having a day a week when I go back to work when baby’s 9 months?
They are also already booking weekends away wanting to take us and the baby when I’ve been quite clear to partner I want our first holiday with baby to be the three of us, and I’m already dreading explaining I do not want any visitors to the hospital provided baby and I are well and go home in a day or two after birth.
Partner is aware of my wishes and knows his parents can be “hard headed” but I don’t think he realises how tense I’m getting over this
Maybe I’m being unreasonable but I’m worried about small tensions causing a huge blow up in the future

I've never had to deal with this but it must be so difficult.

We had my MIL over to stay with us for 2-4 weeks(ish - they live in the US) after both our girls were born, but it was completely my choice and she was an absolute godsend. She didn't push to have "baby time" and literally did everything else, but that was what worked for us and if you decide you want no visitors immediately, then that is your choice too. I personally don't see the rush in everyone needing to see baby. They aren't going anywhere!

My family on the other hand, live no more than 5-10 miles away, have seen the girls a handful of times, at most, and when they found out we were moving to the US kicked up a major fuss about how they won't see "their babies"

While I don't have any advice, I will say you are 100% no being unreasonable. You have to do what works your you and your family and no worry about what everyone else might say/think.

 

[ASAnigel]

It’s soooo tricky but first thing I will say is don’t feel like you owe anyone anything because they’ve helped you financially!!
we’ve agreed no visitors other than our parents until I say it’s okay, just to reduce the pressure of others hinting for a visit - there’s a very clear line.
I’m also planning to breastfeed and don’t feel comfortable doing it around my in-laws but I see that as quite useful that when I’m fed up of socialising I can take the baby and go in a different room
I plan to do that and then text my husband and tell him to get rid of people or I won’t come back down
We’ve had little chats here and there about these kinds of things throughout because I don’t want my husband to turn around and go “yeah but” or act like he didn’t know what the boundaries were.

he did try and throw a scenario at me the other day that would break the “no one other than parents” rule but I firmly shut that down because it’s not what we had agreed.

I think the most important thing is both being agreed about it but ultimately it should be your decision who can come round and when!
Or maybe a rule that they have to call to check it’s okay before coming over?

 

[RoseyThorney]

I know for sure my MIL is going to be a nightmare breaking/testing boundaries. My main concern is how she overshares on social media - some of you have already read what we’ve been through recently with her pretty much announcing our pregnancy on FB (which we’ve been waiting for our 20 week scan to do) and how she reacted horribly when Mr Rosey wrote a very kind message to her asking her to remove it. She’s still sulking about it and is expecting an apology. large chance!

When we announced our engagement last year she pretty much stole and reposted all my photos and wrote her own post about it, tagging us in it. We removed the tags but it still irks me how she made something special to us all about herself. In previous years, she’s also reposted photos I’ve put up in a birthday post for Mr Rosey so now I wait until she’s made her post before making mine. It sounds petty I know but she’s really been getting on my bits ever since we got engaged. I fear this is going to become the whole “nightmare MIL” trope that you often read about online when babies start being born. 🫠

 

[Keera]

I was reading on another website about a MIL who made a whole nursery in the in laws house and expected to have the NEWBORN weekly overnight so I guess it’s not quite as bad as that yet
My MIL has never quite cut the apron strings from my partner (not that he’s unhappy with that I will add ) and so for them I feel the baby is just an extension of him. They’ve just gotten a little carried away with their plans and don’t realise that me partner and baby are going to be our own family unit first and foremost.
i think i will drop in the fact im going to breastfeed for at least the first 6 months ( ) and hope the message goes across that she won’t be away from me in that time unless absolutely necessary.
thank you all for making me feel like less of an ungrateful cow

 

[Super_Berry]

I'm so glad my parents and in laws don't use social media and neither does my partner. My mum has an Instagram doesn't really post much and I've already been really firm with her that we will not be sharing our baby's name or any photos so she's got the message. We'll revisit the decision when the baby grows up, but we're not planning to share anything for years. It would be really difficult if our in laws were active on social though and posting all the time.

 

[RoseyThorney]

I was reading on another website about a MIL who made a whole nursery in the in laws house and expected to have the NEWBORN weekly overnight so I guess it’s not quite as bad as that yet
My MIL has never quite cut the apron strings from my partner (not that he’s unhappy with that I will add ) and so for them I feel the baby is just an extension of him. They’ve just gotten a little carried away with their plans and don’t realise that me partner and baby are going to be our own family unit first and foremost.
i think i will drop in the fact im going to breastfeed for at least the first 6 months ( ) and hope the message goes across that she won’t be away from me in that time unless absolutely necessary.
thank you all for making me feel like less of an ungrateful cow

My MIL is already planning the nursery at their own house and has shown off the most vile wallpaper she’s chosen. Baby will not be having overnights for at least a year so she’s in for a rude awakening.