Pregnancy #62

[Saltfish84]

I’d actually like my in laws to show more interest. They don’t live near by and visit or text rarely. The kids have to fit around their dog!!

Suppose it’s better than over bearing. But I wouldn’t tolerate that, but a bit of interest would be nice.

 

[Everycloud]

Yeah exactly! Very generous of ours to offer but they only offered after we’d already gone shopping and then made it sound like we should have included them. I just hate passive aggressiveness!

totally agree re not keeping up with new guidance. I’ve already mentioned things like safe sleep, which blankets we can/can’t use, having baby downstairs with us all day and therefore needing a downstairs sleep space - all met with laughs and some eye rolls about how silly it all is nowadays. So nice for a first time mum to deal with!!

omg, same with the new guidance.
first time mum / grandparents and when discussing safe sleep, sleeping bags, Moses baskets, no blankets, coat off in car seat etc I am met with ‘well you lot (me & sisters) never had any of that’ and ‘oh it’s so ridiculous now’

I’m like no things just advance and we tackle safety based on things we now know. I love my mum but she last had a baby 28 years ago and it’s hard to say look, things have changed please respect how I plan on doing this

 

[Greencatfysh]

I was feeling fairly smug about having minimal stretch marks on my tummy. Except that I just used a mirror to look “down there” so I could try and wax and found a whole bunch down by my bikini line. Hilarious as it means I literally haven’t been able to see my lady garden for months now and haven’t even bothered looking

 

[Hinchhater1442]

MILs are hard but I do feel once baby is here they get the hint fairly quickly. When we text parents to announce we popped at the bottom something like ‘please don’t share our news, we’ll tell wider family when we are ready’

we bought a ring doorbell and if we weren’t expecting visitors we simply didn’t answer the door.

and try say ‘no’ once in the early days to set off on a strong foot and get them used to ‘disappointment’. In the early days you do end up with lots of appts etc so if you have a midwife appt in the morning then say you’re busy that day so no they can’t come, not even in the afternoon, just so they know that having an hour of free time doesn’t mean it’s for them.

 

[Spencerskates]

Controversial, but with our first we actually had both sets of parents visit almost as soon as we got home from hospital. That way it bought us a little bit of time before they visited again, which was especially helpful when day 5 hit, the baby blues were strong and my milk was just coming in. And my parents brought a takeaway for us and made sure we could eat it hot.

we initially planned to wait a week for visitors and had told parents we weren’t ready for visitors straight away, but that’s just what worked for us.

 

[Jaybob]

Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate in laws being a bit too … excited?
First grandchild on both sides and while I’m grateful (really truly) for all the help and advice we are getting already (25 weeks .. when did that happen ) my experience with my own parents has been so laid back in comparison to my in laws and I’m starting to already get stressed about how much they plan to be involved!
My own parents have offered help and advice when asked and my mums taken me shopping to pick things out myself and has been happy to buy - with a couple of little nice surprises like toys and books. But the “big important things” they’ve always let me and partner choose without any input unless asked.
my in laws are buying are travel system which is lovely BUT they insisted on also coming to the appointment (fine) and gave a running commentary on why the pram/car seat would not be suitable for THEM!! for example, FIL made the sales woman try pram out in both ours and their car - it fits in ours but needs a wheel off to fit in his. He says this is going to be “unmanageable”.
I fear they think they will have the baby a lot without me and partner and I am unsure where they get this from as we have only broached them having a day a week when I go back to work when baby’s 9 months?
They are also already booking weekends away wanting to take us and the baby when I’ve been quite clear to partner I want our first holiday with baby to be the three of us, and I’m already dreading explaining I do not want any visitors to the hospital provided baby and I are well and go home in a day or two after birth.
Partner is aware of my wishes and knows his parents can be “hard headed” but I don’t think he realises how tense I’m getting over this
Maybe I’m being unreasonable but I’m worried about small tensions causing a huge blow up in the future

I understand your concerns, but my entire family is dead. His mother "wanted to watch me breastfeed as she never could" I had no idea and she stared at my bits. Despite this, I honestly would have loved some competent help and would have thrown my baby at anyone who would have taken him, just to get some rest. Even when I was really sick and couldn't cope, she never came to help, EVER. Please set some boundaries about the hospital and first holiday,then just gladly accept any help going! You're so lucky.

