I went through a phase recently of wondering whether I'll regret not having a second child. I'm single but obviously there's ways and means. In the end I realised it's for the best not to have another. My daughter has special needs and hates a change in routine. She would also hate having to share me. I also had really bad PND after her birth and wouldn't want to risk that again. So definitely one and done here.
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Thank you! you’re so right. i am beginning therapy soon thankfully with all that has happened. I find having just one child really hard tbh cos even now i’m in this middle funk where idk for sure what is happening with my health, people who don’t know what’s happened ask ‘when are you having another!’ or ‘are you giving your son a brother or sister?’ and i’m like i don’t know if i can
and then people who DO know and i’ve said i just want to give up/i can’t anyway etc are like ‘you’re just gonna give up and not give him a little brother or sister!’ it’s EXHAUSTING i don’t know what is so wrong about being a one & done tbh, there’s a bit of a stigma round it. like the standards have been set that kids need to have a sibling? if you know what i mean
Genuinely so happy to hear you’ve got access to therapy esp as from your comments on another thread I think we’ve got similar backgrounds and I’ve found therapy so much help!Thank you! you’re so right. i am beginning therapy soon thankfully with all that has happened. I find having just one child really hard tbh cos even now i’m in this middle funk where idk for sure what is happening with my health, people who don’t know what’s happened ask ‘when are you having another!’ or ‘are you giving your son a brother or sister?’ and i’m like i don’t know if i can
i don’t know what is so wrong about being a one & done tbh, there’s a bit of a stigma round it. like the standards have been set that kids need to have a sibling? if you know what i mean
Not at all telling you what to do but it might be useful to introduce gentle boundaries with ppl asking questions or passing comments on either side, just like hi x this isn’t something I feel comfortable talking about right now, but I’ll let you know when I do?
or whatever your therapist thinks works. Also re fertility - does anyone ever know? Or do you not know until you do? It’s such a grey area of medicine and so woefully under researched we should all be thinking by the grace of god go I!!Although find it so interesting cos I neverrrr get questions like this! I’m from a very large family and we all have varying mental health because of childhood abuse so I know firsthand how siblings aren’t necessarily like hallmark movie experiences or even safe to have relationships with. I’d rather focus on being 100% present and well for my LO than attempt to engineer situations that are mainly outside of my control like a lifelong BFF style relationship?
My daughter is only 7 months old and I feel like I’m done. I absolutely hated pregnancy, I was so ill and I don’t think I could do that again as well as actually have to look after a toddler.
Those first few weeks were quite scary, I thought I loved the newborn stage but I’d be nervous to do it all again. Maybe I will change my mind in a couple of years. For now I’m completely happy and grateful to have the one.
I absolutely hate the pressure that people put on you about having another one, especially these days when people should know to be a bit more sensitive as people talk more openly about struggling. Two days after I’d had my daughter I had my husbands family members saying ooh you need to try for a boy next. I think they were half joking but it’s such a stupid thing to say.
Those first few weeks were quite scary, I thought I loved the newborn stage but I’d be nervous to do it all again. Maybe I will change my mind in a couple of years. For now I’m completely happy and grateful to have the one.
I absolutely hate the pressure that people put on you about having another one, especially these days when people should know to be a bit more sensitive as people talk more openly about struggling. Two days after I’d had my daughter I had my husbands family members saying ooh you need to try for a boy next. I think they were half joking but it’s such a stupid thing to say.
I did want more then one but as i had a super easy pregnancy, birth and baby it put me off ever wanting another as i dont think i would get that lucky again.
Shes now 8, shes past the stage of asking for a sister
and we love being a family of 3
I always think, how to people afford more then 1 when we buy things like uniform.
didnt realise i had already posted on this thread
Shes now 8, shes past the stage of asking for a sister
and we love being a family of 3I always think, how to people afford more then 1 when we buy things like uniform.
Quoteing myself
didnt realise i had already posted on this thread
A bit sore from breast cancer surgery. My 4 year old daughter has been dealing with everything very well. She is wonderful. I have no regrets about my decision: my body has been through quite enough and I just want to enjoy the family I have. Haven't had a period in six months due to chemo and not sure they'll ever come back - can't say I really mind!
We’re one and done, although I would love a second it’s just not financially possible for us and I HATE when people say ‘oh you just learn to manage’ when one salary won’t pay our rent and bills while on maternity leave. There would be no way to manage, we would be homeless and I imagine put in a B&B.
My daughter is almost 3 and loves babies. I’m still good friends with my NCT group so most have/are pregnant with their second and say things like ‘oh she’ll be so good if you have a second’ even though I’ve said we’re not having another and why, it still stings when they say that.
Also to be honest she’s a right mummy’s girl so I think it’s different her doting on other babies to having to share mummy.
My daughter is almost 3 and loves babies. I’m still good friends with my NCT group so most have/are pregnant with their second and say things like ‘oh she’ll be so good if you have a second’ even though I’ve said we’re not having another and why, it still stings when they say that.
Also to be honest she’s a right mummy’s girl so I think it’s different her doting on other babies to having to share mummy.
Saying hello to you all. I had a history of mc then a traumatic birth with life-changing injuries and a non-sleeping extremely loud baby.
The sleeping sorted itself out in due course and my injuries were 80% resolved after 9ish years but then lockdown hit and I'm now peri-menopausal although I did have a wobble in late 2020 when I nearly did a bit of surrogating for a close friend in emotional turmoil. I've never really been otherwise tempted.
I know so many people (myself included) who grew up as one of two and had such an appalling experience that I wanted one or three or none, so quit while I was ahead.