I'm now isolated in a foreign country and hubby went to work instead of my scan today, so here I am preparing to be a married single mother of two

 

[Greencatfysh]

Controversial, but with our first we actually had both sets of parents visit almost as soon as we got home from hospital. That way it bought us a little bit of time before they visited again, which was especially helpful when day 5 hit, the baby blues were strong and my milk was just coming in. And my parents brought a takeaway for us and made sure we could eat it hot.

we initially planned to wait a week for visitors and had told parents we weren’t ready for visitors straight away, but that’s just what worked for us.

I’m definitely mostly open to see how I’m feeling, I think it’s just the assumptions they make that pisses me off. It’s like the more someone tells you they feel entitled to the baby the less you want them to feel that way, if that makes sense. I totally agree though you never know how you’re going to feel and I’ve also pondered whether just getting it over and done with would help everyone feel better. I think I’ll just see how birth goes and assess then.

 

[Keera]

I think I’m averse to it because I’m a nurse and associate hospital with being unwell. I’m quite a private person anyway and to feel vulnerable and bleeding and all the rest I just think I don’t really want ANYONE around me I never do when I’m feeling unwell at all.
So if all goes well and we are home fairly quickly I just want visitors to come to the house when I feel a bit more in control of my surroundings and a bit more comfortable. That’s all assuming we are home quickly, any longer then obviously I’ll re evaluate.

 

[Super_Berry]

I think I’m averse to it because I’m a nurse and associate hospital with being unwell. I’m quite a private person anyway and to feel vulnerable and bleeding and all the rest I just think I don’t really want ANYONE around me I never do when I’m feeling unwell at all.
So if all goes well and we are home fairly quickly I just want visitors to come to the house when I feel a bit more in control of my surroundings and a bit more comfortable. That’s all assuming we are home quickly, any longer then obviously I’ll re evaluate.

I feel the same. The idea of my parents and in-laws around while I'm wearing my disposable pants and pads and trying to get a handle on breast feeding just makes me feel sick I want to be left alone until I start to feel a bit better.

 

[ASAnigel]

I also think it’s different if people are coming and will genuinely help you as well as wanting to see the baby.

there’s a big difference between people bringing food round/offering to do washing/hold the baby while you shower or sleep and people that come round just to hold the baby and expect you to make them a cup of tea and then won’t even wash up their own cups etc.

But I do also agree with the poster who mentioned getting out the way asap!

 

[Hinchhater1442]

Controversial, but with our first we actually had both sets of parents visit almost as soon as we got home from hospital. That way it bought us a little bit of time before they visited again, which was especially helpful when day 5 hit, the baby blues were strong and my milk was just coming in. And my parents brought a takeaway for us and made sure we could eat it hot.

we initially planned to wait a week for visitors and had told parents we weren’t ready for visitors straight away, but that’s just what worked for us.

Sorry yes to clarify my comment about saying no and putting your foot down early.. for us it was after those first initial meetings.
So all parents had met baby by day 5. But beyond that was when we said no to establish the boundary. MIL met the baby and then 4 days later asked to come again, which I felt was too much. Particularly because we never saw her very often before having baby.. maybe once every 2 months. I know it’s nice that she was interested, but I knew the novelty would wear off (and it has) and all she really wanted was some newborn snuggles. She was never helpful, never bought food or offered to bring anything. Was the type of visitor to expect one of us to make her a drink too rather than help herself/offer to make one for us!
My advice to anyone would be do what your comfortable with, I knew I didn’t want to deprive anyone of meeting my baby, but beyond that it wasn’t necessary to be at my house all the time!

 

[Elisha97]

So sorry if this has already been asked.. but does anyone have a 360 car seat? We’re after a car seat that swivels but they’re a lot more expensive than what I realised and I’m baffled by them if you have one, which one do you have and would you recommend it?

 

[littlepup]

So sorry if this has already been asked.. but does anyone have a 360 car seat? We’re after a car seat that swivels but they’re a lot more expensive than what I realised and I’m baffled by them if you have one, which one do you have and would you recommend it?

The Joie I-spin 360 is great and extremely safe according to many tests but pricy. Graco is owned by Joie and their “turn-2-me” is extremely similar but far cheaper. I’d recommend either.
They are fixed though so not removable and compatible with a travel system but given guidelines about not keeping baby in car seat too long it’s best to take them out of the car seat anyway. Also I’ll soon be switching 3mth old into the 360 because they’re getting too heavy to get in and out while in the travel system seat anyway.

 

[User767676]

So sorry if this has already been asked.. but does anyone have a 360 car seat? We’re after a car seat that swivels but they’re a lot more expensive than what I realised and I’m baffled by them if you have one, which one do you have and would you recommend it?

I’ve got the cybex cloud t as part of a travel system however I’ve never used it on the pushchair due to the same reasons little pup said. I do find it easy but don’t have a fixed one to compare to.

It was also good the other day when I couldn’t get baby in the side they are so I could turn it the other way and sit with baby in the car to do it.

Have you checked out the car seat safety group on fb?

 

[hazmaz]

Wondering if someone can advise
I thought I was struggling with morning sickness as we’ve been on holiday for the last week and I have been feeling sooooo nauseous, last night I was actually sick but I have basically the runs too - Google is telling me that morning sickness doesn’t generally include the runs too so I am on the fence as to whether it could be a bug or not

 

[Keera]

Wondering if someone can advise
I thought I was struggling with morning sickness as we’ve been on holiday for the last week and I have been feeling sooooo nauseous, last night I was actually sick but I have basically the runs too - Google is telling me that morning sickness doesn’t generally include the runs too so I am on the fence as to whether it could be a bug or not

i have IBS which is definitely worse since pregnancy, and I’ve found my tummy’s a bit more sensitive to spicy food too.
if you have had diarrhea and don’t normally have any tummy problems it more likely be a bug or something you’ve eaten, make sure you drink plenty of fluids and try and eat plain foods - if you aren’t keeping any fluid down or feel really dry and unwell/feverish get in touch with a doctor to make sure you aren’t dehydrated!
Stomach bugs should only last about 48 hours too so if it’s going on longer discuss with a doctor too!

feel better soon!

 

[hazmaz]

i have IBS which is definitely worse since pregnancy, and I’ve found my tummy’s a bit more sensitive to spicy food too.
if you have had diarrhea and don’t normally have any tummy problems it more likely be a bug or something you’ve eaten, make sure you drink plenty of fluids and try and eat plain foods - if you aren’t keeping any fluid down or feel really dry and unwell/feverish get in touch with a doctor to make sure you aren’t dehydrated!
Stomach bugs should only last about 48 hours too so if it’s going on longer discuss with a doctor too!

feel better soon!

It doesn’t take much to generally upset my stomache, I’m just baffled by it we fly home tomorrow so will see how things are then. At least I’ll be home with my home comforts.

 

[BWinter]

Hi everyone, I hope I can join the chat. I’ve just found out I’m pregnant (feels weird even typing that!) and am about 6 weeks. Any recommendations for good books that cover everything? Getting overwhelmed by the amount of info on the internet so would be good to focus on a book or two in the first instance. Thank you in advance

 

[mashedbananapancakes]

Hi everyone, I hope I can join the chat. I’ve just found out I’m pregnant (feels weird even typing that!) and am about 6 weeks. Any recommendations for good books that cover everything? Getting overwhelmed by the amount of info on the internet so would be good to focus on a book or two in the first instance. Thank you in advance

Congratulations I'd recommend Marie Louise - The Modern Midwife's Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond

 

[BWinter]

Congratulations I'd recommend Marie Louise - The Modern Midwife's Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond

Thank you. I shall check this out. Hopefully it has some tips about morning sickness. Not been feeling great and getting worried about throwing up on the commute. What makes me super worried is I get the train with up to four colleagues - including the MD! (depends if we bump into each other on the platform, we usually do).