The sleeping sorted itself out in due course and my injuries were 80% resolved after 9ish years but then lockdown hit and I'm now peri-menopausal although I did have a wobble in late 2020 when I nearly did a bit of surrogating for a close friend in emotional turmoil. I've never really been otherwise tempted.
I know so many people (myself included) who grew up as one of two and had such an appalling experience that I wanted one or three or none, so quit while I was ahead.
Welcome! It’s good to hear your injuries and sleep have recovered.
Found what you shared about finding being 1 of 2 really valuable so thank you. It’s so easy to dismiss how I feel with okay but just one sibling will be brilliant for LO maybe I should do it, but you’re right it’s no guarantee of a friend for life or a healthy relationship in childhood - and where does it end? You keep going until they’ve all got a favourite sibling lol? Thank you for this perspective
I have a brother and although I love him and there's no issues between us, we aren't exactly close. We see each other on family birthdays etc but that's about it. I don't remember us playing much together as kids, I used to watch him play GTA and annoy the hell out of him
I hope my little girl will have a great relationship with her cousins etc and won't lament the fact she doesn't have a sibling
I hope my little girl will have a great relationship with her cousins etc and won't lament the fact she doesn't have a sibling
I’m still one and done. I did go through a bit of a wobble cos I’m now settled with a partner (not living together) and il be 40 in a few months so panicked that maybe we should have a child together before time runs out but that was more societal pressure I think rather than what we really want. It’s hard work bringing up my 7 year old and he’s going through assessments for adhd now so I’m learning to navigate that so throwing another child in the mix would likely be far more stressful let alone the cost of living these days which I can just about manage with one child. People still comment things like ‘why don’t you two have one of your own’ but my partner is very good at shutting that down.
Thank you to @heretoreaditall2019 for directing me here. We're one and done, partly out of choice and partly necessity (nursery costs have absolutely crippled us, I'm in my overdraft every month despite earning a decent wage, so can't imagine doing that all again). My LO is 3 now and dotes on babies but has behavioural and sleep issues that are proving v challenging to deal with, plus I had PND and postnatal psychosis so dread to think how I'd cope with another.
I've come to realise that I'm not a natural mother/maternal type, and I'd rather focus my energies on parenting my LO as well as I possibly can. While keeping afloat financially and career-wise!
I've come to realise that I'm not a natural mother/maternal type, and I'd rather focus my energies on parenting my LO as well as I possibly can. While keeping afloat financially and career-wise!
Hello my love! We’re in a v similar boat with a lot of stuff tbh so really interesting to read your posts, thank you for always sharing so candidly
Agreed completely re focusing on parenting one well, it’s funny cos even something SO child centric fills me with shame to admit out loud, like idk if I could say that to my MIL uno? Not pushing that shame onto you but it’s liberating to read it from someone else
I know exactly what you mean, I've tried to explain to my family how I feel and they say 'you'll change your mind!' or 'don't leave it too late!' or even '[LO] will grow up weird!'. Every other mam I know already has 2 or is planning their second so I feel quite lonely sometimes.Hello my love! We’re in a v similar boat with a lot of stuff tbh so really interesting to read your posts, thank you for always sharing so candidly
Agreed completely re focusing on parenting one well, it’s funny cos even something SO child centric fills me with shame to admit out loud, like idk if I could say that to my MIL uno? Not pushing that shame onto you but it’s liberating to read it from someone else
Yes!! How do you find trying to plan play dates etc if you don’t mind me asking? Idk if it’s me projecting my insecurities re only having one but I worry about even bothering to ask if they’ve got older siblings especially, I also feel a lot of pressure to do it because LO doesn’t have in built friends in the form of siblings at home? It’s such an awkward interaction anyway lol.
We’re starting a sports club thing this weekend in part for this tbh :/
So weirdly I've found the only mam friends I have via Twitter, because I noticed that we had kids a similar age and had similar vibes (politics, books etc). I live in a smallish city so kept bumping into them in real life and now we have playdates almost every weekend. They both have younger children though so I can't shake the feeling that they're somehow better/more capable mothers? Honestly I don't know how they do it, they are both superwomen.
Luckily there's some decent local parenting Facebook groups so I found a few people with common interests there too. Once I know which school my LO will be going to I'll probably post in there asking to meet up with others heading there so he can meet some pals.
I didn't gel at all with the NCT group we were in, they were very Radio 2/sad beige children/live laugh love if that makes sense. At the time my partner and I weren't married, all of them had v similar jobs, and we were the youngest by quite a way (early 30s but most of them were closer to 40) and they seemed to see us as bizarre countercultural hippies. The conversation about multiple kids came up a few times and they were all desperate to get cracking (I guess age plays a part which I totally understand) whereas we always assumed we'd have one, but said we'd see how we got on. Spoiler: not gr8, I'm terrible at it and exhausted and anxious even three years on!
Sorry for the essay. X
Omg your description of your NCT group is spot on my experience too! Even down to the same job lol. Isn’t it funny how universal some of these things are. I’m jealous of your Twitter friends tbh, thank you for sharing re Facebook - I’ve just moved so need to do stuff like that, it’s just been a whirlwind thus far.
Relate to the anxiety massively, I feel overwhelmed really easily too. I’m doing better at carving out time for myself with exercise which helps manage that overwhelmed feeling weirdly.
I only have one. I had her at 19 and I’m 30 now. It’s highly unlikely I’ll have another. I’m single now, and not anywhere close to being in a relationship. By the time I realistically could have another my daughter would be about 14, minimum. It’s. A big age gap. I’ve got a big age gap(18+ years) between me and my siblings and if I’m honest, the disconnect is huge and they’re more like cousins. Furthermore, my PND was bad and it’s more or less just evolved into general depression and I’ve struggled to give my current kid the life she deserves, I couldn’t do it to another. My maternal instinct isn’t strong enough.